BEHIND THE SCENES, WITH THE PROLOGUE TO OUR [MANAGER TYPO is discovered pacing up and down the stage, in a phrensy of consternation and excite ment. The call-boy looks aghast, his ears having been thumped into a striking resemblance to live coals. The bell-wire still trembles from its recent exertion; the call-boy trembles with fright; TYPO's voice with rage, as he exclaims-] "Didn't I order you, you young blackguard, to summon them to their places?" CALL-BOY.—I t-t-t-told them, sir. MANAGER TYPO.-Hold your tongue, you infernal rascal, or I'll cut it out this instant ! "the [Enter, running, PROTEUS, rouged and cork-moustached upon one side of his face; pale as "monumental alabaster," and beardless as baby of a girl" on the other. TIMON, with one stocking half-drawn on, and a tie-wig, tail foremost. ANTIHUMBUG in puris naturalibus. PAUL PINDAR in a court-coat of the reign of the second George, and a pair of modern top-boots, having forgot, in his extreme hurry, to draw on his inexpressibles. LORD B. with his VOL. I. woolsack wig furbished up for this particular occasion, and looking excellently well, with a pen stuck in the uppermost curl, over the left ear. SIR TICKELEM TENDER, DENIS DEFOE, SKELTON SECUNDUS, SoLOMON ODDFISH, PHIZ, and GILLRAY THE YOUNGER, with a pair and a half of stockings, a Roman Toga, a tattered roquelaure, an embroidered vest, two pair of spurs and an odd one, a red-heeled pump, a single Jack-boot, three shirts and a 'dickey," distributed amongst them. The DOWAGER LADY PENRAILWAY, rouged to the eyes, but minus her splendid set of teeth, the source of her habitual grin, and innocent of all drapery but a very short petticoat, to the great relief of the skinniest of necks and boniest of ancles, which are thus permitted to take an airing. MRS. DR. CAUSTIC grinning most formidably with her own genuine ivories, and consulting decency with the temporary accommodation of a cloak. A bevy of printer's devils, with all the minor Dramatis Persona.] MANAGER TYPO.-Great Guns! ladies and gentlemen, what can you B have been dreaming about, not to be dressed and ready by this time? Why, there has positively been fourteen and sixpence in the shilling gallery for the last quarter of an hour! I let in a boy they said was only nine years old, for sixpence, though I wish I had as good an estate as he might come into possession of to-morrow; but didn't like to "kick up a row" on a first night. What can you have been all about, while the audience are on the "tip-toe of expectation (as the penny-a-liners describe it), momentarily awaiting the rising of the curtain." By -! and ! not one of you so much as quarterdressed. What the perdition have you been peddling about? TIMON-(Sotto voce) Haven't seen the colour of a "mag" yet! PROTEUS. No "dust" forthcoming! PAUL PINDAR.- The "rhino" voted a superfluity! FIRST PRINTER'S DEVIL.-S'elp "Bob," sister Sal said as 'ow I must bring 'ome the "salary." me The DOWAGER LADY PENRAILWAY. Upon my sacred honour, which I am not habituated to pledge, MR. TYPO, save on the most momentous occasions, my toilette, which is of the most expensive and récherchée description, as well as a consideration of my acknowledged ability, demands that in justice to myself— MANAGER TYPO.-Pshaw! will you go on, or not? Flam won't go down with me! (Pulls out his watch.) In ten minutes' time the curtain must rise, or the theatre will most probably be torn down, or perhaps burnt to the ground, and then, LADY PENRAILWAY, what is to become of your traps? LORD B.-Really, it is but equitable, considering the prevailing mo I'm quite indifferent which! If the former, the receipts shall be equitably divided by my worthy treasurer, PLUCKEM: if the latter, I shall put up "posters," denounce you all by name, swear you struck for advanced salaries, exterminate what little shreds of character you have left amongst you, annihilate your future prospects, and provide myself with a fresh company. [The DRAMATIS PERSONE Consult together, while MANAGER TYPO awaits the result of their deliberations very unconcernedly, humming a snatch from Don Giovanni, and tapping his patent-leather-cased bunnions with the tip of a borrowed ridingwhip.] The result of the consultation is announced by TIMON as follows:'We shall go on for this evening, at all events, upon chance!" ་ MANAGER TYPO.-And now let us have a distinct understanding as to the nature of your respective parts. PROTEUS.