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ANCSEMENTS OF MODERN YOUNG MEN.

some twenty-five years ago. Her apartment in Gaming, talking, swearing, drinking,

summer is pervious to the four winds. Two Hunting, shooting, dever thinking ;

doors, in porth and south direction, and two win. Chattering nonsense all day long,

dows, fronting the rising and the setting sun, never Homming half an opera-song:

closed, from every cardinal print, catch the conChoosing baubles, rings, and jewels;

tributory breezes. She loves to eojoy what she Writing verses, fighting duels.

calls a quadruple draught. That must be a Mincing words in conversation,

shreud zephyr, that can escape her. I owe a Ridiculing all the nation.

painful face-ach, which oppresses me at this moAdmiring their own pretty faces,

ment, to a cold caught sisting by her, one day in As if possessed of all the graces ;

last July, at this receipt of coolness. Her fan in And, though no bigger than a rat,

ordinary resembleth a banner spread, which she Peeping under each girl's hat.

krepeth continually on the alert to detect the least

breeze. She possesseth an active and gadding THE GENTLE GIANTESS.

mind, totally incommensurate with her person, The widow Blacket, of Oxford, says a modern No one delightech more than herself in country Writer, is the largest female I ever had ihe pleasure exercises and pastimes. I have passed many an of beholding. There way be her parallel upon the agreeable holiday with her in her favourite park earth, but surely I never saw it. 'I take her to be at Woodstock. She performs her part in these lineally descended from the maid's aunt of Brain- delightful ambulatory excursions by the aid of a furd

, who caused Master Ford such uneasiness. She portable garden-chair. She setteth out with you kath Atlantean shoulders; and, as she stoopeth in her at a fair foot gillop, whic! she keepech up till hl-with as few ofences to answer for in her you are both well breathed, and th-n she rrpoarih 39 particular as any of Eve's daughters-her for a few seconds. Then she is up again, for a tack seems hroad enough to bear the blame of all hundred paces or so, and again resteih-her moveDe peccadillos that have been committed since ments, on these sprightly occasions, being some. Adara. She girdeth her waist-or what she is thing between walking and flying. Her great pleased to esteem as such-nearly np to her shoul- weight seemeth to proprl her forward, ostrichders, from beneath which, that' huge dorsal ex. fashion. In this kind of relieved marching, I panse, in mountainous declivity, emergeth. Re- have traversed with her many scores of acres on spect for her alone preventeth the idle boys, who those well-wooded and well watered domains. follow her about in shoals, whenever she couneth Her delight at ()sford is in the public walks aud abroad, from getting up and riding. But her gardens, where, when the weather is gol tou oppresence infallibly comm'ınds a reverenee. She pressive, she passeth much of her valuable time. ás indeed, as the Americans would express it, there is a bench at Maudlin, or raiber, situated something awful. Her person is a burthen to her between the frontiers of that and ******'s college sell, no less than to the ground which bears her. -some litigation latterly, ahout repaira, has Is her mighty bone, she hath a pinguitude withal, vested the property of it finally in **** which makes the depth of winter to her the most where at the hour of noon she is ordinarily to be Cesirable season. Her distress in the warmer sol-found sitting so she calls it by courtesy--but in stire is pitiable. During the months of July and fact, pressing and breaking it down with her August, she usually renteth a cool cellar, where enormous settlement; as both those Foundations, ices are kept, whereinto she descendeth when who, however, are good-natured enough to wink Serius rageth. She dates from a hot Thursday, latit, have found, I believe, to their cost. Here

she taketh the fresh air, principally at vacation feet wide. She worketh slender sprigs upon the times, when the walks are freest from interruption delicate muslin-her fingers being capable of of the younger fry of students. Here she passelh moulding a Colossus. She sippeth her wine out her idle hours, not idly, but generally accor- of her glass daintily--her capacity being that of a panied with a book-blest if she can but intercept tun of Heidelburg. She goeth mincingly with some resident Fellow (as usually there are some of those feet of hers--whose solidity need pot fear that brood left behind at these periods); or stray the black ox's pressure. Softest, and largest of Master of Arts (to most of whom she is better thy sex, adieu ! by what parting tribute may ! known than their dinner bell); with whom she salute thee-last and best of the Titapesse's may confer upon any curious topic of literature. 1 Ogress, fed with milk insiead of blood-110t least, have seen these shy gownsmen, who truly set but a or least handsome iniong Oxford's stately strucvery slight value upon female conversation, cast a tures-Oxford, who, in its deadest time of vacabawk's eye upon hier froin the length of Maudlin lion, can never properly be said to be emply, grove, and warily glide off into another walk-having thce to fill it. true inonks as they are, and ungently neglecting

