knave's cogscomb, for missing your meetings and appointments. Caius. Diable!-Jack Rugby,-mine Host de Jarterre, have I not stay for him, to kill him? have I not, at de place I did appoint? Eva. As I am a christians soul, now, look you, this is the place appointed; I'll be judgement by mine host of the Garter. Host. Peace, I say, Guallia and Gaul, French and Welch; soul-curer and body-curer. Caius. Ay, dat is very good! excellent! Host. Peace, I say; hear mine host of the Garter. Am I politick? am I subtle? am I a Machiavel? Shall I lose my doctor? no; he gives me the potions, and the motions. Shall I lose my parson? my priest? my sir Hugh? no; he gives me the proverbs and the no-verbs.— Give me thy hand, terrestrial; so:-Give me thy hand, celestial; so.- -Boys of art, I have deceived you both; I have directed you to wrong places: your hearts are mighty, your skins are whole, and let burnt sack be the issue. Come, lay their swords to pawn:Follow me, lad of peace; follow, follow, follow.. Shal. Trust me, a mad host:-Follow, gentlemen, follow, Slen. O, sweet Anne Page! [Exeunt SHALLOW, Slender, PAGE, and Host. Caius. Ha! do I perceive dat? have you make-a de sot of us? ha, ha! Eva. This is well; he has made us his vlouting stog.-I desire you, that we may be friends; and let us knog our prains together, to be revenge on this same scall, scurvy, cogging companion, the host of the Garter. Caius. By gar, vit all my heart; he promise to bring me vere is Anne Page: by gar, he de ceive me too. Eva. Well, I will smite his noddles:-Pray you, follow. [Exeunt. Mrs. Page. Be sure of that, two other husbands. Ford. Where had you this pretty weathercock? Mrs. Page. I cannot tell what the dickens his name is my husband had him of: What do you call your knight's name, sirrah? Rob. Sir John Falstaff. Ford. Sir John Falstaff! Mrs. Page. He, he; I can never hit on's namc.-There is such a league between my good man and he!-Is your wife at home, indeed? Ford. Indeed, she is. Mrs. Page. By your leave, sir;-I am sick, till I see her. [Exeunt Mrs. Page and Robin. Ford. Has Page any brains? hath he any eyes? hath he any thinking? Sure, they sleep; he hath no use of them. Why, this boy will carry a letter twenty miles, as easy as a cannon will shoot point blank twelve score. He piecesout his wife's inclination; he gives her folly motion, and advantage: and now she's going to my wife, and Falstaff's boy with her. A man may hear this shower sing in the wind!—and Falstaff's boy with her!-Good plots!-they are laid; and our revolted wives share damnation together. Well; I will take him, then torture my wife, pluck the borrowed veil of modesty from the so seeming mistress Page, divulve Page himself for a secure and wilful Acteon; and to these violent proceedings all my neighbours shall cry aim. [Clock strikes.] The clock gives me my cue, and my assurance bids me search; there I shall find Falstaff: I shall be rather praised for this, than mocked; for it is as positive as the earth is firm, that Falstaff is there: I will go. Enter PAGE, SHALLOW, SLENDER, Host, Sir Slen. And so must I, sir; we have appointed to dine with mistress Anne, and I would not break with her for more money than I'll speak of. Shal. We have lingered about a match between Anne Page and my cousin Slender, and this day we shall have our answer. Slen. I hope, I have your good will, father Page. Page. You have, master Slender; I stand wholly for you :-but my wife, master doctor, is for you altogether. Caius. Ay, by gar; and de maid is love-a me; my nursh-a Quickly tell me so mush. Host. What say you to young master Fenton? he capers, he dances, he has eyes of youth, he writes verses, he speaks holyday, he smells April and May: he will carry't, he will carry't; 'tis in his buttons; he will carry't. Page. Not by my consent, I promise you. Rob. Ay, I'll be sworn: My master knows not of your being here; and hath threatened to put me into everlasting liberty, if I tell of it; for, he swears, he'll turn me away. you Mrs. Page. Thou'rt a good boy; this secrecy of thine shall be a tailor to thee, and shall make thee a new doublet and hose.