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UNLUCKY HINTS.

scenery, machinery, dresses, and decorations), the Bishop Burnet was very remarkable for his following entertainment: temporary absence of mind; in the days of the

“ An entirely new grand serio-comic-pantomigreat Marlborough, be obtained an interview with mic.operatic-tragical Drama, called, The Idiot,' him, and was even asked to dine, but cautioned or Deaf, Dumb, and Blind. to be on bis guard and not commit himself. tholomew's Hospital, including various surgical

“ In Act Ist. A scene of the interior of St. BarAmong other great company was Prince Eugene, who seeing a dignified clergyman present, asked operations, and a dance by invalids on crutches, who be was, and having heard he had been at

with a pas seul by the matron. Paris in 1680, asked him how long it was since he

In Act 2d. A procession of physicians, surgeons, bad left it. Burnet, Guttered," answered with and apothecaries, on a cattle-day, productive conprecipitation he could not recollect the year, but sequently of much comic confusion. it was at the time that the Countess of Soissons

In Act 3d. A sea-fight by condemned malefacwas imprisoned on suspicion of practicing a con- tors, a proper number of whom will be killed on cealed mode of poisoning people. This lady of distinction. Scene, An Indian Coast: savage

the stage, by particular desire of several persons Lappened to be the mother of Prince Eugene, and both parties' eyes being fixed upon each other, spectators by the patients of the Small-pox Hosthen only he perceived bis mistake, stammered,

pital.

“ In Act 4th. A new and unrivalled compoapologized, and retired in the utmost confusion. ipon another occasion, the Bishop dining one united efforts of our best musicians,) to be sung by

sition, called The Whooping Cough ;' (the tay with Sarah Duchess of Marlborough, the con- Mr. Iocledon. The execution of this bravura Bersation turned upon the ingratitude of the GoTernment to the Duke, who had just lost his will completely immortalize the fame of the places. Burnet aptly compared him to Belisarius ;

singer when her Grace asked what was the occasion of

* In Act 5th. A grand shock of electricity-an kidoanfal? “ Oh! madam, (says Burnet) poor

'metic by the three Miss Stentors; an amputations Belisarias had a shocking brimstone of a wife.”

a chorus of hysterical and hypocondriac persons,

male and female ; to conclude with an ap oplectic COOD HEALTH.

fit, which carries of all the characters. A healthy old geatleman was once asked by a " After which will be presented a Farce, called king, what physician and apothecary he made use

• The Maniac and the Cripple.'” of to look so well at his time of life. “Sire," replied the gentleman, " my physician has always been a borse, and my apothecary an ass.'

When Dr.-, some years since, went to prac

tise at Bath, a gentleman asked Dr. Delacour, ATTRACTIVE PLAY-BILL.

what could a practitioner from the metroSoon after the representation of the dramatic polis to open a shop in the country. pieces of “ Deaf and Duinb," and the “ Blind reason," replied he," is obvious enough, sir; Girl," the following whimsical advertisement ap- when a doctor breaks down on the London turf, peared.

he retires to cover at Bath for a guinea and a * We have the pleasure to announce to the shilling.—" Why, my dear doctor, this makes public, that there is in preparation, and intended physic a mere farce." =" True," rejoined he, "c u be produced before Christmas (if it be possible direct farce, for it is generally the last act before by that time to complete the splendid profusion of the curtain drops."

THE FARCE OF PHYSIC.

