Enter LORD GLENMORE and GOVERNOR HARCOURT; both stop short. Gov. H. Oh! I thought madam had learned enough of the ton to lie by proxy. Brid. Dear heart, I am all of a twitteration! Lord G. The vulgarity of the wench is astonishing. (Apart.) Gov. H. Um, why, a little gawky or so, there's no denying it. Here's a pretty discovery, now, after all my projects! Thank fortune, the secret is yet my own, though. (Aside.) Lord G. (Advancing to her.) I ought to beg your excuse, madam, for so abrupt an intrusion; but the opportunity, and so fair a temptation, will, I flatter myself, be a sufficient apology. Brid. He takes me for my lady, that's a sure thing! oh, this is charming! (Aside.) You need not make no 'pologies, my lord; inferials never knows how to suspect people of quality; but I understands good breeding better. Lord G. Why, what a barn-door mawkin it is! (Aside.) Your politeness, madam, can only be equalled by your beauty! Brid. Dear heart, my lord, you flatter me. Lord G. Surely, by using my title, she knows me. (Apart.) Gov. H. Zounds! I have a great mind to make her know me. Od! I shall never be able to contain! (Apart.) Lord G. I was afraid, madam, I should prove an unwelcome guest; but beauty like your's Brid. Does your lordship think I so very handsome, then? Lord, how lucky was my dressing myself! (Aside.) Lord G. Affected idiot! (Aside.) I was afraid, madam, too, of meeting Woodville here. I know not what to say to her. (Aside.) Brid. He has not been here this morning; but, if he had, he knows better than to ax arter my company, I do assure you, my lordship. Lord G. I have been told he intends marrying you; what a pity to monopolize such merit? Brid. If he has any such kind intention, 'tis more than I knows of, I assure you. Lord G. His keeping that wise resolution from you, is some little comfort, however. (Aside.) Brid. But I promise ye, I shall make a rare person of quality; for I loves cards, coaches, dancing, and dress, to my very heart-nothing in the world better-but blindman's-buff. I had some thoughts of taking a trip to Sadler's Wells or Foxhall, but they don't begin till five o'clock. Gov. H. Ha, ha! though she can hardly spell out the ten commandments, she could break every one with as much ease and impudence as if she had been bred in the circle of St. James's. (Aside.) Lord G. But, madamBrid. My lord! Lord G. You know, allowing Woodville willing to marry you, it is not in his power while his father lives, without forfeiting his fortune; the value of which, you doubtless understand? Brid. Oh yes, yes, for sartain, my lord. Lord G. Who knows, too, how far an incensed parent may carry his resentment? He might find means to entrap and punish you. Brid. Ha, ha, ha! he entrap me! that would be a good jest! No, no, I have more of the lady of quality than to be so easily catched. Gov. H. (Mimicing.) He, he, he! that is the only particular in which you have nothing at all of the lady of quality. Lord G. With me you may share a higher rank and larger fortune without those fears. I am of of high life than that comes to? To be sure, he is a sweet pretty man, and all that; but as to love, I loves nobody half so well as myself! Lord G. Upon my soul, I believe you, and wish he had the whole benefit of the declaration. Her ingratitude is as shocking as her ignorance, and Bridewell too gentle a punishment. (To Gov. H.) Gov. H. Then build a Bridewell large enough to contain the whole sex; for the only difference between her and the rest is--this country mawkin tells what the town-bred misses conceal. (Apart.) Lord G. Why, Governor, you are as testy as if you had the care of her education. (Apart.) Gov. H. I the care? Zounds! what I say is merely from friendship to your lordship. I hate to see you deceive yourself. (Apart.) Surely, he can never suspect. (Aside.) Brid. Now I am ready to go, my lord. Gov. H. (Roughly snatching her hand.) To where you little dream of, you vain, affected, presuming, ignorant baggage. Brid. Heyday, my lord! Lord G. Appeal not to me, base woman. Know I am the father of that poor dupe, Woodville. Brid. Dear heart! be ye, indeed? what