BEAUMONT AND FLETCHER. THE WOMAN-HATER.1 ADORATION OF A DISH. Lazarillo, a diner-out, is bent upon feasting on an umbrana's head.? LAZARILLO and Boy. Laz. Go, run, search, pry in every nook and angle of the kitchens, larders, and pasteries; know what meat's boiled, baked, roast, stewed, fried or soused, at this dinner, to be served directly, or indirectly, to every several table in the court; begone! Boy. I run; but not so fast as your mouth will do upon the stroke of eleven. [Exit. Laz. What an excellent thing did God bestow upon,man, when he did give him a good stomach! What unbounded graces there are poured upon them that have the continual command of the very best of these blessings! 'Tis an excellent thing to be a prince; he is served with such admirable variety of fare, such The Woman-Hater is an absurd story of a dull and tiresome misogynist, who charges an honest woman with licentiousness. The underplot, by far the best thing in the play, is that of a diner-out, who pursues a present of fish through its various transferences from house to house, in order that he may partake of it: but the extracts in this volume relating to him are of necessity confined to one or two scenes. Fortunately they are the wittiest. 2 An umbrana's head.] The umbrana (whose name comes, through an Italian variation, from the umbrina, or umbra, of the Romans) is a species of turbot or halibut, formerly mucir in request. 3 Upon the stroke of eleven.] The usual dinner-hour at that time. B innumerable choice of delicates; his tables are full Fill me this day with some rare delicates, Even all the valiant stomachs in the court; All short-cloaked knights, and all cross-gartered gentlemen,1 All pump and pantofle, foot-cloth riders; With all the swarming generation Of long stocks, short pain'd hose,3 and huge stuff'd All these shall eat, and, which is more than yet Boy. Here I am, master. Laz. And welcome! Brief, boy, brief! Enter Boy. Discourse the service of each several table Compendiously. Boy. Here is a bill of all, sir. Laz. Give it me! [Reads on the outside. "A bill of all the several services this day appointed for every table in the court." Aye, this is it on which my hopes rely; Cross-gartered.] A fashion of the day. 2 Pantofle, foot-cloth riders.] Riders in pantofles, a kind of slipper, who needed cloths hanging across their horses, to protect their feet. 3 Stocks.] Stocks were stockings, and short-paned hose breeches having panes, or stripes, of different colours. Boy. [Reads.] "For the captain of the guard's table three chines of beef and two joles of sturgeon." Laz. A portly service; Boy. But gross, gross. Proceed to the duke's own table, Dear boy, to the duke's own table! "For the duke's own table, the head of an umbrana.” Laz. Is it possible? Can heaven be so propitious to the duke? Laz. Why then, he is the richest prince alive! Provinces, seats, nor palaces, but only That umbrana's head. Boy. 'Tis very fresh and sweet, sir; the fish was taken but this night, and the head, as a rare novelty, appointed by special commandment for the duke's own table, this dinner. Laz. If poor unworthy I may come to eat Of this most sacred dish, I here do vow (If that blind huswife Fortune will bestow But means on me) to keep a sumptuous house. [Scene changes to an apartment in the house of Count Valore, one of the nobles of Milan.] Valore. Now am I idle; I would I had been a scholar, that I might have studied now! the punishment of meaner men is, they have too much to do; our only misery is, that without company we know not what to do. I must take some of the common courses of our nobility, which is thus: if I can find no company that likes me, pluck off my hat-band, throw an old cloak over my face, and, as if I would not be known, walk hastily through the streets, till I be discovered; then 66 there goes Count Such-a-one," says one; "There goes Count Such-a-one" says another; "Look how fast he goes," says a third; "There's some great matters in hand questionless," says a fourth; when all my business is to have them say so. This hath been used. Or, if I can find any company, I'll after dinner to the stage to see a play; where, when I first enter, you shall have a murmur in the house; every one that does not know, cries, "What nobleman is that ?" all the gallants on the stage rise, vail to me, kiss their hand, offer me their places: then I pick out some one, whom I please to grace among the rest, take his seat, use it, throw my cloak over my face, and laugh at him the poor gentleman imagines himself most highly graced; thinks all the auditors esteem him one of my bosomfriends, and in right special regard with me. But here comes a gentleman, that I hope will make me better sport than either street or stage fooleries. [Retires to one side of the stage. Enter LAZARILLO and Boy. : This man loves to eat good meat; always provided he do not pay for it himself. He goes by the name of the Hungry Courtier. Marry, because I think that name will not sufficiently distinguish him (for no doubt he hath more fellows there) his name is Lazarillo; he is none of these same ord'nary eaters, that will devour three breakfasts and as many dinners, without any prejudice to their bevers, drinkings, or suppers; but he hath a more courtly kind of hunger, and doth hunt more after novelty than plenty. I'll over-hear him. Laz. Oh, thou most itching kindly appetite, Which every creature in his stomach feels, Oh, leave, leave yet at last thus to torment me! Bedew'd with precious oil and vinegar, Boy. Sir? Laz. Will the count speak with me? Boy. One of his gentlemen is gone to inform him of your coming, sir. Bevers.] From bevere (Italian) to drink:-refreshments between meals; evidently so called from their having consisted, at least in the first instance, of liquid rather than solid food; which is the case with these that still retain the name at college. |