the individual is naturally elegant, and has been early associated in England with persons of refinement, is not particularly calculated to give ladies what we are in the habit of considering ladylike ways ard notions.

The Chumpses were persons of low origin. An early marriage with a most gentlemanlike man had made Mrs. Millington presentable in any society; but her spinster-sister, Miss Chumps, looked so odd, and had such odd manners, that one would not have been anxious to incur the responsibility of presenting her anywhere. Still what Anna Maria had told me about the accession of fortune rendered her somewhat interesting in my eyes, and being, as I thought, rather neglected by the niece, I was glad to avail myself of the excuse to try and get into the good graces of the aunt.

"I have been in India myself," said I to her one day.

"So they tell me," she replied. "Oh, India's the place for us women! I remember at Rainandpore the ball that Lord Puffing gave

us.

He was dressed as a Rajah, and I and five other ladies (the handsomest they could pick out) were his six wives! I wish you could have seen me with my shawls, and my tissue-turban, and my beetle-wings!" "But you like England, I hope ?"

"Oh, London's pretty well, if they would but wash it clean. I arrived some days before I was expected, and stayed by myself at the Golden Cross, Charing Cross, until sister Millington and my niece joined me."

"Unpleasant for a single lady."

"Yes, especially for one accustomed to the manners of the East. But I recollected that I had a cousin Chumps in trade, one my sister don't wish to hear talked about, and looking in the Directory I found him out, and wrote him a note, and he came and called with his wife, and they asked me to tea, which was civil and obliging; they lodged at a porkshop in the Strand, called Devonshire House."

"I've not the pleasure of knowing it," said I; "but I've seen the advertisement."

"Well," proceeded Miss Chumps, "I was not sorry to have an opportunity of seeing a little of London society; so I put on a beautiful bright yellow China-crape dress, with a handsome scarlet India shawl, my beetle-wing turban, and my bangles, and ordering a hackney-coach at eight o'clock in the evening, I desired the man to drive to Devonshire House."

"Pray go on," said I, beginning to take an interest in her adventure. "Well, away we went, and arrived at some gates which were thrown open; there seemed to be some demur about admitting the vehicle; but the moment my beetle-wings glittered at the window, the porter allowed us to proceed. We drove up to a magnificent mansion, from every window of which lights were beaming, and we stopped at a splendid portico, the large folding-doors were open, crowds of liveried menials stood ready to receive me, and the interior of the hall blazed with magnificence. Am I in a dream? thought I. People approached; the door of the coach was opened; the steps let down; and I descended. I thought I heard the words 'hackney-coach' whispered by a gentleman in full dress, and another also in a whisper replied, "Oh, a foreigner of distinction, a stranger no doubt;' and with much ceremony I was escorted to the door of a saloon, and I immediately found myself in a

circle of distinguished individuals, one of whom-really the most gentlemanlike man I ever beheld-came forward to receive me, but started back after he had advanced a few steps, as if overcome by the oriental splendour of my appearance. I could not quite understand all this; I looked round in vain for cousin Chumps, and instead of seeing preparations for tea and smelling buttered toast, I thought I heard 'dinner' mentioned by a gentleman in powder, who walked in at another door and made a graceful bow."

"Good gracious!" said I, "what a sad mistake!"

"So it appeared," replied the spinster; "for the gentlemanlike man spoke to the man in powder, and he spoke to me, and inquired whom he had the honour of addressing; I certainly was agitated, but distinctly articulated 'Miss Chumps, from India,' when a tall handsome man in regimentals said something about deranged intellects, and some of the young people laughed, while others looked on me with an eye of compassion. I fainted dead away, and knew very little what happened until I found myself in my bedchamber at the Golden Cross."

It was evident from Miss Chumps's story that she had appeared in the first circles in London; yet it was with difficulty I could resist laughing at her adventure. To change the conversation, however, I touched on a tender theme; and ere a quarter of an hour had elapsed, false to the fair niece, I had breathed vows of unalterable love to the more affluent aunt. She seemed much astonished at my offer.

"You must make my peace with Anna Maria," said I.

"Why, to tell you the truth," she replied, "I do not think she will regret your desertion; I believe, after what passed between you three years ago, she considered herself bound in honour to accept your hand, you persisted in your suit; though, between ourselves, I think she has been rather attached to a very handsome officer, of her own age, quartered at Newport."

if

"So much the better," I replied.

"But I must do you the justice to say that your giving her up now is a proof of disinterested honourable feeling, which does you credit. You courted her when she was comparatively poor, and there are few who would have voluntarily withdrawn their claims at the very moment when she became rich, and bestowed those affections on one portionless as myself."