will become of me, then? Lord G. And as a moderate punishment for your hypocrisy, ambition, and ingratitude, sentence you to be shut up for life in a monastery. Brid. O Lord! among monsters! Gov. H. No, ignoramus! No, among nuns; tho' they are but monsters in human nature, either. Brid. What, where they'll cut off my hair, and make me wear sackcloth next my skin? Gov. H. Yes, if they leave you any skin at all. Brid. Oh dear, dear, dear! Upon my bended knees, I do beg you won't send me there! Why, I shall go mallancholly; I shall make away with myself for sartain, and my ghost will appear to you all in white. Gov. H. All in black, I rather think; for the devil a speck of white is there in your whole composition. Lord G. Your conduct, wretch, justifies a severer sentence. To seduce him from his duty was crime enough. [indeed I did not. Brid. Who, I seduce him? I did not, my lord; Lord G. Have you not ownedBrid. No, indeed, no; that I wished to take my lady's place, I believe I did own. Gov. H. Ha, ha, ha! Your lady! Ha, ha, ha! Enter VANE, with Slaves. Vane, is all ready? Seize this woman, and observe my orders. Brid. Ah, dear heart! I shall die away, if the blacks do but touch me. Indeed you do mistake; I be no lady; I be only Bridget. Gov. H. I would give ten thousand pounds that you were only Bridget, you artful puss! Take her away, however; and let us try how miss likes riding out in her own coach. (Vane and the Slaves seize her; she screams.) [Enter JACOB.] Jacob. Why, what a dickens be ye all at here? Zoa, what's my leady theare? Lord G. See there now! Oh, the artful Jezebel! Brid. Oh, Jacob! why, don't ye see I am Bridget? Pray, satisfy my lord here. [else! Jacob. Why, be ye Bridget? Never trust me Gov. H. Here's a fool of t'other sex now can hardly take a hint, though so plainly given him! Thanks to the natural difference; for art is nature in woman. (Lord Glenmore draws him aside.) Jacob. Aub, Bridget, Bridget! where didst thee get theesum foin claws? Noa, noa, as theest brew'd, thee meay'st beake. Brid. Oh, do you take pity on me! Why, they be going to carry me to some outlandish place, and make a nunnery of-me! Jacob. A nunnery? what's that? anything Cristin? Well, if I do spake to um, will ye ha'e me? Cecil. Surely he knows, and purposely shooks me thus. (Aside.) Lord G. But your integrity doesn't render you less amiable in my eyes; greatly enhances every other merit. As to his wretch, I have her in my power, and shall make her dearly repent. Brid. O, yes, yes, yes! Lord G. Brother, I shall leave you to the completion of this affair; I am sick to the soul of the gawky. [Exit. Gov. H. Yes, yes, I don't doubt it, I don't doubt it. Will you take her or no? (To Vane.) I shall never be able to stifle my agitation, and Cecil. Then I am lost, indeed! (Aside.) You burst with rage if I shew it. [our Bridget? have, my lord, though I know not how, discoverJacob. Why, zure, zure, ye won't carr' awayed-(Rises in confusion.) Gov. H. Oh, she has beat her meaning into thy thick scull at last! Pr'ythee, keep thy blockhead out of my way, if thou meanest to keep it on thy own shoulders. Jacob. Why, be ye in arnest then? Dear heart alive! why, this is cousin Bridget! Brid. Only send for Mr. Woodville. Gov. H. Prettily devised again! Ha, ha, ha!Dost think, my little dear, we have lived three times as long as your ladyship to learn a quarter as much? Send for Mr. Woodville, eh? No, no, you won't find us quite so simple. Jacob. Oh, doant ye, doant ye carr' off zhe; or if ye wull, do pray take I. [ber, truly. Vane. Yes, you would be a choice piece of lumGov. H. Drag her away this moment. Brid. Oh dear, oh dear! to be hanged at last for another's crime is all that vexes me. [Exeunt. SCENE II.