4 great coneescension, ha, ha, ha! however, I have so great a regard for your opinion, that had I certain proofs of his villainy. Kit. Of his poverty you may have a hundred, I am sure I have had none to the contrary. Mel. Oh, there the shoe pinches. [Aside. Kit. Nay, so far from giving me the usual perquisites of my place, he has not so much as kept me in temper with little endearing civilities; and one might reasonably expect when a man is deficient in one way, that he shou'd make it up in another. [Knocking without. Mel. See who's at the door. [Exit Kitty.]—I must be cautious how I hearken too much to this girl: her bad opinion of Mr Gayless seems to arise from his disregard of her. Enter SHARP and KITTY. Kit. So, Sharp, have you found your master? will things be ready for the ball and entertainment? Sharp. To your wishes, madam. I have just now bespoke the music and supper, and wait now for your ladyship's farther commands. Mel. My compliments to your master, and let him know I and my company will be with him by six; we design to drink tea, and play at cards, before we dance. Kit. So shall I and my company, Mr Sharp. [Aside. Mel. Prithee, Sharp, what makes you come without your cat? 'Tis too cool to go so airy, sure. Kit. Mr Sharp, madam, is of a very hot constitution, ha, ha, ha! Sharp. If it had been ever so cool I have had enough, to warm me since I came from home, I'm sure, but no matter for that. [Sighing. Mel. What d'ye mean? Sharp. Pray don't ask me, madam; I beseech you don't: let us change the subject. Kit. Insist upon knowing it, madam-My curiosity must be satisfied, or, I shall burst. [Aside. Mel. I do insist upon knowing-On pain of my displeasure, tell me! Sharp. If my master should know I must not tell you, madam, indeed. Mel. > Mel. I promise you, upon my honour, I never shall. Sharp. But can your ladyship insure secrecy from that quarter? Kit. Yes, Mr Jackanapes, for any thing you can say. Sharp. Why then, in short, madam, I cannot tell Sharp. Then since you will have it, madam,—I lost my coat in defence of your reputation. Mel. In defence of my reputation! Sharp. I will assure you, madam, I've suffer'd very much in defence of it; which is more than I would have done for my own. Mel. Prithee explain. Sharp. In short, madam, you was seen about a month ago, to make a visit to my master alone. Mel. Alone! my servant was with me. Sharp. What, Mrs Kitty? so much the worse; for she was looked upon as my property; and I was brought in guilty, as well as you and my master. Kit. What, your property, Jackanapes? Mel. What is all this? Sharp. Why, madam, as I came out but now, to make preparation for you and your company to-night; Mrs Pryabout, the attorney's wife at next door, calls to me; harkee fellow! says she, do you and your modest master know that my husband shall indite your house, at the next parish meeting, for a nusance? Mel. A nusance! -A nusance! I believe none in the neighbourhood live with more decency and regularity than I and my master, as is really the case -Decency and regularity, cries she, with a sneer;—why, sirrah, does not my window look into your master's bed-chamber? and did not he bring in a certain lady, such a day? describing you, madam. And did not I see Mel. See! O scandalous! What? Sharp. Contradict her! Why, I told her I was sure she ly'd for zounds! said I, for I could not help swearing, I am so well convinc'd of the lady's and my master's pru dence] dence, that I am sure, had they a mind to amuse themselves, they would certainly have drawn the window-curtains. Mel. What, did you say nothing else? did you not convince her of her error and impertinence ? » Sharp. She swore to such things, that I could do nothing but swear and call names; upon which, out bolts her husband upon me, with a fine taper crab in his hand, and fell upon me with such violence, that being half delirious, I made a full confession. Mel. A full confession! what did you confess? Sharp. That my master lov'd fornication; that you had no aversion to it; that Mrs Kitty was a bawd, and your humble servant a pimp. Kit. A bawd a bawd! do I look like a bawd, madam? Sharp. And so, madam, in the scuffle, my coat was torn to pieces as well as your reputation. Mel. And so you join'd to make me infamous. Sharp. For Heaven's sake, madam, what could I do? his proofs fell so thick upon me, as witness my head [shewing bis bead plaister'd.] that I would have given up all the maidenheads in the kingdom, rather than have my brains beat to a jelly. Mel. Very well!