Host. Here, boys, here, here! shall we wag? Page. Have with you:-I had rather hear them scold than fight. [Exeunt HosT, SHALLOW, and PAGE. Ford. Though Page be a secure fool, and stands so firmly on his wife's frailty, yet I cannot put off my opinion so easily: She was in his company at Page's house; and, what they made there, I know not. Well, I will look further into't and I have a disguise to sound Falstaff: If I find her honest, I lose not my labour; if she be otherwise, 'tis labour well bestowed. [Exit. SCENE II.-A Room in the Garter Inn. Enter FALSTAFF and PISTOL. Fal. I will not lend thee a penny. Fal. Well, on: Mistress Ford, you say,Quick. Your worship says very true: I pray your worship, come a little nearer this ways. Fal. I warrant thee, nobody hears ;-mine own people, mine own people. Quick. Are they so? Heaven bless them, and make them his servants! Fal. Well: mistress Ford :-what of her? Quick. Why, Sir, she's a good creature. Lord, lord! your worship's a wanton: Well, heaven forgive you, and all of us, I pray! Fal. Mistress Ford;-come, mistress Ford,Quick. Marry, this is the short and the long of it; you have brought her into such a canaries, as 'tis wonderful. The best courtier of them all, when the court lay at Windsor, could never have brought her to such a canary. Yet there has been knights, and lords, and gentlemen, with their coaches; I warrant you, coach after coach, letter after letter, gift after gift; Fal. Not a penny. I have been content, Sir, smelling so sweetly, (all musk, and so rushyou should fay my countenance to pawn: Iling, I warrant you, in silk and gold; and in have grated upon my good friends for three such alligant terms; and in such wine and reprieves for you and your coach-fellow Nym; have won any woman's heart; and, I warrant sugar of the best, and the fairest, that would or else you had looked through the grate like a geminy of baboons. I am damned in hell, you, they could never get an eye-wink of her.— for swearing to gentlemen my friends, you I had myself twenty angels given me this were good soldiers, and tall fellows: and when morning: but I defy all angels, (in any such mistress Bridget lost the handle of her fan, I sort, as they say,) but in the way of honesty: took't upon mine honour, thou hadst it not. and, I warrant you, they could never get her Pist. Didst thou not share? hadst thou not them all: and yet there has been earls, nay, so much as sip on a cup with the proudest of fifteen pence? which is more, pensioners; but, I warrant you, all is one with her. Fal. Reason, you rogue, reason: Think'st thou, I'll endanger my soul gratis? At a word, hang no more about me, I am no gibbet for you-go.-A short knife and a throng;-to your manor of Pickt-hatch,|| go.-You'll not bear a letter for me, you rogue!-you stand upon your honour!-Why, thou unconfinable baseness, it is as much as I can do, to keep the terms of my honour precise. I, I, I myself sometimes, leaving the fear of heaven on the left hand, and hiding mine honour in my necessity, am fain to shuffle, to hedge, and to lurch; and yet you, rogue, will ensconce¶ your rags, your cat-a-mountain looks, your red-lattice phrases, and your bold-beating oaths, under the shelter of your honour! You will not do it, you? Pist. I do relent; What would'st thou more of man? Enter ROBIN. Fal. But what says she to me? be brief, my good she Mercury. Quick. Marry, she hath received your letter; for the which she thanks you a thousand times and she gives you to notify, that her husband will be absence from his house be tween ten and eleven. Fal. Ten and eleven? Fal. Ten and eleven: Woman, commend me to her; I will not fail her. Quick. Why, you say well: But I have another messenger to your worship: Mieress Rob. Sir, here's a woman would speak with Page hath her hearty commendations to you too; and let me tell you in your ear, she's as fartuous a civil modest wife, and one (I tell you) that will not miss your morning nor evening prayer, as any is in Windsor, whoe'er be the other and she bade me tell your worship, that her husband is seldom from home; but, she hopes, there will come a time. I never knew a woman so dote upon a man; surely, I think you have charms, la; yes, in truth. Fal. Not 1, I assure thee; setting the attraction of my good parts aside, I have no other charms. Quick. Blessing on your heart for't! Fal. But, I pray thee, tell me this: has Ford's wife, and Page's wife, acquainted each other how they love me? Quick. That were a jest, indeed!