-Miss Mortimer's Apartment. Enter CECILIA, and sits down to embroidery. Cecil. How fond, how weak, how ungrateful are our hearts! Mine still will presumptuously fancy this house its home, and ally itself to every one to whom Woodville is dear. Enter LORD Glenmore. Oh, heavens, my lord! How unlucky! If I go, he may find the Captain with Miss Mortimer. (Aside.) Lord G. You see, madam, you have only to retire, to engage us to pursue you even to rudeness. But tell me, can it be your own choice to punish us so far as to prefer solitude to our society? Cecil. I know myself too well, my lord, to receive distinctions of which I am unworthy; yet think not, therefore, I fail in respect. Lord G. But is that charming bosom susceptible of nothing beyond respect? Why is it capable of inspiring a passion it cannot participate? Cecil. Your goodness, my lord-my profound veneration will always attend you. But the more generously you are inclined to forget what is due to yourself, the more strongly it is impressed on my memory. Lord G. Were what you say true, the bounties of nature atone amply to you for the parsimony of fortune; nor would your want of every other advantage lessen your merit, or my sense of it. Cecil. Had he thought thus a few months since, how happy had I now been! (Aside.) Your approbation at once flatters and serves me, by justifying Miss Mortimer's protection of me. Lord G. Her partiality for you does her more honour than it can ever do you advantage. But you must tell me how she gained first the happiness of knowing you. LingCecil. My-my lord, by a misfortune so touchLord G. Nay, I would not distress you neither; yet I own, madam, I wish to make a proposal worth a serious answer; but ought first to know why you affect a mystery? Tell me then, my dear, every incident of your life, and I will raise you to a title, I may, without vanity, say, many have aspired to! Cecil. You oppress my very soul, my lord! But, alas! unconquerable obstacles deprive me for ever of that title. Neither would I obtain it by alienating such a son from such a father. Lord G. Put him entirely out of the question; the meanness of his conduct acquits me to myself. Do you know, madam, he has resolved to marry a creature of low birth, illiterate, vulgar, and impudent? And, to complete her perfections, she has been his mistress at least. Lord G. (Rises and takes snuff.) Oh! nothing more easy, madam; I had him carefully traced to her house; and, during his absence, took servants, and forced her away. Cecil. That, however, cannot be me: every word seems to add to a mystery I dare not inquire into. (Aside.) Deprived of the weak, the guilty, the miserable wretch you justly condemn, a little time will no doubt incline him to his duty. Lord G. I will confess I resent his misconduct the more, as I ever treated him with friendship as well as tenderness: to presume to insult me, by introducing into a family like mine the creature of his pleasures; a wretch, only distinguished by his folly and her own infamy. But can you, who so powerfully plead the cause of another, be deaf to the sighs of a man who adores you, who offers you a rank Cecil. Be satisfied, my lord, with knowing I have all that esteem your merit claims, which influences me beyond every casual advantage. Lord G. But, madam Cecil. Alas, my lord! (Bursts into tears.) Be silent, if possible, both pride and virtue. I have deserved, and will submit to it; yet surely, the bitterness of this moment expiates all past offences. [Exit. Jacob. Zur, zur! I do meake so bowld as to ax to spake to you. Wood. Jacob, my honest fellow, the very sight of thee revives my hopes, and sets my heart in motion! Well, what's the news? Jacob. Zurprising news, indeed, zur !-Loord! I thought I should never meat wi' ye; I com'd to your lodgings twice, and ye warn't up. Wood. Up! 'Sdeath, you ignorant booby! why didn't you order them to rouse me that moment? Jacob. Loord, zur! why your gentlemen (as they do caal un) ware so terrable foine, I ware afeard of affronting un. Wood. Plague on the stupidity of both! But what's all this to the purpose? The news, the news! Jacob. Las-a-deazy! muortal bad news, indeed! Wood. You blockhead! is your lady returned? Jacob. Noa, zur. (Shakes his head.) Wood. The horrid forebodings of my heart recur; yet surely she could not be so desperate! Shocking as the suspense is, I more dread the certainty. (Aside.) Speak, however, my good fellow! I shall ever value your sensibility. Tell me then the simple