LAW.

How many good laws have our Parliament made! And how many of breaking them make a mere jest?

Let us then have one more-that all laws be obey'd;

And, happily, this may be broke like the rest.

LITERARY FELONY

When Sir John Hayward published his Life and Reign of Henry IV., in the year 1599, Queen Elizabeth was highly incensed at it, and asked Mr. Bacon, (afterwards Lord Bacon, one of her council) whether there was any treason contained in it? Mr. Bacon answered, "No, madam, for treason, I cannot deliver opinion that there is any; but very much felony." The queen apprehending it, gladly asked, "how and wherein ?" Mr. Bacon answered, Because he had stolen many of his sentences and conceits out of Cornelius Tacitus."

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THE DEAD AND THE LIVING.

To the bedridden rector the curate did s'ep in,
The state of his health to inquire of his wife-
And found him departed-the widow sat weeping
"Bewailing the loss of her comforts in life."

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In this valley of tears," the kind curate replied, 66 From some the Lord takes, and to some he is giving;

is your duty now, madam, to mourn for the dead, But 'tis mine to be off and look after the living."

CLERICAL THEFT.

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Edward Bright was a grocer of Maldon, in Essex, and became heir, in regular succession, to mountains of flesh, for his ancestors were remark-It ably fat. At the age of twelve years and a half, he weighed 144 pounds. Before he attained the age of twenty he weighed twenty-four stone; and increased about two stone in each year, so that at A clergyman at Cambridge preached a sermon the time of his death his weight amounted to forty- which one of his auditors commended. Yes," four stone, or 616 pounds. He died at the age of said a gentleman to whom it was mentioned, "it thirty, November, 1750. This man, it appears, was a good sermon, but he stole it." This being took a great deal of exercise, and even walked told to the preacher, he resented it, and called on nimbly; his appetite always good. Towards the the gentleman to retract what he had said. "I close of his life, he drank nothing but small-beer, am not," replied the aggressor," very apt to reat the rate of a gallon a day. After his death, tract my words, but in this instance I will; I said seven men of twenty-one years of age were inclos- you had stolen the sermon; I find I was wrong; ed in his waistcoat, in consequence of a wager, for on returning home, and referring to the book "without breaking a stitch, or straining a button." whence I thought it taken, I found it there."

TO A FOPPISH CLERGYMAN.

Be thou, dear parson, plainly dress'd,
All priestly frippery I detest;
No curls should deck thy tortur'd hair,
To make the congregation stare;
Nor diamond ring, nor perfumes strong,
Nor 'kerchief wav'd to thee belong
In cassock plain,and sable gown,
Thou'lt be admir'd by all the town;
"Twill ne'er shame thee as a divine,
To make the sober vestments thine;
Nor me, as an impartial friend,
The decent garb to recommend.

THE WRONG LEG.

Dr. Thomas, (Bishop of Salisbury) forgot the day he was to be married, and was surprised at his servants bringing him a new dress. A gnat stinging him in the leg, the doctor stooped and scratched the leg of a gentleman who stood next to him.

AMOURS OF HENRY VIII.

Three Kates, two Nans, and one sweet Jane, I

wedded,

One Dutch, one Spanish, and four English wives;
From two I got divorced, two I beheaded,

Their wish in form must be revers'd,

To suit the doctor's crimes;

For he who takes his physic first,

Will never read his rhymes.

The doctor sent to one of the papers the following answer:

Ye desperate Junto, ye great or ye small,
Who combat dukes, doctors, the devil and all,
Whether gentlemen scribblers, or poets in jail,
Your impertinent curses shall never prevail;
I'll take neither sage, dock, valerian or honey,
Do you take the physic, and I'll take the money.

ENGLISH AND SCOTCH OATHS.

A highlander's oath was formerly performed, and may still be, by holding up the right-hand. A highlander, at the Carlisle assizes, had positivemode; but his indifference being noticed by the op ly sworn to a fact of consequence, in the English posite party, he was required to confirm bis testi One died in childbed, and one me survives. mony by taking the oath of his country to the same. Henry once sent an offer of his hand to the Prin-Na, na," said the mountaineer, in his northern cess of Parma, who returned for answer, that she dialect, dinna ye ken that thair is muckle odds was greatly obliged to the king for his compliment; between blawing on a buik and damning ane's ain and that if she had two heads, one of them should have been at his service; but, as she had only one, she could not spare it.

VALUABLE GIFT.

saul?"

MILITARY PRIZE POEM.

On the death of General Wolfe, a premium was offered for the best written epitaph on that brave A scene-shifter to a provincial company having officer. A number of poets, of all descriptions, sustained some severe losses, was advised by the started as candidates, and among the rest was a poem manager to solicit a subscription. A few days af- sent to the editor of the Public Ledger, of which terwards the latter asking how the business pro- the following was one of the stanzas:ceeded, was shewn the list of donations, which," He march'd without dread or fears, after inspecting it, he returned, "Why, sir," said At the head of his bold grenadiers; the scene-shifter, somewhat surprised, "will you not give me any thing?"-" Zourds, man," replied the other, " did not I give you the hint."

And what was more remarkable-nay, very particular,

He climb'd up rocks that were perpendicular."