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- cockNEY is M.S.

The peculiar pronunciation of the following words is the unique property of the Cockneys, which may be said to give their precedents or rent-rolls of inheritance. Curous, for curious; and curosity, for curiosity. Here is a short cut; and yet they say stupendious, for stupendous, which shews, that though brevity may be the soul of wit, it is not always of pronunciation. Necessiated and necessuated, for necessitated. Unpossible, for impossible. Leasticise, for at least. A conquest of people, for a concourse. Attackted, for attacked. Shay and po-shay, for chaise and post-chaise. Gornd, for gown; schoold, for school. Bacheldor, for bachelor. Obstropolous, for obstreperous. Argusy, for signify; or, to argue. Common-garden, for Covent-garden. Kinsington, for Kensington. Chinley, or Chimbley, for chimney. Perdigious, for prodigious. Progidy, for prodigy. Kiver, for cover. Sarsepan, for saucepan; saace, for sauce; saacer, for saucer; saacy, for saucy. Daater, for daughter. Contagious, for contiguous. For fraid of, instead of, for fear of. Duberous, for dubious. Musicianer, for musician; opticianer, for optician. Squits, for quit. Pillor'd, for pilloried. Scrowdge, for crowd Squeedge, for squeeze. Anger (as a verb), to make angry. Wemon, for venom. Sermont, for sermon. Verment, for vermin. Also surgeont, for surgeon. Palaretick, for paralytic.

Postes and postesses, for posts. So also ghostes and ghostesses.

Sitiation, for situation.

Portingal, for Portugal.

Somewheres, for somewhere; nowheres, for nowhere; a favourite plural.

Mislest, for molest.

Scholard, for scholar.

Regiment, for regimen.

Margent, for margin.

Contrary, for contiãry.

Blasphemious and blasphemous, for blasphèmous.

Hotcsomdever and whatsomdever, for however and whatever.

Successfully, for successively; “He did not pay my bill, though I called upon him several days successfully.”

Respectively, for respectfully.

Mayor altry, for mayoralty.

Commonality, for commonalty.

Properietor, for proprietor.

Nonplush'd, for nonplus’d.

Colloguing, for colleaguing.

Drownded, for drowned.

An-otomy, a skeleton.

Paragraft, for a paragraph.

Stagnated, for stagger'd.

Ruinated, for ruined.

Solentary, for solitary.

Eminent danger, for imminent danger.

Intoslicated, for intoxicated.

Pertcent, for prevent.

Preused, for perused.

Refuge, for refuse.

Radidges, for radishes ; also rubbidge, for rubbish ; furbidge, for furbish.

Taters, for potatoes: thus abbreviated, cockneys perhaps do not consider them as pot-atos, until they are put into the pot!

Loveyer, for lover.

Humoursome, for humourous.

Pottecary, for apothecary.

Sot, for sat; “ he sot himself down;” set, for sity “pray, set down.”

Flagrant, for fragrant, as, “this moss-rose is very flagrant.”

Fetch a walk, fotch'd a walk, cotch'd cold. .

Know'd, for knew and known ; also seed, for saw and seen ; grow'd, throw'd, draw'd, for grown, thrown, drawn.

Mought, for might.

Fit, for fought; a Five's-court abbreviation of the preterite fought.

A-dry, a-hungry, a-cold, &c.

This here ; that there; if so be as how—and so.

Refusial, for refusal.

Rayly, for really.

Wind, for wine.

Scithers, for scissors.

Postponded, for postponed.

Kucine, for coin.

Inigo Jones, the architect, has been often complimented as Indigo Jones.

Rizz, for risen.

Lunnun, for London.

Moral, for model; “The child is the very moral of his father,” who may not have much morality to spare.

11 isn, hern, for his or hers.

Ourn, yourn, for our's, your's.

Nolus bolus, for nolens volens. They also call part of the funeral service, “De profundis,” (the 130th Psalm,) by the style and title of Deborah Fundish.” An ignorant imprisoned cockney pickpocket once called a “ habeas corpus,” “a Rap'orth of copperas,” which is the language of Newgate.

Weal, for veal.

Winegar, for vinegar.

Wicked, for wicked.

Wig, for wig.

Widowhood, neighbourhood, and livelihood,are called widow-wood, neighbour-wood, lively-wood.

Howdacious, for audacious.

Underminded, for undermined.

Mullygrubs, a neat symphonous expression for megrims.

