CROMWELL.

Colonel Titus, in his pamphlet, "Killing no Murder," speaks thus of Cromwell:"You truly may be called the father of your country; for, while you live, we can call nothing our own; and it is to your death that we look for our inheritance."

BILLINGSGATE FAIR.

Charles Lamb, in passing through Billingsgate, was witness to a quarrel and fight between two fishwomen, one of whom, taking up a knife, cut off her antagonist's thumb. "Ha!" said Lamb, looking about him, as if he had only just recognized the place, "this is Fair-lop Fair."

DRESSING ASPARAGUS.

Fontenelle, who lived till within one month of 100, was never known to laugh or to cry, and even boasted of his insensibility. One day, a certain bon vivant Abbé came unexpectedly to dine with him. The Abbé was fond of aparagus dressed with butter-for which, also, Fontenelle had a great goût, but preferred it dressed with oil. Fontenelle said, that for such a friend there was no sacrifice he would not make, and that he should have half the dish of asparagus which he had ordered for himself, and that half, moreover, should be dressed with butter. While they were conversing thus together, the poor Abbé fell down in a fit of apoplexy; upon which his friend Fontenelle instantly scampered down stairs, and eagerly bawled out to his cook, "The whole with oil! the whole with oil, as at first!"

THE POETS IN A PUZZLE.

Cottle, in his life of Coleridge, relates the following amusing incident:-"I led my horse to the stable, where a sad perplexity arose. I removed the harness without difficulty; but, after many strenuous attempts I could not remove the collar. In despair, I called for assistance, when Mr. Wordsworth brought his ingenuity into exercise; but, after several unsuccessful efforts, he relinquished the achievement as a thing altogether impracticable. Mr. Coleridge now tried his hand, but showed no more skill than his predecessor; for, after twisting the poor horse's neck almost to strangulation and the great danger of his eyes, he gave up the useless task, pronouncing that the horse's head must have grown since the collar was put on; for he said, "it was a downright impossibility for such a huge os frontis to pass through so narrow an aperture.' Just at this instant, a servant-gil came near, and understanding the cause of our consternation, 'Ha! master,' said she, 'you don't go about the work in the right way. You should do like this,' when, turning the collar upside down, she slipped it off in a moment, to our great humiliation and wonderment, each satisfied afresh that there were heights of knowledge in the world to which we had not yet attained."

VULGARITY.

Sir Walter Scott once happening to hear his daughter Anne say of something, that it was vulgar, gave the young lady the following temperate rebuke: My love, you speak like a very young lady; do you know, after all, the meaning of this word vulgar? 'Tis only common; nothing that is common, except wickedness, can deserve to be spoken of in a tone of contempt; and when you have lived to my years, you will be disposed to agree with me in thanking God that nothing really worth having or caring about in this world is uncommon."

THE PULTENEY GUINEA.

William Pulteney, afterwards Earl of Bath, was remarkable alike for his oratorical talents and his long and consistent opposition to the measures of Sir Robert Walpole, the great Whig Minister. On the 11th of February, 1741, a time when party feeling was at its height, Walpole received an intimation in the House of Commons that it was the intention of the Opposition to impeach him. To this menace he replied with his usual composure and self-complacence, merely requesting a fair and candid hearing, and winding up his speech with the quotation

"Nil conscire sibi, nulli pallescere culpa."

With his usual tact, Pulteney immediately rose, and observed, "that the right honourable gentleman's logic and Latin were alike inaccurate, and that Horace, whom he had just misquoted, had written nullâ palescere culpâ.' Walpole maintained that his quotation was correct, and a bet was offered. The matter was thereupon referred to Nicholas Hardinge, Clerk of the House, an excellent classical scholar, who decided against Walpole. The Minister accordingly took a guinea from his pocket, and flung it across the house to Pulteney. The latter caught it, and holding it up, exclaimed, "It's the only money I have received from the Treasury for many years, and it shall be the last." This guinea having been carefully preserved, finally came into the hands of Sir John Murray, by whom it was presented, in 1828, to the British Museum. The following memorandum, in the handwriting of Pulteney, is attached to it:-"This guinea I desire may be kept as an heirloom. It was won of Sir Robert Walpole in the House of Commons; he asserting the verse in Horace to be 'nulli pallescere culpæ,' whereas I laid the wager of a guinea that it was 'nullâ pallescere culpâ.' He sent for the book, and, being convinced that he had lost, gave me this guinea. I told him I could take the money without any blush on my side, but believed it was the only money he ever gave in the House where the giver and the receiver ought not equally to blush. This guinea, I hope, will prove to my posterity the use of knowing Latin, and encourage them in their learning."

