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Why, Sir, the furniture of this house It is quite amusing to those who did not cost him less than 1,800/.- all are acquainted with the secret, to articles of the very best kind-prime walk into one of those auctions. We out-and-out articles -- look at this will follow, as nearly as we can, here sofa-beg your pardon, ladies, the words of our informant, who is don't stir-look at this sofa--ay, well aware of all the “ Company's" that his an article. Lord bless you, rogueries, in giving to our readers there is hangings for you,-and the a scene which he described to us :carpets- but, Sir, such beds -- that's "I was going down Fenchurchright, Ma'am (in a whisper to a fur- street," said he," when I was attracted covered bidder), have it, it's worth by an auction of household furniture, six times the money." Thus they go and I walked in to look about me. on, until the pockets of the buyers The first thing I saw was the Comare completely emptied. And what pany's mock auctioneer, a fellow who sort of goods do they turn out to be ? was a feather-dresser, stuck up Mere surface--articles got up for the hammering away; and on looking - eye; like Pindar's razors, made to round I saw all the old set of faces sell, and not to shave; while the which I so often beheld in similar price paid for them is equal, and often situations, but all differently dressed. greater than that of genuine and use- ' At this moment a friend of mine ful furniture.
approached me. I was surprised to But not always does the simple see him there, and expressed my fears gull who attends these sales escape that he might be taken in. 'How ! with only paying an exorbitant is it possible,' said I, in a loud voice, price for his furniture: we know an that you come to this rig coninstance where still worse happened: cern?' The word rig being heard a lady once deposited a 50l. note in by the firm of Aldgate Pump and part payment for a large purchase Co., who was till then in a corner, he she had made at one of those auctions, immediately stepped up to me, and in the neighbourhood of Leadenhall said, I say, Mr. , don't you street, and not finding that the goods split; this is my concarn ; let us go were sent home, she drove next day on quietly. I could scarcely refrain to the house where the auction was from speaking, but I did, and before held, and, to her astonishment, every I left the house I saw articles which article was removed, and nothing appeared good to look at, sold for presented itself in form of an equiva- double the sum at which I myself lent to her 501. but an empty house, bought similar goods." upon which she had no legal claim; This “firm” have lately been and the people from whom she bankrupts, yet they go on now “ bought” nobody knew! how could more extensively than before their they? for Aldgate Pump and Com “failure.” They make a vast show pany, in such doubtful adventures, of business at their doors. Cases take care never to disgrace the firm packed, waggons of goods going by going under their proper names. out, &c.; but those cases and This is fact---truth. We pledge our. waggons frequently go out in the selves thus upon our first outset, that day only to deposit their contents in we have it from the most authentic another of the Company's depôts, and source.
and then return so as to give an idea Such things going on within our that they have “wonderful large observation, and no legal method of orders." This, however, is scarcely opposing, what can be done but to sub- worthy of remark, and if it were their stitute the press for the means which only fault, we should not think of are deficient? This system carries noticing it. But the house-taking and its contagion, which is rapidly ex- auction-gulling, as above described, tending, and unless checked, there is a fraud of the most reprehensible will be nothing but ruin for the regu- nature, and should be made as publar and fair dealer.
lic as Aldgate pump itself.
Let our readers be on their guard days already in the abode that I now against this cheating Company, and write from, so I can't, in reason, look look narrowly to the quality of fur- to stay more than three or four more. niture “new within three months," I hear people talk of “the grave" as and the property of people “ going to a lodging (at worst) that a man is the continent," &c.
“ sure of;" but, if there be one reIt is any thing but economy to buy surrection-man alive when I die, as at such sales. One should always sure as quarter-day I shall be taken ask in the neighbourhood of an up again. auction of household effects, how · The first trial I endured when I long the house has been occupied, came to London, was making the unless they are satisfied of its re- tour of all the boarding-houses spectability.
being deluded, I believe, seriatim, by (A most extensive gulling concern every prescriptive form of “ adver in the bill way shall appear in our tisements.” next. More than £100,000 already First, I was tried by the pretence out, never to come in !!!)
modest—this appeared in The Times
all the year round: '“ Desirable LETTER FROM A “ FIRST-FLOOR
circle"-"Airy situation"-"Limited LODGER."
number of guests"-" Every attenThere are two lodged together.- Shol. .
tion"--and no children.” Nec hospes ab hospite latus.--Ouid.