ON AN UNDERTAKER. the delicacies of her polished converse, for their own perverse and uncommunicating solitariness! Here lies Bob Master. - Faith! 'was very hard, Within doors her principal diversion is music,

To take away our honest Robin's breath; vocal and instrumental, in both which she is no! Yet surely Robiv was full well preparedmean professor. Her voice is wonderfully fine ;

Robin was always looking out for death. but till I goi used to it, I confess it staggered me.

STANDARD MERIT. It is for all the world like that of a piping bulo finch, while from her size and stature you would tallow.chandler.

Fletcher, bishop of Nismis, was the son of a

A proud duke once endeavour. expect noles to drown the deep organ. The ed to mortify the prelate, by saying at the levée shake, which most fine singers reserve for the that he smell of callow; to which the other reclose or cadence, by some unaccountable Bexi-plied, " My lord, I am ihe son of a chandler, 'is bility, or iremulousness of pipe, she carrieth quite irue, and if your lordship had been the same, 103 through the composition ; so that lier time, to a would have remained å tallow-chandler all the common air or ballad, keeps double motion, likę days of your life.” the earth running the primary circuit of the tune, and still revolving upon its own axis. The effect,

OLD ANAGRAMS. as I said before, when you are used to it, is as Arresting very well with this agrees, agreeable as it is altogether new and surprising. It is a slinger worse than wasps or bees, The spacious apartment of her outward frame The very word includes the prisoner's fates ; lodgeth a soul in all respects disproportionale. Of| Arresting briefly claps them up in grates. more tban mortal make, le evinceth withal a To all good verses prisons are great foes, trembling sensibility, a yielding intirmity of pur. And many poets they keep fast, in prose. pose, a quick susceptibility to reproachi, and all Again, this very word portends small hopes, The train of diffident and blushing virtues, which For he that's in a prison is in ropes, for their babitation usually seek out a feeble Makes woeful purchase of calamities, frame, an attenuated and meagre constitution. And Ands in it no profit, or no prise: With more than man's bulk, her humours and oc Filth, cold, and hunger, dwell within the cupations are eminently feminine. She sighs.

door, kring six foot high. She languishethi-- being in O And thus a prison always doth nip sore

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PARISIAN ENGLISH,

CAUSE OF GOUT. Chaucer laughs at the French spoken in his

Alderman Barber one morning, while he was in days, in London.

bed, was visited by a friend, who being told he was After the school at Stratford at the Bow." ill of the gout, walked into liis chamber without The Parisians have probably some such school any ceremony. The visitor sat down, and entered ja the oeighbourhood for teaching a peculiar dia. into conversation ; but observed the curtains to be lert of the English language : and the abundant close drawn, and the alderinan to be more reserved for of our countrymen into the French metro than usual, and looking under the bed, spied a polis of late years, has brought this dialect into woman's shoe. Well, Mr. Alderman,'' said he, mch repute. One often sees emblazoned in large " I hope you are not dangerously ill."...“ I am leters, over a shop-window, meant probably as

miserably tormented in my feet," replied the ala decoy, but more likely, one would think, to derman. " I do not wonder at that,” said the operale as a warning to English travellers

other, when you wear such narrow-toed shoes." “ Here they sPIKE the English.”