Some five-and-thirty years ago, the late Mr. Bartleman, the bass-singer, was taken ill, just before the commencement of the musical festival at Gloucester, for which he had been engaged, so that he could not leave London; another basso was applied to, at a short notice, who attended, and acquitted himself to the satisfaction of every body. When

he called on the organist to be paid, the latter thanked him most cordially for his kindness in attending, also for the very noble manner in which he had sung; and concluded with the following very complimentary and pleasant message:-"When you see poor Bartleman, give my best regards to him; and tell him how much we missed him during the festival!"

THE STRAWBERRY.

It is related of Mr. Alderman Faulkner, of convivial memory, that one night, when he expected his guests to sit late, and try the strength of his claret and his head, he took the precaution to place in his wine-glass a strawberry, which his doctor, he said, had recommended to him on account of its cooling qualities. On the faith of this specific, he drank even more deeply, and, as might be expected, was carried away earlier than usual. When some of his friends condoled with him next day, and attributed his misfortune to six bottles of claret which he had drunk, the Alderman was extremely indignant. "The claret," he said, "was sound, and never could do any body any harm; his discomfiture was altogether caused by that d-d single strawberry which he had kept all night at the bottom of his glass."

ODD COMPLAINT.

A losing gambler, rushing out of Crockford's at three o'clock on a summer morning, saw a stout man with his foot raised on the post at the corner, engaged in the very peaceable and proper act of tying his shoe. The gambler ran at the stout man, kicked his anonymous quarter, and upset him. The stout man rose in astonishment at the outrage, and, more in sorrow than in anger, exclaimed, "What's that for? I was only tying my shoe at that post." 'Only tying your shoe at that post," roared the other in a frenzy of rage, "you are always tying your shoe at that post!"

WHO'S WHO?

66

In that very entertaining work, "The Doctor," is an abundance of pleasant gossip upon the odd and pitiful accidents by which the "bubble reputation" has been raised. For example:

"Whether the regular practitioner may sneer at Mr. Ching," says the historian of Cornwall, "I know not; but the Patent Worm Lozenges have gained our Launceston apothecary a large fortune, and secured to him perpetual fame!"

There would have been no other memorial of Richard Jaquett at this day, than the letters of his name in an old deed, and obsolete hand, if he had not, in the reign of Edward VI., been Lord of the manor of Tyburn, with its appurtenances, in which the gallows was included; wherefore, from the said Jaquett, it is presumed by antiquaries, that the hangman has ever since been corruptly called Jack Ketch.

A certain William Dowsing, who, during the great rebellion, was a Parliamentary visitor for demolishing images in churches, is supposed to have given rise to the expression of giving any one a dowsing.

Johnson tells a story of a man, who was standing in an inn kitchen, with his back to the fire, and thus accosted a traveller, who stood next to him, "Do you know, sir, who I am?" "No, sir," replied the traveller; "I have not that advantage." "Sir," said the man, "I am the great Twamley, who invented the new Floodgate Iron." Who, but Johnson, would have heard of the great Twamley?

Who was Ludlam, whose dog was so lazy that he leant his head against a wall to bark?

And who was old Cole, whose dog was so proud that he took the wall of a dung-cart, and got squeezed to death by the wheel? Was he the same person of whom the song says

Old King Cole

Was a merry old soul,

And a merry old soul was he? And was his dog proud because his master was called King?

Here are questions to be proposed in the Examination Papers of some Australian Cambridge, 2000 years hence.

POOR-MAN-OF-MUTTON.

Poor-man-of-mutton is a term applied to a shoulder of mutton in Scotland, after it has been served as a roast at dinner, and appears as a broiled bone at supper, or at the dinner next day. The late Earl of B., popularly known as "Old Rag," being indisposed at an hotel in London, one morning the landlord came to enumerate the good things in his larder, to prevail on his guest to eat something; when his Lordship replied, "Landlord, I think I could eat a morsel of a poor man;" which, with the extreme ugliness of his Lordship's countenance, so terrified Boniface, that he fled from the room, and tumbled down stairs, supposing the Earl, when at home, was in the habit of eating a joint of a vassal or tenant when his appetite was dainty.