Nincompoop, (a corruption of the compos,) a fool, an idiot.

tin non

Obstacle. for othelisk. * The letter h is taken great liberties with by time genuine cockney, as in the following exampie. “They saw a flower in the edge; and, in trying to get at it, trodjust at the hedge of the stream. They have their air cut by a fashionable dresser; and have bought a most beautiful at, which is a most becoming ed-dress, and they shall wear it the next time they go hout to dinner, A City servant once began a letter to his master, the alderman, with Hornca Sir, instead of Homoured Sir. “. Is there none here but you?” a usual query : used by Dean Swift to his clerk, Roger Cox, who, turning over the leaves of his prayer-book, dryly replied, “Sure, you are here too !”

THE IRISH MAN'S RECKONING.

“Who lives there, honest fellow " said a travelling stranger, As on thro' the county of Antrim he sped, And who fancied that houses shut up implied | danger, “Lives there,” answered Teague, “why a man that is dead.” “When did he die?” cried the stranger in ore gaily; Teague paus'd, scratch'd his caxon, so straight and so sleek, Then replied, “By my conscience, my jewel why really, • If he'd lived till to-day, he'd been dead a whole week '''

D0 UBLE CONFESSION.

A pamphlet called “The Snake in the Grass,” being reported to be written by an illiterate nobleman, (probably in joke, ) the gentleman abused in it sent him a challenge. His lordship protested his innocence; but the gentleinan not being satisfied without having it under his hand the nobleman took a pen, and began. “ This i. to scratify, that the buk, called the Snak—so '. “Oh, my lord,” said the person, “I am quite sotisfied uow you arc not the author.”

MUTUAL Mist Ake.

An Irish pig-merchant, who had more money in his pocket than his ragged appearance denoted, once took an inside passage in a Liverpool stagecoach. An exquisite, of the first order, who was a fellow-passenger, was evidently annoyed by the presence of Pat ; and having missed his handkerchief, tasked him with having picked his pocket, threatening to have him taken before a magistrate, at the next stage. Before they arrived there, however, the exquisite found his handkerchief, which he had deposited in his hat. He made a very awkward kind of an apology upon the occasion; but Pat stopped him short with this remark, “Make yourself easy, my honey; there's no occasion for any bother about the matter. You took me for a thief; and I took you for a gentleman ; and we are both mistaken ; that's all honey.”

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“Ring it yourself, Bar,” replied the alderman, tleman mi

“you have been twice as much used to it as I have.” LOVE, If you cannot inspire a woman with love of you, fill ber above the brim with love of herself; and all that runs over will be yours.

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met in the street, to dine with him at a country lodging he had taken for the summer months. The address was “near the Green Man at Dultrich,” which, not to put his inviter to the trouble of pencilling down, our bard promised faithfully to remember. But when Sunday came, he made his way to Greenwich, and began inquiring for the sign of the Dull Mun ( No such sign was to be found ; and, after losing an hour, a person guessed that though there was no Dull Man at Greenwich, there was a Green Man at Dulwich, which the genght possibly mean.

- MOURNING SU Its. Parsons and lawyers, both you’ll find

By mourning suits are known ; Those for the sins of all mankind,

The other for their own.

ode to MY Pipe,

Pipel whether plain in fashion of Frey-herr,
Or gaudy glittering in the taste of Boor,
Deep-darkened Meer-schaum or Ecume-demer,
Or snowy clay of Gowda, light and pure.
Let different people different pipes prefer,
Delft, horn, or catgut, long, short, older, newer,
Puff, every brother, as it likes him best,
De gustibus non disputandum est.

Pipel when I stuff into thee my canaster,
With flower of camomile and leaf of rose,
And the calm rising fume comes fast and faster,
Curling with balmy circles near my nose
And all the while my dexter hand is master
Of the full cup from Meux's vat that fiows.
Heavens ! all my brain a soft oblivion wraps
Of wafered letters and of single taps.

I’ve no objections to a good segar,
A true Havannah, smooth and moist, and brown;
But then the smoke's too near the eye by sar,
And out of doors ’tis in a twinkling flown ;
And somehow it sets all my teeth ajar,
When to an inch or so we’ve smoked him down ;
And if your leaf have got a straw within it,
You know 'tis like a cinder in a minute.

I have no doubt a long excursive hooker
Suits well some lordly lounger of Bengal,
Who never writes or looks into a book, or
Does any thing with earnestness at all;
He sits, and his tobacco's in the nook, or
Tended by some black heathen in the hall,
Lays up his legs, and thinks he does great things
If once in the half-hour a puff he brings.

I rather follow in my smoking trim.
The example of Scots cotters and their wives,
Who, while the evening air is warm and dim,
In July sit beside their garden hives;
And, gazing all the while with wrinkles grim
To see how the concern of honey thrives,
Empty before they've done a four-ounce bag
Of sailors' twist, or, what's less common—shag.

MENDING A PEN.

