Val. Are all these things perceived in me? Speed. They are all perceived without you. Val. Without me? they cannot. Speed. Without you? nay, that's certain, for, without you were so simple, none else would: but you are so without these follies, that these follies are within you, and shine through you like the water in an urinal; that not an eye, that sees you, but is a physician to comment on your malady. Val. But, tell me, dost thou know my lady Silvia? Speed. She, that you gaze on so, as she sits at supper? Val. Hast thou observed that? even she I mean. Speed. Why, sir, I know her not. Val. Dost thou know her by my gazing on her, and yet knowest her not? Speed. Is she not hard favoured, sir? Speed. That she is not so fair, as (of you) well favoured. Val. I mean, that her beauty is exquisite, but her favour infinite. Speed. That's because the one is painted, and the other out of all count. Val. How painted? and how out of count? Speed. Marry, sir, so painted, to make her fair, that no man counts of her beauty. Val. How esteemest thou me? I account of her beauty. Speed. You never saw her since she was de formed? Val. How long hath she been deformed? Val. I have loved her ever since I saw her; and still I see her beautiful. Speed. If you love her, you cannot see her. Val. Why? Speed. O, 'give you good even! here's a million of manners. [Aside. Sil. Sir Valentine and servant, to you two thousand. Speed. He should give her interest; and she gives it him. Val. As you enjoin'd me, I have writ your letter Unto the secret nameless friend of yours; Sil. I thank you, gentle servant: 'tis very clerkly done. Val. Now trust me, madam, it came hardly off; For, being ignorant to whom it gocs, Sil. Perchance you think too much of so much pains? Val. No, madam; so it stead you, I will write, Please you command, a thousand times as much! And yet, Sil. A pretty period! Well, I guess the sequel; And yet I will not name it:-and yet I care not; And yet take this again;-and yet I thank you; Meaning henceforth to trouble you no more. Speed. And yet you will; and yet another yet. [Aside. Val. What means your ladyship? do you not like it? Sil. Yes, yes; the lines are very quaintly writ: But since unwillingly, take them again; Speed. Because love is blind. O, that you had mine eyes; or your own had the lights they were wont to have, when you chid at sir Pro-Nay, take them. teus for going ungartered! Val. What should I see then? Val. Madam, they are for you. Sil. Ay, ay; you.writ them, sir, at my request; Speed. Your own present folly, and her pass-But I will none of them; they are for you: ing deformity: for he, being in love, could not I would have had them writ more movingly. see to garter his hose; and you, being in love, Val. Please you, I'll write your ladyship anocannot see to put on your hose. ther. Val. Belike, boy, then you are in love; for last morning you could not see to wipe my shoes. Speed. True, sir; I was in love with my bed: I thank you, you swinged me for my love, which makes me the bolder to chide you for yours. Val. In conclusion, I stand affected to her. Speed. I would you were set; so your affection would cease. Val. Last night she enjoined me to write some lines to one she loves. Speed. And have you? Sil. And, when it's writ, for my sake read it Val. No, believe me. Speed. No believing you indeed, sir: but did you perceive her earnest? Val. She gave me none, except an angry word. Speed. Why, she hath given you a letter. Val. That's the letter I writ to her friend. Speed. And that letter hath she deliver'd, and there an end. Val. I would, it were no worse. Speed, I'll warrant you, 'tis as well: For often you have writ to her; and she, in modesty, Or else for want of idle time, could not again reply; Or fearing else some messenger, that might her mind discover, Herself hath taught her love himself to write unto her lover. All this I speak in print; for in print I found it. Why muse you, sir? 'tis dinner time. Val. I have dined. Laun. Nay, 'twill be this hour ere I have done weeping; all the kind of the Launces have this very fault: I have received my proportion, like the prodigious son, and am going with sir Proteus to the Imperial's court. I think, Crab my dog be the sourest-natured dog that lives: my mother weeping, my father wailing, my sister crying, our maid howling, our cat wringing her hands, and all our house in a great perplexity, yet did not this cruel-hearted cur shed one tear: he is a stone, a very pebblestone, and has no more pity in him than a dog: a Jew would have wept to have seen our parting; why, my grandam having no eyes, look you, wept herself blind at my parting. Nay, I'll show you the manner of it: This shoe is my father;-no, this left shoe is. my father;-no, no, this left shoe is my mother; nay, that cannot be so neither;-yes, it is so, it is so; it hath the worser sole; This shoe, with the hole in it, is my mother, and this my father; A vengeance on't! there 'tis: now, sir, this staff is my sister; for, look you, she is as white as a lily, and as small as a wand: this hat is Nan, our maid; I am the dog-no, the dog is himself, and I am the dog,-O, the dog is me, and I am myself; ay, so, so. Now come I to my father; Father, your blessing; now should not the shoe speak a word for weeping; now should I kiss my father; well, he weeps on:-now come I to my mother, (O, that she could speak now!) like a wood woman; well, I kiss her;-why there 'tis; here's my mother's breath up and down: now come I to my sister; mark the noan she makes: now the dog all this while sheds not a tear, nor speaks a word; but see how I lay the dust with my tears. Enter PANTHINO. Pant. Launce, away, away, aboard; thy master is shipped, and thou art to post after with oars. What's the matter? why weep'st thou, man? Away, ass; you will lose the tide, if you tarry any longer. Laun. It is no matter, if the ty'd were lost; for it is the unkindest ty'd, that ever any man ty'd. Pant. What's the unkindest tide? Laun. Why, he that's ty'd here; Crab, my dog. Pant. Tut, man, I mean thou'lt lose the flood; and, in losing the flood, lose thy voyage; and, in losing thy voyage, lose thy master; and, in losing thy master, lose thy service; and, in losing thy service, Why dost thou stop my mouth? Laun. For fear thou should'st lose thy tongue? Laun. Lose the tide, and the voyage, and the master, and the service? The tide!