I stood aghast. Had the servant-girl then told me truth, and had Anna Maria merely misled me to try the disinterestedness of my motives? So it proved. I had been engaged to dine with Mrs. Millington that day, and at dinner I was placed by Miss Chumps, the antiquated possessor of forty pounds a-year unencumbered property, while Anna Maria, who now possessed five thousand a-year, sat radiant with smiles and beauty by the side of Captain Beaumont of the dragoons.

So much for a Widower's Wooing. There was now no Becky to come forth and claim me, and voluntary apostacy was likely to be rewarded with an action for breach of promise of marriage. Deprived of the smiles of Miss Millington, I found small consolation in the ogles of Miss Chumps; and perhaps I may hereafter make public some more of the miss-adventures of a Widower.

THE KING OF CLUBS.

BY ALFRED CROWQUILL.

CLUBS were once the prevailing fashion in England,—I do not allude to those convivial assemblies so pleasantly depicted and described in all their varieties by the periodical called "The Guardian," but to those criniferous appendages to the head worn by the bucks of that period. Pig-tails and "knockers" superseded the ponderous "clubs ;" and subsequently, "crops " were, and have, with little variation, continued to be the mode. Strange! but assuredly of all the goddesses worshipped by the moderns, Fashion has the chief place in their pantheon.

Although of the feminine gender, she most resembles our sober and thrifty merchants-for she is continually "on the change.”

But to return to the clubs. Of all those recorded in modern or ancient times, the club of Hercules stands pre-eminent. The Greeks, the first story-tellers in the world, relate innumerable wonders performed by it, and who can doubt their veracity? This club, by the way, was no appendage to any human block as before mentioned, but was in itself a solid wooden block, gnarled and knotted in a most picturesque manner, and used by Hercules as a "tool" or weapon of offence or defence, as occasion required. In fact, it was the gigantic grandfather, the "thumping" Adam of the degenerated race of shilelaghs!

The exploits or labours of Hercules, the King of Clubs, have been frequently related before in simple prose and lofty rhyme. If we for a moment considered that we could not tell the tale more pleasantly, we would at once abandon the theme; but we think we can-and prove too, most indubitably, that our King of Clubs was a trump!

Know then, most erudite reader, that Hercules was the son of Jupiter and Alcmena. Juno, the haughty and imperious wife of Jupiter, delivered one of her longest "curtain-lectures" on the occasion, and would willingly have sent the interesting illegitimate to the foundling or the workhouse, had such asylums for disowned bantlings existed at that romantic period. Jupiter's thunder was paralysed and silenced by her sweet voice, and

'He scratched his ear, the infallible resource To which embarrassed people have recourse;" and, we are sorry to add, that the affectionate Juno scratched his face. For the sake of public decency we will, however, draw a veil over these domestic squabbles, which how interesting soever they may be to the parties concerned, are offensive to the delicate eye of decorum. Finding that all her rage fell upon him, like a flash of lightning upon a conductor, she desisted from her loquacious persecution; but, being always attended by her favourite bird the peacock, she, of course, had "all her eyes about her," as they say in the vulgate.

Hercules was still in his cradle-that is, as still as most infants generally are in that situation-and Juno resolved to send him some "playthings." Her first idea was a "rattle"-and, as Jupiter confessed, she certainly possessed an extraordinary one of her own-but upon mature consideration she made an addition to her intended present, and subsequently gave Master Hercules a couple of rattle-snakes.

How injudicious are the gifts of some people! They might have bitten him; and Juno, to whom this same probability had occurred, returned hastily to his apartment to see if they really had; and, to her dismay, beheld the stout little fellow grappling them tightly by the throat and tossing them about his cradle as limp as a pair of list garters! He had strangled them! This was his first feat before he could run alone! He soon outgrew his pinafores; and in course of time arrived at manhood. The enmity of Juno, however, still unrelentingly pursued him; and, although a muscular youth, he would willingly have accepted the situation of errand-boy to Jupiter, but the place was already filled by Mercury.

His want of favour at court was a bar to credit, and none of the Stultzes of the day would measure him for a suit; instead, therefore, of splendid clothes, befitting his station and degree, he got into idle habits. His moral character was still unimpeached, and being naturally of an ardent and romantic temperament, he resolved to sally forth as a knight-errant, and, if possible, to knock down tyranny and oppression, and pick up a livelihood. His valour was indomitable-his strength incomparable. Tearing up an oak by the roots, he fashioned it into a formidable club, and throwing it carelessly across his shoulders-with no other burthen than his domestic griefs-he wandered into the forest of Nemea.