HORSE-DEALING TRIALS.

In the art of cross-examining a witness, Curran was pre-eminent. What could be cleverer than his repartee in a horse cause, when he asked the jockey's servant his master's age, and the man retorted, with ready gibe, "I never put my hand into his mouth to try ?" The laugh was against the counsellor till he made the bitter reply"You did perfectly right, friend; for your master is said to be a great bite."

Erskine displayed similar readiness in a case of breach of warranty. The horse taken on trial had become dead lame, but the witness to prove it said he had a cataract in his eye. "A singular proof of lameness," suggested the Court. "It is cause and effect," remarked Erskine; "for what is a cataract but a fall?"

OMNIBUS TRICK.

A decent young woman entered a Paddington omnibus with an infant in her arms, of whom the other passengers admired the beauty. Sir Andrew and the young woman, when the vehicle arrived in Skinner-street, were the only parties left in the carriage. "Will you have the goodness, sir," said the damsel, "just to hold this child while I step into that shop?" "Certainly," answered Sir Andrew. The living burden was accordingly deposited, and away went the proprietor of it. A few minutes elapsed -she returned not. The cad banged to the door, ejaculating "All right!" and the omnibus proceeded on its journey, carrying Sir Andrew in the situation of Don John in the "Chances." When the driver arrived at the corner of Ironmonger-lane, a grave, elderly gentleman was taken up, who, in his turn, expressed his admiration of the infant's beauty. "Will you have the goodness, sir, to hold this child for one minute?" said Sir Andrew, in his turn, beckoning the cad to stop at Bow Church. "By all means, sir," answered the elderly gentleman. Hereupon Sir Andrew bounded from the carriage, paid the cad his sixpence, and ran down Friday-street like the innkeeper in Joseph Andrews, "without any fear of breaking his neck."

PARTITION OF POLAND.

Napoleon, after receiving a deputation soliciting the re-establishment and independence of the kingdom of Poland, said to Rapp: "I love the Poles; their enthusiastic character pleases me; I should like to make them independent, but that is a difficult matter. Austria, Russia, and Prussia have all had a slice of the cake; when the match is once kindled, who knows where the conflagration may stop: my first duty is towards France, which I must not sacrifice to Poland-we must refer this matter to the sovereign of all things-time."

SMALL SERVICE.

An English lady, who lived in the country, and was about to have a large dinner party, was ambitious of making as great a display as her husband's establishment, a tolerably large one, could furnish. So that there might seem to be no lack of servants, a great lad, who had been employed only in farm work, was trimmed and dressed for the occasion, and ordered to take his stand at the back of his mistress' chair, with strict injunctions not to stir from the place, nor do anything, unless she directed him; the lady well knowing, that, although, no footman could make a better appearance as a piece of still-life, some awkwardness would be inevitable if he were put in motion. Accordingly, Thomas having thus been duly drilled and repeatedly enjoined, took his post at the head of the table, behind his mistress, and for a while he found sufficient amusement in looking at the grand set-out, and staring at the guests: when he was weary of this, and of an inaction to which he was so little used, his eyes began to pry about nearer objects. It was at a time when our ladies followed the French fashion of having the back and shoulders under the name of the neck, uncovered much lower than accords either with the English climate, or with old English notions; a time when, as Landor expresses it, the usurped dominion of neck had extended from the ear downwards almost to where mermaids become fish. This lady was in the height, or lowness of that fashion; and between her shoulder-blades, in the hollow of the back, not far from the confines where nakedness and clothing met, Thomas espied what Fasquier had seen upon the neck of Mademoiselle des Roches. The guests were too much engaged with the business and the courtesies of the table to see what must have been worth seeing, the transfiguration produced in Thomas's countenance by delight, when he saw so fine an opportunity of showing himself attentive, and making himself useful. The lady was too much occupied with her company to feel the flea; but, to her horror, she felt the great finger and thumb of Thomas upon her back, and, to her greater horror, heard him exclaim in exultation, to the still greater amusement of the party, "A vlea! a vlea! my lady. Ecod I've caught 'en!"-The Doctor.

COBBETT.-BY HIMSELF.

