With pots of all size, daggers, stools, and bedstaves.
This shows a valiant man.

Bes. Then I am valiant: as valiant as the proudest ;
For these are all familiar things to me;
Familiar as my sleep, or want of money.

All my whole body's but one bruise with beating.
I think I have been cudgell'd by all nations,
And almost all religions.

2nd Sw. Embrace him, brother.

This man is valiant.

I know it by myself, he's valiant.

1st Sw. Captain, thou art a valiant gentleman,
To bide upon; a very valiant man.

Bes. My equal friends o' th' sword, I must request
Your hands to this.

2nd Sw. 'Tis fit it should be.

Bes. Boy,

Go get me some wine, and pen and ink, within.—
Am I clear, gentlemen ?

1st Sw. Sir, when the world

Has taken notice of what we have done,

Make much of your body; for I'll pawn my steel,
Men will be coyer of their legs hereafter.

Bes. I must request you go along, and testify

To the lord Bacurius, whose foot has struck me,
How you find my cause.

2nd Sw. We will; and tell that lord he must be rul'd,
Or there be those abroad will rule his lordship.

SCENE-The House of Bacurius.

Enter BACURIUS and a Servant.

Bac. Three gentlemen without, to speak with me?

Serv. Yes, sir.

Bac. Let them come in.

[Exeunt.

Enter BESSUS with the two Swordsmen.

Serv. They are enter'd, sir, already.

[men ?

Bac. Now fellows, your business? Are these the gentleBes. My lord, I have made bold to bring these gentlemen, My friends o' th' sword, along with me.

Bac. I am

Afraid you'll fight, then?

Bes. My good lord, I will not;

Your lordship is mistaken. Fear not, lord. Bac. Sir, I am sorry for it.

Bes. I ask no more

In honour.-Gentlemen, you hear my lord
Is sorry.

Bac. Not that I have beaten you,

But beaten one that will be beaten ;

One whose dull body will require a lamming,
As surfeits do the diet, spring and fall.
Now, to your swordsmen:

What come they for, good Captain Stockfish?
Bes. It seems your lordship has forgot my name.
Bac. No, nor your nature neither; though they are

Things fitter, I must confess, for anything

Than my remembrance, or any honest man's- [yard? What shall these billets do? Be piled up in my woodBes. Your lordship holds your mirth still: heaven continue But, for these gentlemen, they come

Bac. To swear you are a coward? Spare your task;

I do believe it.

Bes. Your lordship still draws wide:

They come to vouch, under their valiant names,
I am no coward.

[it!

Bac. That would be a show indeed worth seeing. Sirs,
Be wise, and take money for this motion; travel
with it;

And where the name of Bessus has been known,
Or a good coward stirring, 'twill yield more than
A tilting. This will prove more beneficial to you,
If you be thrifty, than your Captainship,

And more natural.

Is this true?

Men of most valiant hands,

2nd Sw. It is so, most renown'd.

Bac. 'Tis somewhat strange.

1 Take money for this motion.] Make money by showing these fellows

about the country.

Motion, i. e. a spectacle set in motion, was a word

for a puppet-show.

1st Sw. Lord, it is strange, yet true.

We have examin'd, from your lordship's foot there
To this man's head, the nature of the beatings;

And we do find his honour is come off

Clean and sufficient. This as our swords shall help us.
Bac (to Bessus). You are much bounden to your bilbo-men.'
I am glad you're straight again, Captain. "Twere good
You would think some way how to gratify them:
They have undergone a labour for you, Bessus,
Would have puzzled Hercules with all his valour.
2nd Sw. Your lordship must understand we are no meu
Of the law, that take pay for our opinion:

It is sufficient we have clear'd our friend.
Bac. Yet there is something due, which I, as touch'd
In conscience, will discharge.-Captain, I'll pay
This rent for you.

Bes. Spare yourself, my good lord;

My brave friends aim at nothing but the virtue. Bac. That's but a cold discharge, sir, for the pains. 2nd Sw. Oh lord, my good lord!

Bac. Be not so modest; I will give you something.

Bes. They shall dine with your lordship. That's sufficient. Bac. Something in hand the while. You rogues, you apple squires!

