the legal phrases, which I shall do my best to avoid, not to overtask my reader's ingeunity.

It is an old lawyer instructing a young one :—

"But chiefly thou, dear Job, my friend,
My kinsman, to my verse attend;
By education formed to shine
Conspicuous in the pleading line;

For you, from five years old to twenty
Were crammed with Latin words in plenty;

Were bound apprentice to the Muses,

And forced with hard words, blows, and bruises
To labour on poetic ground,

Dactyls and spondees to confound
And when become in fictions wise,
In Pagan histories and lies,

Were sent to dive at Granta's cells
For truth in dialectic wells;

There duly bound for four years more
To ply the philosophic oar,
Points metaphysical to moot,
Chop logic, wrangle, and dispute;
And now, by far the most ambitious

Of all the sons of Bergersdiscius,

Present the law with all the knowledge

You gathered both at school and college,
Still bent on adding to your store
The graces of a Pleader's lore,
And, better to improve your taste,
Are by your parents' fondness placed
Among the blest, the chosen few
(Blest if their happiness they knew),
Who, for three hundred guineas paid
To some great master of the trade,
Have, at his rooms, by special favour,
His leave to use their best endeavour,
By drawing pleas from nine till four,
To earn him twice three hundred more;
And after dinner may repair

To 'foresaid rooms, and then and there
Have 'foresaid leave, from five till ten,
To draw the aforesaid pleas again."

Then he favours his pupil with a bit of his own history, which seems to me capital:

--

"Whoe'er has drawn a special plea
Has heard of old Tom Tewksbury;
Deaf as a post, and thick as mustard,

He aimed at wit, and bawled and blustered,

And died a Nisi prius leader

That genius was my special pleader.

That great man's office I attended,
By Hawk and Buzzard recommended;
Attorneys both of wondrous skill
To pluck the goose and drive the quill.
Three years I sat his smoky room in,
Pens, paper, pounce and ink consuming;
The fourth, when Essoign day begun,
Joyful I hailed the auspicious sun,
Bade Tewksbury and clerk adieu;
*Purification Eighty-two

Of both I washed my hands; and though
With nothing for my cash to show
But precedents, so scrawled and blurred
I scarce could read one single word,
Nor in my book of common-place
One feature of the law could trace,
Save Buzzard's nose and visage thin,
And Hawk's deficiency of chin,
Which I, while lolling at my ease,
Was wont to draw instead of pleas;
Yet chambers I equipt complete,

Hired books, made friends, and gave to eat.
If, haply, to regale my friends on,
My mother sent a haunch of ven'son,
I most respectfully entreated
The choicest company to eat it;
To wit, old Buzzard, Hawk, and Crow,
Item Tom Thornback, Shark, and Co.,
Attorneys all, as keen and staunch
As e'er devoured a client's haunch;
Nor did I not their clerks invite
To taste said vension hashed at night
For well I knew that hopeful fry
My rising merit would descry,
The same litigious course pursue,
And, when to fish of prey they grew,
By love of food and contest led,

Would haunt the spot where once they fed.
Thus having with due circumspection

Formed my professional connexion,

My desk with precedents I strewed,

Turned critic, danced, or penned an ode,
Studied the ton, became a free

And easy man of gallantry;

But if, while capering at my glass,

Or toying with some fovourite lass,

I heard the aforesaid Hawk a-coming,

Or Buzzard on the staircase humming,

At once the fair angelic maid

Into my coal-hole I conveyed;

The Purification of the Virgin Mary is one of the return days

of Hilary Term.

E

At once, with serious look profound,
And eyes commercing with the ground,
I seemed as one estranged to sleep,
And, fixed in cogitation deep,

Sate motionless; while in my hand I
Held my Doctrina Placitandi.

And though I never read a page in 't,
Thanks to that shrewd well-judging agent,
My sister's husband, Mr. Shark,
Soon got six pupils and a clerk.

Five pupils were my stint, the other
I took to compliment his mother."

This piece of autobiography seems to me admirable for its neatness and point, its humour and its good-humour. The termination of the poem is a trial of matchless pleasantry between John-a-Gull and John-a-Gudgeon, for an assault at an election. I transcribe the commencement and part of the opening speech-a piece of legal comedy which will make its way even with the least learned reader :

For the Plaintiff, Mr. Counsellor BOTHER'UM.-For the Defendant, Mr. Counsellor BORE'UM.-Mr. BOTHER'UM opens the pleadings. His speech at length:

"I rise with pleasure, I assure ye,
With transport to accost a jury
Of your known conscientious feeling,
Candour, and honourable dealing,
From Middlesex † discreetly chosen
(A worthy and an upright dozen),
This action, gentlemen, is brought,
By John-a-Gudgeon for a tort-"

[Aside.

