great physiognomist in his time at Athens, | not at all displeased with themselves upon who had made strange discoveries of men's considerations which they had no choice in; tempers and inclinations by their outward so the discourse concerning Idols tended to appearances. Socrates's disciples, that lessen the value people put upon themthey might put this artist to the trial, car-selves from personal advantages and gifts ried him to their master, whom he had of nature. As to the latter species of mannever seen before, and did not know he was then in company with him. After a short examination of his face, the physiognomist pronounced him the most lewd, libidinous, drunken old fellow that he had ever met with in his whole life. Upon which the disciples all burst out a-laughing, as thinking they had detected the falsehood and vanity of his art. But Socrates told them, that the principles of his art might be very true, notwithstanding his present mistake; for that he himself was naturally inclined to those particular vices which the physiognomist had discovered in his countenance, but that he had conquered the strong dispositions he was born with, by the dictates of philosophy.* We are indeed told by an ancient author,† that Socrates very much resembled Silenus in his face; which we find to have been very rightly observed from the statues and busts of both, that are still extant; as well as on several antique seals and precious stones, which are frequently enough to be met with in the cabinets of the curious. But however observations of this nature may sometimes hold, a wise man should be particularly cautious how he gives credit to a man's outward appearance. It is an irreparable injustice we are guilty of towards one another, when we are prejudiced by the looks and features of those whom we do not know. How often do we conceive hatred against a person of worth, or fancy a man to be proud or ill-natured by his aspect, whom we think we cannot esteem too much when we are acquainted with his real character? Dr. Moore, in his admirable System of Ethics, reckons this particular inclination to take a prejudice against a man for his looks, among the smaller vices in morality, and, if I remember, gives it the name of a prosopolepsia.‡ Ir has been the purpose of several of my speculations to bring people to an unconcerned behaviour with relation to their persons, whether beautiful or defective. As the secrets of the Ugly Club were exposed to the public, that men might see there were some noble spirits in the age, who are * Cicer. Tusc. Qu. 5. et De Fato. † Plat. Conviv. A Greek word, used in the New Testament, Rom. ii. 11, and Eph. vi. 9: where it is said that "God is no respecter of persons." Here it signifies a prejudice against a person formed from his countenance, &c. too hastily. kind, the beauties, whether male or female, they are generally the most untractable people of all others. You are so excessively perplexed with the particularities in their behaviour, that to be at ease, one would be apt to wish there were no such creatures. They expect so great allowances, and give so little to others, that they who have to do with them find in the main, a man with a better person than ordinary, and a beautiful woman, might be very happily changed for such to whom nature has been less liberal. The handsome fellow is usually so much a gentleman, and the fine woman has something so becoming, that there is no enduring either of them. It has therefore been generally my choice to mix with cheerful ugly creatures, rather than gentlemen who are graceful enough to omit or do what they please; or beauties who have charms enough to do and say what would be disobliging in any but themselves. Diffidence and presumption, upon account of our persons, are equally faults; and both arise from the want of knowing, or rather endeavouring to know ourselves, and for what we ought to be valued or neglected. But indeed I did not imagine these little considerations and coquetries could have the ill consequences as I find they have, by the following letters of my correspondents; where it seems beauty is thrown into the account, in matters of sale, to those who receive no favour from the charmers. 'June 4. 'MR. SPECTATOR,-After I have assured you I am in every respect one of the handsomest young girls about town, I need be particular in nothing but the make of my face, which has the misfortune to be exactly oval. This I take to proceed from a temper that naturally inclines me both to speak and hear. 'With this account you may wonder how I can have the vanity to offer myself as a candidate, which I now do, to a society where the Spectator and Hecatissa have been admitted with so much applause. I don't want to be put in mind how very defective I am in every thing that is ugly: I am too sensible of my own unworthiness in this particular, and therefore I only propose myself as a foil to the club. "You see how honest I have been to confess all my imperfections, which is a great deal to come from a woman, and what I hope you will encourage with the favour of your interest. "There can be no objection made on the side of the matchless Hecatissa, since it is certain I shall be in no danger of giving her the least occasion of jealousy: and then a joint-stool in the very lowest place at the idolaters; but that from the time of publishing this in your paper, the idols would mix ratsbane only for their admirers, and take more care of us who don't love them. 