". The

TUE BAKER'S FUNERAL.

her sufferings, and relieve her by marriage, from The death of Mr. Holland of Drury-lane theatre, the distresses, bolts, and bars, she labours under. who was the son of a baker at Chiswick, had a N. B. She is quite easy as to fortune, and will be very great effect upon the spirits of Foote, who as well contented with a partner of 1,0001. per had a very warm friendship for him; being a le- annum, as with a larger sum. gatee, as well as appointed by the will of the de

VULGAR NATURES. ceased one of the bearers, he attended the corpse Tender-handed stroke a nettle, to the family vault at Chiswick, and there very And it stings you for your pains ; sincerely paid a plentiful tribuite of tears to his

Grasp it, like a man of inettle, memory. On his return to town, by way of alle

And it soft as silk remains. viating his grief, he called in at the Bedford-cof

'Tis the same with vulgar natures, fee-honse ; when Harry Woodward coming up to

Use them kindly, they rebel ; him, asked him if he had not been paying the last

But be rough as nutineg gratera, compliment to his friend Holland ?

- Yes, poor

And the rogues obey you well. follow," says Foote, almost weeping at the same

FIGHTING AND PAINTING. time, “ I have just seen him shoved into the family

When Hayman was painting the pictures of the oven."

British heroes for the Rotunda at Vauxhall, the THE DECANTER.

Marquis of Granby paid sim a visit at his house O thou, that high thy head dost bear,

in St. Martin's-lane, and told him he came at the With round smooth neck, and single car,

request of his friend Tyers, the proprietor of VauxWith well-turn'd narrow mouth, from whence

hall Gardens, to sit for bis portrait, Flow streans of noblest eloquence ;

Frank," said the Marquis, “ before I sit to you I 'Tis thou that first the bard divine,

insist on having a sel-lo with you.” Hayman, Sacred to Phabus, and the nine,

not understanding him, and appearing much surThat mirth and soft delight can'st move,

prised at the oddity of the declaration, the MarSacred to Venus, and to love :

quis exclaimed : “ I have been told yca were one Yet, spite of all thy virtues rare,

of the best boxers of the school of Broughton, and Thou’rt not a boon-companion fair ;

I am not altogether deficient in the pugilistic art; Thou'rt full of wine, wlien thirsty I;

but, since I have been in Germany, I have got a And when I'm drunk, then thou art dry.

little out of practice, therefore I will bave a fair MATRIMONIAL ADVERTISEMENT.

trial of strength and skill.” Hayman pleaded his Confined in a certain street, the north-end of the age and gout as insuperable obstacles. To the first city, up three pair of stairs backwards, by the position the marquis replied that there was very cruelty of a most unnatural mother, and the indo. little difference between them; to the latter, that Jence of a father, who doth not want for sense, but exercise was a specific reinedy, and added, that a spirit to wear the breeches, a young girl, turned | few rounds would cause a glow that would give of one-and-twenty, not very tall, but thought to be animation to the canvass. At length they begao, too much so by her mother, who still keeps her in and after the exertion of much skill and strength fat-heeled shoes. The young lady cannot boast of on both sides, Hayman gave the marquis a blow as much beauty as her mamma, but she has the ad-on the stomach, when they both fell with a tre vantage of her in an easy temper, and would be mendous noise, which brought up the affrighted quiet if she would let her. She would be much Mrs Hayman, who found them rolling over each obliged to any gentleman who could take pity on other on the carpet, like two bears,

6 But

GEORGE II. AND GARRICK.

HOW TO EXAMINE A WITNESS. When George the Second went to see Garrick act Richard The Third, the only part of the play

Barrister. Call John Tomkins. which amırsed or interested ihe king, was the Witness. Here is stoorn). Lord-Mayor of London ; and when Garrick was

3. Look this way-- What's your name? attending the royal party from the theatre, anxious

W. John Tomkins. to bear the king's opinion of his own performance,

B. John Tomkins, eh! And pray, John Tomall the conpliment he received from the sovereign kins, what do you know about this attrir? was a high eulogy upon the Lord-Mayor.

W, As I was going along Cheapside-do love dat Lord-Mayor,” said the king, “ capital B. Siop, stop! not quite so fast, John Toms lord-Mayor-fine Lord-Mayor dat, Mr. Garrick, kins. When was you going along Cheapside? #bere you get such capital Lord-Mayor.”

W.. On Monday, the 26th of June.