—I'll go hide me. Mrs. Ford. Do so:-Go tell thy master, I am alone. Mistress Page, remember you your cue. [Exit Robin. Mrs. Page. I warrant thee; if I do not act it, hiss me. [Exit Mrs. Page. Mrs. Ford. Go to then; we'll use this unwholesome humidity, this gross watry pumpion; we'll teach him to know turtles from [Exeunt Shallow and Slender. Caius. Go home, John Rugby; I come anon. [Exit Rugby.jays. Host. Farewell, my hearts: I will to my honest knight Falstaff, and drink canary with him. [Exit Host. Ford. [Aside.] I think, I shall drink in pipewine first with him; 'Ill make him dance. Will you go, gentles? All. Have with you, to see this monster. SCENE III. A room in Ford's house. [Exeunt. Enter Mrs. FORD and Mrs. PAGE. Mrs. Ford. What, John! what, Robert! Mrs. Page. Quickly, quickly: Is the buck basket Mrs. Ford. I warrant:-What, Robin, I say. Enter Servants with a basket. Mrs. Page. Come, come, come. Mrs. Ford. Here, set it down. Mrs. Page. Give your men the charge; we must be brief. Mrs. Ford. Marry, as I told you before, John, and Robert, be ready here hard by in the brew-house; and when I suddenly call you, come forth, and (without any pause, or staggering,) take this basket on your shoulders: that done, trudge with it in all haste, and carry it among the whitsters in Datchet mead, and there empty it in the muddy ditch, close by the Thames side. . Mrs. Page. You will do it? Mrs. Ford. I have told them over and over; they lack no direction: Be gone, and come when you are called. [Exeunt Servants. Mrs. Page. Here comes little Robin. Enter ROBIN. Mrs. Ford. How now, my eyas-musket? what news with you? Rob. My master sir John is come in at your back-door, mistrss Ford; and requests your company. Mrs. Page. You little Jack-a-lent, have you been true to us? Enter FALSTAFE, Fal. Have I caught thee, my heavenly jewel? Why, now let me die, for I have lived long enough; this is the period of my ambition: O this blessed hour! Mrs. Ford. O sweet sir John! Fal. Mistress Ford, I cannot cog, I cannot prate, mistress Ford. Now shall I sin in my wish I would thy husband were dead; I'll speak it before the best lord, I would make thee my lady. Mrs. Ford. I your lady, sir John! alas, I should be a pitiful lady. Fal. Let the court of France show me such another; I see how thine eye would emulate the diamond: Thou hast the right arched bent of the brow, that becomes the ship-tire, the tirevaliant, or any tire of Venetian admittance. Mrs. Ford. A plain kerchief, sir John: my brows become nothing else; nor that well neither. Fal. Thou art a traitor to say so: thou would'st make an absolute courtier; and the firm fixture of thy foot would give an excellent motion to thy gait, in a semi-circled farthingale. I see what thou wert, if fortune thy foe were not; nature is thy friend: come, thou canst not hide it. Mrs. Ford. Believe me, there's no such thing in me. Fal. What made me love thee? let that persuade thee, there's something extraordinary in thec. Come, I cannot cog, and say, thou art this and that, like a many of these lisping hawthorn buds, that come like women in men's ap parel, and smell like Bucklers-bury in simpletime; I cannot: but I love thee; none but thee; and thou deservest it. Mrs. Ford. Do not betray me, sir; I fear, you love Mrs. Pagc. Fal. Thou might'st as well say, I love to walk by the Counter-gate; which is as hateful to me as the reck of a lime-kiln. Mrs. Ford. Well, heaven knows, how I love you; and you shall one day find it. Ful. Keep in that mind; I'll deserve it. Mrs. Ford. Nay, I must tell you, so you do; or else I could not be in that mind. Rob. [Within.] Mistress Ford, mistress Ford! here's mistress Page at the door, sweating, and blowing, and looking wildly, and would needs speak with you presently. يف Fal. She shall not see me; I will ensconce me behind the arras. Mrs. Ford. Pray you, do so; she's a very tattling woman.