Next, was the commanding-at « An Englishman's house is his the very “ head and front" of The castle”-I grant it ; but for his lodg- Morning Post : « Vicinity of the ing, a comparison remains to be fashionable squares !"-"Two perfound. An Englishman's house may sons, to increase society” “ Family be his castle ; but that can only be of condition”-and “ Terms, at Mr. where he consents to keep the whole Sams's, the bookseller's." . of it. Of all earthly alliances and Then came the irresistible: “ Wipartnerships into which mortal man dow of an officer of rank"_“ Unis capable of being trepanned, that protected early in life"-" Desirous which induces two interests to place to extend family circle”-“ Flatters themselves within four walls, is de herself,” &c. .. cidedly the most unholy. It so hap- Moonshine all together! pens that, throughout my life, I have “ Desirable circle”-A bank clerk, had occasion only for half a house, and five daughters who wanted husand, from motives of economy, have bands. Brandy and water after supbeen unwilling to pay rent for a per, and booby from Devonshire whole one; but there can be, on snapt up before my eyes. Little boy earth, I find, no resting-place for him too in the family, that belonged to a who is so unhappy as to want only sister who “ had died.” I hate scan“ half a house ! In the course of dal; but I never could find out where the last eight years, I have occupied that sister had been buried. one hundred and forty-three different “ Fashionable square" --The fire, lodgings, running the gauntlet twice to the frying-pan! The worst item through all London and Westmin- (on consideration) in all my experister, and, oftener than I can remem- ence. Dishes without meat, and ber, the “out-parishes" through! As beds without blankets. “ Terms," two “removes” are as bad as a fire, “two hundred guineas a-year," and it follows that I have gone 71 times surcharges for night-candle. And, as and a half through the horrors of for dinner! as I am a Yorkshireman, conflagration! And, in every place I never knew what it meant while I where I have lived, it has been my 'was in Manchester-square! fate to be domiciled with a monster! I have had two step-mothers, Mr. But my voice shall be heard, as a Editor, and I was six months at Mrs. voice upon the house-top, crying out Tickletoby's preparatory school, and until I find relief. I have been ten I never saw a woman since I was
born cut meat like Lady Catharine tain fitting, that the “ ground landSkinflint! There was a transparency lord bad certain claims which would about her slice which (after a good be liquidated when my property luncheon) one could pause to look " went in. at. She would cover you a whole This miscarriage made me so cauplate with fillet of veal and ham, and tious, that, before I could choose not increase the weight of it half an again, I was the sworn horror of counce.
every auctioneer and house-agent (so And then the Misses Skinflints- called) in London. I refused twenty for knowledge of anatomy -- their offers, at least, because they had the cutting up a fowl! In the puniest appearance of being “great barhalf-starved chicken that ever broke gains.” Eschewed all houses, as the heart of a brood hen to look at, though they had the plague, in which they would find you side-bone, I found that “ single gentlemen were pinion, drum-stick, liver, gizzard, preferred.” Was threatened with rump, and merrythought! and, even three actions of defamation for quesbeyond this critical acquaintance with tioning the solvency of persons in all admitted—and apocryphal - divi business. And, at length, WAS SO sions and distinctions, I have caught lucky as to hit upon a really desirable the eldest of them actually inventing mansion! The family" perfectly new joints, that, even in speculation, respectable; but had “ more room" never before existed!
than was necessary to them. DeI understand the meaning now of manded the “ strictest references," the Persian salutation-"May your and accepted no inmate for « less shadow never be less !” I lost mine than a year." Into this most unexentirely in about a fortnight that I ceptionable abode I conveyed myself staid at Lady Skinflints.
and my property. Sure I should Two more hosts took me « at li- stay for ever, and doubted whether I very" (besides the “ widow" of the ought not to secure it at once for ten « officer of rank”), an apothecary, years instead of one. And, before I who made patients of his boarders, had been settled in the house three and an attorney, who looked for quarters of an hour, I found that the clients among them. I got away chimneys-every one of them--from the medical gentleman rather smoked from the top to the bottom! hastily, for I found that the pastry. There was guilt in the landlord's cook that served the house was his eye, the moment the first puft brother; and the lawyer was so preg drove me out of my drawing-room. sing about “discounts,” and “invest. He made an effort to say somements of property," that I never ven- thing like “ damp day;" but the tured to sign my name, even to a "amen" stuck in his throat. He washing-bill, during the few days I could not say “ amen," Mr. Editor, was in his house, on quitting the when I did cry « God bless us !” The which, I took courage, and resolved whole building, from the kitchen to to become my own provider, and the garret, was infected with the hired a “ First Floor,” accordingly malady. I had noticed the dark (" unfurnished”) in the neighbour complexions of the family, and had hood of Bloomsbury-square.
concluded they were from the West “ Mutatio loci, non ingenii."