-they have not so little grace, I hope :-that were a trick, indeed! But mistress Page would desire you to send her your little page of all loves; her husband has a marvellous infection to the little A mistake of Mrs. Quickly's for quandaries. + Know. 1 Fretful, peevish. By all means page: and, truly, master Page is an honest | be brief with you ;- -and you have been a man man. Never a wife in Windsor leads a better life than she does; do what she will, say what she will, take all, pay all, go to bed when she list, rise when she list, all is as she will; and, truly, she deserves it: for if there be a kind woman in Windsor, she is one. You must send her your page; no remedy. Fal. Why, I will. Quick. Nay, but do so then: and, look you, he may come and go between you both; and, in any case, have a nay-word, that you may know one another's mind, and the boy never need to understand any thing; for 'tis not good that children should know any wickedness: old folks, you know, have discretion, as they say, and know the world. long known to me, though I had never so good means, as desire, to make myself acquainted with you. I shall discover a thing to you, wherein I must very much lay open mine own imperfection: but, good Sir John, as you have one eye upon my follies, as you hear them unfolded, turn another into the register of your own; that I may pass with a reproof the easier, sith you yourself know, how easy it is to be such an offender. Fal. Very well, Sir; proceed. Ford. There is a gentlewoman in this town, her husband's name is Ford. Fal. Well, Sir. Ford. I have long loved her, and, I protest to you, bestowed much on her; followed her Fal. Fare thee well: commend me to them with a doting observance; engrossed opportuboth: there's my purse; I am yet thy debtor.nities to meet her; fee'd every slight occasion, Boy, go along with this woman. This news distracts me! [Exeunt QUICKLY and ROBIN. Pist. This punk is one of Cupid's carriers:Clap on more sails; pursue, up with your fights; Give fire; she is my prize, or ocean whelm them all! [Exit PISTOL. Fal. Say'st thou so, old Jack? go thy ways; I'll make more of thy old body than I have done. Will they yet look after thee? Wilt thou, after the expense of so much money, be now a gainer? Good body, I thank thee: Let them say, 'tis grossly done; so it be fairly done, no matter. Enter BARDolph. Bard. Sir John, there's one master Brook below would fain speak with you, and be acquainted with you; and hath sent your worship a morning's draught of sack. Fal. Brook, is his name? Fal. Call him in; [Exit BARDOLPH.] Such Fal. And you, Sir: Would you speak with me? Ford. I make bold, to press with so little preparation upon you. Fal. You're welcome; What's your will? Give us leave, drawer. [Exit BARDOLPH. Ford. Sir, I am a gentleman that have spent much; my name is Brook. Fal. Good master Brook, I desire more acquaintance of you. Ferd. Good Sir John, I sue for yours: not to charge you; for I must let you understand, I think myself in better plight for a lender than you are: the which hath something embolden'd me to this unseasoned intrusion; for they say, if money go before, all ways do lie open. Fal. Money is a good soldier, Sir, and will on. Ford. Troth, and I have a bag of money here troubles me: if you will help me to bear it, Sir John, take all, or half, for easing me of the carriage. be Fal. Sir, I know not how I may deserve to your porter. Food. I will tell you, Sir, if you will give me the hearing. Fal. Speak, good master Brook; I shall be ad to be your servant. Ford. Sir, I hear you are a scholar,-I will that could but niggardly give me sight of her; not only bought many presents to give her, but have given largely to many, to know what she would have given: briefly, I have pursued her, as love hath pursued me; which hath been, on the wing of all occasions. But whatsoever I have merited, either in my mind, or in my means, meed, I am sure, I have received none; unless experience be a jewel: that I have purchased at an infinite rate; and that hath taught me to say this: Love like a shadow flies, when substance love pur sues; Pursuing that that flies, and flying what pursues. Fal. Have you received no promise of satisfaction at her hands? Ford. When I have told you that, I have told you all. Some say, that, though she appear honest to me, yet, in other places, she enlargeth her mirth so far, that there is shrewd construction made of her. Now, Sir John, here is the heart of my purpose: You are a gentleman of excellent breeding, admirable discourse, of great admittance, authentic