— [FALSTAFF hides himself. Enter Mistress PAGE and ROBIN. What's the matter? how now? Mrs. Page. O mistress Ford, what have you done? You're shamed, you are overthrown, you are undone for ever. Mrs. Ford. What's the matter, good mistress Page? Mrs. Page. Owell-a-day, mistress Ford! having an honest man to your husband, to give him such cause of suspicion! Mrs. Ford. What cause of suspicion? Mrs. Page. What cause of suspicion?-Out upon you! how am I mistook in you? Mrs. Ford. Why, alas! what's the matter? Mrs. Page. Your husband's coming hither, woman, with all the officers in Windsor, to search for a gentleman, that, he says, is here now in the house, by your consent, to take an ill advantage of his absence: You are undone. Mrs. Ford. Speak louder.-[Aside.]-Tis not so, I hope. Mrs. Page. Pray heaven it be not so, that you have such a man here; but 'tis most certain, your husband's coming with half Windsor at his heels, to search for such a one. I come before to tell you: If you know yourself clear, why I am glad of it: but if you have a friend here, convey, convey him out. Be not amazed; call all your senses to you; defend your reputation, or bid farewell to your good life for ever. Mrs. Ford. What shall I do? There is a gentleman, my dear friend; and I fear not mine own shame, so much as his peril: I had rather than a thousand pound, he were out of the house. Mrs. Page. For shame, never stand you had rather, and you had rather; your husband's here at hand, bethink you of some conveyance: in the house you cannot hide him. O, how have you deceived me!-Look, here is a basket; if he be of any reasonable stature, he may creep in here; and throw foul linen upon him, as if it were going to bucking: Or, it is whiting time, send him by your two men to Datchet mead. Mrs. Ford. He's too big to go in there: what shall I do? Re-enter FALSTAFF. Fal. Let me see't, let me see't! O let me see't! I'll in, I'll in follow your friend's counsel;-I'll in. Mrs. Page. What! sir John Falstaff! Are these your letters, knight? Fal. I love thee, and none but thee; help me away: let me creep in here; I'll never [He goes into the basket; they cover him with foul linen. Mrs. Page. Help to cover your master, boy: Call your men, mistress Ford:-You dissembling knight! Mrs. Ford. What, John, Robert, John! [Exit ROBIN. Re-enter Servants. Go take up these clothes here, quickly; where's the cowl-staff? look, how you drumble: carry them to the laundress in Datchet mead; quickly, come. Enter FORD, PAGE, CAIUS, and SIR HUGH Ford. Pray you, come near: if I suspect without cause, why then make sport at me, then let me be your jest; I deserve it. How now? whither bear you this? Serv. To the laundress, forsooth. Mrs. Ford. Why, what have you to do whither they bear it? You were best meddle with buck-washing. Ford. Buck? I would I could wash myself of, the buck! Buck, buck, buck? Ay, buck; I warrant you, buck; and of the season too; it shall appear. [Exeunt Servants with the basket.] Gentlemen, I have dreamed to-night; I'll tell you my dream. Here, here, here be my keys: ascend my chambers, search, seck, find out: I'll warrant we'll unkennel the fox:-Let me stop this way first:-So, now uncap. Page. Good master Ford, be contented: you wrong yourself too much. men. Ford. True, master Pagc.