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GREENWICH FAIR.

“ What a charming group of sailors !”. “ Ma'am you're wrong.

"_" What! are they The glorious sun now rises gay,

tailors?" Promise of a brilliant day; Leave your toils and cares for one day,

Bustle, bustle ; noise and bustle ; Greenwich hoy ! 'tis Whitsun-Muoday.

Now among the boats they rustle :

The narrow keel now cuts the strand, Now the throng begins to pour

Each joyous soul prepares to land, Through the Minories to the Tower;

'Midst shouting, swearing, wrangling, lqughter, From Spitalfields in crowds they come,

Some in mud, and some in water;
From Shoreditch, and from Hackney some. While the cropp'd lass, and jeamy spark,
Hark! each driver from his coach,

Onward push for Greenwich Park.
As the motley groups approach,

Hark! the merry bells are ringing, Hails 'em with tremendous bawl,

Happy mortals!-cheerful singing“ Room for barbers! Shavers all!" And the noisy boatman roars,

Dancing--cating--drinking-smoking

Wrangling some-and others joking ! “Sculler ? Sculler ? Oars, sir: oars ?"

Bless me! what a mingled dio! The 'prentice, pantaloon'd so neat,

"Shew 'em up; pray walk ia ! Hands bis fair one to her seat,

Just now going to begin !" Tbeo beside her gently sits,

Lo, the Park, and many a stall, Cooruing,-cracking nuts by fits ;

With toys and ribbons, 'gainst its wall; While around, with cheerful faces,

And Pidcock with his beasts so rare O, Lads and lasses take their places ;

And strolling actors, with Pizarro, And the boatman dofts his coat,

Shewing the histrionic art, Calling out 104" Trim the boat."

From its primeval stage,-a cart! Now adown fair 'Thames they glide,

Now the Park's small entrance view, Bardying jokes from side to side;

Ah! what struggling to get through ; Ship-bells jingling-shouting sailors,

“ Biess me, sir! don't squeeze me so !” “ Barbers all ! or, tailors ! tailors !

“ Ma'am, your heel is on my toe !" Here's a pair !-how smart they look!

One general push, now—“Yo-oh-hoy ; Çoachy Jobn, and Betty Cook?

Huzza! we're in the Park, my boy!” Cuckold's awful Point they pass,

Mercy on us ! what a do: Each gay lad salutes his lass.

" I've lost a cloak!" " and I a shoe !" Head uncover'd, bending low,

Stop thief, pray stop that running fellow, Gives to horns the accustomed bow.

He's scampering off with my umbrella.”
Hark! the French-horn's cheerful pote, See the rumpled lasses stand,
Heard from yonder gilded boat,

Lending each a helping hand, “ What a handsome, well-dress'd crew,

Smoothing back disheve!l'd tresses, Holland trowsers-jackets blue:

Pinning up their tatter'd dresses. And their ladies at eacb side,

The anxious school-boy takes his stand, Chanting as they sweetly glide,

Brandish'd truncheon in his band, While England’s banner o'er them waves, Aiming, by one skilful fing, " Britons never will be slaves!”

To drive the orange o'er the ring.

lo spacious circle near yon tree

Hail! all hail! to one-tree hill! The merry lads and lasses see,

Here we'll sit and gaze our fill; One smart damsel passing round,

Ships and boats, and herds, and flocks, Just without its ample bound,

Black wall Yard, and London Docks; Drops the handkerchief-and mark

A palace, too, beneath our feet, *Tis nearest to that jemmy spark.

The sailors' well-caro'd last retreat, Bounding like the nimble fawn,

- And Deptford Yard, and meads and bow'rs, See the nymph spring o'er the lawn,

And fam’d Augusta's distant tow’rs. While the swain pursuing hard,

If Greenwich Park such joys can give
Anxious for the sweet reward,

At Whitsuntide, there let me live.
The panting fugitive does bring,
Blushing, to the joyous sing ;

LIGHT AND SHADE.
'Midst laughing lads and titt'ring misses,
Takes his well-earn'd prize of kisses.

