true path to an earthly paradise, as Davie ultimately found.

Having made up his mind to the task of shedding a few scattered rays of Scotch intellect upon the ocean of metropolitan dulness, Davie, who jumped to conclusions as if in sevenleagued boots, and whose resolves were no sooner formed than he sought means of accomplishing them, straightway proceeded to the PANPOLYHETERONTECHNICON,* a vastly popular institution amongst the scientific dilettanti fair of the metropolis, who divide with the petticoated saints of Exeter Hall the realm of educated female predilection. Davie's consequential air, and singularity of appearance, begot the belief amongst the hall-porters of the institution, that he was a profoundly scientific gentleman, and the general effect of his appearance was greatly heightened by his having conceived a dislike for the aristocratic" tile" which O'Flaherty had provided for his use, and exchanged it for the original lowcrowned broad-brim which he had carried with him from Glasgow.

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"Hey;" quoth Davie, "con a see the kamittee o' mawnagement? The head porter replied that none of the members of the committee were then present, but that the secretary was within.

"Hey; the seecretary. Vara guid. Jest presont hem wi' ma cord-wull ye?"-and Davie drew forth from a tortoise-shell case-the fruit of a recent newspaper "accident"—a card which he had taken the precaution to have engraved in Holywell Street, at one of the "hundred superfine cards, engraved plate, name and address, all for four-and-sixpence !" establishments which supply the swellmob-men and shabby-genteels of the metropolis with dog-cheap patents of respectability. Davie's card bore the following inscription:

MR. DAVID DOUGLAS DIDDLEDOFT, M.A. Peele's Coffee House.

The coffee-house in question, be it observed, is the great resort of all

the half-starved authorlings and penny-a-liners in the metropolis, its proximity to Temple Bar, and intermediate position between the WestEnd and the Row, making it a very convenient house of call for the legitimate successors of the Attic population of Grub-street, but still more especially in consequence of its having all the newspapers and periodicals of the day, with files for reference.

The card was no sooner exhibited in the secretary's room, than the door was again opened, and Davie was ushered in with no small degree of ceremony.

Davie having taken a seat, even before he was invited thereto, proceeded to break the ice in the coolest way in the world: "A'm jest intennin' to gie ye a course o' lecters on Electreecity, Golvanism, an' a' the ithir bronches o' Expeerimental Philoasophy; an' to cet motters shoart, here's ma testimonial o' coampetent capocity."

And Davie placed in the gentleman's hands a letter written in a most hyperbolical strain of highflown compliment by his maternal uncle, the Glasgow professor-a proceeding which on the part of both uncle and nephew argued a fair share of Scotch worldly wisdom.

Astounded at Davie's assurance, the secretary knew not what answer to make, but stammered forth something about submitting the application to the members of the committee. “Oh, jest sae,” quoth Davie, “an' a bag ye may hae yer apparawtus a' in proaper oarderye enderston', a mean in a fet condeetion tull lecter'."

And Davie withdrew with an intimation that he would call on the following day, "tull awscertain," as he expressed it, "the pertikler days an' hoors o' lectrin'.

Davie's excessive effrontery carried the day; for it begot in the secretary's mind, as well as in that of the hall-porters, the belief that he was a consummate genius, and that his eccentricities were merely the cus

tomary satellites revolving round the sun of his superlative intellect. The secretary's representation impressed the committee with the same ideathe Scotch professor's letter tending in no small degree to confirm their conviction; and it was arranged that he should deliver a course of twelve lectures in their great room, the profits to be equally divided between the lecturer and the institution.

Then came Davie's initiation into all the glories of celebrity. He could not take up a newspaper without seeing his lectures advertised with vast pomp in advance. He could not even stroll for ten minutes through any part of the town without seeing his name posted upon half-adozen boards, bulks, and dead-walls, and suspended front and rear from the necks of those moveable placards who let out their legs and shoulders for purposes of publicity at half-acrown a day. He could not approach a single metropolitan bridge without finding himself stared in the face by his own name, M. A. and all, in gigantic capitals. Nay, he could not even pass from east to west in a bridge steamer without catching a glimpse of his glorification under every arch. He snapped his fingers at his former penny-a-lining pursuits, and was already in imagination a rechauffé of his unparalleled countryman, the admirable Crichton. During the intervals of the brief moments which he gave to the task of brushing up his flimsy collegiate acquaintance with the subject on which he was about to lecture, and gaining some slight acquaintance with the Panpolyheterontechnicon apparatus, he ever and anon stopped to exclaim mentally: "Weel, in a' 66 Esn't it mogboarn days!" or my neeficent?" or rubbing his hands to ejaculate in his own reading of Shak

spere:

"Noo, ba Sent Poll the werk ges brev'ly en!"

