name) out of my conversation, that he dares in this manner assay me? Why, he hath not been thrice.in my company! What should I say to him?—I was then frugal of mirth-heaven forgive me!-Why, I'll exhibit a bill in my the parliament for the putting down of men. How shall I be revenged on him? for revenged I will be, as sure as his guts are made of puddings. Enter Mistress Ford. Mrs. Ford. Mistrefs Page! trust me, I was going to your house. Mrs. Page. And, trust me, I was coming to you. You look very ill. Mrs. Ford. Nay, I'll ne'er believe that; I have to show to the contrary. Mrs. Page. 'Faith, but you do, in my mind. Mrs. Ford. Well, I do then; yet, I say, I could show you to the contrary: O, mistress Page, give me some counsel! Mrs. Page. What's the matter, woman? Mrs. Ford. O woman, if it were not for one trifling respect, I could come to such honour! Mrs. Page. Hang the trifle, woman; take the honour: What is it?-dispense with trifles ;—what is it? Mrs. Ford. If I would but go to hell for an eternal moment, or so, I could be knighted. Mrs. Page. What?-thou liest!-Sir Alice Ford!These knights will hack; and so thou should'st not alter the article of thy gentry. Mrs. Ford. We burn daylight:—here, read, read ;perceive how I might be knighted.—I shall think the worse of fat men, as long as I have an eye to make difference of men's liking: And yet he would not swear; prais'd women's modesty and gave such orderly and well-behaved reproof to all uncomelinefs, that I would have sworn his disposition would have gone to the truth of his words: but they do no more adhere, and keep place together, than the hundredth psalm to the tune of Green Sleeves. What tempest, I trow, threw this whale, with so many tuns of oil in his belly, ashore at Windsor? How shall I be revenged on him? I think, the best way were to entertain him with hope, till the wicked fire of lust have melted him in his own grease.—Did you ever hear the like? Mrs. Page. Letter for letter; but that the name of Page and Ford differs!—To thy great comfort in this mystery of ill opinions, here's the twin-brother of thy letter: but let thine inherit first; for, I protest, mine never shall. I warrant, he hath a thousand of these letters, writ with blank space for different names, (sure more,) and these are of the second edition: He will print them out of doubt; for he cares not what he puts into the prefs, when he would put us two. I had rather be a giantefs, and lie under mount Pelion. Well, I will find you twenty lascivious turtles, ere one chaste man. Mrs. Ford. Why, this is the very same; the very hand, the very words: What doth he think of us? Mrs. Page. Nay, I know not: It makes me almost ready to wrangle with mine own honesty. I'll entertain myself like one that I am not acquainted withal; for, sure, unless he know some strain in me, that I know not myself, he would never have boarded me in this fury. Mrs. Ford. Boarding, call you it? I'll be sure to keep him above deck. Mrs. Page. So will I; if he come under my hatches, I'll never to sea again. Let's be revenged on him: let's appoint him a meeting; give him a show of comfort in his suit; and lead him on with a fine-baited delay, till he hath pawn'd his horses to mine host of the Garter. Mrs. Ford. Nay, I will consent to act any villainy against him, that may not sully the charinefs of our honesty. O, if my husband saw this letter! it would give eternal food to his jealousy. Mrs. Page. Why, look, where he comes; and my good man too: he's as far from jealousy, as I am from giving him cause; and that, I hope, is an unmeasurable distance. Mrs. Ford. You are the happier woman. Mrs. Page. Let's consult together against this greasy knight: Come hither. Enter Ford, Pistol, Page, and Nym. Ford. Well, I hope, it be not so. Pist. Hope is a curtail dog in some affairs: Sir John affects thy wife. Ford. Why, sir, my wife is not young. [they retire. Pist. He wooes both high and low, both rich and Both young and old, one with another, Ford; He loves thy gallimawfry; Ford, perpend. poor, |