A citizen, whose industrious habits had advanced There the well-known hill appears,

him to a country-house, while walking one day Down its slope they trip in pairs;

in his garden, caught the gardener asleep under

a tree. The long drawn line, link'd hand in hand,

He scolded him soundly for his laziness, Waiting for the signal stand ;

and ended by teliing him, that such a sluggard 'Tis giv’n, and off they nimbly go!

was not worthy to enjoy the light of the sun.

“ It was for that reason exactly,” said the garAdown the steep in steady row, " But stop, ah, stop!-across the slope, dener, “ that I crept into the shade." Mischievous boys have drawn a rope.'

A QUICK RETORT. Heels o'er head away they go!

A black footman was one day accosted by a felTumbling to the vale below!

low,-“ Well, Blackee, when did you see the In vain the rolling fair one tries To bide her charms from vulgar eyes ;

devil last?" Upon which Blackee, turning sud

denly round, gave hiin a severe blow, which stagThe stocking black, or blue, or white,

gered bin, and with it this appropriate and lacoThe lovely legs expos'd to sight,

pic answer,

" Wien I saw bim last he send you The pretty foot, in neat made shoe,

dat-how you like it.” Nay, e'en the sacred garter too! What joyous shouts now rend the skies,

MARRIAGE OF FIGARO. As each failen nymph essays to rise ;

A French epigrammatist gives the following While the swain, with tender care,

account of Beaumarchais' Comedy of the Marriage Sweetly soothes his trembling fair

of Figaro. “ In this imprudent play every actor And from this disast'rous scene

is a vice: Bartholo is avarice; Almavira, seducLeads her blushing o'er the green.

tion; his Tender Rib, adultery ; Double-main, Firm against yon spreading tree,

theft; Marcelline, a fury; Basile, calumny; Timber toe, the fiddler see,

Fanchette, innocence on its way to seduction; “Waking the soul to harmony."

Cherubin, libertinism; Suzen, craft: as for the See the active sailor go,

Figaro, the droll, he so perfectly resembles his First on heelthen en toe;

patron, that the likeness makes one start; in Now retreating—then advancing,

short, that all the vices might be seen together, While the sprightly hornpipe dancing

the pit in full chorus called for the author."

H 5

TAKING THE WALL.

LAW. An ill-bred man, who always took the wall, How many good laws have our Parliament made! one day said to a gentleman, “I do not give the And how many of breaking them make a mere wall to every puppy ;" when the latter replied, jest ? " But I do."

Let us then have one more that all laws be

obey'd ; CRACKING A PUN.

And, happily, this may be broke like the rest. Two bucks, who were sitting over a pint of wine, made up for the deficiency of port by the

LITERARY FELONY liveliness of their wit. After many jokes had When Sir John Hayward published his Life and passed, one of them took up a nut, and holding it Reign of Henry IV., in the year 1599, Queen Eli. to his friend,“ If this nut could speak, what would zabeth was highly incensed at it, and asked Mr. it say?"_" Why,” rejoined the other,“ it would Bacon, (afterwards Lord Bacon, one of her coun. say, give me none of your jaw.”

cil) whether there was any treason contained in WALTZING.

it? Mr. Bacon answered, " No, madam, for trea

son, I cannot deliver opinion that there is any ; but What! the girl I adore by another embraced ? What! the balm of her lips shall apother man

very much felony. The queen apprehending it,

gladly asked, "how and wherein ?" Mr. Bacon taste? What! touch'd in the twirl by another man's answered, “ Because he had stolen many of bis

sentences and conceits out of Cornelius Tacitus." knee? What! panting, recline on another than me?

THE DEAD AND THE LIVING. : Sir, she's yours ; froin her lip you have brush'd To the bedridden rector the curate did s'ep in, the ripe dew;

The state of his health to inquire of his wife What you've touch'd you may take.—Pretty And found him departed—the widow sal weeping Waltzer, adieu.

