Abbildungen der Seite
PDF
EPUB

and marks, that true good-manners told of their faults, and these plain

have fet up for all men to fteer by? Jokes out of feafon, unpleasant truths touched upon incautioully, plump quef tions (as they are called) put without any preface or refinement, manual careffes compounded of hugs and flaps and fqueezes, more refembling the gambols of a bear than the actions of a gentleman, are fure to follow upon the overflowing ebullitions of a vulgar familiarity broke loofe from all reftraints. It is a painful neceffity men of fenfibility are under, when they find themfelves compelled to draw back from the eager advances of an honeft heart, only because the fhock of its good-humour is too violent to be endured; it is very wounding to a focial nature to check feftivity in any degree, but there is nothing finks the fpirits fo effectually as boifterous mirth, nobody fo apt to overact his character as a jolly fellow, and stunned with the vociferation of his own tongue, to forget that every other man is filent and fuffering In fhort, it is a very difficult thing to be properly happy and well pleafed with the company we are in, and none but men of good education, great difcernment and nice feelings know how to be familiar. Thefe rural gentry are great dealers in long 1tories of their own uninterefting atchievements, they require of you to attend to the narrative of their paltry fquabbles and bickerings with their neighbours; they are extremely eloquent upon the laws againft poachers, upon turnpike roads and new inclofures; and all thefe topics they will thrust in by the neck and fhoulders, to the exclufion of all others.

Plain-fpeaking, if we confider it fimply as a mark of truth and honesty, is doubtless a very meritorious quality, but experience teaches that it is too frequently under bad management, and obtruded on fociety out of time and feafon in fuch a manner as to be highly inconvenient and offenfive. People are not always in a fit humour to be

fpeaking friends fometimes perform their office fo clumfily, that we are inclined to fufpect they are more interefted to bring us to prefent fhame than future reformation It is a common obfervation with them, when things turn cut amifs, to put us in mind how they diffuaded us from fuch and fuch an undertaking, that they forefaw what would happen, and that the event is neither more nor lefs than they expected and predicted. Thefe retorts, caft in our teeth in the very moment of vexation, are what very few tempers, when galled with disappointment, can patiently put up with; they may poffibly be the pure refult of zeal and fincerity, but they are fo void of contrivance, and there is fo little delicacy in the timing of them, that it is a very rare cafe indeed, when they happen to be well understood and kindly taken. The fame want of fenfibility towards human infirmities, that will not fpare us in the moments of vexation, will make no allowances for the mind's debility in the hours of grief and forrow; If a friend of this fort furprifes us in the weakness of the foul, when death perhaps has robbed us of fome beloved object, it is not to contribute a tear, but to read us a lecture, that he comes; when the heart is agonifed, the temper is irri table; and as a moralifer of this fort is almoft fure to find his admonitions take the contrary effect from what he intended, he is apt to mistake an occafional impatience in us for a natural one, and leaves us with the impreffion that we are men, who are ill prepared against the common viciffitudes of life, and endowed with a very small share of fortitude and refignation; this early mifconception of our character in the courfe of time leads him to ano, ther, for he no fooner finds us recovered to a proper temper of mind, than he calls to mind our former impatience, and comparing it with our prefent tranquillity concludes upon ap

pearances,

pearances, that we are men of light and trivial natures, fubject indeed to fits and ftarts of paflion, but incapable of retention; and as he has then a fine fubject for difplaying his powers of plain-fpeaking, he reminds us of our former inattention to his good advice, and takes credit for having told us over and over again that we ought not to give way to violent forrow, and that we could not change the courfe of things by our complaining of them. Thus, for want of calculating times and feafons, he begins to think defpifingly of us, and we in fpite of all his finceri ty grow tired of him and dread his company.

their fociety contaminated by the infectious communication? It is as much out of time and place for a man to be giving the dairy of his difeafe in company, who are met for focial purposes, as it is for a doctor to be talking politics or fcandal in a fick man's chamber; yet fo it is that each party are for ever out of character; the chatterer difgufts his patient by an inattention to his complaints, and the valetudinarian difgufts his company by the enumeration of them, and both are equally out of feafon.

Every man's obfervation may furnifh him with inftances not here enumerated, but if what I have faid fhall feem to merit more confideration than I have been able to give it in the compafs of this paper, my readers may im-. prove on the hint, and fociety cannot fail to profit by their reflections.

Letter from H. Pofthumous, complaining of a certain Writer who had publifhed a Collection of his Memoirs, &c.

