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THE DOUBLE TRANSLATION, A Lacedemonian was quizzed for having a fly A Welsh curale preached sermons in English, painted on bis buckler, and his comrades told him far beyond what was expected of him.. One of he was afraid of being known. * Quite the his friends finding nothing analogous to them in his reverse," replied he, “ I shall come to such close other writings, told him he thought he must be inquarters with the enemy, that he will have no spired when he composed his sermons, " Ah, my difficulty in seeing the dy."
tear friend! that is a secret which I will tell you.
I have got, you do know, the cood and creat archTHE LAME SOLDIER.
bishop Tillotson's works, and I do take one of his A lame man, who enlisted in the infantry, being sermons, and I do translate it into Welch, and asked why he did not choose the cavalry on then I do translate back again into English, account of his infirmity, answered, “ I do not go after which the tevil himself would not know it into battle to run away."
again for his own.” DIFFERENCE BETWEEN RUMP-STEAKS AND
THE BISHOP OF LLANDAFF.
The see of Llandaff is the poorest in the kingTwo Frenchmen, who had been in London, dom, it indeed resembles a bishopric in partibus. comparing notes, one of them was loud in praise The episcopal palace, and the cathedral, are both of English bif takes, (beef-steaks,)“ Yes,” said in ruins ; hence many of the good people of Llanthe other, “they are very good, but rum takes dat do not know what sort of thing a bishop is. are much better.". -" What are rum takes ?” Dr. Watson resolved, however, on visiting it; " Why, my friend, they are always bif takes, but his arrival was announced for a certain day, which they call them rum takes, because they pui de rum happened to be the fair ; all were on the tiptoe of in de sauce."
expectation, when a woman ran and called her MICE SIX FEET HIGH, WITH ANTLERS. neighbours together, “ come, come directly, and Monsieur Charles Malo, an entinent French see the bishop.”. * Where is it?"- "lo tbe translator, being employed on an American work, church-yard, the queerest thing you ever saw.” came to the words moose deer; he flew to his dic- They ran in crowds, Lud, lud! wbat a queer tionary, but could not find 'moose, but finding thing it is,” they all cried, save one old woman, mouse, he concluded moose to be a misprint, and who had been to Bristol once in her life, and conhe accordingly translated moose deer, de grands sequently could relate what she had seen on her souris, qui ont sir pieds de hauteur, avec des bois. travels, and was a kind of oracle amongst them, i “ Great mice, six feet high, with antlers."
That the bishop! why it is only a dancing bear." -" Are you sure.
To be sure I ani, I saw RETALIATION.
one at Bristol fair."-" La ! then it is not the When Duke John, of Anjou, was approaching bishop after all,” said they, " what a pity." Naples, at the head of a large army, to take pos
DIGNIFIED MENDICITY. session of that city, he had inscribed upon his standards, this passage of the gospel of St. John. A beggar of the environs of Madrid implored “ He was sent whose name was John.” Alphonso, alms. Are you not ashamed ?" said a passenger of Arragon, who defended the city, answered him to him,” to carry on such an jpfamous trade when by another passage of scripture, which he, in like you can work ?"_"Sir," replied the beggar, “I manner, inscribed upon his standards, “ He came asked for money, and not advice," turbing his and they received him not."
back with true Castilian dignity.
DEATH MADE TO WAIT.
