d It was now time to harness the hacks, and while high mettled skeleton, that we should politely this operation was in performance, I could plainly wish, them good-night. I believe it was about distinguish the slayers of men discoursing in terms mid-way that my calculations were verified. I very derogatory to my skill as a whip. This I in-first heard a crash, then a general scream, then stantly set down for envy, for I had almost beaten the word of command to halt, and afterwards the them with the worst horse and the heaviest load (to jolly "ho, ho, ho!" of Mr. D. which gave me the say nothing of Mr. D. as supercargo), and I was satisfactory intelligence that my enemies had come quite certain, now that the pies were eaten, and to a downfall, and that none of the party had exthe above gentleman exchanged for my beauty, Iperienced bodily injury. Now was the time for could win the race home with ease. I started, as my triumph; but I must say I bore it like a hero. before, the last of the three, husbanding the powers I was beginning an admonitory harangue with, “I of my crocodile with laudable jockeyship. The told you how it would be," when the sight of their night became very dark, and we were only aware distress actually deprived me of the powers of of our relative distances by the rattle of our wheels, speech. The noble steed still lay panting upon and the merciless cracking of our whips. My the ground, while the captain cut the harness to opponents were evidently gaining ground upon pieces for his liberation;-the two shafts had me, and my passengers were begianing to grow snapped off like sticks of barley-sugar, and the clamorous under the idea that we should lag too whole machinery appeared to have received a far behind, and so be robbed and murdered. I shock little short of a paralysis. "How shall wo believe I have hinted, in various places, that I am get home?" cried the distressed females," endowed with a certain portion of that greatest of cannot sleep under the hedge."-" Beg pardon all earthly goods called philosophy; and it was ladies," replied Mr. D., "it is one of the mos this which enabled me to calculate the chances in comfortable ditches I was ever pitched intomy favour, with a precision that rendered me deaf went right in upon my head, and received n to the remonstrances of persons who were less manner of damage, except a tug of the pig-ta gifted. In the first place, it was granted on all which hung in a bramble, and a few thorns, whic sides that we were going down hill; and, in the took advantage of the absence of my buckskins. next, it was not to be denied that every one of our quadrupeds, from the testimony of his knees, was wofully addicted to stumbling. Now I had always considered it as an axiom, that a horse was more apt to stumble down hill than up hill, and that an over-driven one had no sort of conscience whatever. Consequently it was incumbent on me to use all proper circumspection, seeing that I had six ladies, and all the dishes to answer for, besides a seventh person, whom etiquette forbids me to mention. The caution which I had adopted was equally necessary for my competitors; and since they were cursed with too much courage to follow it, the chances were about fifty to one, that one of them would measure his length on the ground. The other must of course pull up to assist his comrade, and in this dilemma I had settled it with my My heart melted within me, and I agreed with the opposition carrier, that if he would convey the vanquished champion and the ponderosity of M D., I would endeavour to persuade my horse t accommodate the five forlorn damsels. The pro posal was thankfully agreed to. The fragments o the wreck were removed to the road-side, th miserable hack turned into the first field that pre sented itself, and I finished the remainder of th journey with eleven ladies, and not a single acc dent. IMPERIUM IN IMPERIO When Beelzebub first to make mischief began, man; This Moses asserts, and from hence would infer, DIALOGUES, WITH ECHO, WRITTEN IN THE YEAR 1816. Dialogue I. Παντοίων στοματων λάλον εικόνα, ποιμέσιν ήδυ Παιγνιον. Can Echo speak the tongue of every country? Te virginem si fortè poscam erotica? Ma si ti sopra il futuro questionero? El puis-je te parler sur des choses passées?. Die mihi quæso virum, vitiis cui tot bona parta: Whom once Sir Sidney drove with shame from Acre... What are the arms with which he now fights Britons? ... Quid nobis iterat tanto hic jactator hiatu? Qu'il vienne aussitot qu'il le veut, ce grand homme ! You'd think him then mad, if his forces he march here? ... Ecuо. Try. Εγώ ταχα. As a March hare. A few. Agreed-Hurra Au roi, qui les aimoit, ils ont frappé le cou Ma sotto i ré erano sempre allegri. Τις δε τόσην αυτοίς ενέπνευσε Υπατη θρησκείαν; Cumque illo miles Batavus conjural amicê. Where would his Brest fleet in our empire land? Quisnam illum à Scotis menet exitus, auspice Moirâ? How best shall we 'scape this invasion's alarm? THE CHESTER SHEWMAN AND MUNGO. Venus. O chiens! Rot 'em, I say. Apollyon! an out-building, several barrels of gunpo were deposited for exportation to Ireland boys in the street, throwing about their wild serpents, squibs, &c. one or more of them fell the cellar, and unfortunately communicated t powder, some of which had been spilt throug crevices of the barrels, and occasioned a ter explosion, in the critical scene where the is in the act of running away with Punch a wife Joan." The majority of the spectators killed, including the shewman; several, sev lacerated and wounded, were driven to a distance. Poor Mungo was found in a n A puppet shewman, having engaged a black (native of Africa) who was a performer on the instrument called the jumba, made from an Indian nut-shell, also danced to his own music, and sung (in tolerable English) his own songs, his simplicity and pleasantry drew his employer great audiences, and poor Mungo believed his master was possessed of some supernatural agency, by nightly beholding with astonishment his wonder. ful feats of deception and legerdemain. On the 5th of November, 1771, the showman, or doctor, was