THE LAW-SUIT. Which (being translated) merely declares that An Irishman loaded with faggots, cried loudly the English language is spoken in the house. A lady as he passed along, “ Make way! 'make

way! from London, perceiving this inscription over a that people might beware in time, as is usual. A

milliner's door, its import being explained to her, coxcomb, who thought it beneath hiin to take the se sent in, when, having with some difficully fellow's counsel, pushed by bim, and had hi: coat faand out which of the Damoiselles it was that considerably torn. He flew in a violent passion, was skilled in spiking the English, she attempted and had the man taken before a magistrate, pleada fa converse with her about a hat which she was ing for payment of the dainage. The Irisliman zing on. After many vain attempts on both was interrogated, but he merely opened his month

des, the young French woman at last, observing without speaking. " Are you dumb? my friend," at the bat was too small, brought out this accu- said the magistrate. "No," interrupted the plainrate phrase:

lift,“ mere malice, brcause he cannot defend him. “ Is, matame, he is too little hig.” self; he appears dumb now, but when we met this To the Rue St, Honoré, a hair-dresser has the inorning, he bawled, Make way! make way! Following captivating invitation :

like a very devil; you might have heard him a * Hear to cut off hares in English fashion." mile."-" And why, then," said the inagistrale, In the Rue de Faubourg Poissonnière dwells a “ did you not make way.lady named Conraizy, who tells the world, by

THE SWEEP. beans of her sign-board, that she is a

An Irish gentleman being confined to his bed by " Washerwoman and wash embroideries, lace, a severe fit of the gout, some sweeps were employe aanzes, silk-stockings, also household': furniture's jed to clean the chimnies of the house next to him, ia linen table-cloths, napkins, and Calender's all and one of the boys by mistake came down into a one's desire; she will also charge herself of the the gentleman's apartment. The boy, confused at catertaining the works that is to be done to all his mistake, seeing the gentleman in bed, said, spots of limeg for the body, and will be exactly Sir, my master will come for you presenlly." delivered ai une's desire."

" Will he, by G-d!" said the gentleman, leaping ON A WAGGONER.

out of bed ; I beg to be excused staying here Here I be-dead and gone,

avy longer then," and immediately ran dowa Killed by a fall from a waggon.

stairs.

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DRY HUMOUR, OR THE FAST-DAY.

A QUARRELSOME RHYME. 'Twas on a day, but not the last,

One morning, Otway happened to call apob When orders for a gen'ral fast

Dryden, (who lived opposire to him in Fetter Were from the cockpit given;

lane), at breakfast-time; but was told, by his That men no more in siu might plunge, servant, his master was gone to breakfast with the But wipe all out by sorrow's sponge,

Earl of Pembroke. "Very well," said Oiway, And inake their odds all even.

tell your master, I will call to-morrow." The When soaking Sam, who ev'ry day,

next morning he called, according to his promise. To sot's hole went, to souse his clay,

Well, is your master at home now?" said be to There found the doors all larrid;

the servant. “No, sir, he is gone to break fast For Sam the front and postern try'd,

with the Duke of Buckingham bire," said the ser. But all in vain for entrance ply'd,

vant. Oiway, whether actuated by envy, pride, A case he thought quite hard !

or disappointment, then took up a piece of chalk

which lay on the table, and wrote over the dour, And hard and harder while he knock'd,

as he went out, Silence within his bait'ring mock’d,

“ Here lives Dryden, a poet and a wit." 'Till Sally op'd the sash;

The next morning Dryden recognised the bandAnd cry'd, Pray cease your rat tat tal,

writing, and told the servant to go to Mr. Otway This day we are resolv'd, that's lat,

and desire his company to breakfast with him; in To fast, and rakc no cash."

the mean time he wrote, with the same piece of " Why then," says Sam, in sulky strain, chalk, underneath Otway's line of " Fast on. I'll rap no more in vain,

" Herc lives Dryden, a poet and a wit.” Upset ine if I do;

“ This was written by Oiway, opposite." Put you're a pack of curst queer elves,

This, however, offended Otway, who told him Who not content to fast yourselves,

he might keep his wit and his breakfast to himseil. Must make your doors fast tvo !"

THE DRUNKARD. DIFFICULTY OF ONE IRISHMAN KNOWING Ned Soaker lay stretch'd on the bed of grim death, ANOTHER.

