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I will stare him out of his wits; I will awe him with my cudgel; it shall hang like a meteor o'er the cuckold's horns : master Brook, thou shalt know, I will predominate o'er the peasant, and thou shalt lie with his wife.—Come to me soon at night :-Ford's a knave, and I will aggravate his stile 22 ; thou, master Brook, shalt know him for a knave and cuckold :come to me soon at night.
[Exit. Ford. What a damned Epicurean rascal is this ! —My heart is ready to crack with impatience.Who says this is improvident jealousy ?—My wife hath sent to him, the hour is fixed, the match is made. Would any man have thought this ?-See the hell of having a false woman! my bed shall be abused, my coffers ransacked, my reputation gnawn at; and I shall not only receive this villanous wrong, but stand under the adoption of abominable terms, and by him that does me this wrong. Terms ! names ! - Amaimon sounds well; Lucifer, well; Barbason 23, well; yet they are devils' additions, the names of fiends: but cuckold! wittol 24 cuckold! the deyil himself hath not such a name. Page is an ass, a secure ass; he will trust his wife, he will not be jealous: I will rather trust a Fleming with my butter, parson Hugh the Welshman with my cheese, an Irishman with my aqua-vitæ 25 bottle, or a thief to walk my ambling gelding, than my wife with herself:
22 This is a phrase from the Herald's Office. Falstaff means that he will add more titles to those Ford is already distinguished by.
23 Reginald Scot, in his Discovery of Witchcraft, may be consulted concerning these demons. «Amaimon,” he says, “ was King of the East, and Barbatos a great countie or earle.” But Randle Holme, in his Academy of Armory, informs us that “ Amaymon is the chief whose dominion is on the north part of the infernal gulph ; and that Barbatos is like a Sagittarius, and has thirty legions under him.”
24 A tame contented cuckold knowing himself to be one. From the Saxon wittan, to know.
then she plots, then she ruminates, then she devises: and what they think in their hearts they may effect, they will break their hearts but they will effect. Heaven be praised for my jealousy!-Eleven o'clock the hour— I will prevent this, detect my wife, be revenged on Falstaff, and laugh at Page. I will about it; better three hours too soon, than a minute too late. Fie, fie, fie! cuckold ! cuckold! cuckold!
[Exit. SCENE III. Windsor Park.
Enter Caius and Rugby.
Rug. 'Tis past the hour, sir, that Sir Hugh promised to meet.
Caius. By gar, he has save his soul, dat he is no come: he has pray his Pible vell, dat he is no come: by gar, Jack Rugby, he is dead already, if he be come.
Rug. He is wise, sir; he knew your worship would kill him, if he came.
Caius. By gar, de herring is no dead, so as I vill kill him. Take your rapier, Jack; I vill tell you how I vill kill him.
Rug. Alas, sir, I cannot fence. Caius. Villany, take your rapier. Rug. Forbear; here's company. Enter Host, SHALLOW, SLENDER, and PAGE. Host. 'Bless thee, bully doctor. Shal. Save you, master doctor Caius. Page. Now, good master doctor! Slen. Give you good-morrow, sir.
Caius. Vat be all you, one, two, tree, four, come for ?
Host. To see thee fight, to see thee foin ?, to see thee traverse, to see thee here, to see thee there; to see thee pass thy punto, thy stock, thy reverse, thy distance, thy montánt?. Is he dead, my Ethiopian? is he dead, my Francisco ? ha, bully! What says my Æsculapius? my Galen? my heart of elder3? ha! is he dead, bully Stale*? is he dead ?
Caius. By gar, he is de coward Jack priest of the vorld; he is not show his face.
Host. Thou art a Castilian, king-urinal! Hector of Greece, my boy!
Caius. I pray you, bear vitness that me have stay six or seven, two, tree hours for him, and he is no come.
Shal. He is the wiser man, master doctor: he is a curer of souls, and you a curer of bodies; if you should fight, you go against the hair of your professions: is it not true, master Page? • Page. Master Shallow, you have yourself been a great fighter, though now a man of peace. "
Shal. Bodykins, master Page, though I now be old, and of the peace, if I see a sword out, my finger itches to make one: though we are justices, and doctors, and churchmen, master Page, we have some salt of our youth in us; we are the sons of women, master Page.
1 The ancient term for making a thrust in fencing.
2 Terms in fencing. The stoccado, the réverso, &c. from the Italian.
3 Heart of elder. The joke is that elder has a heart of pith.
4 Bully-stale and king-urinal, these epithets will be sufficiently obvious to those who recollect the prevalence of empirical waterdoctors. Castilian, a cant word (like Cataian and Ethiopian), appears to have been generally used as a term of reproach after the defeat of the Spanish Armada. The Host avails himself of the poor doctor's ignorance of English phraseology in applying to him these high-sounding opprobrious epithets; he here means to call him coward.
Page. 'Tis true, master Shallow.
Shal. It will be found so, master Page. Master doctor Caius, I am come to fetch you home. I am sworn of the peace; you have showed yourself a wise physician, and Sir Hugh hath shown himself a wise and patient churchman: you must go with me, master doctor.
Host. Pardon, guest justice:-A word, monsieur Muck-water.
Caius. Muck-vater; vat is dat?
Host. Muck-water, in our English tongue, is valour, bully.
Caius. By gar, then I have as much muck-vater as de Englishman:-Scurvy jack-dog priest; by gar, me vil cut his ears.
Host. He will clapper-claw thee tightly, bully.
Caius. By gar, me do look, he shall clapper-declaw me; for, by gar, me vill have it.
Host. And I will provoke him to't, or let him wag.
Host. And moreover, bully,—But first, master guest, and master Page, and eke cavalero Slender, go you through the town to Frogmore.
[Aside to them. Page. Sir Hugh is there, is he?
Host. He is there: see what humour he is in; and I will bring the doctor about by the fields : will it do well?
Shal. We will do it.
[Exeunt PAGE, SHALLOW, and SLENDER, Caius. By gar, me vill kill de priest; for he speak for a jack-an-ape to Anne Page.
5 Drain of a dunghill,
:: Host. Let him die: but, first, sheath thy impa
tience; throw cold water on thy choler: go about the fields with me through Frogmore; I will bring thee where Mrs. Anne Page is, at a farmhouse a feasting; and thou shalt woo her: Cry'd game“, said I well?
Caius. By gar, me tank you for dat: by gar, I love you; and I shall procure-a you de good guest, de earl, de knight, de lords, de gentlemen, my patients.
Host. For the which, I will be thy adversary towards Anne Page; said I well ?
Caius. By gar, 'tis good; vell said.
ACT III. SCENE I. A Field near Frogmore. Enter Sir Hugh Evans and SIMPLE. Eva. I pray you now, good master Slender's serving-man, and friend Simple by your name, which way have you looked for master Caius, that calls himself Doctor of Physick?
Sim. Marry, sir, the pittie-ward, the park-ward, every way; old Windsor way, and every way but the town way.
6 Steevens tried to give some kind of meaning to this passage. “Cry'd game," says he, “ might mean in those days a professed buck, who was well known by the report of his gallantry as be could have been by proclamation.” Warburton conjectures that we should read Cry Aim, that is, “ Encourage me, do I not deserve it!” This suits the speaker and occasion, and is therefore very plausible. See the second scene of the third act of this play, where the phrase again occurs.