-Up, gentlemen ;. you shall see sport anon: follow me, gentle[Exit. Eva. This is fery fantastical humours, and jealousies. Caius. By gar, 'tis no de fashion of France: it is not jealous in France. Page. Nay, follow him, gentlemen; sce the issue of his search. [Exeunt EVANS, PAGE, and CAIUS. Mrs. Page. Is there not a double excellency in this? Mrs. Ford. I know not which pleases me better, that my husband is deceived, or sir John. Mrs. Page. What a taking was he in, when your husband asked who was in the basket! Mrs. Ford. I am half afraid he will have need of washing; so throwing him into the water will do him a benefit. Mrs. Page. Hang him, dishonest rascal! I would all of the same strain were in the same distress. Mrs. Ford. I think, my husband hath some special suspicion of Falstaff's being here; for I never saw him so gross in his jealousy till now. Mrs. Page. I will lay a plot to try that: and we will yet have more tricks with Falstaff: his dissolute disease will scarce obey this medicine. Mrs. Ford. Shall we send that foolish carrion, mistress Quickly, to him, and excuse his throwing into the water; and give him another hope, to betray him to another punishment? Mrs. Page. We'll do it; let him be sent for to-morrow eight o'clock, to have amends. Re-enter FORD, PAGE, CAIUS, and SIR HUGH EVANS. Ford. I cannot find him: may be the knave| bragged of that, he could not compass. Mrs. Page. Heard you that? SCENE IV. A Room in Page's House.. Enter FENTON and Mistress ANN PAGE Fent. I see, I cannot get thy father's love; Therefore, no more turn me to him, sweet Nan. Anne. Alas! how then? Fent. thyself. Why, thou must be He doth object, I am too great of birth; Mrs. Ford. Ay, ay, peace:-You use me I should love thee, but as a property. well, master Ford, do you? Ford. Ay, I do so. Mrs. Ford. Heaven make you better than your thoughts! Ford. Amen. Anne. May be, he tells you true. Fent. No, heav'n so speed me in my time to Albeit, I will confess, thy father's wealth Mrs. Puge. You do yourself mighty wrong, Yet, wooing thee, I found thee of more value master Ford. Ford. Ay, ay; I must bear it. Eva. If there be any pody in the house, and in the chambers, and in the coffers, and in the presses, heaven forgive my sins at the day of judgement! Caius. By gar, nor I too; dere is no bodies. Page. Fie, fie, master Ford! are you not ashamed? What spirit, what devil suggests this imagination? I would not have your distemper in this kind, for the wealth of Windsor Castle. Ford. 'Tis my fault, master Page: I suffer for it. Eva. You suffer for a pad conscience: your wife is as honest a 'omans, as I will desires among five thousand, and five hundred too. Caius. By gar, I see 'tis an honest woman. Ford. Well;-I promised you a dinner:Come, come, walk in the park: I pray you, pardon me; I will hereafter make known to you, why I have done this.-Comne, wife;come, mistress Page; I pray you pardon me; pray heartily, pardon me. Page. Let's go in, gentlemen; but, trust me, we'll mock him. I do invite you to-morrow morning to my house to breakfast; after, we'll a birding together; I have a fine hawk for the bush: Shall it be so? Than stamps in gold, or sums in sealed bags; Anne. Gentle master Fenton, Yet seek my father's love: still seek it, sir: If opportunity and humblest suit Cannot attain it, why then.-Hark you hither. [They converse apart. Enter SHALLOW, SLENDER, and Mrs. QUICKLY. Shal. Break their talk, mistress Quickly; my kinsman shall speak for himself. Slen. I'll make a shaft or a bolt on't: slid, 'tis but venturing. Shal. Be not dismay'd. Slen. No, she shall not dismay me: I care not for that, but that I am afeard. Quick. Hark ye; master Slender would speak a word with you. Anne. I come to him. This is my father's choice. O, what a world of vile ill-favour'd faults Looks handsome in three hundred pounds a vear! [Aside. Quick. And how does good master Fenton? Pray you, a word with you. Shal. She's coming; to her, coz. O boy, thou hadst a father! Slen. I had a father, mistress Anne;-my uncle can tell you good jests of him :-Pray you, uncle, tell mistress Anne the jest, how my father stole two geese out of a pen, good uncle. Shal. Mistress Anne, my cousin loves you. Slen. Ay, that I do; as well as I love any woman in Gloucestershire. Shal. He will maintain you like a gentlewo man. pray you now, remembrance to-morrow on the lousy knave, mine host. Cuius. Dat is good; by gar, vit all my heart. Eva. A lousy knave; to have his gibes, and his mockeries. [Exeunt. Slen. Ay, that I will, come cut and long-tail, under the degree of a 'squire. Shal. He will make you a hundred and fifty pounds jointure. Anne. Good master Shallow, let him woo for himself. Shal. Marry, I thank you for it; I thank you for that good comfort. She calls you, coz: I'll leave you. Anne. Now, master Slender. Slen. My will? od's heartlings, that's a pretty jest, indeed! I ne'er made my will yet, I thank heaven; I am not such a sickly creature, I give heaven praise. Anne. I mean, master Slender, what would you with me? will you cast away your child on a fool, and a Give my sweet Nan this ring: There's for thy Quick. Now heaven send thee good fortune! A kind heart he hath: a woman would run through fire and water for such a kind heart. But yet, I would my master had mistress Anne; or I would malter Slender had her; or, in sooth, I would master Fenton had her: I will do what I can for them all three; for so I have proSlen. Truly, for mine own part, I would little mised, and I'll be as good as my word; but speor nothing with you: Your father, and my uncle, ciously for master Fenton. Well, I must of have made motions: if it be my luck, so if another errand to sir John Falstaff from my not, happy man be his dole! They can tell you two mistresses; what a beast am I to slack it? how things go, better than I can: You may ask [Erit. your father; here he comes. Enter PAGE, and Mistress PAGE. Page. Now, master Slender :-Love him, Why, how now! what does master Fenton here? Fent. Nay, master Page, be not impatient. Page. She is no match for you. Knowing my mind, you wrong me, master Fen- In such a righteous fashion as I do, SCENE V. A Room in the Garter Inn. Enter FALSTAFF and BARDOLPH. Bard. Here, sir. Fal. Go fetch me a quart of sack; put a toast in't. [Exit BARD.] Have I lived to be carried in a basket, like a barrow of butcher's offal; and to be thrown into the Thames? Well, if I be served such another trick, I'll have my brains ta'en out, and buttered, and give them to a dog for a new year's gift. The rogues slighted me into the river with as little remorse as they would have drowned a bitch's blind puppies, fifteen i' the litter and you may know by my size, that I have a kind of alacrity in sinking; if the bottom were as deep as hell, I should down. I had been drowned, but that the shore was shelvy and shallow; a death that I abhor; for the water swells a man; and what a thing Perforce, against all checks, rebukes, and man- should I have been, when I had been swelled? ners, I must advance the colours of my love, And not retire: Let me have your good will. Anne. Good mother, do not marry me to yond' fool. Mrs. Page. I mean it not; I seek you a better husband. Quick. That's my master, master doctor. Anne. Alas, I had rather be set quick i' the carth, And bowl'd to death with turnips. Mrs. Page. Come, trouble not yourself: I will not be your friend, nor enemy: go in; [Exeunt Mrs. Page and Anne. Fent. Farewell, gentle mistress; farewell, Nan. Quick. This is my doing now;-Nay, said I, I should have been a mountain of mummy, Fal. Come, let me pour in some sack to the Thames water; for my belly's as cold, as if I had swallowed snow-balls for pills to cool the reins. Call her in. Bard. Come in, woman. Enter Mrs. QUICKLY, Fal. Simple of itself; I'll no pullet-sperm in my brewage.-[Exit BARD.]-How now? Quick. Marry, sir, I come to your worship from Mrs. Ford. |