By brandy burnt up, gasping deeply for brea.b; An Irishman having one night endeavoured to a friend, with much fervor, advised him to think display his abilities at a public eloquent society,

On his awful approach to Eternity's brink ! bis oration was severely criticised and animado Cries Ned, for such matters I dúly have cared, verted upon by several orators in the opposition, And am well for a world of pure spirits prepared." and especially by one of his countrymen. When A YOUNG WFE WELL MATCHED. the society broke up, he thus addressed himself A gentleman of Hampshire had, by bis' will, in to a gentleman of his acquaintance, “ did not you the year 1736, ordered, that after his decease his observe what a silly argument that Scotch fellow body should be thrown into the sea beyond the made against me.”—" why, it was your own Needles, which was accordingly complied with. dear country man." said the gentleman, “how On making enquiry into his motives for this siacame you not to perceive it?"-" No, surely,''gular disposal of his remains, it was discovered, replied Pat; " Why then, my dear, I will cell that he made it for the purpose of disappointing a you the reason ; you knows that if there be two young wife, who had frequently assured him, by people in a company that have cat garlick, they way of consolation, that she would dance upon his cannot smell it opon cach other."

grave.

CONFESSIONS OF A BRICKLAYER. To an appointment, and abuse those elves Some trifling repairs are required at your house, Who are not over-punctual, like themselves. sead for a bricklayer ; he comes, probably attend- If you should mark his powder'd head betimes, ed with a man, lu receive your directions, occa And polish'd shoes in Lothbury, fying ten minutes. The next morning he sends a You ki.ow the hour, for the three-quarter chimes workman and a labourer; the workman begins to

In Variably struck as he went by. cat away; the labourer returns for materials, and From morning fines he always saved his gammon briogs a dozen bricks and one hod of mortar, em- Not froin his hate of sloth, but love of Mammon. poved bilf a day. The job being finished, For Peter had a special eye

What was used, Paddy ;enquires the man of the labourer. " Sore it is a score of bricks and

To Number One ;-his charity iee hods of mortar," replies the assistant brick.

At home beginning, ne'er extends, laget. Returned home, the foreinan makes en.

But where it started had its end too; quiry, " lo score of bricks, and four hods of

And as to lending cash to friends. martar," answers the man; the foreman makes a

Luckily he had none to lend to. Memorandum for the clerk, three score bricks and No purchases so cheap as his, six leds of mortar; the clerk enters in his mas.

While no one's bargains went so far, ter's books, one hundred bricks and eight hods of And though in dress a deadly quiz, Earlar; the master, looking over his accounts,

No Quaker more parţicular. alter, the entry to one hundred and fifty bricks and This live automaton, who seem'd fedlce hods of mortar ; and thus tile bill is ren To move by clock-work, ever keen

To live upon the saving plan, Mr. Willian Lackwit,

Had soon the honour to be deem'd Dr. to Thoinas Singleton. That selfish, heartless, cold machine, To taking np and relaying brick step in cellar; Call'd in the city--il warm man, underpioping wall; plaistering copper; stop- A Bank Director once, who dwelt at Chigwell, ping rat-beles; repairing ceiling ; self, man, Priin to a turile-feast invited, and labourer, one day and a half; one hundred And as the reader knows the prig well, and fifty paving bricks; twelve hods of mortar; I need not say he went, delighted ! sis baskets of rubbish carted away, 5l. 19s. 10d. For great inen, when they let you slice their meat THE BANK CLERK AND THE stable-keepers. May give a slice of loan—a richer treat, Shewing how Peter was undone,

No stage leaves Chigwell after eight, By taking care of Number One.

Which was too early to come back ;
Of Peter Prim (so Jobsun would have written)

So, after much debate,
Let me indulge in the remembrance ;-Peter! Peter resolved to hire a hack,
Thy formal phiz has oft my fancy smitteo,

The more inclined to this because he koew
For sore the Bank had never a completer

In London Wall, at Number Two, Quiz among its thousand clerks,

Au economic stable-keeper, Than he who now elicits our remarks,

From whom he hoped to get one cheaper. Prim was a formalist, a prig,

Behold him mounted on his jade,
A solema fop, an office Martinet,

A perfect Johnny Gilpin figure,
One of those small precisiaos who look big But the good bargain he had made
If half-an-hour before their time they get Compensating for sneer and snigger,

dered :

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