FREE TRADE.

Hussey Burgh, at the opening of the session of 1777, moved the Address to the King, in which was the following sentence:-" It is not by temporary expedients, but by an extension of trade, that Ireland can be ameliorated." Flood, who was seated in the Vice-Treasurer's place, said, audibly: "Why not a free trade ?" The amendment electrified the House; the words were adopted by his friend, and the motion was carried unanimously.

A CITY ATTORNEY.

Romilly's father endeavoured, by his conversation, to give him a favourable opinion of the life of a lawyer; but, unfortunately, the professional prototype did not succeed. This was a Mr. Liddel, of Threadneedlestreet, described as "a shortish, fat man, with a ruddy countenance, which always shone as if besmeared with grease; a large wig sat loose from his head; his eyes constantly half shut and drowsy; all his motions slow and deliberate; and his words slabbered out as if he had not exertion enough to articulate. His dark and gloomy house was filled with dusty papers and voluminous parchment deeds;" and, in his meagre library, Romilly did not see a single volume which he should not have been deterred, by its external appearance, from opening. The idea of a lawyer and of Mr. Liddel were so identified in Mr. Romilly's mind, that he was at once disgusted with the profession; and all his thought of being an attorney were for a time given up, as well by his father as

himself.

THE GHOST PUZZLED.

John Hoole, the translator of Tasso and Ariosto, was subject to nearness of vision. He had a great partiality for the drama, and, in his younger days, would frequently strut his hour upon the stage at an amateur theatre in Lincoln's Inn Fields. Upon one of these occasions, whilst performing the Ghost, in "Hamlet," Mr. Hoole wandered, incautiously, too far from the trap-door through which he had emerged from the nether world, and by which it was his duty to descend. In this dilemma, he groped about, oping to distinguish the aperture, whilst the audience, who were ignorant why the Ghost remained so long in the upper regions after the crowing of the cock, expected him to favour them with a second edition of that celebrated

scene. It was apparent, from the lips of the Ghost, that he was holding converse with some one behind the wings. He at length became irritated-alas! poor Ghost!-and ejaculated, in tones sufficiently audible, "I tell you I can't find it." The laughter which ensued may be imagined. The Ghost (which if it had been a sensible one, would have walked off) became more and more discomposed, until its perturbed spirit was placed, by some of the bystanders, on the trap-door, after which it descended, with all due solemnity amid roars of laughter.

A SILK GOWN.

Grattan said of Hussey Burgh, who had been a great Liberal, but, on getting his silk gown, became a Ministerialist, that all men knew silk to be a non-conducting body, and that since the honourable member had been enveloped in silk, no spark of patriotism had reached his heart.

POLITICAL SINECURE.

Curran, after a debate which gave rise to high words, put his hand to his heart, and declared that he was the trusty guardian of his own honour. Upon which Sir Boyle Roche congratulated his honourable friend on the snug little sinecure he had discovered for himself.

QUID PRO QUO.

An Irish lawyer, famed for cross-examin ing, was, on one occasion, completely silenced by a horse-dealer. "Pray, Mr. -, you belong to a very honest profession?" "I can't say so," replied the witness; "for, saving you lawyers, I think it the most dishonest going."

WRITE PLAIN.

A gentleman left a will expressing that his property was to be left to a Mr. Loudon or a Mr. London, both residing in the same town, but by no means intimate. Legal proceedings decided in favour of Mr. Loudon, merely because the testator was once seen to speak to him, and because no such evidence appeared in favour of Mr. London. This case occurred on account of the unintelligible handwriting of the testator, whose n's were like u's, and whose u's were like n's; and all this is only to be avoided by learning to write well in the first instance, and by writing carefully ever after.

"FARTHING JAMIE."

Sir James Lowther, father of the first Lord Lonsdale, when he visited London, used frequently to dine incog. at some very obscure and economical eating-house; where the price of some article in the bill being advanced one farthing, the thrifty Baronet took such mortal offence, that he withdrew his custom from the house, and was ever afterwards known by the soubriquet of "Farthing Jamie."

WILKES'S READY REPLY.

Luttrell and Wilkes were standing on the Brentford hustings, when Wilkes asked his adversary, privately, whether he thought there were more fools or rogues among the multitude of Wilkites spread out before them. "I'll tell them what you say, and put an end to you," said the Colonel. But, perceiving the threat gave Wilkes no alarm, he added, "Surely you don't mean to say you could stand here one hour after I did so ?" "Why (the answer was), you would not be alive one instant after." "How so?" "I should merely say it was a fabrication, and they would destroy you in the twinkling of an eye!"

