OMELETTE AND LONGEVITY.

Dr. Hunter, in his " Culina," gives the recipe for an omelette, the invention of a lady, who had it regularly served at her table three days in the week, and who died at the age of ninety-seven, with a piece of it in her mouth. The doctor adds, that, in consequence of this accidental longevity, eggs rose ninety per cent. in the small town of Wells, in North America, where the old lady was born and died!

PREACHING TO THE POOR.

A woman in humble life was asked one day, on her way back from church, whether she had understood the sermon, a stranger having preached. "Wud I hae the presumption!" was her simple and contented

answer.

"Well, Master Jackson," said his minister, walking homeward after service with an industrious labourer, who was a constant attendant; "Well, Master Jackson, Sunday must be a blessed day of rest for you, who work so hard all the week! And you make a good use of the day; for you are always to be seen at church!" "Ay, sir," replied Jackson; "it is, indeed, a blessed day: I works hard enough all the week; and then I comes to church o' Sundays, and sets me down, and lays my legs up, and thinks o' nothing."

A CLINCHER.

Every one remembers the marvellous story of Sir James Thornhill stepping back to see the effect of his painting in Greenwich Hospital, and being prevented falling from the ceiling to the floor by a person defacing his work, and causing the painter to rush forward, and thus save himself. This may have occurred: but we rather suspect the anecdote to be of legendary origin, and to come from no less a distance than the Tyrol; in short, to be a paraphrase of a Catholic miracle, unless the Tyrolese are quizzing the English story, which is not very probable. At Innspruck, you are gravely told that when Daniel Asam was painting the inside of the cupola of one of the churches, and he had just finished the hand of St. James, he stepped back on the scaffold, to ascertain the effect. There was no friend at hand gifted with the presence of mind, which, by defacing the work, would have saved the artist, as in Sir James Thornhill's case, and, therefore, Daniel Asam fell backward; but, to the astonishment of the awe-struck beholders, who were looking up from beneath, the hand and arm of the Saint, which the artist had just finished, was seen to extend itself from the fresco, and, grasping the fortunate Asam by the arm, accompany him in his descent of 200 feet, and bear him up so gently, that he reached the ground without the slightest shock! What became of the "awe-struck beholders," and why the saint and painter did not fall on their heads, or why they did not serve as an easel in bringing the pair miraculously to the ground, we are not told.

PROPER FORTUNE.

Mr. Wellesley Pole used to say that it was impossible to live like a gentleman in England under £40,000 a year; and Mr. Brummell told a lady how much she ought to allow her son for dress-that it might be done for £800 a year, with strict economy.

IMPERIAL TOKAY.

When the Emperor of Austria wished to make a present of some Tokay wine, in return for a pure breed of horses which had been sent to him by the ex-King of Holland, the stock in the imperial Royal cellars was not deemed sufficiently old for the purpose, and 2000 bottles of old Tokay were, therefore, procured from Cracau, at the extravagant price of seven ducats, or £3 5s. 4d. the bottle; or, for the whole present, £6533 6s. 8d.!

ASTROLOGER OUTWITTED.

Heggiages, an Arab general, under the Caliph Valid, consulted, in his last illness, an astrologer, who predicted to him his approaching death. "I rely so completely on your knowledge," replied Heggiages to him, "that I wish to have you with me in the other world; and I shall, therefore, send you thither before me, in order that I may be able to employ your services from the time of my arrival; " and he ordered the head of the astrologer to be struck off, although the time fixed by the planets had not yet arrived.

DINNER INVITATIONS.

Lord Chancellor Erskine would sit upon the bench, and, having sketched a turtle upon a card, with a certain day and hour, would pass it to a friend in court as a dinner invitation.

A City lawyer is related to have carried in his pocket written cards, as follows:

"Turbot and lobster-sauce, sir, at six; shall be happy in having your company; which invitation he handed about very liberally to friends' friends, &c. He lived like a prince in the country: the usual amount of his maltster's bill was £700; and once he malted the produce of twenty acres of barley of his own growing; but the bill was not £10 less for that.

CATCHING CRABS.

The foxes at the North Cape are so sharp set as to outdo all others of their kind in cunning. Dr. Henderson assures us that having decided, by a mock fight, which is the strongest fox, they advance to the brink of a precipice, and, taking each other by the tail, the weakest descends first, whilst the strongest forms the last in the row, and suspends the whole number till the foremost has seized the crab on the beach. A signal is then given, on which the uppermost fox pulls with all his might, and the rest assist him! This story must be borrowed from the joke of the Irishmen letting each other down from London-bridge to catch the silver in the Thames.

DILATORY INCLINATIONS.

Sir Robert Peel, speaking of Lord Eldon, remarked, that

"Even his failings lean'd to virtue's side;"

upon which a gentleman observed, that his Lordship's failings resembled the leaning tower of Pisa, which, in spite of its long inclination, had never yet gone over!

A WIG RIOT.

In the year 1764, when wigs went out of fashion, the wig-makers of London were thrown out of work, and reduced to distress. They then petitioned George III. to compel gentlemen to wear wigs by law, for the benefit of their trade. As the wig-makers went in procession to St. James's to present their petition, it was noticed that most of those persons, who wanted to compel other people to wear wigs, wore no wigs themselves; and this striking the London mob as very inconsistent, they seized the petitioners and cut off all their hair par force. Upon this Horace Walpole observed, "Should one wonder if carpenters were to remonstrate, that since the peace their trade decays, and that there is no demand for wooden legs?"

SUCCESSFUL TACT.

The elevation of Mr. Labouchere, now a member of the British Cabinet, is rather a singular story. In 1822, Mr. Labouchere, a clerk in the banking-house of Hope, of Amsterdam, was sent by his patrons to Mr. Baring, the celebrated London banker, to negotiate a loan. He displayed in the affair so much ability as to entirely win the esteem and confidence of the English banker.