truth, whatever it may be. Jacob. I wall, zur, I wull. There has comed two foine gentlemen, wi' zwords by their zides, just for all the world like yourn. Wood. Well, and what did these gentlemen say? Jacob. Why, they went up stears, willy-nilly, and carr'd off our Bridget. (Cries.) Wood. You impudent, ignorant clown! I'll give you cause for your tears. (Shakes him.) Jacob. Loord! do ye ha' a little Cristin commiseration! Well, if ever I do cuome nigh ye again, I do wish ye may break every buone in my zkin. Wood. To insult me with your own paltry love affairs! These great and mighty gentlemen were only constables, I dare swear, and your fears converted their staves to swords. Jacob. Ay, but that an't the worst, neither. I do verily think my turn wull cuome next-can't zleep in my bed for thinking on't, nor enjoy a meal's meat; zo, except you do bring your zword, and cuome and live in our houze, I wull guo out on't, that's a zure thing; for I had rather sceare craws at a graat a deay all my loife long, than 'bide there to be so terrifoid. Wood. Sceare craws, truly! why, the craws will sceare you, ye hen-hearted puppy! There, teake that, (gives him money,) and guo home, or to the devil, so you never fall in my way again. Jacob. Zome faulk that I do knaw wull zee the black gentleman first, 'tis my belief; zoa, I had best keep out o'his way too. [Exit. Enter CAPTAIN HARCOURT. Capt. H. Woodville, what's the matter? Why, you will raise the neighbourhood. Re-enter JACOB. Jacob. Here's a peaper, housemaid do zend you, wi' her hamble duty; but if zo be it do put you in another desperate teaking, I do huope ye wall zend for zhe to beat, and not I. Loord! Loord! what wull become of me in this woide world of London ! [Exit. Capt. H. Ha, ha, ha! he is a choice fellow. Wood. A heart oppressed with its own feelings fears everything. have hardly courage to open a letter without an address. Capt. H. Come, come, give it me, then. Eh, what?-Confusion! Was ever anything so unlucky? (Attempts to tear it.) Wood. Ha! it is important, then. (Snatches it.) Capt. H. Why, will you invent torments for your self? My own letter, by everything careless!Here's a stroke! (Aside.) Wood. (Reads in a broken voice and manner.) "Woodville on the brink of marriage-you will be disengaged-A nobleman.' Damnation!" Heart and fortune at her feet." I'll let his soul out there. Hell and furies! but I will find him, if moneyNever will I close my eyes till-Oh, Cecilia! Capt. H. This is the most unforeseen-I know not what to say to him. (Aside.) Pr'ythee, Woodville, do not sacrifice so many reasonable presumptions in her favour, to a paper that may be a forgery, for aught you know. Wood. Oh! Charles, that I could think so! but I have seen the villain's execrable hand somewhere. Did you never see the hand? Har. Um, I can't but own I have. What the devil shall I say to him? (Aside.) Re-enter GOVERNOR HARCOURT. Gov. H. Woodville, my dear boy, I am come to have a little talk with thee. Charles, don't run away; you are in all your cousin's secrets. Wood. What should possess this tiresome mortal to come here? (Aside.) I should have waited on you in half an hour, sir. Gov. H. Ay, and that's what I wanted to avoid. The more I talk to your father, Frank, the more I find him fixed on the match with his Miss Mortimer: nay, he tells me he will have you married this very day. [I am in. Wood. That's mighty probable, in the "humour Gov. H. Ah! Frank, the girl I offer theeWood. Is no more agreeable to me than her you despise. Gov. H. How do you know that, peppercorn? how do you know that? 'Od, I could tell youWood. And to tell you my full mind, sir, I had rather make myself miserable to gratify my father than any other man. Gov. Od, thou art so obstinate, boy, I can't help loving thee.