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POLITICAL CORRUPTION.

Curran, when opposed to Lord Clare, said that he reminded him of a chimney-sweep, who had raised himself by dark and dusky ways, and then called aloud to his neighbours to witness his dirty elevation.

FAMILIARITY.

A waiter named Samuel Spring having occasion to write to his late Majesty, George IV., when Prince of Wales, commenced his letter as follows:-"Sam, the waiter at the Cocoa Tree, presents his compliments to the Prince of Wales," &c. His Royal Highness next day saw Sam, and after noticing the receiving of his note, and the freedom of the style, said, "Sam, this may be very well between you and me, but it will not do with the Norfolks and Arundels."

Cardinal Fesch, a man of honour in the annals of gastronomy, had invited a large party of clerical magnates to dinner. By a fortunate coincidence, two turbots of singular beauty arrived as presents to his Eminence on the very morning of the feast. To serve both would appear ridiculous; but the Cardinal was, notwithstanding, most anxious to to have the credit of both. He imparted his embarrassment to his chef. "Be of good faith, your Eminence," was the reply, "both shall appear; both shall enjoy the reception which is their due." The dinner was served; one of the turbots relieved the soup. Exclamations unanimous, enthusiastic, religious, gastronomical-it was the moment of the éprouvette positif. The maître d'hôtel advanced; two attendants raised the monster, and carried him off to cut him up; but one of them lost his equilibrium-the attendants and the turbot roll together on the floor. At this sad sight, the assembled Cardinals became pale as death, and a solemn silence reigned in the conclave-it was the moment of the éprouvette négatif; but the maître d'hôtel suddenly turned to the attendant"Bring another turbot," said he, with the most perfect coolness. The other appeared, and the éprouvette positif was gloriously re

newed.

HERNE'S OAK.

Among his anecdotes of celebrated English oaks, we are surprised to find Mr. Loudon adopting (at least so we understand him) an apocryphal story about Herne's oak given in the lively page of Mr. Jesse's "Gleanings." That gentleman, if he had taken any trouble, might have ascertained that the tree in question was cut down one morning, by order of King George III., when in a state of great but transient excitement: the circumstance caused much regret and astonishment at the time, and was commented on in the newspapers. The oak, which Mr. Jesse would decorate with Shakspearean honours, stands at a considerable distance from the position of the true Simon Pure. Every old woman in Windsor knows all about the facts.

TOP AND BOTTOM.

The following playful colloquy in verse took place at a dinner-table between Sir George Rose and James Smith, in allusion to Craven-street, Strand, where he resided:J. S.-"At the top of my street, the attorneys abound,

And down at the bottom the barges are found:

Fly, honesty, fly, to some safer retreat, For there's craft in the river, and craft in the street."

Sir G. R.-"Why should honesty fly to some safer retreat,

From attorneys and barges, od rot 'em? For the lawyers are just at the top of the street,

And the barges are just at the bottom."

THE RICHMOND HOAX.

One of the best practical jokes in Theodore Hook's clever "Gilbert Gurney," is Daly's hoax upon the lady who had never been at Richmond before, or, at least, knew none of the peculiarities of the place. Daly desired the waiter, after dinner, to bring some "maids of honour "-those cheesecakes for which the place has, time out of mind, been celebrated. The lady stared, then laughed, and asked, "What do you mean by 'maids of honour?"" "Dear me !" said Daly, "don't you know that this is so courtly a place, and so completely under the influence of state etiquette, that everything in Richmond is called after the functionaries of the palace? What are called cheesecakes elsewhere, are here called maids of honour; a capon is called a lord chamberlain; a goose is a lord steward; a roast pig is a master of the horse; a pair of ducks, grooms of the bedchamber; a gooseberry tart, a gentleman usher of the black rod; and so on." The unsophisticated lady was taken in, when she actually saw the maids of honour make, their appearance in the shape of cheesecakes; she convulsed the whole party by turning to the waiter, and desiring him, in a sweet, but decided tone, to bring her a gentleman usher of the black rod, if they had one in the house quite cold!

CHEMISTRY OF HEAT.

A chemist in Albany, expatiating on the late discoveries in chemical science, observed that snow had been found to possess a con

siderable degree of heat. An Irishman present, at this remark, observed, "that truly chemistry was a valuable science," and (anxious that the discovery might be made profitable) inquired of the orator what number of snowballs would be sufficient to boil a tea-kettle!