Our French will serve us for this legal word, which is, I suppose, old Norman-French, pronounced English-wise, but signifying a wrong, as one might guess from the modern tongue :

* As taken by an eminent short-hand writer.

Middlesex. This being an election affray, the venue is supposed to have been changed upon the usual affidavit, for the sake of a more fair and impartial trial before a Middlesex jury.

With swords, knives, sticks, staves, fist and bludgeon,
Beat, bruised, and wounded John-a-Gudgeon." "

This prodigious accumulation of weapons, as well as the "twelve pots, twelve mugs," and so forth, to which we are coming, is an imitation of the real law fictions and endless repetitions which result from the circumstance of nothing being allowed to be proven at a trial that has not been named in the indictment, whereas there is no rule to compel the proof of more than the counsel think essential to the case; it is, therefore, really usual to provide against all contingencies by enumerating far more particulars than are likely to be brought forward. Lawyers will best feel the satire, but all can enjoy the fun :

"First count's for that with divers jugs,

To wit, twelve pots, twelve cups, twelve mugs,
Of certain vulgar drink, called toddy,
Said Gull did sluice said Gudgeon's body.
The second count's for other toddy,
Thrown by said Gull on Gudgeon's body;
To wit, his gold-laced hat and hair on,
And clothes which he had then and there on;
To wit, twelve jackets, twelve surtouts,
Twelve pantaloons, twelve pair of boots,
Which did thereby much discompose
Said Gudgeon's mouth, eyes, ears, and nose,
Back, stomach, neck, thighs, feet, and toes;
By which and other wrongs unheard of,
His clothes were spoilt and life despaired of:
To all these counts the plea I find

Is son assault and issue's joined."

Here our French helps us again, and the common expression of joining issue. Now for Counsellor Bother'um's history

of the battle. The watery names are very happy

66

'Such, gentlemen, is word for word

The story told on this record.
The fray was at a feast or revel,
At Toadland, on the Bedford Level,
Given, as was usual at elections,
By Gudgeon to his Fen connections.
They'd had a meeting at the 'Swan'
The day before the poll began,
And hence adjourned it to make merry
With Mr. Coot, who keeps the 'Ferry.'
Now John-a-Gull, who thrusts his nose
Wherever John-a-Gudgeon goes,
To this same feast, without suspicion,
Unasked, it seems, had gained admission.

·

Coot had just finished an oration,
And Gudgeon, with much approbation,
Was singing an election ballad,

Penned by the ingenious Doctor Mallard,
(That orthodox and learned writer,
Who bids so fairly for a mitre,)

When Gull, who heard this song or sonnet,
With Mr. Gudgeon's comments on it;
This Gull, whose very name denoted
The character for whom he voted,
Flourished his knuckles in derision,
And, with much promptness of decision,
Began to pummel and belabour
The short ribs of his peaceful neighbour;
But first with tweaks assailed his nose,
And interspersed said tweaks with blows.
Gudgeon explained, and Gull recourse had
To other tweaks like tweak aforesaid.
Heaven knows a milder gentler creature
Never was seen in human nature
Than the forbearing and well-judging,
Discreet and gentle John-a-Gudgeon!
And, gentlemen, there's no man's face is
Better received at all your races,
Wells, mouths and water-drinking places;
Was alderman and mayor elect,
Once had the honour to be pricked
For sheriff, which important station
He gained without solicitation.
No doubt his lordship recognises
The coat he had on at assizes,
A velveret, genteel and neat,

With tabby lined and frogs complete,
Made for Squire Gudgeon's wedding ball,
When first he came to Webfoot Hall,

An ancient seat in the Isle of Ely,

Where all the Gudgeons lived genteelly;

Which coat, so trimmed, so frogged, said Gull Did spoil, besmear, and disannul

With the most villanous libations

Of the most vile of vile potations;

For proof we 'll call Gull's worthy friend,
Who keeps a school at Toadland's end;

One Simon Trout, a pious pastor,

And Dr. Tench, who spread the plaister;
And Farmer Chubb, an honest yeoman,
Who speaks the truth and cares for no man
But, above all, to prove our case,
We'll show you Mr. Gudgeon's face.
Where every injured feature pleads
'Gainst John-a-Gull's atrocious deeds;
What facts, what species of excuse,
My brother Bore'um will produce,