'I am, sir, yours, R. 'T. T.' 'P. S. I have sacrificed my necklace to put into the public lottery against the common enemy. And last Saturday, about three o'clock in the afternoon, I began to patch indifferently on both sides of my No. 88.] Monday, June 11, 1711. face.' 'London, June 7, 1711. 'MR. SPECTATOR,-Upon reading your late dissertation concerning Idols, I cannot but complain to you that there are, in six or seven places of this city, coffee-houses kept by persons of that sisterhood. These idols sit and receive all day long the adoration of the youth within such and such districts. I know in particular, goods are not entered as they ought to be at the customhouse, nor law-reports perused at the Temple, by reason of one beauty who detains the young merchants too long near 'Change, and another fair one who keeps the students at her house when they should be at study. It would be worth your while to see how the idolaters alternately offer incense to their idols, and what heart-burnings arise in those who wait for their turn to receive kind aspects from those little thrones, which all the company, but these lovers, call the bars. I saw a gentleman turn as pale as ashes, because an idol turned the sugar in a tea-dish for his rival, and carelessly called the boy to serve him, with a "Sirrah! why don't you give the gentleman the box to please himself?" Certain it is, that a very hopeful young man was taken with leads in his pockets below the bridge, where he intended to drown himself, because his idol would wash the dish in which she had just drank tea, before she would let him use it. Quid domini faciant, audent cum talia fures? Virg. Ecl. iii. 16. 'What will not masters do when servants thus presume?" 'May 30, 1711. 'MR. SPECTATOR,-I have no small value for your endeavours to lay before the world what may escape their observation, and yet highly conduces to their service. You have, I think, succeeded very well on many subjects; and seem to have been conversant in very different scenes of life. But in the considerations of mankind, as a Spectator, you should not omit circumstances which relate to the inferior part of the world, any more than those which concern the greater. There is one thing in particular which I wonder you have not touched upon, and that is the general corruption of manners in the servants of Great Britain. I am a man that have travelled and seen many nations, but have for seven years last past resided constantly in London, or within twenty miles of it. In this time I have contracted a numerous acquaintance among the best sort of people, and have hardly found one of them happy in their servants. This is matter of great astonishment to foreigners, and all such as have visited foreign countries; especially since we cannot but observe, that there is no part of the world where servants have those privileges and advantages as in England. They have no where else such plentiful_diet, large I am, sir, a person past being amorous, wages, or indulgent liberty. There is no and do not give this information out of envy place where they labour less, and yet where or jealousy, but I am a real sufferer by it. they are so little respectful, more wasteful, These lovers take any thing for tea and more negligent, or where they so frequentcoffee; I saw one yesterday surfeit to make ly change their masters. To this I attrihis court, and all his rivals, at the same bute, in a great measure, the frequent robtime, loud in the commendation of liquors high road and in our own houses. That beries and losses which we suffer on the that went against every body in the room that was not in love. While these young of this kind is, that a careless groom of indeed which gives me the present thought fellows resign their stomachs with their hearts, and drink at the idol in this man- mine has spoiled me the prettiest pad in ner, we who come to do business, or talk the world, with only riding him ten miles; politics, are utterly poisoned. They have and I assure you, if I were to make a regisalso drams for those who are more enam-ter of all the horses I have known thus oured than ordinary; and it is very common abused by negligence of servants, the numfor such as are too low in constitution to ber would mount a regiment. I wish you ogle the idol upon the strength of tea, to would give us your observations, that we fluster themselves with warmer liquors: may know how to treat these rogues, or thus all pretenders advance, as fast as they that we masters may enter into measures can, to a fever, or a diabetes. I must re- to reform them. Pray give us a speculation peat to you, that I do not look with an evil in general about servants, and you make eye upon