-Mine shall be the part political. Assisted by my learned and sagacious double, LORD B. (how striking the affinity between our characters!) I shall have a dash impartially at backsliding and political turpitude, at profligacy and corruption, wherever exhibited. "Rogues have at you all!" shall be my motto. To unmask every skulking hypocrite, shall a scale a-piece be allotted, and the nicest eye shall not be able to discover a leaning on my part towards either side; or, if you wish for a professional metaphor, I shall plant myself, like the prompter at the opera, right in front of the stage, and centre of the foot-lights. Ensconced beneath my sentry-box of a screen, I shall carefully watch the manœuvres of the bustling actors in the political farce, minutely noting them down, despising their blunders, abhorring their heartless repetitions, detesting their paint, "make up," and tinsel-finery, and equally removed from O. P. and P. S., the respective places of entrance and exit of oppositionists and officials. My criticisms, therefore, shall, at least, be candid and impartial. to strip and lash the naked knaves, whose united efforts are spreading the plague-spot- the something rotten in the state" of England -this shall be my delighted task. Aided by my valuable friend, ANTIHUMBUG, I shall test the tinkling, assay the sparkling, sound undercurrents, and trace back motives; compare protestations on the hustings with performance on the floor of the House of Commons; have a jealous eye to the distribution of patronage the progress of jobs-the intrigues of place-hunting schemers. I shall lay bare the secret mind and expose the covert design, as even my friend, Lord B. shall discover to his cost, if he should repeat his suicidal attempt. (The VERY GREAT ACTOR alluded to evidently winced at this allusion.) The dress which I wear plainly enough betokens my character. It is the twofold costume of the "Janus Dance." Now I am white as unsunned snow. Hey presto, with a demivolte, I shift my front, and am black as the raven's wing. "When I got into a row," quoth Lord Byron, "my rule was to strike out right and left, dealing forth my blows impartially to friend and foe!" thus shall I. And furthermore, I shall defy you to detect that I have the slightest leaning towards any side in politics. My ambidexterity shall be perfectly amazing; and, what is better still, it shall be exercised in entire good faith, and with a thorough contempt of the wretched trammels of party-trammels in which the sacred name of fatherland is too often forgot. My party shall ever be MY COUNTRY! I shall sit enthroned, like JUSTICE, with pen in one hand, flashing like Ithuriel's spear; in the other, the sacred balance! To Whigs and Tories MANAGER TYPO.-That will do, old trump! Now go finish your toilette. Rouge the other side of your face, and invest yourself with an artificial blush, for you'd find it troublesome to "come it natural." [Exeunt PROTEUS and LORD B. arm-in-arm.] The DOWAGER LADY PENRAILWAY (bridling up her ricketty figure, with a lofty toss of the head), I presume, Mr. Manager Typo, that my position in society is a sufficient guarantee for my thorough acquaintance with all the details of fashionable life. "Le Courrier des Dames" shall be my department-need a word more be said? To flutter, like a butterfly, through every boudoir, from her Majesty's down to the recesses of the decidedly vulgar, at which mark I stop short contemptuously; this is my aim and my ambition! I shall fashion my dear little columns after the genuine Parisian models-give strictures on the newest modes — scenes at the Opera, before the curtain charming adventures at soirée, con cert, and ball, delectable conversazioni in private box and boudoir-précis de la toilette-with the pleasantest chitchat, and the prettiest tittle-tattle in the world! Est-ce assez, mon cher? The graceful courtesy with which the magnificent dowager retired to her dressing-room to torture her cosmetics, draws from the pursy manager a positive inclination of the head -unwonted condescension! ANTI-HUMBUG, TIMON, PAUL PINDAR, and the rest, explain that they will divide amongst them the departments of literary criticism, satire, and poetical effusion. Their names are accepted by the manager as a sufficient guarantee of their fitness for the task. MRS. DR. CAUSTIC promises an abundant supply of her inimitable sketches of character. The proverbial ignorance of the manager stumbles at the name of CHARIVARI in the bills. It is explained to him that it means a sort of marrow-bones and cleaver serenade for political brawlers a species of entertainment, which, for years past, has been carried on successfully in Paris. Hereupon Mr. Manager Typo " Shakes his ambrosial curls, and gives the nod, The stamp of fate, and sanction of a god!" All which means, in the vernacular, that he pronounces the single word "Good!" a word of great moment, when (rarest of occurrences!) it proceeds from the lips either of manager or master, since "All the world's a stage!" And now the fourteen shillings and sixpence in the gallery has become augmented to a pound! Fidgetty impatience is straining on the slip" before the scenes, while at the slips behind, the "professional ladies and gentlemen" are congregated, the former burying the last pins in their attire, the latter tucking up sundry pots of "heavy-wet," and glasses of 'brandy-an'-votter 'ot," those indispensable auxiliaries of dramatic exertion. PROLOGUE. SPOKEN BY ANTI-HUMBUG. LADIES and gentlemen! I greet you all, Short, long, squat, graceful, lanky, plump, and tall! Your faults, should you be lamer than this verse; |