exhibiting in a large lodge-room at Chester. After various feats that tended to elevate and sur-bouring field, scorched and stunned by the e prise, by cutting off locks, heads, swallowing knives and forks, eating fire, disgorging ribbons and needles, tricks of cups and balls, cards, &c. to the astonishment of Blackey, and admiration of the company, a most shocking occurrence happened. In a cellar under the lodge room, which was sion, but not dangerourly hurt. On his reco taking it for granted the affecting accident w have happened as part of the performance, b claimed, "Oh dam my massa, he send me aw a hurry! My master dam clever fellow, but like dis trick ; me give him warning' ' PRIVATE PUBLICITY. Mr. Harrington having died suddenly, the editor of a paper told his readers he was author of several medical tracts which he had privately given to the public. THE EDINBURGH LOUNGER. Irose this morning about half-past nine, At breakfast coffee I consumed pour quatre, Canumbered rolls enriched with marmalade fine, And little balls of butter dished in water, Three eggs, two platefuls of superb cold chine (Much recommended to make thin folks fatter); And having thus my ballast stow'd on board, Roamed forth to kill a day's time like a lord. How I contrived to pass the whole forenoon, I can't remember though my life were on it; I helped G T. in jotting of a tune, And hinted rhymes to G -s for a sonnet; Called at the Knoxs' shop with Miss Balloon, And heard her ipsa dixit on a bonnet; Then washed my mouth with ices, tarts, and flummerics, And ginger-beer and soda, at Montgomery's. And flashy silks, surtouts, pelisses, laces; -One to a herring in his lonely shop, And some of kind gregarious, and more clannish, Get Jack's, and Sam's, and Dick's, and Tom's consent, And o'er the Mound to Billy Young's we went. I am not nice, I care not what I dine on, A sheep's-head, or beef-steak, is all I wish; Old Homer! how he loved the gugoy oner The thing that I have always set my mind on It is the glass that glorifies the dish. (A small foundation laid of fowl, flesh, fish) Is out of bottle, pitcher, or punch-bowl To suck reviving solace to my soul. Life's a dull dusty desert, waste and drear, With now and then an oasis between, Where palm-trees rise, and fountains gushing clear Burst 'neath the shelter of that leafy screen z Haste not your parting steps, when such appear, Repose, ye weary travellers, on the green, Horace and Milton, Dante, Burns, and Schiller, Dined at a tavern-when they had" the siller." And ne'er did poet, epical or tragical, At Florence, London, Weimar, Rome, Maybole, See time's dark-lanthern glow with hues more magical Than I have witnessed in the Coffin-hole. Praise of antiquity a bam and fudge I call, Ne'er past the present let my wishes roll A fig for all comparing, croaking grumblers, Hear me, dear dimpling Billy, bring the tumblers. Let blank verse hero, or Spenserian rhymer, Treat Donna Musa with chateau-margout, Chateau-la-filte, Johannisberg, Hocheimer, In tall outlandish glasses green and blue, Thanks to my stars, myself, a doggerel chimer, Have nothing with such costly tastes to do: My muse is always kindest when I court her O'er whisky-punch, gin-twist, strong beer, and porter. And O. my pipe, 'hough in these Dandy days Few love thee, fewer still their love confess, Ne'er let me blush to celebrate thy praise, Divine invention of the age of Bess! I for a moment interrupt my lavs The tiny tube with loving ips to press, I'll then come back with a reviving zest, And give thee three more stanzas of my best. A DOUBTFUL CAUSE. ODE ON THE SUN. A young gentleman, at the university of Cambrige, known to have a pretty knack at making verses, was one day seized with the furor scri bendi, and determined to write an ode on the Sun. The weather was uncommonly sultry, and feeling his imagination peculiarly glowing, he began his At York assizes, a barrister met a tinker, and jorosely clapping his hand on the fellow's shoulder, asked him what news from hell? A great deal," replied the tinker; "a wall has just fallen down." Well," returned the counsellor, "it is to be built up again, I suppose."-"I don't know," says the other; "there is a great dispute ode as followsabout it between the pope and the devil.”"And how," cried the long-robed gentleman, "do you think the matter will go?”—“ I don't know," answered the tinker; the pope has the most money, but the devil has the most lawyers." HAND AND FOOT. "The sun's perpendicular heat, "Had illumined the depth of the sea.' This done, he scratched his head for another thought, but in vain. The beams of Phoebus sometimes inspire with genius, and sometimes with sleep. With our poet they had the latter effect, for in a few seconds he sunk back motion "The sun's perpendicular heat, Had illumined the depth of the sea; An Irish officer having hurt his foot, applied less in his chair. A fellow-collegian, who hapfor cure to the late Mr. Ke'ly, the surgeon, Kelly pened at this inauspicious moment to enter the and he having quarrelled, he quitted him before room, saw his situation, and seeing the beginning the cure was completed, and put himself under of the new-born ode lying on the table before him, he took the pen and wickedly completed the management of another surgeon. Notwithstanding this, Kelly brought him a bill of thirty the stanza as follows pounds, which the hero objecting to, the cause was tried in Westminster Hall, where the counsel employed for the defendant beginning an harangue which the captain thought irrelevant to the cause, the captain interrupted him with—“ My ford, and gentlemen of the jury, I will state the real fact in one minute. The real case was this; I hurt my foot, and applied to Mr. Kelly to cure it, but during five weeks curing, it grew worse every day, and as I at last found he wanted to nake a hand of my foot, I left him, and took it to Another surgeon." EPITAPH ON A TAYLOR. Here lies poor Snip, who when he first began, Cried, d-n it, how hot we shall be." THE THREE CROSSES. Dean Swift, in his journeys on foot, was accus- There hang three crosses at thy door; |