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If you had wit, you'd say, “Go where you will, With empty hands no tassels you can lure,
For gold we love the impotcot and old,
And hease, and pant, and kiss, and cling, for gold. " Lord! when you have enough what need you Yet with embraces curses oft I mixt,
Then kiss'd again, and chid and rail'd betwixt. How merrily soever others fare?
Well, I may make my will in peace and die, Though all the day I give and take delight, For not one word in man's arrears am l. Doubt not sufficient will be left at night.
To drop a dear dispute I was unable, Tis but a just and rational desire
Ev'o though the Pope himself bad sat at table; To light a taper at a veighbour's fire.
But when my point was gain'd, then thus I spoke, * There's danger 10o you think in rich array, Billy, my dear! how sheepishly you look ! And none can long be modest that are gay. Approach, my spouse, and let me kiss thy cheek; The car, if you but singe her tabby skin, Thou should'st be always thus, resign'd and meek. The chimney keeps and sits content within ; Of Job's great patience since so oft you preach, Bat once growo sleek will from her corner run, Well should you practice who so well can teach. Sport with her tail, and wanton in the sun; 'Tis difficult to do, I must allow, Sie licks her fair round face, and frisks abroad But I, my dearest! will instruct you how. To sew her fur, and to be caterwan'd.”
Great is the blessing of a prudent wife, Lothus, my frieods, I wrought to my desires Who puts a period to domestic strife. These three right ancient venerable sires.
One of us two must rule, and one obey ; I told 'em, Thus you say and thus you do ; And sjuce in man right reason bears the sway, I told 'em false, but Jenkins swore 'twas true. 1, like a dog, could bite as well as whine, The wives of all my family have rul'd And first complain’d whepe'er the guilt was mine. Their tender husbands, and their passions cool'd. I tard them oft with wenching and amours,
Fye! 'tis unmanly thus to sigh and groan ; Vi sed their weak legs scarce dragg’d them out of What! would you have me to yourself alone? doors ;
Why, take me, love ! take all and every part ! And swore the rambles that I took by night, Here's your revenge, you love it at your heart. Were all to spy what damsels they bedight; Would 1 vouchsafe to sell what nature gave, That colour bronght me many hours of mirth ; You little think what custom I could have. For all this wit is given us from our birth. But see! I'm all your own-nay hold—for shame! Hear'n gave to woman the peculiar grace
What means my dear!-indeed - you are to To spin, to weep, and cully human race.
blame." By this nice conduct, and this prudent course, Thus with my three first lords I pass'd my life, By murmuring, wheedling, stratagem and force A very woman and a very wife. i still prevail'd, and would be in the right; What sums from these old spouses I could raise Or certain-leclures made a restless night.
Procur'd young husbauds in my riper days. If ouce my husband's arm was o'er my side, Though past my bloom not yet decay'll was 1, * What! so farniliar with your spouse ?" I cried. Wanton and wild, and chatier'd like a pie. I levied firit a tax upon his meed;
In country dances still I bore the bell, Thes let him—was a nicely indeed ;
And sung as sweet as evening Philomel, Let all mankind this certain maxim bold, To clear my quail-pipe, and refresh my soul, Marry who will, our sex is to be sold.
Full oft I draio'd the spicy nut-browu buwl,
Rich luscious wines, that youthful blood improve, How quaint an appetite in woman reigos!
Let men avoid us, and on them we leny;
In pure good will I took this jovial spark, As all true gamesters by experience know. Of Oxford be, a most egregicus clerk.
Biit on, good gods! whene'er a thought I cast He boarded with a widow in the town,
Full well the secrets of my soul sbe knew,
She and my niece-and one more worthy wife,
That o'er he told a secret to his dame. But so I dress'd, and dauc'd, and drank, and din’d, it :o befel in holy time of Lent, And view'd a friend with eyes so very kind, That oft a day I to this gossip went; As stung his heart, and made bis marrow fry (My husband, thank my stars, was out of town) With burning rage and frantic jealousy,
From house to house we rambled up and down, Ilis soul, I hope, enjoys eternal glory,
This clerk, myself, and my good neighbour Alse, For here on earth I was his purgatory.
To see, be seen, to tell, and gather tales.
> With other gossips from Jerusalem;
The wasting moth ne'er spoil'd iny best array ; And now lies buried underneath a rood,
The cause was this, I wore it every day. Fair to be seen, and rear'd of honest wood; 'Twas when fresh May her early blossoms slomi), indeed, with fewer sculptures grac'd
yields, Ch in that Mausolus' pious widow placid, This clerk and I were walking in the fields. Or wliere enshrin'd the great Darius lay ; We grew so innmate, I can't tell how, But cost on graves is merely thrown away. I pawn’d my bogous and engag'd my vow, The pit fill'd ap with turf we cover'd o'er; ife'er I laid my husband in his arn, so bless the good man's soul! I say no more. That he, and only lie, should serve my turn.