B. Oh, oh! Monday, the 26th of June---And COQUETRY A lady being asked what was the difference be- pray, now, how came you to know that it was

Monday, Ibe 26th of June? txeen a coquette and a woman of gallantry, an

W. I remember it very well. ivered, " The same that there is between a sharp

B. You have a good memory, John Tomkinse and a thief."

here is the middle of November, and you pretend THE BEAUTIFUL MAID.

to remember your walking along Clicapside in the That Bell's an angel all confess:

end of June. An angel I agree her;

W. Yes, sir, I remember it as if it was but That she's a devil is prov'd by this,

yesterday. She tempts all meu that see her,

B. And pray, now,

what makes you rememNo wonder then our hearts we find

ber it so very well? Subdued, do all we can,

I was then going to fetch a midwife. Sioce heaven and hell are both combin'd

B. Stop there, if you please. Gentlemen of Against poor mortal man.

the jury, please to attend to this-So, John TomTYTHE GOSPEL.

kins, you, a hale, hearty man, were going to fetch A clergyman in an island county once con- a midwife. Now, answer me direcily-look this cluded his sermon with the following words : way, sir-- what could you possibly want with a

Brethren, next Friday is my tythe-day, and midwife ? thee who bring the tythes on that day, which are W. I wanted to fetch her to a neiglıbour's say due, shall be rewarded with a good dinner; wife, who was ill a-bed. bet those who do not, may depend, that on Satur B. A neighbour's wife! What, then, you have day they will dine on a lawyer's letter."

no wife of your own?
Love's FELONY.

W. No, sir.
To a Lady in a Court of Assizc.

B. Recollect yourself, you say you have no While petty offences and felonies smart,

wife of your own? Is there no jurisdiction for stealing a heart? W, No, sir; I never had a wife. Yog, fair one, will smile and cry,

“ Laws I defy

B. None of your quibbles, friend; I did not yoo;"

ask you if you ever had a wife; I ask you if you Assored that po peers can be summon’d to try you! have now a wife ? and you say no. Bat think not that paltry defence will secure ye: W. Yes, sir ; and I say truth. For the Muses and Graces will just make a jury.] B. Yes, sir i and no, sir ! and you say truth

W.

we shall soon find that out. And was there no W. Yes; we went to the house where it came body to fetch a midwife but you?

from, w. No; my neighbour lay ill himself B. So! it came from a house; and pray what

B. What! did he want a midwife too? (a loud kind of a house? laugh).

W. The Cock and Bottle, a public-house ? w. He lay ill of a fever; and so I went to B. The Cock and Bottle! why I never heard serve him.

of such a house. Pray what has a cock to do with B. No doubt, you are a very serviceable fel- a bottle ? Jow in your way. But pray, now, after you had W. I can't tell, that is the sign. fetched the midwife, where did you go?

B. Well, and what passed then ? W. I went to call upon a friend

W. We went in to see what was the matter, B. Hold, what time in the day was this? and the prisoner thereW, About seven o'clock in the evening.

B. Where? B. It was quite day-light, was it not?

w. Him at the bar, there; I know bim very w. Yes, sir; it was a fine summer evening. well.

B. Wbac! is it always day-light in a summer B. You know him? how came you to know evening?

him? W. I believe so-(smiling).

w. We worked journey.work together once; B. No laughing, sir, if you please ; this is too and I remember hiin very well. serious a matter for levity. What did yon do when B. So! your memory returns : you can't teli you went to call upon a friend?

the name of the street, but you know the name of W. He asked me to take a walk ; and when we ihe public-house, and you know the prisoner at the were walking, we heard a great noise

bar. You are a very pretty fellow! and pray B. And where was this:

what was the prisoner doing? W. In the street.

w. When I saw him, he wasB. Pray attend, sir, I don't ask you whether B. When you saw liim! did I ask you what it was in the street-I ask you what street ? he was doing when you did not sec him?