At eleven years of age, my employment was clipping of box-edges and weeding beds of flowers in the garden of the Bishop of Winchester, at the the Castle of Farnham, my native town. I had always been fond of beautiful gardens; and a gardener, who had just come from the King's gardens at Kew, gave such a description of them as made me instantly resolve to work in these gardens. The next morning, without saying a word to any one, off I set, with no clothes except those upon my back, and with thirteen halfpence in my pocket. I found that I must go to Richmond, and I accordingly went on, from place to place, inquiring my way thither. A long day (it was in June) brought me to Richmond in the afternoon. Two pennyworth of bread and cheese and a pennyworth of small beer, which I had on the road, and one halfpenny which I had lost somehow or other, left threepence in my pocket. With this for my whole fortune, I was trudging through Richmond, in my blue smock-frock and my red garters tied under my knees, when, staring about me, my eye fell upon a little book in a bookseller's window, on the outside of which was written: "Tale of a Tub; price 3d." The title was so odd that my curiosity was excited. I had the 3d., but, then, I could have no supper. In I went, and got the little book, which I was so impatient to read, that I got over into a field, at the upper corner of the Kew-garden, where there stood a hay-stack. On the shady side of this I sat down to read. The book was so different from anything that I had read before, it was something so new to my mind, that, though I could not at all understand some of it, it delighted me beyond description; and it produced what I have always considered a sort of birth of intellect, I read on till it was dark, without any thought about supper or bed. When I could see no longer, I put my little book in my pocket, and tumbled down by the side of the stack, where I slept till the birds in Kew-gardens awakened me in the morning, when off I started to Kew, reading my little book. The singularity of my dress, the simplicity of my manner, my confident and lively air, and, doubtless, his own compassion besides, induced the gardener, who was a Scotsman, to give me victuals, find me lodging, and set me to work. And it was during the period that I was at Kew, that the present King (William IV.) and two of his brothers laughed at the oddness of my dress, while I was sweeping the grassplot round the foot of the Pagoda. The gardener, seeing me fond of books, lent me some gardening books to read; but these I could not relish after my "Tale of a Tub," which I carried about with me wherever I went, and when I, at about twenty years old, lost it in a box that fell overboard in the Bay of Fundy, in North America, the loss gave me greater pain than I have ever felt at losing thousands of pounds. This cir

cumstance, trifling as it was, and childish as it may seem to relate it, has always endeared the recollection of Kew to me.

EPICURISM AND STATESMANSHIP. Cambacères, Second Consul under the French Republic, and Arch-Chancellor under the Empire, never suffered the cares of Government to distract his atttention from "the great object of life." On one occasion, for example, being detained in consultation with Napoleon beyond the appointed hour of dinner-it is said that the fate of the Duc d'Enghein was the topic under discussionhe begged pardon for suspending the conference, but it was absolutely necessary for him to despatch a special messenger immediately; then, seizing a pen, he wrote this billet to his cook: "Sauvez les entremets-les entrées sont perdues."

SIGHT-SEEING.

When Mr. N. P. Willis visited the Palace of Holyrood, he said to one of the guides"And through this door they dragged the murdered favourite; and here under this stone he was buried?" "Yes, sir." "Poor Rizzio!" "I'm thinking that's a' sir!" It was a broad hint, but Willis took another turn down the nave of the old ruin, and another look at the scene of the murder and the grave of the victim. "And this door communicated with Mary's apartments?" "Yes -ye hae it a' the noo!" W. paid his shilling and exit. On enquiry for the private apartments, he was directed to another Girzy, who took him up to a suite of rooms appropriated to the use of the Earl of Breadalbane, and furnished very much like lodgings for a guinea a week in London. "And which was Queen Mary's chamber?" "Ech! sir! it's t'ither side. I dinna show that." "And what am I brought here for?" "Ye cam' yoursell!"

NAPOLEON'S BOULOGNE FLOTILLA.

Napoleon, when at Boulogne, determined to take an excursion to inspect the flotilla in the roadstead, and to make observations upon the English squadron. He embarked in a pinnace, accompanied by the Grand Marshal Duroc, the Duc de Fioul, General Bertrand, Count de Loban, and others. He advanced towards fort La Crèche, where several vessels of the flotilla manoeuvred under the protection of the batteries. But the pinnace getting on shore, and the fire of the English being directed towards it, Napoleon yielded to the request of the Count de Loban, that he would retire; saying, “Come, Count, we have nothing to do here." Then taking the arm of one of his guards of honour, he climbed the heights, and with his own hand discharged several shots at the enemy. One of the balls, it is said, fell on the deck of the Immortality. Little did the English imagine that the celebrated personage who first attracted attention as an officer of artillery at Toulon, and who then bore the title of Emperor, was their assailant.