Now for any firth lov'd lord, the last and best; We straight struck hands, the bargrin was agreed, Kind Heav'n afford him everlasting rest!) I still have shifts against a time of need. ull hearty was his love, and I can shew
The mouse that always trusis to one poor hole The tokeus on ny ribs in black and blue; Cau never be a mouse of any soul.
[him, Cet with a knack my heart he could have won, I vor'd I scurce coulú sleep since first i knew While yet the snart was shooting in the bone. and durst be sworn he had bewitched me to him ;
ife'er I slep, I dream'd of him alone,
And close the sermon, as beseem'd his wit, Had dreams foretell, as learned men have shown, With some grave sentence culo: Holy Writ, thi this I said, but dreams, sirs. I had none; Oft would he say-Who builds his house on sands, I follow'd but my craftỹ crony's lore,
Pricks his blind horse across the fallow lands, lanbid me tell this lie- and twenty more. Or lets his wife abroad with pilgrims roam, Ihrs day by day, and month by month we pases Deserves a fool's cap and long ears at home. Il pleas d the Lord to take my sponse at last. All this avail'd poi; for whoe er he be I tore my gown, I soil'd my locks with dust, That tells my faults, I hate him mortally; And beat my breasts, as wretched widows--must. And so do numbers more, I'd boldly say, Ppfore my face my handkerchief I spread, Men, women, clergy, regular, and lay. Ta hide the boods of tears I did not shed.
Mv spouse (who was, you know, to learning The good man's collin to the church was borne ; bred) around the neighbours, and my clerk too, mourn, A certain treatise oft at evening read, But as he march'd, good gods! he show'd a pair Where divers authors (whom the devil confound lf legs and feet so clean, so strong, so fair! For all their lies) were in one volume bound; Oftwenty winters' age he seem'd to be;
Valerius whole, and of St. Jerome part; 1/19 say truth) was twenty more than he; Chrysippus and Tertullian, Ovid's Art. De vigorous still, a lively busom dame,
Solomon's Proverbs, Eloisa's Loves, And ind a wondrous gift to quench a flame. And many more than sure the Church approves, A conjuror once, that deeply could divine, More legends were there bere of wicked wives, Aur'd se Mars in Taurus was my sign.
Than good in all the Bible and Saiots' Lives. As the stars order'd, such my life has been, Who drew the Lion vanquish'd ? 'Twas a man ; Alas, alas! that ever love was sin!
But could we women write as scholars can), Fair Venus gave me fire and sprightly grace, Men should stand mark'd with far more wickAnd Mars assurance and a dauntless facc.
edness By virtue of this powerful constellation
Than all the sons of Adam could.redress. I follox'd always my own inclination.
Love seldom haunts the breast where learning lies, But to my tale. A month scarce pass'd away, And Venus sets ere Mercury can rise. Wiin dance and song we kept the nuptial day. Those play the scholars who can't play the inen, A! I possess'd I gave to bis coinmand,
And use that weapon which they bave-their pen, Hy goods and chattels, money, house, and land: Wben old, and past the relish of delight, Bet oft repented, and repent it still;
Then down they sit, and in their dotage write ile prov'd a rebel to my sovereign will ;
That not one woman keeps her marriage-von, Nas once, by Heav'n! he struck me on the face, (This by the way, but to my purpose now.) Hlear but the fact, and judge yourselves the It chanc'd my husband on a winter's night, case.
Read in this book aloud with strange delight, Stabborn as any lioness was I,
How the first female (as the scriptures show) and knew full well to raise my voice on high ; Brought her own spouse, and all his race to wie; As true a rambler as I was before, I
How Gamson fell; and he whom Dejanire And would be so in spite of all he swore,
Wrapp'd in th’ envenom'd shirt, and set on fire ; He against this right sagely would advise, How curs'd Eriphyle her lord betray'd, And old examples set before my eyes;
And the dire ambush Clytemnestra laid; Teil how the Roman matrons led their life, But that most pleas'd him was the Cretan dame Of Gracchus' mother, and Duilias' wife:
And busband-bull, oh, monstrous ! fye for shame!
He had by heart the whole detail of woe
But after many a hearly siruggle past, Xantippe made her good man undergo ;
I condescended to be pleas'il at last. How oft she scolded in a day he knew,
Soon as he said, “ My mistress and my wife! How many jordens on the sage she threw,
Do what you list the term of all your life;" Who took it patiently, and wip'd his head, I took to heart the merits of the cause, “Rizio follows thunder,” that was all he said. And stood content to rule by wholesome laws;
He read bow Arius to his friend complain'd Receiv'd the reins of absolute command, A fatal tree wins growing in his land,
With all the government of house and land, On which three wives successively had twin'd And empire o'er his tongue and o'er his band A sliding noose, and waver'd in the wind.
As for the volume that revil'd the dames, " Where grows this plant,” replied the friend, 'Twas torn to fragments and coodemo'd to flames. " oh! where?