SIR,

Before I quit this fubje&t I must alfo have a word with the valetudinarians, and I wish from my heart I could cure them of their complaints, that fpecies I mean which comes un der my notice as an Obferver, without intruding upon the more important province of the phyfician. Now as this island of our's is moft happily fupplied with a large and learned body of profeffors under every medical defcription and character, whether operative or deliberative, and all thefe itand ready at the call and devoted to the service of the fick or maimed, whether it be on foot, on horfeback, or on wheels, to refort to them in their diftreffes, it cannot be for want of help that the valetudinarian ftates his cafe to all companies fo promifcuously. Let the whole family of death be arrayed on one fide, and the whole army of phyfic, regulars and irregulars, be drawn out on the other, and I will venture to fay, that for every poffible dife fe in the ranks of the befieger, there fhall be a champion in the garrifon ready to turn out and give him battle: Let all who are upon the fick lift in the community be laid out between the camps, and let the refpective combatants fight it out over the bodies, but let the forces of life and health have no fhare in the fray: Why Should their peace be disturbed, or I never faid. *From the fame.

I
F I am rightly advised, the laws
of England have provided no re-
medy for an injury, which I have re-
ceived from a certain gentleman, who
fets me at defiance, and whom I am
not confcious of having offended in
the fmalleft article in life. My cafe
is as follows:-Some time ago I
went into the South of France for the
recovery of my health, which (thank
God) I have fo far affected, that I
fhould think I was at this very mo-
ment enjoying as good a flock of fpi-
rits and ftrength, as I have enjoyed
for many years of my life paft, if I
was not outfaced by the gentleman in
queftion, who fwears I am dead, and
has proceeded fo far as to publish me
dead to all the world, with a whole
volume of memoirs which I have no
remembrance of, and of fayings which

I think

I think this is very hard upon me, and if there is no redrefs for fuch proceedings, but that a man must be printed dead, whenever any fanciful fellow chufes to write a book of memoirs, I must take the freedom to fay this is no country to live in; and let my ingenious biographer take it how he will, I fhall ftill maintain to his face that I am alive, and I do not fee why my word in fuch a cafe fhould not go as far as his.

There is yet another thing I will venture to fay, that I did never in the whole courfe of my life utter one half, or even one tenth part of the fmart repartees and bon-mots he is pleafed to impute to me: I don't know what he means by laying fuch things at my door; I defy any one of my acquaintance to fay I was a wit, which I always confidered as another name for an ill-tempered fellow. I do acknowledge, that I have lived upon terms of acquaintance with my biographer, and have paffed fome focial hours in his company, but I never fufpected he was minuting down every foolish thing that escaped my lips in the unguarded moments of convivial gaiety; if I had, I would have avoided him like the peftilence. It is hard upon a man, let me tell you, Sir, very hard indeed, to find his follies upon record, and I could almost wish his words were true, and that I were dead in earnest, rather than live to read fuch nonfenfe, and find myself made the father of it.

Judge of my furprize, when paffing along Vigo-lane upon a friendly call, as I intended it, to this very gentleman of whom I complain, I took up a volume from a stall in a whitey-brown paper binding, and opening it at the title-page met my own face, staring me out of countenance full in the front: I ftarted back with horror; nature never gave me any reafon to be fond of my own features; I never furvey my face but when I fhave myfelf, and then I am ashamed of it; I truft it is

no true type of my heart, for it is a forry fample of nature's handy-work, to fay no worse of it. What the devil tempted him to stick it there I cannot guefs, any more than I can at his publishing a bundle of nonfenfical fay ings and doings, which I deteft and difavow. As for his printing my last will and teftament, and difpofing of my poor perfonals at pleasure, I care little about it; if he had taken only my money and spared my life, I would not have complained.

my

And now what is my redrefs? I apply myself to you in diftrefs as an author, whofe book is in pretty general circulation, and one, as I perceive, who affaults no man's living fame and character; I defire therefore you will take mine into your protection, and if you can think of any thing to deter the world in future from fuch flippancies, you are welcome to make what ufe you please of this letter; for as I have always ftrove to do what little fervice I could to the living, when I was allowed to be one of their number, fo now I am voted out of their company, I would gladly be of some ufe to the dead.

Your's, whilst I lived, H. POSTHUMOUS. P. S. I am forry I did not leave you fomething in my will, as I believe you deserve it as well, and want it more than fome that are in it. If I live to die a fecond time, I will be fure to remember you.

As I am not verfed in the law of libels, I know not what advice to give in Pofthumous's cafe, whom I would by no means with to fee entangled in further difficulties; though I think he might fairly fay to his biographer with a courtly poet of this century, Oh! libel me with all things but thy praife.

The practice, which fome of our public news-writers are in, of treating their readers with a farrago of puerile anecdotes and fcrapes of characters, has probably led the way to a very

foolish

foolish fafhien, which is gaining ground amongst us: No fooner does a great man die, than the fmall wits creep into his coffin, like the fwarm of bees in the carcafe of Samfon's lion, to make honey from his corpfe. It is high time that the good fenfe of the nation fhould correct this imperti

nence.

I have availed myself of Pofthumous's permiffion to publish his letter, and I fhall without fcruple fubjoin to it one of a very different fort, which I have received from a correfpondent whofe name I do not mean to expofe; it is with some reluctance I introduce it into this work, because it brings a certain perfon upon the stage whom I have no defire to exhibit oftener than I can help; but as I think it will be a confolation to Pofthumous to fhew him others in the fame hazard with himfelf, I hope my readers will let it pafs with this apology.