the profit of the idols, or the di-me versions of the lovers; what I hope from Yours, "PHILO-BRITANNICUS. this remonstrance, is only that we plain 'P. S. Pray do not omit the mention of people may not be served as if we were grooms in particular.' This honest gentleman, who is so desirous that I should write a satire upon grooms, has a great deal of reason for his resentment; and I know no evil which touches all mankind so much as this of the misbehaviour of servants. The complaint of this letter runs wholly upon men-servants; and I can attribute the licentiousness which has at present prevailed among them, to nothing but what an hundred before me have ascribed it to, the custom of giving board-wages. This one instance of false economy is sufficient to debauch the whole nation of servants, and makes them as it were but for some part of their time in that quality. They are either attending in places where they meet and run into clubs, or else, if they wait at taverns, they eat after their masters, and reserve their wages for other occasions. From hence it arises, that they are but in a lower degree what their masters themselves are; and usually affect an imitation of their manners; and you have in liveries, beaux, fops, and coxcombs, in as high perfection as among people that keep equipages. It is a common humour among the retinue of people of quality, when they are in their revels, that is, when they are out of their master's sight, to assume in a humorous way the names and titles of those whose liveries they wear. By which means characters and distinctions become so familiar to them, that it is to this, among other causes, one may impute a certain insolence among our servants, that they take no notice of any gentleman, though they know him ever so well, except he is an acquaintance of their master's. that there were no such thing as rule and distinction among us. The next place of resort, wherein the servile world are let loose, is at the entrance of Hyde Park, while the gentry are at the ring. Hither people bring their lackeys out of state, and here it is that all they say at their tables, and act in their houses, is communicated to the whole town. There are men of wit in all conditions of life; and mixing with these people at their diversions, I have heard coquettes and prudes as well rallied, and insolence and pride exposed (allowing for their want of education) with as much humour and good sense, as in the politest companies. It is a general observation, that all dependents run in some measure into the manners and behaviour of those whom they serve. You shall frequently meet with lovers and men of intrigue among the lackeys as well as at White's or in the side-boxes. I remember some years ago an instance of this kind. A footman to a captain of the guards used frequently, when his master was out of the way, to carry on amours and make assignations in his master's clothes. The fellow had a very good person, and there are very many women that think no further than the outside of a gentleman: besides which, he was almost as learned a man as the colonel himself: I say, thus qualified, the fellow could scrawl billet-doux so well, and furnish a conversation on the common topics, that he had, as they call it, a great deal of good business on his hands. It happened one day, that coming down a tavern stairs in his master's fine guard-coat with a welldressed woman masked, he met the colonel My obscurity and taciturnity leave me at coming up with other company; but with a liberty, without scandal, to dine, if I think ready assurance he quitted his lady, came fit, at a common ordinary, in the meanest up to him and said, Sir, I know you have as well as the most sumptuous house of too much respect for yourself to cane me entertainment.-Falling in the other day at in this honourable habit. But you see there a victualling-house near the house of peers, is a lady in the case, and I hope on that I heard the maid come down and tell the score also you will put off your anger till I landlady at the bar, that my lord bishop have told you all another time.' After a swore he would throw her out at window, little pause the colonel cleared up his counif she did not bring up more mild beer, and tenance, and with an air of familiarity whisthat my lord duke would have a double pered his man apart, Sirrah, bring the mug of purl. My surprise was increased, lady with you to ask pardon for you; then in hearing loud and rustic voices speak and aloud, 'Look to it, Will, I'll never forgive answer to each other upon the public affairs, you else.' The fellow went back to his by the names of the most illustrious of our mistress, and telling her, with a loud voice nobility; till of a sudden one came running and an oath, that was the honestest fellow in, and cried the house was rising. Down in the world, conveyed her to a hackneycame all the company together and away! coach. The alehouse was immediately filled with But the many irregularities committed by clamour, and scoring one mug to the mar-servants in the places above-mentioned, as quis of such a