When Mr. Penn, a young gentleman wellknown for his eccentricities, walked from Hydepark-corner to Hammersmith, for a wager of one hundred guineas, with the Hon. Butler Danvers, several gentlemen who had witnessed the contest spoke of it to the Duchess of Gordon, and added, it was a pity that a man with so many good qualities as this Penn had, should be incessantly playing these unacconiitable pranks. “It is so,” said her grace; “but why don't you advise him better? He seems to be a pen that every body cuts, but nobody mends.”

FeMALE VIRTUe. Did ladies now (as we are told Our great grandmother did of old) Wake to a sense of blasted fame, The fig-tree spoil to hide their shame, So numerous are these modern Eves, A forest scarce could find them leaves.

swift ON STOCK JOBBERs. He who sells that of which he is not possessed, is said, proverbially, to sell the bear's skin, while the bear runs in the woods ; and it being common for stock-jobbers to make contracts for transferring stock at a future time, though they were not possessed of the stock to be transferred, they were called sellers of bear-skins, or “bears.” |Another interpretation arises from the general |character for trampling under-foot, which agrees with their department of business, viz. to keep down the stocks. on A PHYSICiAn. Here Doctor Fisher lies interr'd, Who filled the half of the church-yard.

honest Y. A gentleman once asserted that he did not believe that there was a truly honest man in the whole world ; Sir, said a bye-stander, it is quite impossible that any one man should know all the world ; but it is very possible that some one man —may know himself.

AMATEUR 'the Atricals.

Suppose us, now, at Mrs. Flourish's,-chairs and sofas all crowded; the ceremonies of tea and coffee quite finished, and the eyes and ears of the visitants all expanded for the promised display. “Now, my dear Diggory,” said the young gentleman's doting mamma, “make your best bow to the company, my love, and let Doctor Tadpole hear you speak “ The Newcastle Apothecary 1” I always like my Diggory to say summat happlicable.”—“ Then suppose, Madam,” replied the Doctor, “suppose the young gentleman recites Gay's fable of “The Old Hen and the Cock ''”— “Deary me, Doctor, he shall larm that next, after he has got “ Gimlet,” and “ Mounseer Tonson,” and “ Bucks have at you all !’ and “Young Norval,” and “Old Towler,’ and “All the World’s a Stage,’ and ”—“Hold, hold, my dear madam : why there's enough for the next nine months already : —why, you'd multiply the ten parts of speech by forty, and let us have all of then '''“Come then, Diggory, my man, I’ll ring the bell, and snuff the candles, and you shall give us that there one first, howsomever ; and we’ll have t’others afterwards.” The Doctor interfered no farther; the company adjusted themselves in proper order, and sat in rueful expectation of the coming pleasure. I must here premise, that Master Flourish's menory, although tolerably tenacious as to the number of its subjects, was rather variable as to the method of detailing them; thus making a kind of dramatic cross-reading, which sometimes inarred the solemn effect of his tragedy. At length, therefore, after blacking his face. clearing his throat, and pulling up his trowsers, he tilus began: – t “I do remember an apothecary, And in his needy shop a tortoise hung, A halligator stus!"d 5– A member of this Esculapian line Lived at Newcastle-upon-Tyne, His name was Bolus !

My poverty, but not my will consents, When taken—To be well shaken. A beggarly account of empty boxes, Calling aloud—What, ho I Apothecary 1” During this very extraordinary exhibition, the good old lady winked, nodded, and prompted, but all to no purpose. The fact was, Master Diggory's speeches were literally at his fingers' ends, as, being accustomed to work them into his head, by scratching himself with a particular finger, the same manoeuvre was always to be performed at the recital, and the application of a wrong digit invariably introduced a wrong passage. “Why, Diggory, my love!” at length exclaimed his perturbed inamma, “ you were sadly out, my dear! Now do try again, chuck, and let the company hear Gimlet’s silly liquus about Toby.” Master Flourish, junior, accordingly again hah'd and hemmed ; and, after the usual evolutions, thus broke out:“Toby, or not Toby, that there s the question Whether—my name is Norval On the Grampian hills, My father feeds his Pigs, no, sheep-his flocks—flocks of Pigeons, that flesh is heir to. To die, to sleep, a horse ! a horse – My kingdom for a horse : Aye, there's the rub for, for, for, Heaven soon granted what my sire denied, yon moon ''' Here young Hopeful concluded; most of the company expressed themselves perfectly satisfied, and even Doctor Tadpole was convinced that, in some cases, a single dose is one too many

HALF-WAY AND BACK.

An old gentleman, who had been accustomed to walk round St. James's Park every day, was once met by a clergyman in the Mall, who asked bin if he still continued to take his usual walk, “No, sir,” replied the old man, “I cannot do so much nov; I cannot get round the Park; but I will tell you what i do instead, I go half round and back again.”

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