MICHAEL ANGELO'S NOSE.

The nose of Michael Angelo was flat from a blow which he received in his youth from Torrigiano, brother artist and countryman, upon some slight provocation. The following is Torrigiano's account of the transaction, on the authority of Benvenuto Cellini:-"I was extremely irritated, and, doubling my fist, gave him such a violent blow upon his nose that I felt the bone and cartilage yield as if they had been made of paste, and the mark I then gave him he will carry to his grave."

SAGACITY OF A DOG.

Mr. Poynder, the brother of the Treasurer of Christ's Hospital, brought home from Newfoundland a dog, a native of that country. his animal had established a strong claim on his master's affection, from the circumstance of his having twice saved his life by his sagacity in finding the road home, when Mr. Poynder had lost his way in snow-storms, many miles from shelter. He had also swam more than three miles to gain the ship, after his master had embarked for England, and determined to leave the animal to the care of friends at Newfoundland. Mr. Poynder landed at Blackwall, and took the dog in a coach to his father's house at Clapham. He was there placed in a stable, which he did not leave until the second day after his arrival, when he accompanied his master in a coach to Christ's Hospital. He left the coach in Newgate-street, and proceeded through the passage leading to the treasurer's house; not being able to gain admission at the gardenentrance, Mr. Poynder went round to the front door, and thinks he left the dog at the garden entrance, for he did not recollect seeing him afterwards. In the hurry and excitement of meeting his friends, he for a few minutes forgot his dog, but the moment he recollected himself he went in search of him. He was nowhere to be seen, and his master hastened to prepare his description, and to offer a reward in the public papers. Early, however, next morning, a letter arrived from the captain of the ship in which Mr. Poynder had sailed from Newfoundland, informing him that the dog was safe on board, having swum to the vessel early on the previous day. By comparing the time on which he arrived with that on which he was missing, it appeared that he must have gone directly through the city from Christ's Hospital to Wapping, where he took to the water.-Jesse.

A CHEAP WATCH.

During the war (1796), a sailor went to Mr. MacLaren, a watchmaker, and presenting a small French watch to him, demanded to know how much the repair of it would come to. Mr. MacLaren, after examining it, said, "It will be more expense repairing than its original cost." "I don't mind that,' said the tar; "I will even give you double the original cost; for I have a veneration for the watch." "What might you have given for it?" said the watchmaker. "Why," replied the tar, "I gave a fellow a blow on the head for it; and if you repair it, I will give you two."

L-A-W.

It is singular, but it is matter of fact, that there are persons who have a passion for being at law, and contrive to be never out of it. Of this description was a Mr. Bolt, a wharfinger on the Thames. In the causepaper of the sittings after every term, Bolt's name regularly appeared, either as a plaintiff or a defendant. In a cause at Guildhall, Mingay was counsel against him, and spoke of him in very harsh terms for his dishonest and litigious spirit. Erskine was counsel for him: "Gentlemen," says he to the jury, "the plaintiff's counsel has taken very unwarrantable liberties with my client's good name. He has represented him as litigious and dishonest: it is most unjust. He is so remarkably of an opposite character, that he goes by the name of Bolt-upright." This was all invention.

NAPOLEON'S SAVAGERY.

Madame de Bourrienne, speaking of the character of Bonaparte, as it displayed itself in the early part of his career, says: "His smile was hypocritical and often misplaced. A few days after his return from Toulon, he was telling us, that being before that place, where he commanded the artillery during the siege, one of his officers was visited by his wife, to whom he had been but a short time married, and whom he tenderly loved. A few days after, orders were given for another attack upon the town, in which this officer was to be engaged. His wife came to General Bonaparte, and with tears entreated him to dispense with her husband's services during that day. The General was inexorable, as he himself told us, with a sort of savage exultation. The moment of the attack arrived, and the officer, though a very brave man, as Bonaparte himself assured us, felt a presentiment of his approaching death. He turned pale and trembled. He was stationed beside the General, and during an interval, when the firing from the town was very strong, Bonaparte called out to him, 'Take care, there is a bomb-shell coming!' The officer, instead of moving to one side, stooped_down, and was literally severed in two. Bonaparte laughed loudly while he described the event with horrible minuteness."