Indies ---they were smoke-dried ! The premier coup of my new career
“ Blow high, blow low? amounted to an escape. I ordered a I suffered six weeks under excuses, carte blanche outfit from an uphol- knowing them to be humbug all the sterer of Piccadilly, determined to while. For a whole month it was have my “ apartments" unexception- « the wind;" but I saw “ the wind" able before I entered them; and dis twice all round the compass, and covered, after a hundred pounds laid found, blow which way it would, it out in painting, decorating, and cure still blew down my chimney.
Then we came to “ Cures." First, body fell over å pail of water, left there were alterations at the top- upon “ my stairs ;” and “ my maid” new chimney-pots, cow]s, høvels- declared it was “the other maid" and all making the thing worse. that put it there. Then the cats Then we tried at the bottom---grates fought ; and I was assured, that re-set, and flues contracted---still to mine had given the first scratch. On no purpose. Then we came to burn the whole, the disputes were so maing charcoal ; and in four days I was nifold, and always ending to my disin a decline. Then we kept the doors comfiture,---for the lady of the manand windows open ; and in one day I "sion would assail me.--I never could got a fit of the rheumatism. And in get the gentleman to be dissatisfied, spite of doors or windows, blowers, and so conclude the controversy by registers, or Count Rumford---pre- kicking him down stairs, that caution in putting on coals, or ma- seeing one clear advantage mainthematical management of poker - tained by the ground-possessor, viz. down the enemy would come to our that I, when we squabbled, was obvery faces,---poof! poof! --as if in liged to vacate, and he remained derision! till I prayed Heaven that where he was, I resolved, onee for smoke had life and being, that I all, to turn the tables upon mankind Inight commit murder on it at once, at large, and become a “ landlord," and so be hanged; and, at length, and a “housekeeper," in my own after throwing every moveable i immediate person. could command at the grate and the “Sir, the grey goose hath laid an chimney by turns, and paying “ no. egg:---Sir, the old barn doth need recure-no-pay" doctors by dozens, pair.---The cook sweareth, the meat who did nothing but make dirt and doth burn at the fire.---John Thomas mischief, I sent for a respectable sur- is in the stocks ; and every thing stays veyor, paid him for his opinion be
on your arrival." forehand, and heard that the fault I would not advise any single in the chimneys was " radical,” and gentleman hastily to conclude that not to be remedied without pulling he is in distress. Bachelors are disthe house down!
contented, and take wives; footmen I paid my twelvemonth's rent, and are ambitious, and take eating-houses. wished only that my landlord might What does either party gain by the live through his lease. I heard after change? “ We know," the wise wards, that he had himself been im man has said, " what we are ; but posed upon; and that the house, we know not what we may be." from the first fire ever lighted in it,
(To be continued.) had been a scandal to the neighbourhood. But this whole sheet VEGETABLE POWDER THE BEST would not suffice to enumerate the
IMITATION OF COFFEE. variety of wretchednesses --- and
Take a CARROT, and after washing smoky chimneys the very least of
and scraping it, cut it into slices, them!--which drove me a second
each of the substance of a pennytime to change my plan of life ; the
piece; put those slices into an oven, numberless lodgings that I lived in ;
or upon an iron plate over the fire, and the inconveniences, greater or lesser attending each. In one place, my
until they are sufficiently crisp and
brown to grind; then place them in a servants quarrelled with the servants
coffee-mill, and the powder produced of “the people of the house." In another, “the people of the house's"
will bear so strong a resemblance in servants quarrelled with mine. Here,
appearance and flavour to coffee, that my housekeeper refused to stay,
the difference will be hardly dis
cernible. Carrot thus prepared will because “ the kitchen was damp."
be found much superior to any powder There, my footman begged I would “ provide myself," as there were
obtained from grain. « rats in his cockloft. Then some