TALLEYRAND'S PROMISE.

A creditor to whom the Prince was indebted in a heavy sum, waited on him as he was setting off on his last departure for this country; not to take so great a liberty as to ask for his money, but merely to ascertain any time, however remote, when he might presume to ask for a part of it. The diplomatist's only reply to the inquisitive intruder was, "Monsieur, vous êtes bien curieux;" and no one but the diplomatist could have made such a reply.

DINNER INVITATIONS.

A nice point is thus settled in "Boswell's Life of Dr. Johnson:"-Boswell: "I consider distinction of rank to be of so much importance in civilized society, that if I were asked on the same day to dine with the first duke in England, and with the first man in Britain for genius, I should hesitate which to prefer."-Johnson: "To be sure, sir, if you were to dine only once, and it were never to be known where you dined, you would choose rather to dine with the first man for genius; but, to gain respect, you should dine with the first duke in England; for nine people in ten that you meet with would have a higher opinion of you for having dined with a duke; and the great genius himself would receive you better because you had been with the great duke."

MATHEWS AND THE SILVER SPOON.

Amongst Mathews's pranks of younger days, that is to say, when he first came from York to the Haymarket Theatre, he was invited, with F and some other performers, to dine with Mr. A-, now an eminent silversmith, but who, at that period, followed the business of a pawnbroker. It so happened that A -was called out of the parlour, at the back of the shop, during dinner. Mathews, with wonderful celerity, altering his hair, countenance, hat, &c., took a large gravy-spoon off the dinner-table, ran instantly into the street, entered one of the little dark doors leading to the pawnbroker's counter, and actually pledged to the unconscious A- his own gravy-spoon. Mathews contrived with equal rapidity to return and seat himself (having left the street-door open) before A- re-appeared at the dinner-table. As a matter of course, this was made the subject of a wager. An éclaircissement took place before the party broke up, to the infinite astonishment of A

TOM DIBDIN AND THE LOZENGE.

Tom Dibdin had a cottage near Box-hill, to which, after his theatrical labours, he was delighted to retire. One stormy night, after

Mr. and Mrs. Dibdin had been in bed some time, Mrs. D. being kept awake by the violence of the weather, aroused her husband, exclaiming, "Tom, Tom, get up!" "What for?" said he. "Don't you hear how very bad the wind is?" "Is it?" replied Dibdin, half asleep, but could not help punning: "Put a peppermint lozenge out of the window, my dear; it is the best thing in the world for the wind."

SIR JAMES MACKINTOSH AT BOMBAY.

During Sir James Mackintosh's Recordership of Bombay, a singular incident occurred. Two Dutchmen having sued for debt two English officers, Lieuts. Macguire and Cauty, these officers resolved to waylay and assault them. This was rather a resolve made in a drunken excitement, than a deliberate purpose. Fortunately, the Dutchmen pursued a different route from that which they had intended, and they prosecuted the two officers for the offence of lying in wait with intent to murder: they were found guilty, and brought up for judgment. Previous to his pronouncing judgment, however, Sir James received an intimation that the prisoners had conceived the project of shooting him as he sat on the bench, and that one of them had for that purpose a loaded pistol in his writingdesk. It is remarkable that the intimation did not induce him to take some precautions to prevent its execution-at any rate, not to expose himself needlessly to assassination, On the contrary, the circumstances only suggested the following remarks: "I have been credibly informed that you entertained the desperate project of destroying your own lives at that bar, after having previously destroyed the judge who now addresses you. If that murderous project had been executed, I should have been the first British judge who ever stained with his blood the seat of justice. But I can never die better than in the discharge of my duty." All this eloquence might have been spared: Macguire submitted to the judge's inspection of his writing-desk, and showed him that, though it contained two pistols, neither of them was charged. It is supposed to have been a hoax-a highly mischievous one, indeed; but the statement was primâ facie so improbable, that it was absurd to give it the slightest credit.

FLIGHT OF THE PRINCESS CHARLOTTE.