I

SIR*,

Aм a man, who fay a great many good things myself, and hear many good things faid by others; for I frequent clubs and coffee-rooms in all parts of the town, attend the pleadings in Weftminster Hall, am remarkably fond of the company of men of genius, and never miss a dinner at the Manfion-Houfe upon my Lord Mayor's day.

I am in the habit of committing to paper every thing of this fort, whether it is of my own faying, or any other perfon's, when I am convinced I myfelf fhould have faid it, if he had not: Thefe I call my confcientious witticifms, and give them a leaf in my common-place book to themselves.

I have the pleasure to tell you that my collection is now become not only confiderable in bulk, but (that I may fpeak humbly of its merit) I will alfo fay, that it is to the full as good, and far more creditable to any gentleman's character, than the books, which have been published about a certain great

[ocr errors]

wit lately deceased, whofe memory has been fo completely diffected by the operators in Stationer's Hall.

Though I have as much respect for pofterity as any man can entertain for perfons he is not acquainted with, ftill I cannot underftand how a poft-obit of this fort can profit me in my life, unlefs I could make it over to fome purchafer upon beneficial conditions. Now, as there are people in the world who have done many famous actions without having once uttered a real good thing, as it is called, I fhould think my collection might be an acceptable purchafe to a gentleman of this defcription, and fuch an one should have it a bargain, as I would be very glad to give a finishing to his character, which I can beft compare to a coat of Adams's plaifter on a well-built house.

For my own part, being neither more nor less than a haberdasher of small wares, and having fcarcely rambled beyond the boundaries of the bills of mortality, fince I was out of my apprenticeship, I have not the prefumption to think the anecdotes of my own life important enough for pofthumous publication; neither do I fuppofe my writings, (though pretty numerous, as my books will teftify, and many great names ftanding amongst them, which it is probable 1 fhall never crofs out) will be thought fo interefting to the public, as to come into competition with the lively Memoirs of a Bellamy and a Baddeley, who furnish fo many agreeable records of many noble families, and are the folace of more than half the toilets in town and country.

But to come more clofely to the chief purport of this letter-It was about a fortnight ago, that I crossed upon you in the Poultry near the fhopdoor of your worthy bookfeller: I could not help giving a glance at your looks, and methought there was a morbid fallownefs in your complexion, and a fickly languor in your eye, that indicated fpecdy diffolution: I watched

[blocks in formation]

you

for fome time, and as you turned into the fhop remarked the total want of energy in your step. I know who I am faying this to, and therefore am not afraid of startling you by my obfervations, but if you actually perceive thofe threatening fymptoms, which I took notice of, it may probably be your wish to lay in fome ftore for a journey you are foon to take. You have always been a friend and customer to me, and there is nobody, I fhall more readily ferve than yourfelf: 1 have long noticed with regret the very little favour you receive from your contemporaries, and fhall gladly contribute to your kinder reception from pofterity; now I flatter myself, if you adopt my collection, you will at leaft be celebrated for your fayings, whatever may become of your writings.

As for your private history, if I may guefs from certain events, which have been reported to me, you may with a little allowable embellishment make up a decent life of it. It was with great pleafure I heard t'other day, that you was stabbed by a monk in Portugal, broke your limbs in Spain, and poifoned with a fallad at Paris; thefe with your adventures at fea, your fufferings at Bayonne, and the treat

ment you received from your employ ers on your return, will be amufing anecdotes; and as it is generally fuppofed you have not amaffed any very great fortune by the plunder of the public, your narrative will be read without raifing any envy in the reader, which will be fo much in your favour. Still your chief dependence must reft upon the collection I fhall fupply you with, and when the world comes to understand how many excellent things you faid, and how much more wit you had than any of your contemporaries gave you credit for, they will begin to think you had not fair play whilft you was alive, and who knows but they may take it in mind to raise a monument to you by fubfcription amongst other merry fellows of your day?

I am your's,

H. B.

[blocks in formation]

I

Reflections on the Statute Law of England.

HAVE often been furprifed, that among all the accounts and criticifms of new books, with which our reviews and other periodical publications abound, we never meet with any mention of a volume which appears annually, and which every defcription of perfons is much more interefted to be well acquainted with, than even with the Royal Society's annual volume of Philofophical Tranfactions, or with the Antiquaries biennial or triennial volume (I know not which) of the Archæologia. I mean the annual volume of the Statutes. I have the more won

dered at this, not only on account of the bulk and importance of the work, but likewife because I have never met with any compofition which afforded more room for pointing out inconfiftencies and grammatical errors, (a fort of criticifm, in which, I obferve Reviewers particularly delight) than do the ftatutes at large. The only way, in which I have been able to account with any degree of fatisfaction to my felf for this extraordinary omiffion, is by fuppofing that the Reviewers, after reading this publication over and over again, in order to do their duty to the

Public,

« ZurückWeiter »