THE ENGLISH DEJcides. The French missionaries ju India, to inspire the An old Gascon was at the point of death, bis son salives with a horror of the English, constantly alarmed ran to the house of the priest to confess taught, that Jerusalem was London, and that it him, and give him extreme unction ; it being very Fus the English who crucified our Saviour. late at night, he knocked very geotly at the door, FORTUNATE OBSTACLE.
and was three hours before he was heard. The curé
being awaked, asked him why he did not knock A Spanish friar, preaching on the temptation, louder, “ I was afraid of disturbing you, sis. when he came to the part where the devil she wed" Well, what is the matter :"-" I left my father Christ all the kingdoms of the world, and said, at the last gasp, sir, and I want you to confess all these will I give thee, observed," he did not him.”_"Why, if he was at the last gasp three se Spaia, for the Pyrenees were in the way; if bours since, he must be dead by this time.""Oh, be bad seeo it, our Saviour must have fallen.''
no, sir, my neighbour Pierrot promised to amuse THE WONDERFUL WORKS OF NATURE, him until I brought you to him." Captain Greer and a party coming from the
PEASANT'S CHILDREN. lile of Wight to Portsmouth, one of the party A French couot said to one of his farmers, said, "Greer, if you don't make a bull till we get“ Why, man, what fine fresh rosy children you ta Portsmouth, we'll frank you for a week; if you have got; it does one good to see them. We nodo you shall pay a dinner to the party."_“Done," blemen have all children that are puny sickly exclaimed Greer, “ I'll wio that, for by J-sI things ; how do you peasants manage it better than Son't open my lips till we get ashore.” Every wei." Why, sir, I no offence, but we attempt to make him talk was ineffectual, till the always make them ourselves." boat passed under the stero of the Queen Char
FARINELLI. lotte man-of-war, when Greer, struck with ad. wiration, raised his hands, and exclaimed,
The King of Spain having given Farinelli the sonderful are the works of nature ľ” It need not the usual formalities, at which the English ambasa
order of Calatrava, he was armed as a knight with be added that he lost the dinner,
sador was present. The Spanish minister asked WHO TOLD YOU ?
him his opinion of it. Why, as your excellency " Lady Racher is put to bed,” said Sir Boyle asks it, I will tell you: In England we spur to a friend. “ What has she got "_" Guess."' cocks, at Madrid you spur ca pons.” A boy!"-"No, guess agaio,”—“A girl?”.
PLURALITIES. Who told you."
An archbishop, who enjoyed several benefices, THE LIBERTY OF THE PRESS.
disputing with the Pope's legate, asserted the suAfter the death of the Duke de Berry, a law periority of the council over the pope. The lewas presented to restrain the liberty of the press, gate replied, “. Either give up all your benefices, which made every one basten to profit by it, before save one, or believe in the authority of the pope. the law was passed. A pickpocket being caught
COTTON, THE JESUIT, in the fact of picking a pocket in a crowd, or, as
The Jesuit Cotton had a great ascendancy over the French call it, a presse, he was taken before Henry IV. of France, on which Piron remarked, the commissary of police, who asked him if poverty we have a good and excellent prince, and he loves nad driven him to it, he replied, “ I only wished the truth, but it is a great pity that be has Cotton profit by the liberty of the press.”
in his ears.
CHANGE OF CONDUCT. A stupid ignorant Italian priest preached one
A nobleman of the court of France, on taking day a long and tiresome sermon on the Beatitudes. leave of Louis XIV., who was sending him in the The next day he asked a lady wliat she thought of quality of his ambassador to the court of another
“ You forgot one."~" No, madam, there sovereign, “ The principal instruction which I are only...." -“ You forgot one, I tell you, and bave to give you,” said the king to him, “ is to that is, Blessed are they who did not hear your ser pursue a conduct diametrically opposite to that of
your predecessor.”—“Sire,” replied the new
amb ador, “ I will act in such a manner that your GRORGE THE THIRD'S FATHER.
majesty will not have to give similar instructions to One of Sir -Boyle Roche's children asked him him who will succeed me. one day," papa, who was the father of George
SELF-RESPECT. the Third p'.-“ My darling," he answered, “ it was Frederick, Prince of Wales, who would have liman, emperor of the Turks, was called 10. the
An ambassador of Charles V.at the court of Sobeen George the Third if he had lived."
audience of that prince. As he perceived, #0 AN AMBIGUITY.