your place and person, generally allowed for your many warlike, court-like, and learned preparations. in Fal. O, Sir! Ford. Believe it, for you know it :-There is money; spend it, spend it; spend more; spend all I have; only give me so much of your time in exchange of it, as to lay an amiable siege to the honesty of this Ford's wife: use your ar of wooing, win her to consent to you; if any man may, you may as soon as any. Fal. Would it apply well to the vehemency of your affection, that I should win what you would enjoy? Methinks, you prescribe to yourself very preposterously. Ford. O, understand my drift! she dwells so securely on the excellency of her bonour, that the folly of my soul dares not present itself; she is too bright to be looked against. Now could I come to her with any detection in my hand, my desires had instance and argument to * Since. In the greatest companies. + Reward. want none. Fal. Want no mistress Ford, master Brook, you shall want none. I shall be with her (Í may tell you,) by her own appointment; even as you came in to me, her assistant, or go-between, parted from me: I say, I shall be with her between ten and eleven; for at that time the jealous rascally knave, her husband, will be forth. Come you to me at night; you shall know how I speed. Ford. I am blest in your acquaintance. Do you know Ford, Sir? Fal. Hang him, poor cuckoldly knave! I know him not-yet I wrong him, to call him poor; they say, the jealous wittolly knave hath masses of money; for the which his wife seems to me well-favoured. I will use her as the key of the cuckoldly rogue's coffer; and there's my harvest-home. Ford. I would you knew Ford, Sir; that you might avoid him, if you saw him. Caius. Vat is de clock, Jack? Rug. "Tis past the hour, Sir, that Sir Hugh promised to meet. Caius. By gar, he has save his soul, dat he is no come; he has pray his Pible vell, dat he is no come by gar, Jack Rugby, he is dead already, if he be come. Rug. He is wise, Sir; he knew, your worship would kill him, if he came. Caius. By gar, de herring is no dead, so as vill kill him. Take your rapier, Jack' I vill tell you how I vill kill him. Rug. Alas, Sir, I cannot fence. Enter HOST, SHALLOW, SLENDER, and PAGE. come for? Host. To see thee fight, to see thee foin,* to see thee traverse, to see thee here, to see thee there; to see thee pass thy punto, thy stock, thy reverse, thy distance, thy montánt. Is he dead, my Ethiopian? is he dead, my Francisco? ha, bully! What says my Esculapius? my Galen? my heart of elder? ha! is he dead, bully Stale? is he dead? Caius. By gar, he is de coward Jack priest Caius. I pray you, bear vitness that me have stay six or seven, two, tree hours for him, and he is no come. Shal. He is the wiser man, master doctor: he a curer of souls, and you a curer of bodies; if you should fight, you go against the hair of your professions: is it not true, master Page? Page. Master Shallow, you have yourself been a great fighter, though now a man of peace. Shul. Bodykins, master Page, though I now be old, and of the peace, if I see a sword out, my finger itches to make one: though we are justices, and doctors, and churchmen, master Page, we have some salt of our youth in us; we are the sons of women, master Page. Fal. Hang him, mechanical salt-butter rogue! I will stare him out of his wits; I will awe him with my cudgel: it shall hang like a meteor o'er the cuckold's horns: master Brook, thou shalt know, I will predominate o'er the pea sant, and thou shalt lie with his wife.-Come to me soon at night:-Ford's a knave, and I will aggravate his stile ;t thou, master Brook, shalt know him for a knave and cuckold :come to me soon at night. [Exit. Ford. What a damn'd Epicurean rascal is this! My heart is ready to crack with impa-is tience. Who says, this is improvident jealousy? My wife hath sent to him, the hour is fixed, the match is made. Would any man have thought this?-See the hell of having a false woman! my bed shall be abused, my coffers ransacked, my reputation gnawn at; and I shall not only receive this villanous wrong, but stand under the adoption of abominable terms, and by him that does me this wrong. Terms! names!-Amaimon sounds well; Lucifer, well; Barbason, well; yet they are devils' additions, the names of fiends: but cuckold! wittolt-cuckold! the devil himself hath not such a name. Page is an ass, a secure ass; he will trust his wife, he will not be jealous: I will rather trust a Fleming with my butter, parson Hugh the Welshman with my cheese, an Irishman with my aqua-vitas bottle, or a thief to walk my ambling gelding, than my wife with herself: then she plots, then she ruminates, then she devises: and what they think in their hearts they may effect, they will break their hearts but they will effect. Heaven be praised for my jealousy!