In a fine evening of July, about the hour of seven, when the streets are deserted by all persons of condition, the young Princess Charlotte rushed out of her residence in Warwick House, unattended, hastily crossed Cockspur-street, flung herself into the first hackney-coach she could find, and drove to her mother's house in Connaught place. The Princess of Wales having gone to pass the day at her Blackheath villa, a messenger was despatched for her, another for her law adviser, Mr. Brougham,, and a third for Miss Mercer Elphinstone, the young Princess's bosom friend. Brougham arrived before the Princess of Wales had returned; and Miss Elphinstone had alone obeyed the summons. Soon after the Royal mother came, accompanied by Lady Charlotte Lindsay, her lady in waiting. It was found that the Princess Charlotte's fixed resolution was to leave her father's house, and that which he had appointed for her residence, and to live thenceforth with her mother. But Mr. Brougham is understood to have felt himself under the painful necessity of explaining to her that, by the law, as all the twelve judges but one had laid it down in George I.'s reign, and as it was now admitted to be settled, the King or the Regent had the absolute power to dispose of the persons of all the Royal Family while under age. The Duke of Sussex, who had always taken her part, was sent for, and attended the invitation to join in these consultations. It was an untoward incident in this remarkable affair, that he had never seen the Princess of Wales since the investigation of 1806, which had begun upon a false charge brought by the wife of one of his equerries, and that he had, without any kind of warrant from the fact, been supposed by the Princess to have set on, or at least supported, the accuser. He, however, warmly joined in the whole of the deliberations of that singular night. As soon as the flight of the young lady was ascertained, and the place of her retreat discovered, the Regent's officers of state and other functionaries were despatched after her. The Lord Chancellor Eldon first arrived, but not in any particularly imposing state, or, "regard being had" to his eminent station; for, indeed, he came in a hackneycoach. Whether it was that the example of the Princess Charlotte herself had for the day brought this simple and economical mode of conveyance into fashion, or that concealment was much studied, or that despatch was deemed more essential than ceremony and pomp-certain it is, that all who came, including the Duke of York, arrived in similar vehicles, and that some remained inclosed in them, without entering the Royal mansion. At length, after much pains and many entreaties, used by the Duke of Sussex and the Princess of Wales herself, as well as Miss Elphinstone and Lady C. Lindsay (whom she always honoured with a just regard), to enforce the advice given by Mr

Brougham, that she should return without delay to her own residence, and submit to the Regent, the young Princess, accompanied by the Duke of York and her governess, who had now been sent for, and arrived in a Royal carriage, returned to Warwick House, between four and five o'clock in the morning. There was then a Westminster election in progress, in consequence of Lord Cochrane's expulsion; and it is said that on her complaining to Mr. Brougham that he, too, was deserting her, and leaving her in her father's power, when the people would have stood by her-he took her to the window. when the morning had just dawned, and, pointing to the Park, and the spacious streets which lay before her, said that he had only to show her a few hours later on the spot where she now stood, and all the people of this vast metropolis would be gathered together on that plain, with one common feeling in her behalf-but that the triumph of one hour would be dearly purchased by the consequences which must as suredly follow in the next, when the troops poured in, and quelled all resistance to the clear and undoubted law of the land, with the certain effusion of blood-nay, that through the rest of her life she never would escape the odium which, in this country, always attends those who, by breaking the law, occasion such calamities. This consideration, much more than any quailing of her dauntless spirit, or faltering of her filial affection, is believed to have weighed upon her mind, and induced her to return home.

ABSENCE OF MIND.

The first Lord Lyttelton was very absent in company. One day, at dinner, his Lordship pointed to a particular dish, and asked to be helped of it, calling it, however, by a name very different from that which the dish contained. A gentleman was about to tell him of his mistake-"Never mind," whispered another of the party, "help him to what he asked for, and he will suppose it is what he wanted."

SHERIDAN CONVIVIAL.

Lord Byron notes:-"What a wreck is Sheridan! and all from bad pilotage; for no one had ever better gales, though now and then a little squally. Poor dear Sherry ! 1 shall never forget the day he, and Rogers, and Moore, and I passed together, when he talked and we listened, without one yawn, from six to one in the morning.

A

One night, Sheridan was found in the street by a watchman, bereft of that "divine particle of air" called reason, and fuddled, and bewildered, and almost insensible. He, the watchman, asked, "Who are you, sir?" No answer. "What's your name?" hiccup. "What's your name?" Answer, in a slow, deliberate, and impassive tone, "Wilberforce!" Byron notes, "Is not that Sherry all over?-and to my mind excellent. Poor fellow! his very dregs are better than the first sprightly runnings of others."

THE WRONG LEG.