With

Aurora had just drawn the purple curtains of her couch in the east, and looked with a radiant and blushing countenance upon the world, when a roarer in the shape of a monstrous lion-rushed rampantly through a leafy brake upon the astonished Hercules. He grasped his club and calmly awaited the approach of his voracious enemy. mane erect, and lashing his swarthy sides with his tasseled tail, he bore down upon our hero. His loud voice rang through the forest, and made the affrighted echoes shrink in terror and dismay. At one tremendous bound he sprang upon his intended victim. The situation of Hercules was awful; but he saluted his antagonist with a firmness and decision that were irresistible. His next spring proved the "winter of his discontent;" for the renowned club fell so pat upon his skull, that he rolled over on his back and extended his huge paws in the most tranquil state of peace and insensibility.

"The first and the best hit I ever made in my life," exclaimed Hercules, leaning on his club, and gazing cautiously upon the lion. "He came and he is gone! And now, most royal beast, having given thee a dressing, thou shalt return the compliment." And stooping down, he undressed poor Leo in a jiffy.

Enveloping himself in the royal robes, which really fitted him to a hair, he surveyed himself, like another Narcissus, in the natural mirror of an adjacent-puddle!

"Really, now," said he, " there is a vast difference between a bare skin and a lion's skin! This is truly an enviable acquisition, and my trunk, like a traveller's, is certainly the better for the hairy covering."

Having uttered this self-gratulatory soliloquy, he threw his club over his shoulder again and departed, leaving the dead body to an inquest of the ravens.

Pursuing his journey, he met with until he came to the Lake of Lerna.

few incidents worthy of remark, Stooping to slake his thirst, for

habit and necessity had both contributed to make him a temperate man, what was his surprise on beholding the seven-headed Hydra squinting maliciously at him with her fourteen eyes! "Well! this beats rattlesnakes all to nothing!" exclaimed Hercules, his mind recurring to the memorable exploit of his babyhood.

Proudly arching her necks, she extended her jaws. "Ho! ho!" cried Hercules, "I suppose, Madam, by showing your teeth, like a beauty, I am to conclude that you wish to engage me."

Now, as he was indubitably the most "striking" character of his day, this was a very probable conclusion; and he forthwith gallantly saluted the Hydra with such admirable effect that one of her seven heads dropped off. Presto! another sprang up in its place! which so tickled Hercules, that he burst into a fit of laughter.

"Why, this is boy's play," said he; practically illustrated under seven heads!"

one down the other come on,

The conflict, however, became beyond a joke, and Hercules retreated up the strand, followed by the Hydra. Bravely he fought, and never had the seven-headed serpent beheld such a display of muscles on that strand before! Finding herself completely out of her element, she turned towards the lake, when Hercules, taking advantage of her position, struck her dexterously on the tip of her tail, and she dropped down stone-dead before she had time to think of her latter end. And so both her tail and her history were appropriately finished with a wood-cut! Her dyeing, however, did not cease with her death, for her blood completely crimsoned the Lake of Lerna.

Hercules having dined, "with his club" continued his journey in search of adventures. He had not travelled far before he fell in with the celebrated Erymanthian boar,-an animal of astonishing size and ferocity. His enormous tusks and bristles were alone sufficient to have made tooth-brushes for a whole generation! No sooner did Hercules catch his eye than he uttered a loud and sonorous grunt, and rising from the mire in which he had been taking his siesta or afternoon's nap, he trotted unwieldily towards him.

"I'm not given to pork," said Hercules, " but, i'faith, here is pork given to me. I bear an oak, but my oak bears no acorns for his entertainment. He seems well-fed, however, although, from the muddiness of his hide, I'm sure a little wash' would do him no harm."

He had scarcely pronounced this soliloquy, of which the foolish wild boar understood not a syllable, when he was compelled to act promptly on the defensive, for a thrust from the tusks of his porcine foe threatened to make an awful dent in his legs.

Egad," exclaimed he, "I must keep my legs at any rate, for I've really such a run of business in the fighting line, that I shall not be able to keep pace with my customers." And he straightwith made such an impression on the grunter's carcass, that he lay kicking in a most unromantic and inelegant attitude at the feet of his victor.

Hercules had heard much talk in the neighbourhood of the quarrelsome conduct of his prostrate foe, and, for the sake of future quiet, was resolved to bind him down to keep the peace. With this charitable intention towards mankind, he proceeded to cord the legs of the boar.

"There now," said he, after completing his operations, "that is what one may call ham-stringing. I have taken especial care, too, not