“ Bewailing the lo:s of her comforts in life.” THE FAT GROCER OF MALDEN.

“ In this valley of tears,” the kind curate replied, Edward Bright was a grocer of Maldon, in Es “ From some the Lord takes, and to some he is sex, and became heir, in regular succession, to giving ; mountains of flesh, for his ancestors were remark- It is your duty now, madam, to mourn for the dead, ably rat. At the age of twelve years and a half, But 'tis mine to be off and look after the living." he weighed 144 pounds. Before he attained the

CLERICAL THEFT. age of twenty he weighed twenty-four stone; and increased about two stone in each year, so that at A clergyman at Cambridge preached a sermon the time of his death his weight amounted to forty, which one of his auditors commended. " Yes," four stone, or 616 pounds. He died at the age of said a gentleman to whom it was mentioned, "it thirty, November, 1750. This man, it appears, was a good sermon, but he stole it." This being took a great deal of exercise, and even walked cold to the preacher, he resented it, and called on nimbly ; his appetite always good. Towards the the gentleman to retract what he had said. " I close of his life, he drank nothing but small-beer, am not,” replied the aggressor, very apt to reat the rate of a gallon a day. After his death, tract my words, but in this instance I will; I said seven men of twenty-one years of age were inclos- you had stolen the sermon; I find I was wrong: ed in his waistcoai, in consequence of a wager, for on returning home, and referring to the book “ without breaking a stitch, or straining a button.”|wbence I thought it taken, I found it there."

7

THADDY MAHONE AND SILVIA PRATT. “Come join your estate to my own,

And then what a chunge we shall see! Of late a fond couple alone

When you are the tlesh of my bone, le the bar of a coffee-room sat,

What a beautiful charmer I'll be !
Where the swain, Mr. Thaddy Mahone,
Sigh'd hard at the plump Mrs. Pratt,

“ I have fields in my farm at Kilmore,"'

Again Mrs. Pratt gave a leer, llis praises so pointedly gay,

And all that he manfully swore,
The widow received with a smile;

She crank with a feminine car,
She beard the soft things he could say,
But she counted her silver the while

But scarce did the widow begin

To answer her lover so gay; “Mrs. Pratt,” the fond shepherd begian,

When, alas! a bum bailiff came in, “How can you be cruel to me?

And took Mr. Thaddy away.
I'm a lovesick and thirsty young man
Oh give me some gunpowder-tea.

CHOICE OY EVILS. * For rolls never trouble your mind;

A gentleman who was asked whether singing or I feast when I look upon you;

public speaking entertained him most, replied, To my love let your answer be kind,

“Of the two evils I certainly prefer the former; And half a potatoe will do."

a song has an end, but a speech has none. "No trouble at all, sir, indeed,"

KNIGHTHOOD. Said the lady, and gave him a leer,

When Lord Sandwich was to present Admiral “Do you wish to-day's paper to read ?

Campbell, he told him, that probably the King Will you please, sir, to take your tea here?” would knight him. The admiral did not much

relish the honour. " Well, but," said Lord S. " Will I take my tea here? that I will But I never read papers nor books;

perhaps Mrs. Campbell will like it.”_" Then

let the King koight her," answered the rough seaBe pleas'd, ma'am, the tea-pot to fill, You sweeten the tea with your looks.

PUNNING ON NAMES. · Saint Patrick ! I've emptied the pot," Exclaiın'd the stout Monaghan youth;

A Miss Hudson being adressed by a naval “ But, my honey, your tea is so hot,

officer, whom she repulsed, it was observed, in her It has scalded the top of my tooth.

presence, that he was vot the only warrior who

had beeu foiled in endeavoaring to enter Hudson's “ How well your good time you employ;

Bay. May I beg for a jug of your cream ?

On Mrs. Trout being delivered of a son, who The water's so warm, my dear joy,

was christened Jonas, a wag saidMy whiskers are singed by the steam.