Mathews being invited by D'Egville to dine one day with him at Brighton, D'Egville inquired what was Mathews's favourite dish? A roasted leg of pork, with sage and onions. This was provided; and D'Egville, carving, swore that he could not find the stuffing. He turned the joint all over, but in vain. Poole was at table, and, in his quiet way, said "Don't make yourself unhappy, D'Egville; perhaps it is in the other leg."

SMOKING CLUB.

Frederick William I., King of Prussia, patronised smoking clubs, the members being mostly generals and staff-officers. Two of them who did not smoke, to conform to the King's regulation, held unlighted pipes to their mouths, and puffed and blew like capital smokers. The tobacco was not good, and the Sovereign was displeased if any one brought better of his own. At seven o'clock bread, butter, and cheese were brought in, and sometimes a ham and roast veal: now and then the King treated his guests with a dish of fish and a salad, which he dressed with his own hands.

A MUNCHAUSEN STORY.

A Cossack of the line, named Slavouski, was riding, early in January, from Schirmille to Linkoram, when a tiger sprang from the ground upon the back of his horse. With the most cool resolution, the brave soldier made a well-directed back stroke with his sword, and clove the head of the beast in twain. He then alighted, and, having extinguished all remaining life in the animal, by firing both pistols close to its body, flayed off the skin, and carried it in triumph to Linkoram. It measured five yards from the muzzle to the tip of the tail. The bold fellow received a reward of five hundred roubles.

EATING FAST.

Napoleon was a very fast eater. At a grand concert at the Tuileries, from the moment he and his guests sat down, till the coffee was served, not more than forty-three or four minutes elapsed. They were then bowed out. With Napoleon, the moment appetite was felt, it was necessary that it should be satisfied; and his establishment was so arranged, that in all places, and at all hours, chicken, cutlets, and coffee might be forthcoming at a word. This habit of eating fast and carelessly is supposed to have paralyzed Napoleon on two of the most critical events of his life-the battles of Borodino and Leipsic, which he might have converted into decisive and influential victories by pushing his advantages as he was wont. On each of these occasions, he is known to have been suffering from indigestion. On the third day of Dresden, too, the German novelist, Hoffman, who was present in the town, asserts that the Emperor would have done much more then he did, but for the effects of a shoulder of mutton stuffed with onions.

CONSULTATION OF PHYSICIANS.

A man much addicted to drinking being extremely ill with a fever, a consultation was held in his bed-chamber, by three physicians, how to "cure the fever and abate the thirst." "Gentlemen," said he, "I will take half the trouble off your hands: you cure the fever, and I will abate the thirst myself."

THE WAY TO WIN A KISS.

The late Mr. Bush used to tell this story of a brother barrister:-As the coach was about starting, before breakfast, the modest limb of the law approached the landlady, a pretty Quakeress, who was seated near the fire, and said he could not think of going without giving her a kiss. "Friend," said she, "thee must not do it.” "Oh! by heavens, I will!" replied the barrister. "Well, friend, as thou hast sworn, thee may do it! but thee must not make a practice of it."

A MISTAKE.

Lord Melcombe was a friend and patron of James Ralph, the dramatist; but the silly blunder of a servant had nearly caused a rupture between them. Lord Melcombe, one day, ordered his servant to go to Ralph, who lived not far from his Lordship, at Isleworth, and take with him a card for a dinner invitation to Mr. Ralph and his wife. The servant mistook the word card for cart, and set out full speed with the latter. The supposed indignity offended the pride of Ralph, who, with great gravity, sent back the messenger and his carriage, with a long expostulatory letter.

NO JUDGE.

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A certain Judge of our time having somewhat hastily delivered judgment in a particular case, a King's Counsel observed, in a tone loud enough to reach the bench, "Good Heavens! every judgment of this court is a mere toss-up." But heads seldom win," observed a learned barrister, sitting behind him. On another occasion, this wit proposed the following riddle for solution :-"Why does (the Judge in question) commit an act in bankruptcy every day?" The answer was. "Because he daily gives a judgment without consideration."

THE SOLECISM.

"I know," says Balzac, "no such sure test of a gentleman as this, that he never corrects a solecism in conversation, or seems to know that a solecism has been committed.

There is the Marquis de (we forget his title), confessedly the best bred man in France, and one of the most learned and eloquent, to whom a Provençal may talk two hours without losing the impression that he delights the Marquis by the purity of his diction; whereas, there is hardly a little abbé, or avocat, or illiterate parvenu, to whom one can speak without being corrected at every third sentence."