To lecture with success before a lady-audience (and four-fifths of the attendants at such affairs in London are of the fair sex) one or other of two things is requisite; either a fashionable exterior combined with a fluent and elegant address, to which

Sir Humphry Davy was indebted for his popularity infinitely more than to his science, or an excessive uncouthness both of appearance and manner, combined with some humour, either intentional or unconscious, or at least the faculty of keeping the audience amused, however this may be accomplished. In the latter hypothesis, provided the lecturer steer clear of a palpable exhibition of ignorance, his very uncouthness will be taken as an evidence of science, and even the parts which, imperfectly conceiving himself, he is utterly incapable of conveying intelligibly to his audience, will be accredited as evidences of his vast profoundness. In the same hypothesis, too, as demonstrated in a well-known recent case, the more extravagantly awkward and ridiculous the lecturer's appearance, the more probable is it that some female heads will be found weak enough to be set spinning by his balderdash.

"Weel, a 'm jest gangin' tull gie ye a wee bit lecter'. Ye see; thes is a father, and thes a piece o' sealin'

x-thes is anither father, and thes a wee bit gloss. Weel, ye see, a tak the wox in ae hon', an thes wee bet flonnel i' the ether, an' a reb 'em baith thegether; weel, the wox becems poasitively elactrified, an' attrocts the wee bet father, an repals it agen, an' unco soon, as ye may perceive-an' there's the preenciple o' elactreecity-as Shokspir says:— "Whilk mech enforcit gie's a hasty spork, 'An straicht es cauld again!'

(Great applause!)

"Noo, ye ken the preenciple that gloss es a noan-condector, whilk, though it be pheelosophically true, a 'm afeerd is moarally false, for et maun be admetted that the gloss is a deevil of a condecter to the nather regions!-(Laughter and applause applause and laughter.)

** Noo, ye ken, thes is a wheel, an' thes is a coge, that a wee bit loddie micht be playin' wi' in a burn (drawing himself up, and reciting emphatically)

"Lak' lettle wanton boys, whilk swem on blodders, Enless there be a froast, a kellin' froast!' (Great sensation.)

Davie's first lecture was quite a triumph. The familiarity of his style, and the "felicity" of his illustrations, were dwelt on with particular emphasis by the fair portion of the audience. The committee of management perceived at once by Davie's awkward manner of handling the apparatus, that he knew little or nothing of what he was about. But as the style of the lecturer evidently took so well with the public, the "chucks" were "innocent of the knowledge," that is to say, they kept it to themselves, merely fixing a demonstrator by Davie's side at the future lectures to perform the manipulatory part of the experiments for him, in order to save appearances with the few of the initiated who might happen to stroll into the lecture-room for the purpose of obtaining a peep at the new Scotch lion.

During the delivery of the first six lectures, Davie observed the same pair of fine blue eyes, in combination with a very pleasing blonde face, and light auburn ringlets, perpetually fixed on him with a look of the most intense enthusiasm. On the morning after the sixth lecture, which concluded the course on electricity, a very charmingly written crow-quill, scented, and exquisitely sealed note reached Davie, and set his bosom in a flutter. Its contents were as follows:

--

gination, exhibiting about as much of "the poetry of motion" as an elephant performing the cachucha!

Davie scanned the note once more, and caught in embossed work upon the paper the initials "L. S." Whew! it was she-Miss Letitia Savong, the rich scientific dilettante's daughter. Davie had made out the blue-eyed blonde's name by inquiring of the man who assisted him in the management of the apparatus. Would Davie be at the Caledonian Ball upon Tuesday evening? Would he not!

Having got a twenty-pound note upon account from the committee of management, Davie repaired to a theatrical tailor in the vicinity of Covent-garden, and got himself measured for a full suit of Highland costume, if that can be called a full suit in which the breeches are minus. He was most particular in selecting the genuine Douglas plaid, with a "raid" and unruffled heron-plume, and all things to match. His next rush was to a dancing-master, being resolved, as he expressed it,

To caper nembly in ma lady's chomber, To the lasceevious pleasings of a lute, An' stret bafore a wanton omblin' neemph."