-Eleven o'clock the hour;-I will prevent this, detect my wife, be revenged on Falstaff, and laugh at Page. I will about it; better three hours too soon, than ammute too late. Fie, fie, fie! cuckold! cuckold! cuckold! Guard. ✰ Contented Cuckold. [Exit. + Add to his titles. § Usquebaugh. Page. "Tis true, master Shallow. Shal. It will be found so, master Page. Master doctor Caius, I am come to fetch you home. I am sworn of the peace; you have showed yourself a wise physician, and Sir Hugh hath shown himself a wise and patient churchman: you must go with me, master doctor. Host. Pardon, guest justice :--A word, monsieur Muck-water.§ Caius. Muck-vater! vat is dat? Host. Muck-water in our English tongue is valour, bully. Caius. By gar, then I have as much muckvater as de Englishman:-Scurvy jack-dogpriest! by gar, me vill cut his ears. Host. He will clapper-claw thee tightly bully * Fence. Cant term for Spaniard. + Terms in fencing. Drain of a dunghill Caius. Clapper-de-claw! vat is dat? Host. That is, he will make thee amends. Caius. By gar, me do look, he shall clapperde-claw me; for, by gar, me vill have it. Host. And I will provoke him to't, or let him wag. Caius. Me tank you for dat. Host. And moreover, bully,-But first, master guest, and master Page, and eke cavalero Slender, go you through the town to Frogmore. [Aside to them. Page. Sir Hugh is there, is he? Host. He is there: see what humour he is m; and I will bring the doctor about by the fields; will it do well? Shal. We will do it. Page, Shul. and Slen. Adieu, good master doctor. [Exeunt PAGE, SHALLOW, and Slender. Caius. By gar, me vill kill de priest; for he speak for a jack-an-ape to Anne Page. Host. Let him die: but, first, sheath thy impatience; throw cold water on thy choler: go about the fields with me through Frogmore; I will bring thee where Mrs. Anne Page is, at a farm-house a feasting; and thou shall woo her: Cry'd game, said I well? Caius. By gar, me tank you for dat: by gar, I love you; and I shall procure-a you de good guest, de earl, de knight, de lords, de gentlemen, my patients. Host. For the which, I will be thy adversary towards Anne Page; said I well? Caius. By gar, 'tis good; vell said. Caius. Come at my heels, Jack Rugby. ACT III. [Exeunt. Sim. No weapons, Sir: There comes my master, master Shallow, and another gentle. man from Frogmore, over the stile, this way. Eva. Pray you, give me my gown; or else keep it in your arms. Enter PAGE, SHALLOW, and Slender. Shal. How now, master parson? Good morrow, good Sir Hugh. Keep a gamester from and it is wonderful. the dice, and a good student from his book, Slen. Ah, sweet Anne Page! Page. Save you, good Sir Hugh! Eva. 'Pless you from his mercy sake, all of you! Shal. What! the sword and the word! do you study them both, master parson? Page. And youthful still, in your double and hose, this raw rheumatick day? Eva. There is reasons and causes for it. office, master parson. Page. We are come to you, to do a good Era. Fery well: What is it? Page. Yonder is a most reverend gentleman, who belike, having received wrong by some person, is at most odds with his own gravity and patience, that ever you saw. Shal. I have lived fourscore years and upward; I never heard a man of his place, gravity, and learning, so wide of his own respect. Eva. What is he? Puge. I think you know him; master doctor Caius, the renowned French physician. Eva. Got's will, and his passion of my heart! I had as lief you would tell me of a mess of porridge. Page. Why? Eva. He has no more knowledge in Hibocrates and Galen,—and he is a knave besides; a cowardly knave, as you would desires to be acquainted withal. Page. I warrant you, he's the man should fight with him. Slen. O, sweet Anne Page! them asunder; here' comes doctor Caius. Shal. It appears so, by his weapons:-Keep Enter HOST, CAIUS, and RUGBY. Page. Nay, good master parson, keep in your weapon. Shal. So do you, good master doctor. Host. Disarm them, and let them question; let them keep their limbs whole, and hack our English. Caius. I pray you, let-a me speak a word vit your ear: Verefore vill you not meet-a me? Era. Pray you, use your patience: In good time. Caius. By gar, you are de coward, de Jack dog, John ape. Eva. Pray you, let us not be laughing Mercy on