-Why, man, if the river were dry, I am able to fill it with my tears; if the wind were down, I could drive the boat with my sighs. Pant. Come, come away, man; I was sent to call thee. Laun. Sir, call me what thou darest. Laun. Well, I will go. SCENE IV. Thu. Ay, sir, and done too, for this time. Val. I know it well, sir; you always end ere you begin. Sil. A fine volley of words, gentlemen, and quickly shot off. Val. Tis indeed, madam; we thank the giver. Sil. Who is that, servant? Val. Yourself, sweet lady; for you gave the fire: sir Thurio borrows his wit from your ladyship's looks, and spends what he borrows, kindly in your company. Thu. Sir, if you spend word for word with me, I shall make your wit bankrupt. Val. I know it well, sir: you have an exchequer of words, and, I think, no other treasure to give your followers; for it appears by their bare liveries, that they live by your bare words. Sil. No more, gentlemen, no more; here comes my father. My lord, I will be thankful [Exeunt. To any happy messenger from thence. Duke. Know you Don Antonio, your countryman? Val. Ay, my good lord, I know the gentleman To be of worth, and worthy estimation, And not without desert so well reputed. Duke. Hath he not a son? Val. Ay, my good lord; a son, that well de serves The honour and regard of such a father. Val. I knew him, as myself; for from our infancy We have convers'd, and spent our hours together: And though myself have been an idle truant, To clothe mine age with angel-like perfection; years but young, but his experience old; He is as worthy for an empress' love, Val. Should I have wish'd a thing, it had been he. Duke. Welcome him then according to his worth; Sil. Have done, have done; here comes the gentleman. Val. Welcome, dear Proteus!—Mistress, I beseech you, Confirm his welcome with some special favour. Sil. His worth is warrant for his welcome hither, If this be he, you oft have wish'd to hear from. Val. Mistress, it is: sweet lady, entertain him To be my fellow-servant to your ladyship. Sil. Too low a mistress for so high a servant. Pro. Not so, sweet lady; but too mean a scr vant To have a look of such a worthy mistress. Pro. My duty will I boast of, nothing else. No; that you are worthless. Enter Servant. Ser. Madam, my lord your father would speak with you. Sil. Ill wait upon his pleasure. [Exit Servant. Come, sir Thurio, Go with me:-Once more, new servant, wel sorrow. O, gentle Proteus, love's a mighty lord; Pro. Enough; I read your fortune in your Was this the idol that you worship so? Val. Even she; and is she not a heavenly Pro. No; but she is an earthly paragon. I will not flatter her. And I must minister the like to you. Val. Then speak the truth by her; if not di- Yet let her be a principality, Val. Pro. Why, Valentine, what braggardism is this? Val. Pardon me, Proteus: all I can, is nothing To her, whose worth makes other worthies n0thing; She is alone. Pro. Then let her alone. Val. Not for the world: why, man, she is mine own; And I as rich in having such a jewel, Pro. But she loves you? Val. Ay, and we are betroth'd Nay, more, our marriage hour, With all the cunning manner of our flight, Determin'd of: how I must climb her window; The ladder made of cords; and all the means Plotted, and 'greed on, for my happiness. Good Proteus, go with me to my chamber, In these affairs to aid me with thy counsel. Pro. Go on before; I shall enquire you forth: I must unto the road, to disembark Some necessaries that I needs must use; And then I'll presently attend you. Val. Will you make haste? Pro. I will. Even as one heat another heat expels, [Erit Val. Or as one nail by strength drives out another, Laun. Marry, thus; when it stands well with him, it stands well with her. Speed. What an ass art thou? I understand thee not. Laun. What a block art thou, that thou canst not? My staff understands me. Laun. Ay, and what I do too: look thee, I'll but lean, and my staff understands me. Speed. It stands under thee, indeed. Laun. Why, stand under and understand is all one. Speed. But tell me true, will't be a match? Laun. Ask my dog: if he say, ay, it will; if he say, no, it will; if he shake his tail, and say nothing, it will. Speed. The conclusion is then, that it will. Laun. Thou shalt never get such a secret from me, but by a parable. Speed. 'Tis well that I get it so. But, Launce, how say'st thou, that thy master is become a notable lover? Laun. I never knew him otherwise. Speed. Than how? Laun. A notable lubber, as thou reportest him to be. Speed. Why, thou whorson ass, thou mistakest me. Laun. Why, fool, I meant not thee; I meant thy master. Speed. I tell thee, my master is become a hot lover. Laun. Why, I tell thee, I care not though he burn himself in love. If thou wilt go with me [Exit. to the ale-house, so; if not, thou art an Hebrew, a Jew, and not worth the name of a Christian. Speed. Launce! by minc honesty, welcome to Milan. Laun. Forswear not thyself, sweet youth; for I am not welcome. I reckon this alwaysthat a man is never undone, till he be hanged; nor never welcome to a place, till some certain shot be paid, and the hostess say, welcome. Speed. Come on, you mad-cap, I'll to the alehouse with you presently; where, for one shot of five pence, thou shalt have five thousand welcomes. But, sirrah, how did thy master part with madam Julia? Laun. Marry, after they closed in earnest, they parted very fairly in jest. Speed. But shall she marry him? Speed. How then? Shall he marry her? Speed. What, are they broken? Laun. No, they are both as whole as a fish. |