entering into the hall of audience, that there was
no seat for him, and that it did not arise froni for. An Irish attorney, not proverbial for his pro- getfulness, but pride, that he was left to repair bity, was robbed one night in going from Wick-Standing, he took off his cloak, and seated himsel! low to Dublin. His father, next day, meeting upon it, with as much freedom as if this was a cui Baron O'Grady, said, “ My lord, have you heard iom which had been long established. He declar: of my son's robbery?”—"No," replied the baron, ed the object of his mission with a confidence and 46 whom did he rob?"
presence of mind which Soliman himself could OUARDING AGAJNST A LEAP.
not help adıniring. When the audience was ended
the ambassador went out without taking his cloak A prince, whose sallies never succeeded, becanse It was thought, at first, that this was owing to for they contained more bitterness than wit, standing getfulness, and he was therefore apprized of it one day in a balcony, with a foreign minister, He answered, with equal gravity and mildaess whom he wished to humiliate, said to him, “ It" The ambassadors of the king, my master, an was from this balcony that one of my ancestors not in the habit of carrying their seats with them. once made an ambassador leap."-" It would appear, then," replied the minister drily, “ that
CONSISTENCY. ambassadors did not in those times wear swords."
The Marshal Villeroy was wont to say,
" Whet a man is appointed minister, were he made o MINUTE TOPOGRAPHY.
straw, he would be my friend ; but, if it happen An Italian prince, who took the title of king of that he be disgraced, I am ihen ready to thrux : the two sovereignties, in which he had not an inch pameless utensil at his head." of ground, being desirous of mortifying a foreign ambassador at his court, who bore the title of A lady complained how rapidly time stole away marquis, asked him in public, where the marqui- and said, “ Alas, I am near thirty.” Scarme sate, from which he derived his title, was situated ? who was present, and knew her age, said." Der “ Between your two kingdoins, my lord,” coolly not fret at it, madam, for you will get further from answered the ambassador,
that frightful epoch every day."
GREEK ALPHABET. A Turkish ambassador asked Lorenzo de Me A great scholar having just married a young dicis, why there were not so many mad men to be lady, in whose virtue he had the most implicit reseca at Florence as at Grand Cairo ? “ Bebold liance, “ How does it happen," said a wag, the place,” said Lorenzo, pointing to a monastery, " that a man who is so well acquainted with "where we inclose them.”
Greek, has taken an omega for an omicron?"". FRATERNAL LOVE.
NEEDLESS PRECAUTION. Daring the period of the persecution of the Pro A man had been so often robbed in the streets testants in France, an English ambassador de- of Paris, that be declared he dared not go out for Danded of Louis XIV., the liberty of those who fear of being robbed. “ Why do not you carry had been sent to the galleys for the cause of reli- pistols " said a friend ; “ What use would that be, zion. The monarch replied to him,“ What would they would be sure to steal them from me." the King of England say, if I deinanded of him the prisoners of Newgate " _“Sire," answered the
MORTAL DISEASES. isbassador, " the king, my master, would grant The Paris fish women met the abbé Maury one day then to your majesty, if your majesty claimed them as he was going to the assembly. “You talk like an a behren.”
angel, abbé," said one of them," but, in spite of ANAGRAM.
all that, you are' a fool.”—“ As for that, ladies,” One of the happiest anagrams known, is that replied the abbé, “ you know very well that is which forms an answer to the question which Pi- not a mortal disorder.” One day the abbé met a late pot to Christ. “ Quid est veritas ?”. These man in the street, crying about the death of Maury, three words are rendered letter for letter by the the abbé gave him a tremendous box on the car, anagrało est cir qui adest.