me! I have a great dispositions to stogs to other men's humours; I desire you in Melodious birds sing madrigals ;— When as I sat in Pabylon,t And a thousand fragrant posies. To shallow friendship, and I will one way or other make you amends :-I will knog your urinals about your knave's cogscomb, for missing your meetings and appointments. Caius. Diable!Jack Rugby,--mine Host de Jarterre, have I not stay for him, to kill him? Sim. Yonder he is coming, this way, Sir have I not, at de place I did appoint? Hugh. Era. He's welcome : To shallow rivers, to whose falls *Head + Babyion, the first line of the 139th Psalm. Eva. As I am a Christians soul, now, look you, this is the place appointed; Í'll be judgment by mine Host of the Garter. Host. Peace, I say, Guallia and Gaul, French and Welsh; soul-curer and body-curer. Cains. Ay, dat is very good! excellent! Host. Peace, I say; hear mine host of the Garter. Am I politic? am I subtle? am I a Machiavel? Shall I lose my doctor? no; he gives me the potions, and the motions. Shall I lose my parson? my priest? my Sir Hugh? no; he gives me the proverbs and the noverbs. Give me thy hand, terrestrial; so:Give me thy hand, celestial; so.- -Boys of art, I have deceived you both; I have directed you to wrong places: your hearts are mighty, your skins are whole, and let burnt sack be the issue.-Come, lay their swords to pawn:Follow me, lad of peace; follow, follow, follow. Shal. Trust me, a mad host:-Follow, gentlemen, follow. Slen. O, sweet Anne Page! [Exeunt SHAL. SLEN. PAGE, and HOST. Caius. Ha! do I perceive dat? have you make a de sot* of us? ha, ha! A man may hear this shower sing in the wind! Enter PAGE, SHALLOW, SLENDER, HOST, Sir Eva. This is well; he has made us his vlout-me. ing-stog.t-1 desire you, that we may be friends; and let us knog our prains together, to be revenge on this same scall, scurvy, cogging companion, the host of the Garter. Cuius. By gar, vit all my heart; he promise to bring me vere is Anne Page: by gar, he deceive me too. Eva. Well, I will smite his noddles:-Pray you, follow. [Exeunt. SCENE II.-The Street in Windsor. Enter Mistress PAGE and ROBIN. Mrs. Page. Nay, keep your way, little gallant; you were wont to be a follower, but now you are a leader: Whether had you rather, lead mine eyes, or eye your master's heels? Rob. I had rather, forsooth, go before you like a man, than follow him like a dwarf. Mrs. Page. O you are a flattering boy; now, I see, you'll be a courtier. bands. Shal. I must excuse myself, master Ford. Slen. And so must I, Sir; we have appointed to dine with mistress Anne, and I would not break with her for more money than I'll speak of. Shal. We have lingered about a match between Anne Page and my cousin Slender, and this day we shall have our answer. Slen. I hope, I have your good-will, father Page. Page. You have, master Slender; I stand wholly for you :-but my wife, master doctor, is for you altogether. Caius. Ay, by gar; and de maid is love-a me; my nursh-a Quickly tell me so mush. Host. What say you to young master Fenhe writes verses, he speaks holyday, he smells ton? he capers, he dances, he has eyes of youth, 'tis in his buttons; he will carry't. April and May: he will carry't, he will carry't; Page. Not by my consent, I promise you. The gentleman is of no having: he kept company with the wild Prince and Poins; he is of too high a region, he knows too much. No, he shall not knit a knot in his fortunes with the finger of my substance: if he take her, let him my consent, and my consent goes not that way. take her simply; the wealth I have waits on Ford. I beseech you, heartily, some of you go home with me to dinner: besides your cheer, you shall have sport; I will show you a mon-Master doctor, you shall go;-so shall ster. Ford. Where had you this pretty weather-you, master Page ;-and you, Sir Hugh. cock? Mrs. Page. I cannot tell what the dickens his name is my husband had him of: What do you call your knight's name, sirrah? Rob. Sir John Falstaff. Mrs. Page. He, he; I can never hit on's name. There is such a league between my good man and he!-Is your wife at home, indeed? Shal. Well, fare you well:-we shall have the freer wooing at master Page's. [Exeunt SHALLOW and SLENDER. Caius. Go home, John Rugby; I come anon. [Exit RUGBY. honest knight Falstaff, and drink canary with Host. Farewell, my hearts: I will to my him. [Exit HOST. Ford. [Aside.] I think, I shall drink in pipewine first with him; I'll make him dance. Will you go, gentles? All. Have with you, to see this monster. [Exeunt |