-I don't see why I am obliged to know his miss is my daughter: I have a great mind to own what we have done with her; and if he will marry, e'en take care nobody hinders him; then trump up a farce about forgiving them; and yet it goes against my conscience to punish the puppy for life, though he has punished me pretty sufficiently, by the lord Harry. (Aside.) Capt. H. I don't like this affair at all; and tremble for my Sophia, when I see this odd soul so inveterate against her. (Aside.) Gov. H. Well, my lad, do you know I am as deep in all your secrets as your favourite valet de chambre? (To Woodville.) Wood. I don't understand you, sir. Gov. H. Pho, pho, pho! keep that face till I shew thee one as solemn as my lord's. Why should not you please yourself, and marry your miss, instead of your father's? Wood. and Capt. H. Astonishing! Gov. H. 'Od, if you turn out the honest fellow I take you for, I know a pretty round sum, an onion and a black coat may one day or other entitle you to; so never mind lord Gravity's resentment. Wood. I act from better motives, sir, and were unworthy your wealth, could it tempt me to disobey the best of fathers. Gov. H. Why then marry Miss Mortimer, and oblige him; take a back seat in your own coach, get a family of pale-faced brats, born with ostrich feathers on their heads, and hate away a long life with all decorum. Zounds! here's a fellow more whimsical than-even myself. Yesterday, you would have the puss, spite of everybody; but, you no sooner find it in your power to oblige your best friend, by humouring your inclinations, than, lo! you are taken with a most violent fit of duty and submission! 'Od, you don't know what you have lost by it! But, since you are bent on crossing me, I'll cross you, and once for all too. My secret shall henceforth be as impenetrable as the philosopher's stone. Ay, stare as you please, I'll give you more years than you have seen days to guess it | in. [Exit. Capt. H. What this uncle of ours' can mean is quite beyond my guess. Wood. What signifies seeking to expound by reason actions in which it had no share? his brain is indubitably touched. But Cecilia lies heavy on my heart, and excludes every other thought. Capt. H. Time may explain the secret of that letter, which, I will lay my life, she despises : a woman who did not, would have kept it from your hands. Wood. That's true, indeed! If I wrong her, and this was but an insult, there is a noble sincerity in her own letter which sets suspicion at defiance. If he stumbled on one word of truth during this visit, the crisis of my fate approaches. Oh! wherever thou art, if the exalted being I will still hope my Cecilia, thou shalt know I have at least deserved thee! [Exeunt. ACT V.-SCENE I.-A mean Room. BRIDGET discovered sitting very mournfully, her fine clothes in great disorder. Brid. Dear heart! dear heart! what a miserable time have I passed! and where I be to pass my whole life, my lord here only knows. I have not much stomach indeed; neither have I much breakfast. (Eats a bit of bread, and bursts into tears.) Enter GOVERNOR HARCOURT. Gov. H. Had I more sins to answer for than a college of Jesuits, I surely expiate them all, by going through a purgatory in this life beyond what they have invented for the other. This vulgar maux of mine haunts my imagination in every shape but that I hoped to see her in; I dare hardly trust myself to speak to her. 'Od, I would not have the extirpation of the whole female sex depend upon my casting vote while I am in this bu mour. Brid. Mercy on me, here's that cross old gentleman again! What will become of me? (Aside.) Do pray, strange sir, be so generous as to tell me what is next to be done with me? Gov. H. Why, just whatever I please, you audacious baggage.-'Od, now I think on't, I have a great mind to try a few soft words, and dive into all the secrets of the little ignoramus. (Aside.) Come, suppose I had a mind to grant you your freedom, how would you requite me? [ever. Brid. Dear heart, why I'd love you for ever and Gov. H. Zounds! that's a favour I could very readily dispense with; and yet 'tis natural to the poor wench. Ah! if thou hadst been a good girl, thou hadst been a happy one. Harkye, miss, confess all your sins; that's the only way to escape, I promise you; and if you conceal the least, I'll do-I don't know what I'll do to you. Brid. I will, I will, sir, indeed, as I hope to be married. Gov. H. Married, you slut! Bad as that