Three days and nights, asserts the sacred tale, “ Mrs. Pratt, you're an angel in face,

Jonas lay bid in belly of a whale ; How I doat on your fingers so fair!

A greater wonder now by far's come out Oh, I long like a dragon to place

Jonas, from nine months lodging in a Trout ! Another gold wedding-ring there.

Mr. Bearcroft told his friend, Mr. Vansittart, “Do you think now my lies are untrue ? “ Your paine is such a long one, I shall drop the

You may shut those sweet eyes of your own, sittart, and call you Vap for the future.” " With And never see one that loves you,

all my heart;'' said he, “by the same rule, I shall Like myself, Mr. Thaddy Mahone.

drop croft, and call you Bear.”

man.

THE JUNTO.

TO A POPPISH CLERGYMAN.

To SIR JOHN HILL, M.D. Be thou, dear parson, plainly dress'd,

Thou essence of dock, of valerian and sage, All priestly frippery I detest;

At once the disgrace and the pest of this age,

The worst that I wish thee for all thy d-d crimes No curls should deck thy tortur'd hair, To make the congregation stare ;

Is to take tiy own physic, and read thy own Nor diamond ring, nor perfumes strong,

rhymes. Nor 'kerchief wav'd to thee belong

Answer to the Junto. In cassock plain ,and sable gown,

Their wish in form must be revers'd,

To suit the doctor's crimes; Thou'lt be admir'd by all the town; 'Twill ne'er shame thee as a divine,

For he who takes his physic first, To make the sober vestments thine;

Will never read his rhymes. Nor me, as an impartial friend,

The doctor sent to one of the papers the followThe decent garb to recommend.

ing answer :THE WRONG LEG.

Ye desperate Junto, ye great or ye small, Dr. Thomas, (Bishop of Salisbury) forgot the Whether gentleinen scribblers, or poets in jail,

Who combat dukes, doctors, the devil and all, day he was to be married, and was surprised at Your impertinent curses shall never prevail ; his servants bringing him a new dress. A gnat I'll take neither sage, dock, valerian or honey, stinging him in the leg, the doctor stooped and Do you take the physic, and I'll take the money. scratched the leg of a gentleman who stood next to

ENGLISH AND SCOTCH OATHS. him, AMOURS OF HENRY VIII.

A highlander's oath was formerly performed, Three Kates, two Nans, and one sweet Jane, I and may still be, by holding up the right-hand. wedded,

A highlander, at the Carlisle assizes, had positives One Dutch, one Spanish, and four English wives ; mode; but his indifference being noticed by the op.

ly sworo to a fact of consequence, in the English From two I got divorced, two I beheaded, One died in childbed, and one me survives.

posite party, he was required to confirm bis testi Henry once sent an offer of his hand to the Prin. mony by taking the vath of his country to the same.

Na, na,

said the mountaineer, in his northern cess of Parma, who returned for answer, that she dialect, dinna ye ken that thair is muckle odds was greatly obliged to the king for his compliment; between blawing on a buik and damning ane's ain and that if she had two heads, one of them should

saul?" have been at his service ; but, as she had only one,

MILITARY PRIZE POEM. she could not spare it.

On the death of General Wolfe, a premium was VALUABLE GIFT,

offered for the best written epitaph on that brave A scene-shifter to a provincial company having officer. A number of poets, of all descriptions, sustained some severe Josses, was advised by the started as candidates, and among the rest was a poem manager to solicit a subscription. A few days af- sent to the editor of the Public Ledger, of which terwards the latter asking how the business pro- the following was one of the stanzas: ceeded, was shewn the list of donations, which," He march'd without dread or fears, after inspecting it, he returned, " Why, sir,” said At the head of his bold grenadiers; the scene-shifter, somewhat surprised, “ will you And what was more remarkable—nay, very partinot give me any thing?"-" Zourds, man,” re cular, plied the other, as did not i give you the hint." He climb'd up rocks that were perpendicular."

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