place, oil and vinegar to such well as in the theatres, of which masters an earl, three quarts to my new lord for are generally the occasions, are too various wetting his title, and so forth. It is a thing not to need being resumed on another occatoo notorious to mention the crowds of ser- sion. vants, and their insolence, near the courts of justice, and the stairs towards the su- No. 89.] preme assembly, where there is a universal mockery of all order, such riotous clamour and licentious confusion, that one would think the whole nation lived in jest, and Tuesday, June 12, 1711. -Petite hinc, juvenesque senesque Jam cras hesternum consumpsimus; ecce aliud cras Pers. From thee both old and young, with profit learn The bounds of good and evil to discern. Corn. Unhappy he who does this work adjourn, Pers. But is one day of ease too much to borrow? Who, like the hindmost chariot-wheels, art curst, of two and twenty, and dodged with me above thirty years. I have loved her till she is grown as grey as a cat, and am with much ado become the master of her person, such as it is at present. She is however in my eye a very charming old woman. We often lament that we did not marry sooner, but she has nobody to blame for it but herself. You know very well that she would never think of me whilst she had a tooth in her head. I have put the date of my passion, anno amoris trigesimo primo, instead of a posy on my wedding ring. I expect you should send me a congratulatory letter, or, if you please, an epithalamium upon this occasion. Mrs. Martha's and yours eternally, SAM HOPEWELL.' In order to banish an evil out of the world, that does not only produce great uneasiness to private persons, but has also a very bad influence on the public, I shall endeavour to show the folly of demurrage, from two or three reflections which I earnestly recommend to the thoughts of my fair readers. ages in demurring. Had she nine hundred years good, she might hold out to the conversion of the Jews before she thought fit to be prevailed upon. But, alas! she ought to play her part in haste, when she considers that she is suddenly to quit the stage, and make room for others. As my correspondents upon the subject of love are very numerous, it is my design, if possible, to range them under several heads, and address myself to them at different times. The first branch of them, to whose service I shall dedicate this paper, are those that have to do with women of dilatory tempers, who are for spinning out the time of courtship to an immoderate length, without being able either to close with their lovers, or to dismiss them. I have many letters by me filled with_comFirst of all, I would have them seriously plaints against this sort of women. In one think on the shortness of their time. Life of them no less a man than a brother of the is not long enough for a coquette to play all coif tells me, that he began his suit vicesimo her tricks in. A timorous woman drops into nono Caroli secundi, before he had been a her grave before she has done deliberating. twelve-month at the Temple; that he pro-Were the age of man the same that it was secuted it for many years after he was called before the flood, a lady might sacrifice half to the bar; that at present he is a sergeant a century to a scruple, and be two or three at law; and notwithstanding he hoped that matters would have been long since brought to an issue, the fair one still demurs.I am so well pleased with this gentleman's phrase, that I shall distinguish this sect of women by the title of Demurrers. I find by another letter from one that calls himself Thyrsis, that his mistress has been demur- In the second place, I would desire my ring above these seven years. But among female readers to consider, that as the term all my plaintiffs of this nature, I most pity of life is short, that of beauty is much the unfortunate Philander, a man of a con- shorter. The finest skin wrinkles in a few stant passion and plentiful fortune, who sets years, and loses the strength of its colourforth that the timorous and irresolute Svl-ings so soon, that we have scarce time to via has demurred till she is past childbearing. Strephon appears by his letter to be a very choleric lover, and irrecoverably smitten with one that demurs out of selfinterest. He tells me with great passion that she has bubbled him out of his youth; that she drilled him on to five and fifty, and that he verily believes she will drop him in his old age, if she can find her account in another. I shall conclude this narrative with a letter from honest Sam Hopewell, a very pleasant fellow, who it seems has at last married a demurrer. I must only premise, that Sam, who is a very good bottlecompanion, has been the diversion of his friends, upon account of his passion, ever since the year one thousand six hundred and eighty-one. 