is, it's too good for you. Come, tell me all your adventures. Describe the behaviour of the young villain who seduced you. Where did you see him Brid. Ugh, ugh-at church, sir. [first? Gov. H. At church, quotha! A pretty place to commence an intrigue in. And how long was it before you came to this admirable agreement? Brid. Um-why, Sunday was Midsummer-eve, and Sunday after was madam's wedding-day, and Monday was our fair, and Gov. H. Oh, curse your long histories! And what then said Woodville? see your fare for life: a dungeon, coarse rags, and Brid. Why, sure, they will let you come and see me, sir? I shall certainly swound away every time I look at that nasty old black. Vane. This is the last time your dungeon (which your presence renders a palace to me) will ever be open to one visitor, unless-unless-I could contrive-but no, it would be my rain: yet who wouldn't venture something for such a charming creature? you could endear even ruin. Tell me, then, what reward you would bestow on a man who ventured all to give you freedom? Brid. Nay, I don't know; you're such a dear sweet soul, I sha'n't stand with you for a trifle. Vane. Ahey! Miss will be as much too comply. ing in a minute. (Aside.) Well, then, my dear, I must marry you, or you will still be in the power of your enemies. Brid. Eh! what? do I hear rightly? marry me? Why, this will be the luckiest day's work I ever did! (Aside.) Nay, sir, if you should be so generous, I hope I shall live to make you amends. Vane. The only amends you can make me, is by dying. (Aside.) And now, my dear, I will own to you I have the license in my pocket; and my lord as eager as myself. Our chaplain will do us the favour with more expedition than he says grace before meat! Well done, Vane! egad, thy lucky star predominates! (Aside.) Brid. Oh Lord, nothing at all; why, it warn't he. Gov. H. No! Who, who, who? Tell me that, and quite distract me! (Ready to burst with passion.) Brid. Timothy Hobbs, squire's gardener. Gov. H. An absolute clown! Who, oh! who would be a father? I could laugh-cry-die-mical. with shame and anger! Since the man who corrupted left her only one virtue, would he had deprived her of that too! Oh, that she had but skill enough to lie well! Brid. Whether I can or no, I'll never speak truth again, that's a sure thing. What do I get by it, or any poor souls of the female kind? (Aside.) Gov. H. Tam incapable of thinking. Every plan, every resource thus overturned. I must be wiser than all the world; this fool's head of mine must take to teaching, truly! as if I could eradicate the stamp of nature, or regulate the senses, by anything but reason. Don't pipe, baggage, to me! You all can do that, when too late. When I have considered whether I shall hang myself or not, I'll let you know whether I shall tuck you up along with me, you little wretch you! [Exil. Brid. Well, sure, I have at last guessed where I am shut up. It must be Bedlam; for the old gentleman is out of his mind, that's a sure thing. Enter VANE. Vane. Ha, ha, ha! my future father-in-law seems to have got a quietus of my intended; and, faith, so would any man who was not in love with a certain forty thousand. To be sure, in plain English, she is a glorious mawkin! (Aside.) Well, madam, how are you pleased with your present mode of living? Brid. Living, do you call it? I think 'tis only starving. Why, I shall eat my way through the walls very shortly. Vane. Faith, miss, they use you but so so, that's the truth on't; and I must repeat, even to your face, what I said to my lord, that your youth, beauty, and accomplishments, deserve a better fate. Brid. Dear heart! Bedlam, did I say I was in? Why I never knew a more sensibler, genteeler, prettier sort of a man in my life. (Aside.) I am sure, sir, if I was to study seven years, I should never know what I have done to discommode them, not I. Vane. O Lard, my dear! only what is done every day by half your sex without punishment; however, you are to suffer for all, it seems. You Brid. Surely my locking up does end very co[Exeunt. SCENE II.