Davie had thus about four days' practice in dancing, and by dint of extraordinary perseverance he contrived to learn something of the quadrille and waltz steps-about so much as might be accounted consistent with the gravity of a scientific personage of great distinction. He admitted to himself that, like Othello,

"He had na thae seft parts o' coanversaytion,

Whilk chomberers hov," but he trusted with confidence to the spur of the moment for the fascinations of an irresistible eloquence, and fortified himself by quoting the metrical proverb

"" 'The maan wha has a tengue, ba Juv, he's nae man,

Ef wi' that tengue he conna wen a weman!"

While Davie was thus engaged in meditating all sorts of fopperies, the shadow of another more legitimate dandy was flitting away. In a small cottage at Camberwell, occupying a miniature sitting-room and bed-room,

at seven shillings a week, lay Narcissus Dobbs, with a bottle of gin in one hand and a long clay pipe, of the species designated "alderman," in the other. His hand shook like that of a palsied man, as he conveyed the mouth of the bottle to his lips; his eyes gleamed with a wild and unnatural fire, his forehead was contracted with a painful spasm, strongly contrasting with the maudlin mirth of a bacchanalian song, of which he occasionally half-chaunted, half-mumbled a snatch. He was in the last stage of delirium tremens that horrible scourge of drunkards. His lips had the fresh, but unhealthy vermilion hue of a confirmed gin-drinker, making ten times ghastlier the pallor of his linen cheeks. As he approached the bottle again and again to his mouth, he was gently restrained by a female hand-the hand of Ynez !

Yes, that noble-minded, singlehearted girl, forgetful of all the injuries she had received at his hands, had flown to his side, when he was deserted by all the world, and now she hung night and day over his dying pillow, smoothing its asperities and lightening, as best she could, its horrors, mindless of herself, solicitous alone of that unfeeling wretch's comfort, and of the sweet, though dishonoured babe, that hung at her bosom, giving to herself not two hours' sleep out of the twenty-four, administering to Dobbs his medicines under all possible disguises, and with every sweetest blandishment-proving that there is, indeed, one earthly plant, tender yet deeprooted, lowly yet all-clasping :

"Unhurt amid the war of elements,

The wreck of matter, and the crush of worlds;"

That plant is woman's love!

Dobbs had not been three months married, when his dissipated habits returning caused an estrangement between him and his wife. The ruffian imported disease into the marriage couch-even this was forgiven! But his liaison with the wife of his friend Blunt became at length too grossly apparent. Custom begets confidence, and confidence effrontery. Blunt challenged Dobbs, and Dobbs declined to meet him. Then there was what is usually designated

a

regular blow-up." Dobbs was forced to retire from the storm of contemptuous indignation with which he was assailed, and his cowardice effected with his wife what not even his infidelity could accomplish-begot disgust and a separate maintenance. Her relatives had insisted upon her retaining the control of her own fortune; and a lodging was taken for Narcissus at Camberwell, and 100l. a year allowed him besides for his subsistence.

More than half this sum was spent upon gin. At first, he readily managed to consume a pint per diem, but his quota was speedily increased to a quart. Of course, this regimen soon shattered his constitution, and at the end of each week he was obliged to take to his bed, and have a blister applied to the nape of his neck from ear to ear. Set upon his legs once more by medical aid, he would occasionally stroll into town, preparatory to which it was his custom to spend four hours at his toilet, unpapering his curls, rouging his cheeks, pencilling his eye-brows, and dyeing his whiskers and moustache. Sometimes, when he was determined to be more than ordinarily bewitching, he made his forehead and throat of a dazzling whiteness with pearl powder, curled his whiskers, and gave a Vandyck twist to his moustache. He uniformly came home lying in the bottom of a cab, in the most helpless stage of intoxication, and it was Ynez's care to lift him in this state to his bed, with the cabman's assistance. Let me draw the curtain over his closing scene, in which the soul of this heartless dandy in ruins was rendered up with horrible blasphemy!

The eventful evening arrived, and Davie set off in full fig. for the Caledonian ball. Like the generality of his countrymen, when arrayed en grande tenue, he determined to show himself to the denizens of Cockaigne, and went on foot. Some fifty gamins, from five to fifteen years of age, followed him the entire way, some admiring, others jeering his costume. His spindle shanks had been well plied with violet powder for several days before, to improve the colour