W. I don't koow the name of the street; but it W. I understood he had been fighting. turned down froin

B. Give us none of your understanding, tell B. Now, sir, upon your oath-do you say you what you saw. don't know the name of the street ?

w. He was drinking some flollands and water. W. No, I don't.

B. Are you sure it was Hollands and water B. Did you never hear it?

W. Yes; he asked me to drink with him, and W. I may have heard it, but I can't say I I just put it to my lips. remember it?

B. No doubt you did, and I dare say did not B. Do you always forget what you have heard take it soon from them. But now, sir, recollect

W. I don't know that I ever heard it; but I you are upon oath--look at the jury, sir-upon may have heard it, and forgot it.

your oath, will you aver that it was Hollands and B. Well, sir, perhaps we may fall upon a way water? to make you remember it.

W. Yes, it was. W. I don't know, sir; I would tell it if I B. What; was it not plain gin? knew it.

W, No; the landlord said it was Hollands. B. Oh! to be sure you would ; you are re

B. Oh! now weshall come to the point. The markably communicative. Well, you heard a landlord said ! Do you believe every thing the noise, and I suppose you went to see it too. landlord of the Cock and Bottle says:

w. I don't know him enough.

B. Well-and it was over--and you saw no. B. Pray what religion are you of?

thing? W. I am a Protestant.

W. No. B. Do you believe in a future state?

B. Gen’men of the jury, you'll please to atW Yes.

tend to this; he positively swears he saw nothing B. Then, what passed after you drank the of the fight. Pray, sir, how was it that you saw Hollands and water?

nothing of the fight? W. I heard there had been a fight, and a man W. Because it was over before I entered the killed; and I said, “ Oh! Robert, I hope you house, as I said before. bare pot done this:" and he shook his head.

B. No repetitions, friend.-Was there any B. Shook his bead ; and what did you under. fighting after you entered ? stand by that?

W. No, all was quiet. w. Sir!

B. Quiet! you just now said, you heard a noise B. I say, what did you understand by his shak. -you and your precious friend. ing his head?

W. Yes, we heard a noiseW. I can't tell.

B. Speak up, can't you? and don't hesitate 50. B. Can't tell !-Can't you tell what a man W. The noise was from the people crying and means when he shakes bis head ?

lamentingW. He said nothing.

B. Don't look to me-look to the jury--well, B. Said nothing! I don't ask you what he said crying and lamenting-What did you say?

w. Crying and lamenting that it happened; W. What did I say?

and all blavring the dead mail. B. Don't repeat my words, fellow; but come B. Blaming the dead man! why, I should liave to the point at once.--Did you see the dead man: thought him the most quiet of the whole-(another w. Yes; he lay in the next room,

laugh) But what did they blame him for? B. Aud how came he to be dead ?

W. Because he struck the prisoner several w. There bad been a fight, as I said before- times without any cause. B. I don't want you to repeat what you said B. Did you see him strike the prisoner? before.

No; but I was told that w. There had been a fight between him and B. We don't ask you what you was told—What

did you see? B. Speak up—his lordship don't hear you, W. I saw no more than I have told you. can't you raise your voice ?

B. Then why do you come here to tell us W. There had been a fight between him and what you heard? the prisoner

I only wanted to give the reason why the B. Stop there--Pray, sir, whet did this fight company blamed the deceased. begin?

B. Oh! we have nothing to do with your reaW. I can't tell exactly ; it might be an hour sons or theirs eithis. before. The inan was quite dead.

W.

No, sir, I don't say you have. B. And so he might, if the fight had been a B. Now, sir, remember you are upon oathmoath before ; that was not what I asked you. you set out with fetching it inidwife; I presume Did you see the fight ?

you now went for an undertaker: W. No it was over before we came in.

W. No, I did not, B. We! what we?

B. No! that is surprising; such a friendly man W. I and my friend

as you! I wonder the prisoner did not employ you.

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