--but I'll be reveng'd-And did not you tell your master of this? Sharp. Tell him! no madam. Had I told him, his love is so violent for you, that he would certainly have mur-dered half the attorney's in town by this time. Mel. Very well!-But I'm resolv'd not to go to your master's to night. Sharp. Heaven's and my impudence be praised. [aside. Kit. Why not, Madam ? if you are not guilty, face your accusers. Sharp. Oh the devil! ruin'd again! [Aside.] To be sure, face'em by all means, madam,- -They can't but be abusive, and break the windows a little: Besides, madam, I have thought of a way to make this affair quite diverting to you.I have a fine blunderbuss charg'd with half a hundred slugs, and my master has a delicate krge Swiss broad sword; and between us madam, we shall so pepper and slice'em, that you will die with laughing. Mel. What at murder? Kit, 1 Kit. Don't fear, madam, there will be no murder, if Sharp's concern'd. Sharp. Murder, madam! 'Tis self-defence; besides, in these sorts of skirmishes there are never more than two or three killed; for, supposing they bring the whole body of militia upon us, down but with a brace of them, and away fly the rest of the covey, Mel. Persude me never so much, I won't go; that's my resolution. Kit. Why then, I'll tell you what, madam since you are resolved not to go to the supper, suppose the supper was to come to you; 'tis great pity such great preparations as Mr Sharp has made should be thrown away. Sharp. So it is, as you say, Mrs Kitty. But I can immediately run back and unbespeak what I have order'd; 'tissoon done. Mel. But then what excuse can I send to your master; he'll be very uneasy at my not coming. Sharp. O terribly so !. -But I have it-I'T' tell him you are very much out of order-that you were suddenly taken with the vapours or qualms; or what you please, madam. Mel. I'll leave it to you, Sharp, to make my apology; and there's half a guinea for you to help your invention. Sharp. Half a guinea!'Tis so long since I had any. thing to do with money, that I scarcely know the current coin of my own country. Oh, Sharp, what talents hast thou! to secure thy master; deceive his mistress, out-lie. her chambermaid; and yet be paid for thy honesty: Bat my joy will discover me [Aside.] Madam, you have eternally fix'd Timothy Sharp your most obedient humble servant- Oh the delights of impudence and a good understanding! [Exit. Sharp. Kit. Ha, ha! ha! was there ever such a lying varlet! with his slugs and his broad swords; his attornies, and broken heads and nonsense! Weil, madam, are you satisfied now? Do you want more proofs? Mel. Of your modesty I do; but I find, you are resolved to give me none. Kit, Madam ? Mel. I see thro' your little mean artifice; you are endeavouring to lessen Mr Gayless in my opinion, `be cause cause he has not paid you for services he had no occasion for. Kit. Pay me, madam, I am sure I have very little occasion to be angry with Mr Gayless for not paying me, when I believe, 'tis his general practice. Mel. 'Tis false! he's a gentleman and a man of honour, and you are Kit. Not in love, I thank heaven! Mel. You are a fool.. [Curtseying. Kit. I have been in love; but I am much wiser now. Kit. That's the severest thing she has said yet. [Aside. Kit. Oh this love! this love is the devil! [Exit Kitty. Mel. We discover our weaknesses to our servants, make them our confidants, put 'em on an equality with us, and so they become our advisers -Sharp's behaviour tho' Ì seem'd to disregard it, makes me tremble with apprehensions; and tho' I have pretended to be angry with Kitty for her advice, I think it of too much consequence to be neglected. Enter KITTY. Kit. May I speak, Madam? Mel. Don't be a fool, what do you want? Kit. There is a servant just came out of the country, says, he belongs to Sir William Gayless, and has got a letter from his master upon very urgent business. Mel. Sir William Gayless; what can this mean? where is the man. Kit. In the little parlour, madam. Mel. I'll go to him-My heart flutters strangely, [Exit Melissa. Kit. Oh woman, woman, foolish woman! she'll certainly have this Gayless; nay, were she as well convinc'd of his poverty as I am, she'd have him-A strong dose of love is worse than one of ratifia; when once it get's into our heads, it trips up our heels, and then good night to discretion. Here she is going to throw away fifteen thousand pounds? upon what? faith, little better than nothingHe's a man, and that's all-and heaven knows mere man is but small consolation. Be |