“ take that,” said he,“ if I am dead, you will at PRODIGALITY.
least believe in ghosts.” A petty journalist was boasting in company,
OCULISTS AND POLITICIANS. that he was a dispenser of fame to those on whom be wrote, “Yes, sir," replied an individual pre The present Sir William Adams one day observe rent, "you dispense it so liberally, that you leave ing to a gentleman, that be sometimes treated on bone for yourself."
political subjects, and that it would perhaps be PRUDENT RESERVE.
thought odd that an eye-doctor should be a politi
cian, “ Pardon me, Sir William,” said his friend, In the presence of a sarcastic woman, an indi: " I think the very reverse; for you must naturally vidual was praising the wit of a man who had be expected to see more clearly than other men." 1 very limited intellect. “Oh, yes," said the lady, * be must possess a rich fund of it, for he never
EARLY PROFLIGACY. spends any."
Sir Boyle Roche, the blunderer, rose one day POWER OF HABIT.
in the Irish House of Commons, and said, with a A merchant, who was ordered to sign the bap. more serious and grave air than usual, “Mr. fiemal register of one of his children, subscribed Speaker, the profligacy of the times is such, Mr. ** Peter and Company,” so great was the force of Speaker, that little children, who can neither babit. He only perceived his mistake by the ge- walk nor talk, may be seen running about the teral laugh which was oxcited.
streets cursing their maker."
AT ST. BENNET'S, PAUL'S WHARF, LONDON:
“ Sudorifics in bed,” exclaim'd Will, "are humo
bugs! Here lies one More, and no More than he; I've enough of them there, without paying for One More and no More; how can that be?
drugs.” Why one More and no More may well lie bere
Will kick'd out the doctor; but, when ill indeed, alone,
F'en dismissing the doctor don't always succeed; But here lies one More, and that's More than one.
So, calling his host, he said, “ sir, do you know LODGINGS FOR SINGLE GENTLEMEN.
I'm the fat single gentleman, six months ago?" Who has e'er been in London, that overgrown
“Look'e, landlord, I think," argued Will' with a
“ That with honest intentions you first took mein; Has scen
Lodgings to Let" stare him full in the face ;
But from the first night-and to say it I'm boldSome are good, and let dearly; while some, 'tis I have been so damn d hot, that I'm sure I canght
cold.” well known, Are so dear and so bad, they are best let alone. Quoth the landlord—“ Till now I ne'er had a Will Waddle, whose temper was studious and I've let lodgings ten years I'm a baker to
dispute ; lonely,
boot : Hir'd lodgings that took single gentlemen only ; But Will was so fat, he appeared like a ton,
In airing your sheets, sir, my wife is no sloven,
And your bed is immediately-over my oven.' Or like two single gentlemen roll'd into one. He enter'd his rooms, and to hed he retreated ;
“The oven !!!” says Will.–Says the host," why But, all the night long he felt fever'd and heated ;
this passion ? And, though heavy to weigh as a score of fat In that excellent bed died three people of fashione 1 sheep,
Why so crusty, good sir?"_" Zounds?" cries He was not, by any means, heavy to sleep.
Will, in a taking,
“ Who wouldn't be crusty with half a year's Next night 'twas the same!-and the next-and the next;
baking !”. He perspir'd like an ox; he was nervous and will paid for his room--Cried the bost with vex'd :
sneer, Week pass’d after week, till by weekly succession, “ Well, I see you've been going away half 3 His weakly condition was past all expression.
“ Friend, we can't well agree-yet so quarrel. In six months his acquaintance began much to
Will said: doubt him ; For his skin, “like a lady's loose gown,” hung
" I see one may die where another makes bread." about him :
NEW YORK ASSEMBLY. He sent for a doctor, and cry'd, like a ninny,
The assemblies this year have gained a great ac “ I have lost many pounds-make me well-cession of beauny. Several brilliant stars have there's a guinea."
arisen from the east and from the north, to brighte The doctor look'd wise." A slow fever," he en the firmament of fashion ; among the number I said ;
have discovered another planel, which rivals eres Prescrib’d sudorifics, and going to bed ;
Veous in lustre, and I claim equal tonour with