Do you come hither with your bottled valour,
Your windy froth, to limit out my beatings?

1st Sw. I do beseech your lordship

2nd Sw. Oh, good lord!

[Kicks them.

Bac. 'Sfoot, what a bevy of beaten slaves are here!
Get me a cudgel, sirrah, and a tough one.

[Exit Servant. 2nd Sw. More of your foot, I do beseech your lordship. Bac. You shall, you shall, dog, and your fellow beagle. 1st Sw. O' this side, good my lord.

Bac. Off with your swords;

For if you hurt my foot, I'll have you flayed,

You rascals.

Bilbo-men.] Swordsmen ; from Bilboa in Spain, a place famous for

the manufacture of swords.

1st Sw. Mine s off, my lord.

[They take off their swords.

2nd Sw. I beseech your lordship, stay a little; my strap's

Now, when you please.

Bac. Captain, these are your valiant friends:

You long for a little too?

Bes. I am very well, I humbly thank your lordship.

[tied.

Bac. What's that in your pocket hurts my toe, you mongrel? 2nd Sw. (takes out a pistol). Here 'tis, sir; a small piece of artillery,

That a gentleman, a dear friend of your lordship's,

Sent me with to get it mended, sir; for, if you mark,
The nose is somewhat loose.

Bac. A friend of mine, you rascal!

I was never wearier of doing nothing,
Than kicking these two foot-balls.

Enter Servant.

Serv. Here's a good cudgel, sir.

Bac. It comes too late: I am weary.

Do thou beat them.

2nd Sw. My lord, this is foul play,

Pr'ythee,

'I faith, to put a fresh man upon us :
Men are but men, sir.

Bac. That jest shall save your bones.-Captain, rally up your rotten regiment, and begone.-I had rather thrash, than be bound to kick these rascals till they cried, Ho!-Bessus,-you may put your hand to them now, and thus you are quit.-Farewell! As you like this, pray visit me again. "Twill keep me in good

health.

[Exit. 2nd Sw. He has a devilish hard foot! I never felt the like! 1st Sw. Nor I; and yet I am sure I have felt a hundred. 2 nd Sw. If he kick thus i' th' dog days, he'll be dryfoundered.1

What cure now, Captain, besides oil of bays?

Bes. Why, well enough, I warrant you. You can go? 2nd Sw. Yes, heaven be thank'd! But I feel a shrewd ache ; Sure he has sprang my ankle-bone.

1 We'll be dry-foundered.] Will sink to the earth for thirst.

1st Sw. I have lost a haunch.

Bes. A little butter, friend, a little butter:
Butter and parsley is a sovereign matter:
Probatum est.

2nd Sw. Captain, we must request

Your hand now to our honours.

Bes. Yes, marry, shall ye;

We are valiaut

And then let all the world come. To ourselves; and there's an end. 1st Sw. Nay, then, we must be valiant. Oh my ribs! 2nd Sw. A plague upon those sharp-toed shoes! They're murderers!

["The pretended self-deception with which a coward lies to his own thoughts, the necessity for support which induces him to apply to others as cowardly as himself for the warrant of their good opinion, and the fascinations of vanity which impel such men into the exposure which they fancy they have taken the subtlest steps to guard against, are most entertainingly set forth in the interview of Bessus with the two bullies, and the subsequent catastrophe of all three in the hands of Bacurius. The nice balance of distinction and difference in which the bullies pretend to weigh the merits of kicks and beatings, and the impossibility which they affect of a shadow of imputation against their valour, or even of the power to assume it hypothetically, are masterly plays of wit of the first order."-Wit and Humour, &c. p. 174.]

THE SCORNFUL LADY.

AN ELDERLY SERVING-MAID LOOKING MARRIAGE-WARDS.

She had a tale how Cupid struck her in love with a great lord in the Tilt-yard,' but he never saw her; yet she, in kindness, would needs wear a willow-garland at his wedding: she loved all the players in the last queen's time once over; she was struck when they acted lovers, and forsook some when they played

1 On the site of the present Horse Guards; where the courtiers used to amuse themselves with knightly exercises.