-The Drawing-room. Enter GOVERNOR HARCOURT, musing. Gov. H. I have lived fifty-eight years, five months, and certain odd days, to find out I am a fool at last; but I will live as many more, before I add the discovery that I am a knave too. Enter CAPTAIN HARCOURT. Capt. H. What the devil can he be now hatching? mischief, I fear. Gov. H. Dear fortune! let me escape this once undiscovered, and I compound for all the rest. Charles! the news of the house? for the politics of this family are employment for every individual in it. Capt. H. Bella, horrida bella, sir! My lord is determined to bring his son's duty to an immediate test. Thanks to his friend's schemes and his mistress's beauty. (Aside.) Gov. H. What poor malicious wretches are we by nature! Zounds! if I could not find in my heart to rejoice at thinking every one bere will be as mortified and disappointed as a certain person that shall be nameless. So, so, here they come, faith, to argue the point in open court. Enter LORD GLENMORE, followed by WOODVILLE. Lord G. Without this proof of your obedience, all you can urge, sir, is ineffectual. Wood. While obedience was possible I never swerved, my lord; but when you command me to make myself wretched, a superior duty cancels that: already bound by a voluntary, an everlasting vow, I cannot break it without offending heaven, nor keep it without offending you. Gov. H. What's this? chopped about again! (Aside.) Wood. Did you once know the incomparable merits of my love, even your lordship's prejudices must give way to your reason. Lord G. Mere dotage. Doesn't her conduct equally evince her folly and depravity? Wood. Covered, as I ought to be, with confasion and remorse, I will own she was seduced and deceived. Gov. H. Ah, poor boy! (Aside.) One of the two was wofully deceived, sure enough. Lord G. Oh! your conscience may be very easy on that account; it could not require much art to deceive such an idiot. Gov. H. No, no, my lord! Why paint the devil blacker than he is? Not an idiot, neither. Wood. Sir, my father's freedom of speech I must endure; but your's Gov. H. You must endure too, young sir, or I shall bite my tongue off. Wood. But, my lord, that dear unhapppy girl is no longer a subject of debate. She evidently proves her merit by her flight. Lord G. Would you make a virtue from not doing ill, when it is no longer in your power? Woodville, I was once weak enough to believe indulgence the surest way of obtaining your duty and esteem. My eyes are at last opened. Miss Mortimer is worthy a better husband; but you are her's, or no son of mine. I solemnly promised this to her dying father, and will acquit myself at all events. Wood. Can you resolve to sacrifice me to a promise made before we could judge of each other? You never felt, sir, the compulsion you practise. Will you dissolve the first band of morality, and see your highly-estimated title end in me? for never will I on these terms continue it. Lord G. I almost wish I never had continued it. (Walks in anger.) I am determined, Woodville! and nothing but Miss Mortimer's refusal can break the match. Wood. I shall not put that in her power, my lord. Permit me to tell you, no son was ever more sensible of a father's kindness; but if I can purchase its continuance on ly with my honour and my happiness, it would be too dearly bought. Lord G. 'Tis well, sir.-I have listened to you sufficiently. Now hear me. Know, this worthless wretch you prefer to your duty, is in my power; nay, in this house. Capt. H. The devil she is! How, in the name of ill-luck, should he find that out? My fine scheme entirel y blown up, by Jupiter! (Aside.) Wood. Why play thus upon me, my lord? Her letter Lord G. What, has she wrote to you? That I was not aware of, nor indeed suspected she could write. Gov. H. No, not so ignorant as that, neither. I ordered she should write too! Lord G. You ordered she should write? Let me tell you, sir, it was wronging my confidence. Gov. H. No, I did not order she should write. I mean-I mean-Zounds! I don't know what I mean. Wood. So it seems, indeed; since, hardly half an hour ago, my uncle himself persuaded me to marry my love.. Gov. H. Here's a cursed affair, now. Lord