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THE WAY TO MAKE MONEY PLENTY IN EVERY
AT this time, when the general complaint is that money is scarce," it will be an act of kindness to inform the moneyless how they may reinforce their pockets. I will acquaint them with the true secret of money-catching, the certain way to fill empty purses, and how to keep them always full. Two simple rules, well observed, will do the business. First, let honesty and industry be thy constant companions; and
Secondly, spend one penny less than thy clear gains. Then shall thy hide-bound pocket soon begin to thrive, and will never again cry with the empty bellyache; neither will creditors insult thee, nor want oppress, nor hunger bite, nor nakedness freeze thee. The whole hemisphere will shine brighter, and pleasure spring up in every corner of thy heart. Now, therefore, embrace these rules and be happy. Banish the bleak winds of sorrow from thy mind, and live independent. Then shalt thou be a man, and not hide thy face at the approach of the rich, nor suffer the pain of feeling little when the sons of fortune walk at thy right hand; for independency, whether with little or much, is good fortune, and placeth thee on even ground with the proudest of the golden fleece. Oh, then, be wise, and let industry walk with thee in the morning, and attend thee until thou reachest the evening hour
A gentleman, who was a particular friend of Dr. Franklin, and much used to his style of writing and conversation, has expressed a belief to the Editor, that this piece was not from his pen. The internal evidence is certainly but little in its favor, and it is retained here chiefly because it is comprized in the edition published by his grandson, although there is no proof that he had any positive authority for adopting it. - EDITOR.
Let honesty be as the breath of thy soul, and never forget to have a penny when all thy expenses are enumerated and paid; then shalt thou reach the point of happiness, and independence shall be thy shield and buckler, thy helmet and crown; then shall thy soul walk upright, nor stoop to the silken wretch because he hath riches, nor pocket an abuse because the hand which offers it wears a ring set with diamonds.
RIVALSHIP IN ALMANAC-MAKING
FROM POOR RICHARD'S ALMANAC, 1742.
THIS is the ninth year of my endeavours to serve thee in the capacity of a calendar-writer. The encouragement I have met with must be ascribed, in a great measure, to your charity, excited by the open, honest declaration I made of my poverty at my first appearance. This my brother Philomaths could, without being conjurers, discover; and Poor Richard's success has produced ye a Poor Will, and a Poor Robin ; and no doubt Poor John, &c. will follow, and we shall all be, in name, what some folks say we are already in fact, a parcel of poor almanac-makers. During the course of these nine years, what buffetings have I not sustained! The fraternity have been all in arms. Honest Titan, deceased, was raised, and made to abuse his old friend. Both authors and printers were angry. Hard names, and many, were bestowed on me. They denied me to be the author of my own works; declared there never was any such person; asserted that I was dead sixty years ago; prognosticated my death to happen
within a twelvemonth; with many other malicious inconsistencies, the effects of blind passion, envy at my success, and a vain hope of depriving me, dear reader, of thy wonted countenance and favor. Who knows him? they cry; where does he live? But what is that to them? If I delight in a private life, have they any right to drag me out of my retirement? I have good reasons for concealing the place of my abode. It is time for an old man, as I am, to think of preparing for his great remove. The perpetual teasing of both neighbours and strangers to calculate nativities, give judgments on schemes, and erect figures, discover thieves, detect horse-stealers, describe the route of runaways and strayed cattle; the crowd of visiters with a thousand trifling questions, Will my ship return safe? Will my mare win the race? Will her next colt be a pacer? When will my wife die? and HOW LONG first? When is the best time to cut hair, trim cocks, or sow sallad? these and the like impertinences I have now neither taste nor leisure for. I have had enough of them. All that these angry folks can say, will never provoke me to tell them where I live; I would eat my nails first.
Who shall be my husband?
My last adversary is J. J-n, Philomat., who declares and protests (in his preface, 1741), that the false prophecy put in my Almanac, concerning him, the year before, is altogether false and untrue, and that I am one of Baal's false prophets. This false, false prophecy he speaks of related to his reconciliation with the church of Rome; which, notwithstanding his declaring and protesting, is, I fear, too true. Two things in his elegiac verses confirm me in this suspicion. He calls the first of November All-Hallows Day. Reader, does not this smell of Popery? Does it in the least savour of the pure language of Friends? But the plainest
thing is his adoration of saints, which he confesses to be his practice, in these words, page 4,
"When any trouble did me befall,
To my dear Mary then I would call."
Did he think the whole world were so stupid as not to take notice of this? So ignorant as not to know, that all Catholics pay the highest regard to the Virgin Mary? Ah, friend John, we must allow you to be a poet, but you are certainly no Protestant. I could heartily wish your religion were as good as your
Some parts of this humorous Piece will be explained by the following address, contained in Poor Richard's Almanac for the year 1736. "LOVING READERS,
"Your kind acceptance of my former labors has encouraged me to continue writing, though the general approbation you have been so good as to favor me with has excited the envy of some, and drawn upon me the malice of others. These ill-willers of mine, despited at the great reputation I gained by exactly predicting another man's death, have endeavoured to deprive me of it all at once in the most effectual manner, by reporting that I myself was never alive. They say in short, That there is no such man as I am; and have spread this notion so thoroughly in the country, that I have been frequently told it to my face by those that don't know me. This is not civil treatment, to endeavour to deprive me of my very being, and reduce me to a nonentity in the opinion of the public. But so long as I know myself to walk about, eat, drink, and sleep, I am satisfied that there is really such a man as I am, whatever they may say to the contrary. And the world may be satisfied likewise; for if there were no such man as I am, how is it possible I should appear publicly to hundreds of people, as I have done for several years past, in print? I need not, indeed, have taken any notice of so idle a report, if it had not been for the sake of my printer, to whom my enemies are pleased to ascribe my productions; and who, it seems, is as unwilling to father my offspring, as I am to lose the credit of it. Therefore to clear him entirely, as well as to vindicate my own honor, I make this public and serious declaration, which I desire may be believed, to wit, that what 1 have written heretofore, and do now write, neither was nor is written by any other man or men, person or persons, whatsoever. Those who are not satisfied with this, must needs be very unreasonable.
"My performance for this year follows. It submits itself, kind reader, to thy censure, but hopes for thy candor to forgive its faults It devotes
RULES OF HEALTH.
FROM POOR RICHARD'S ALMANAC, 1742.
EAT and drink such an exact quantity as the constitution of thy body allows of, in reference to the services of the mind.
They that study much, ought not to eat so much as those that work hard, their digestion being not so good.
The exact quantity and quality, being found out, is to be kept to constantly.
Excess in all other things whatever, as well as in meat and drink, is also to be avoided.
Youth, age, and the sick, require a different quantity.
And so do those of contrary complexions; for that which is too much for a phlegmatic man, is not sufficient for a choleric.
The measure of food ought to be (as much as possibly may be) exactly proportionable to the quality and condition of the stomach, because the stomach digests it.
That quantity that is sufficient, the stomach can perfectly concoct and digest, and it sufficeth the due nourishment of the body.
A greater quantity of some things may be eaten
itself entirely to thy service, and will serve thee faithfully. And if it has the good fortune to please its master, 't is gratification enough for the labor of Poor R. SAUNDERS."
It was by addresses of this sort, seasoned by a little humor, (not always, it is true, of the most refined quality, but suited to the general taste of the times,) that he won the attention of his readers, and prepared them to listen with approbation to the graver counsels of wisdom, and lessons of economy and virtue, which abounded in Poor Richard's Almanac, and gained for it an unprecedented circulation. - Editor.