Now Heav'n on all my husband's gone bestow For better fruit did never orchard bear;
Pleasures above, for tortures felt below: Give me some slip of this most blissful tree, | That rest they wish'd for grant them in the And in my garden planted it shall be.”
grave, Then how two wives their lords' destruction And bless those souls my conduct help'd to save ! prove,
THE WORLD, Through hatred one, and one through too much love,
What is the world? a terın that men have got, That for her husband mix'd a poisonous draught, To signify, -not one in ten knows what; And this for lust an amorons philtre bought;
A term with which no more precision passes,
O cruel Death, why wert thou so unkind potion ;
To take my husband, and leave me behind ?
Thou shouldst have taken both of us, if either, All this he read, and read with great devotion. Lung time I heard, and swell’d, and blushid, Which would have been more grateful to the and frown'd ;
survivor. But when no end of these vile tales I found,
LIVING IN STYLE. When still he read, and laugh'd and read again, In no instance have I seen grasping after style And half the night was thus consum'd in vain, more whimsically exhibited than in the family of Provok'd to vengeance, three large leaves I tore, my old acquaintance Timothy Giblet. I recollect And with one buffet feli'd him on the floor. old Giblet when I was a boy, and loe was the post With that my husband in a fury rose,
surly curmudgeon I ever knew. He was a perfect And down he settled me with bearty blows. scarecrow to the small-fry of the day, and inherited I groan'd, and lay extended op my side;
the hatred of all these unlucky little shavers; for “Oh! thou hast slain me for my wealth, (I cried) never could we assemble about his door of an evenYet I forgive thee-take iny last embrace" ing to play, and make a little hubbub, but out he He wepi, kind soul! and stoop'd to kiss my face, sallied from his nest like a spider, flourished his I took him sach a box as turu'd bim blue, formidable horsewhip, and dispersed the whole Thep siglı'd and cried, “Adien, my dear, adieu!"Icrew in the twinkling of a lamp. I perfectly re
sember a bill he sent in to my father for a pane of young ladies could dauce the waltz, thunder Loglass I had accideotally broken, which came well doiska, murder French, kill time, and commit vionigh getting me a sound tlugging i and I remember, lence on the face of nature in a landscape in water. is perfectly, that the next night I revenged myself colours, equal to the best lady in the land ; and by breaking half-a-dozen. Givlet was as arrani n the young gentlemen were seen lounging at corners grub-worm as ever crawled; and the only rules of of sireets, and driving landem; heard talking loud right and wrong be cared a button for were the rules at the theaire, and laughing in church, with as of multiplication and addition, which he practisea much ease and grace, and moresty, as if they had nach more successfully than he did any of the rules been gentlemen all the days of their lives. of religion or morality. He used to declare they And the Giblets arrayed themselves in scarlet, were the true golden rules : and he took special and in fine linen, and seated themselves in high care to put Cocker's arithmetic in the bands of his places ; but nobody noticed them except to honour children, before they had read teu pages in the them with a litile contempt. The Giblets made a bible or the prayer-book. The practice of these prodigious splash in their own opinion; but nofavourite maxims was at length crowned with the body extolled them except the tailors, and the mil. harvest of success; and after a life of incessant linero, who had been employed in manufacturing self-devial, and starvation, and after enduring all their paraphernalia. The Giblets thereupon being, the pounds, shilliogs, and pence miseries of a like Caleb Quotem, determined to have a place niger, he had the satisfaction of seeing himself at the review,” fell to work more fiercely than Warth a plum, and of dying just as he had deter-jever ;-they gave dinners, and they gave balls; mised to enjoy the remainder of his days in con- they hired cooks, they hired confectioners, and leaplating his great wealth and accumulating they would have kept a newspaper in pay, had mortgages.
they not been all bought up at that time for the His children inherited his money; but they election. They invited the dancing men, and the baried the disposition, and every other memorial dancing women, and the gormandizers, and the of their father in his grave. Fired with a noble epicures of the city, to come and make merry at thirst for style, they instantly emerged from the their expense; and the dancing men, and the setired lage in which themselves and their accom-dancing women, and the epicures, and the gor. plishments had hitherto been buried; and they mandizers, did con; and they did make merry Hazed, and they whizzed, and they cracked about at their expense ; and they eat, and they drank, towa, like a best of squibs and devils in a fire and they capered, and they danced, and they work.
laughed at their entertainers. Having once started, the Giblets were deter Then commenced the hurry and the bustle, and sined ibat nothing should stop them in their ca- the mighty nothingness of fashionable life ;—such Teer, until they had run their full course and rattling in coaches ! such flaunting in the streets ! arrived at the very tip-top of style. Every tailor, such slamming of box-doors at the theatre ! such a every shoemaker, every coachmaker, every milli- tempest of bustle and unmeaning noise wherever der, every mantua-maker, every paper-hanger, they appeared ! The Giblets were seen here and every piano-teacher, and every dancing master in there and every where ;-they visited every body the city, were enlisted in their service; and the they knew, and every body they did not know ; willing wights most courteously answered their and there was no griting along for the Giblets. call, aod fell to work to build up the fame of the 'Their plan at length succeeded. By dint of din. Giblets, as they had done that of many an as ners, of feeding and frolicking the 10wo, the piring family before them. Io a little time the Giblet family worked themselves into notice, and