wrote it, or her for whom it was intended; I was therefore inclined to fend it to a Newfpaper; but hearing they are all bribed, I have taken this method of informing the right owner that he may get her original letter, by fending her fervant to me, at the Cock and Punch-Bowl in Barrack-street, Dublin.

DAVID SIMPLE.

THE LETTER.

TO MRS. M. C. RUDD.

I Received, my dear daughter, your letter at dinner, And should think from your rafhnefs, you're but a

beginner,

Thus abruptly to open our little connection,"
And our family-fecrets expofe to detection;
To betray the flight fault of a critical moment
To the fneer of the Court, and the Patriots' comment.
Were it not for that letter, you mischievous Devil,
I perhaps had been now the Viscountefs MACKS-

WIVIL.

For know, that already, fo high is my station,
I have handled that fceptre which governs the nation.
The true Council-board is the board that I keep,
And the fole bed of Justice is that where I fleep :

For

For here 'tis the fashion, as well as in Franee, -Those precide o'er the realm who precide o'er the dance.

The prudifheft Dames now leave cards at my door,
And I'm courted by those who defpifed me before.
The Candidate-Peers ask my interest and vote,
With flatt'ry each day, and fometimes a Bank-note.
This day I was leveed by Sir Thomas Humdrum
Who wants me to make him Lord Baron of Dun

drum.

Sir Charles came to me, no man could look fadder,He expected e'er this to be Lord Caffle-bladder.

Sir Archy has offer'd to double my fees,

If I'll forward his Patent, and haften home L-s; He talked of a motion; he knew not for what,

The paper was blotted, the words were forgot;
Then he voted against what himself had propounded;
The Commons all laugh'd; he and Rs were
confounded.

But a fumbler I hate; and it ne'er was my notion,
To prefer any man who is bad at a MOTION.
This Sir Archy M'Doodle's afraid we are cheating,
Because we have kept him just ten years in waiting
To enquire for his patent he came here at noon,
And get it he muft-but I think 'tis too foon.

The

The foldiers come fwaggering, and curfing and fwearing,

Against the damn'd Rebels, who're now past all

bearing,

And say that the Miniftry are but mere botches, To oppose them with armies, when two parish watches,

Array'd and commanded by Conftable B1, Would foon pull the Yankies and Washington down. Jack Prancer comes here to complain of his loffes, And fays that of late he meets nothing but croffes. But what can he do though he makes fuch a pother? Grown too dull for our fide, and too blafted for

t' other.

He makes me long fpeeches to prove his devotion,
And fwears that my fmiles fhall be Coll-ge promotion:
If I'll put off th' Elections till June for his fake,
Then he'll fend me two Members to keep me awake.
Jack Copperface comes here to study morality,
And I own that he preffes with great cordiality.
On the fair for protection he still does depend,
For Biddy was once, and now I am his friend.
Nay, Orator Fd came and offered me hanfell,
If W-
-n I'd make the fucceffor of M

-11;

At which time there will be an Election of Schrs of the houfe.

VOL. II.

K

And

And who is fo fit that great Lawyer to follow,

As Wn the fneering, the pert, and the fhallow? As for Mll, you know, for that bench I have fix'd him,

Where Judge Diddle does nothing-that he may affift him.

Jack Kiljoy, to fhew he obeys my commands,
Now darns his brown breeches, and washes his hands.
'Squire Chl-n's my plague; he is pest'ring me ftill
For a penfion to pay off his wafhwoman's bill.
As for J-ph-n, in vain he employs all his arts,
He's a man I can't bear tho' the fellow has parts-
E'en the B-ps come here, in their gold fring'd gloves,
Lafcivious and grave-like fo many black doves;
They tell me old C-i-ll's now dying indeed—
And Clne is too young yet his Grace to fucceed:
Poor D-bl-n they fear (Ch-ft preferve him!) is

finking,

Tho' none's more abfiemious in eating and drinking.-
They fall at my feet, and my Dickey they pluck,
They kifs it, and blefs it, and bid it good luck.
Thus you fee, my dear CAR, what a task I've on hand,
For me, poor weak woman, to govern this land;
Í have no time at present for nat—ral affection ;
But hereafter depend on my fondest protection;
'Mongit the Army-Contingents your name shall be placed,
On that lift which before by Tom All-n's was graced.

'Tis true you're no foldier

-but what's that to me? I am fure you have seen as much service as he. As for old Concordatum-that fund is all spent, In bribing the freemen, and paying my rent. Lord L--nes--gh and Barton are now going round, Through all their acquaintance, to raise forty pound; A fine ball I will give, if that fum they can gather, And there you fhall appear, with a fine Ostrich feather.

Accept this short letter. I'll foon write another. Hark-his Lordship's below. Your affectionate

Mother.

THE TAYLOR,

A CRAZY TALE,

INSCRIBED TO THE LADIES OF BRIGHTON.

BY A DIPPER.

In England, there are fome profeffions,
'Gainst which all men have prepoffeffions,
The name of Taylor, when tranflated,
Will only pafs

For a mere afs,

An ass, by all ill-Spoken of, ill-treated.