'DEAR SIR,-You know very well my passion for Mrs. Martha, and what a dance she has led me. She took me out at the age admire it. I might embellish this subject with roses and rainbows, and several other ingenious conceits, which I may possibly reserve for another opportunity. There is a third consideration which I would likewise recommend to a demurrer, and that is the great danger of her falling in love when she is about threescore, if she cannot satisfy her doubts and scruples before that time. There is a kind of latter spring, that sometimes gets into the blood of an old woman, and turns her into a very odd sort of an animal. I would therefore have the demurrer consider what a strange figure she will make, if she chances to get over all difficulties, and comes to a final resolution in that unseasonable part of her life. I would not however be understood, by any thing I have here said, to discourage that natural modesty in the sex, which renders a retreat from the first approaches of after the body is cast off and thrown aside. As an argument to confirm this their doctrine, they observe, that a lewd youth who goes on in a continued course of voluptuousness, advances by degrees into a libidinous old man; and that the passion survives in the mind when it is altogether dead in the body; nay, that the desire grows more violent, and (like all other habits) gathers a lover both fashionable and graceful. All that I intend is, to advise them, when they are prompted by reason and inclination, to demur only out of form, and so far as decency requires. A virtuous woman should reject the first offer of marriage, as a good man does that of a bishopric; but I would advise neither the one nor the other to persist in refusing what they secretly approve. I would in this particular propose the ex-strength by age at the same time that it ample of Eve to all her daughters, as Milton has represented her in the following passage, which I cannot forbear transcribing entire, though only the twelve last lines are to my present purpose. The rib he form'd and fashion'd with his hands: She disappear'd, and left me dark: I wak'd I, overjoy'd, could not forbear aloud: "This turn hath made amends: thou hast fulfill'd She heard me thus, and though divinely brought, Her virtue, and the conscience of her worth, Paradise Lost, viii. 469-511. No. 90.] Wednesday, June 13, 1711. -Magnus sine viribus ignis Incassum furitVirg. Georg. iii. 99. In all the rage of impotent desire, They feel a quenchless flame, a fruitless fire.' THERE is not, in my opinion, a consideration more effectual to extinguish inordinate desires in the soul of man, than the notions of Plato and his followers upon that subject. They tell us, that every passion which has been contracted by the soul during her residence in the body, remains with her in a separate state; and that the soul in the body, or out of the body, differs no more than the man does from himself when he is in his house, or in open air. When therefore the obscene passions in particular have once taken root, and spread themselves in the soul, they cleave to her inseparably, and remain in her for ever, has no power of executing its own purposes. If, say they, the soul is the most subject to these passions at a time when it has the least instigations from the body, we may well suppose she will still retain them when she is entirely divested of it. The very substance of the soul is festered with them, the gangrene is gone too far to be ever cured; the inflammation will rage to all eternity. In this therefore, (say the Platonists,) consists the punishment of a voluptuous Iman after death. He is tormented with desires which it is impossible for him to gratify; solicited by a passion that has neither objects nor organs adapted to it. He lives in a state of invincible desire and impotence, and always burns in the pursuit of what he always despairs to possess. It is for this reason (says Plato) that the souls of the dead appear frequently in cemeteries, and hover about the places where their bodies are buried, as still hankering after their old brutal pleasures, and desiring again to enter the body that gave them an opportunity of fulfilling them. Some of our most eminent divines have made use of this Platonic notion, so far as it regards the subsistence of our passions after death, with great beauty and strength of reason. Plato indeed carries the thought very far when he grafts upon it his opinion of ghosts appearing in places of burial. Though I must confess, if one did believe that the departed souls of men and women wandered up and down these lower regions, and entertained themselves with the sight of their species, one could not devise a more proper hell for an impure spirit than that which Plato has touched upon. The ancients seem to have drawn such a state of torments in the description of Tantalus, who was punished with the rage of an eternal thirst, and set up to the chin in water that fled from his lips whenever he attempted to drink it. Virgil who has cast the whole system of Platonic philosophy, so far as it relates to the soul of man, into beautiful allegories, in the sixth book of his Æneid gives us the punishment of a voluptuary after death, not unlike that which we are here speaking of: -Lucent genealibus altis Aurea fulcra toris, epulæque ante ora paratæ |