G. Can this be possible? Let me tell you, Governor, if, presuming upon your wealth, you play a double part in my family Gov. H. Zounds! nobody knows his own part in your family, that I see! and this fellow too to tease me, whom I loved above all in it. Why, I spoke entirely from regard to him. If, since then, I have discovered a bumpkin was beforehand with him in the possession of his miss Wood. If any one beside yourself, sir, durst tell such a falsehood, it would cost a life. Gov. H. Yes, and if any one beside myself durst tell me such a truth, it would cost a soul perhaps, [Exit. Capt. H. This is more unintelligible than all the rest. Lord G. Dare you disbelieve me, sir?-Nay, she shall be produced, and obliged to confess her arts; then blush and obey. Here, Vane! Governor! the keys! [Exit. Capt. H. Now could I find in my heart to make this story into a ballad, as a warning to all meddling puppies; and then hang myself, that it may conclude with a grace. Zounds! he must be endued with supernatural intelligence! Just when I was saying a thousand civil things to myself on my success, to have my mine sprung before my eyes by the enemy; and instead of serving my friend and myself, become a mere tool to old Gravity's revenge. Psha! however, we must make the best of a bad matter. (Aside.) Woodville, what dost mean to do, man? Wood. Let them produce my Cecilia, I will then seize and protect her to the last moment of my life. Capt. H. And I will assist you to the last moment of mine. [friendship. Wood. My generous cousin! this is indeed Capt. H. Not so very generous, if you knew all. Re-enter LORD GLENMORE and GOVERNOR HarCOURT, with BRIDGET, disguised, and VANE. Wood. My love! my life! do I once again behold thee? Fear nothing; you here are safe from all the world! Will you not bless me with one look? Brid. Oh, dear me! Lord G. I have put it out of your power to marry, sir, otherwise you may take her. Wood. Take her? What poor farce is this? Capt. H. Heyday! more incomprehensibilities. Vane. Now for the éclaircissement, since if the Governor doesn't acknowledge her in his first rage and confusion, I may never be able to make him. (Aside.) I humbly hope Mr. Woodville will pardon me, if, with her own consent and my lord's, this morning married this young lady. Gov. H. Zounds! you dog, what's that? You married her? Why, how did you dare? And you too, my lord! what the devil, did you consent to this? [was your daughter. Vane. Believe me, sir, I didn't then know she Lord G. Daughter! Gov. H. So it's out, after all. (Aside.) It's a lie, you dog, you did know she was my daughter; you all knew it; you all conspired to torment me! All. Ha, ha, ha! Gov. H. Ha, ha, ha! confound your mirth! As if I hadn't plagues enough already. And you have great reason to grin too, my lord, when you have thrown my gawky on your impudent valet. Lord G. Who could ever have dreamt of-ha, ha, ha!—of finding this your little wonder of the country, brother? [the town, too. Capt. H. Nay, my lord, she's the little wonder of All. Ha, ha, ha! Gov. H. Mighty well, mighty well, mighty well! Pray, take your whole laugh out, good folks, since this is positively the last time of my entertaining you in this manner. A cottage shall henceforth be her portion, and a rope mine. Brid. If you are my papa, I think you might give some better proof of your kindness. But I sha'n't stir. Why, I married on purpose that I might not care for you. Gov. H. Why, thou eternal torment! my original sin! whose first fault was the greatest frailty of woman, and whose second, her greatest folly! Dost thou, or the designing knave who has entrapped thee merely for that purpose, imagine my wealth shall ever reward incontinence and ingratítude? No; go knit stockings to some regiment, where he is preferred to be drummer; warm yourself when the sun shines; soak every hard-earned crust in your own tears, and repent at leisure.[ Exit. All. Ha, ha, ha! Lord G. He to ridicule my mode of education! But what is the meaning of all this? Wood. Truly, my lord, I believe it would be very hard to find any for either my uncle's words |