"Faith," said he one day to Baring, "your daughter is a charming creature: I wish I could persuade you to give me her hand."

"Young man, you are joking; for se riously you must allow that Miss Baring could ever become the wife of a simple clerk."

"But," said Labouchere, "if I were in partnership with Mr. Hope?'

"Oh! that would be quite a different thing; that would entirely make up for all other deficiencies."

Returned to Amsterdam, Labouchere said to his patron, "You must take me into partnership."

"My young friend, how can you think of such a thing? It is impossible. You are without fortune, and"

"But if I became the son-in-law of Mr. Baring?"

"In that case the affair would be soon settled, and so you have my word."

Fortified with these two promises, Labouchere returned to England, and in two months after married Miss Baring, because Mr. Hope had promised to take him into partnership; and he became allied to the house of Hope on the strength of that promise of marriage.

UNFORTUNATE COMPARISON.

Lord Chief Justice Kenyon was conspicuous for economy in every article of his dress. Once, in the case of an action brought for the non-fulfilment of a contract, on a large scale, for shoes, the question mainly was, whether or not they were well and soundly made, and with the best materials. A number of witnesses were called; one of whom, being closely questioned, returned contradictory answers; when the Chief Justice observed, pointing to his own shoes, which were regularly bestridden by the broad silver buckle of the day" Were the shoes anything like these ?" "No, my Lord," replied the witness; they were a great deal better, and more genteeler." The Court was convulsed with laughter, in which the Chief Justice heartily joined.

CHOPS AND CUCUMBERS.

One day an epicure, entering the Bedford Coffee-house, in Covent-garden, inquired, "What have you for dinner, John?" "Anything you please, sir," replied the waiter. "Oh, but what vegetables?" The legumes in season were named; when the customer, having ordered two lamb chops, said, “John, have you any cucumbers ?" ́ "No, sir, we have none yet, 'tis so very early in the season; but, if you please, I will step into the market and inquire if there are any." The waiter did so, and returned; "Why, sir, there are a few, but they are half a guinea apiece." "Half a guinea apiece! are they small or large?" "Why, sir, they are rather small." "Then buy two." This anecdote has been related of various epicures; it occurred to Charles, Duke of Norfolk, who died in 1815.

THE LETTER H.

In a dispute, whether H was really a letter or a simple aspiration, Rowland Hill contended that it was the former; adding that, if it were not a letter, it must have been a very serious affair to him, by making him ill (Hill without H) all the days of his life.

GOOSEBERRY CHAMPAGNE.

Champagne made from gooseberries has often been mist ken by reputed good judges for champagne from grapes. Exempli gratiâ: Lord Haddington, a first-rate judge of wines, had a bottle of mock and a bottle of real champagne set before him, and being requested to distinguish them, he mistook the product of the gooseberry for the genuine article.

CARVING ACCIDENT.

An accomplished gentleman, when carving a tough goose, had the misfortune to send it entirely out of the dish, and into the lap of the lady next to him; on which he very coolly looked her full in the face, and with admirable gravity and calmness, said, "Madam, I will thank you for that goose." In a case like this, a person must necessarily suffer so much, and be such an object of compassion to the company, that the kindest thing he could do was to appear as unmoved as possible. The manner of bearing such a mortifying accident gained him more credit than he lost by his awkward carving.

STOLEN BANK-NOTES.

The traditions of the Bank of England present rackings of human cunning, all which a little honesty might have saved. Such are the stories of stolen notes. For example, a Jew having purchased twenty thousand pounds' worth of notes of a felon banker's-clerk, the Jew, in six months, presented them at the Bank, and demanded payment; this was refused, as the bills had been stolen. The Jew, who was a wealthy and energetic man, then deliberately went to the Exchange, and asserted publicly that the Bank had refused to honour their own bills for £20,000; that their credit was gone; their affairs in confusion; that they had stopped payment. The Exchange wore every appearance of alarm; the Hebrew showed the notes to corroborate his assertion; he declared they had been remitted to him from Holland: his statement was believed. He then declared he would advertise the refusal of the Bank; information reached the directors, and a messenger was sent to inform the holder that he might receive the cash in exchange for the notes. The fact is, the law could not hinder the holder of the notes from interpreting the refusal that was made of payment as he pleased-for instance, as a pretext to gain time, and belief in this would have created great alarm; all which the directors foresaw-though this was at an early period, when the reputation of the company was not so firmly established as at the present time.

WRITING TREASON.

Horne Tooke, on being asked by a foreigner of distinction how much treason an Englishman might venture to write without being hanged, replied, that "he could not inform him just yet, but that he was trying."

LIQUEURS.

The liqueur parfait amour, notwithstanding the attraction of its name, is no longer in repute with the ladies: they have adopted Maraschino in its place. Once upon a time, when a certain eminent diplomatist was asked by his voisine at a petit-souper for a female toast to parallel with the masculine one of "Women and Wine," his Excellency ventured to suggest "Men and Maraschino," and the suggestion received the compliment of very general applause.

LAST HOURS OF THE POET CAMPBELL.

On the 6th of June, 1844, Campbell was able to converse freely; but his strength had become reduced, and on being assisted to change his posture, he fell back in the bed insensible. Conversation was carried on in the room in whispers; and Campbell uttered a few sentences so unconnected, that his friends were doubtful whether he was conscious or not of what was going on in his presence, and had recourse to an artifice to learn. One of them spoke of the poem of "Hohenlinden," and, pretending to forget the author's name, said he had heard it was by a Mr. Robinson. Campbell saw the trick, was amused, and said playfully, in a calm but distinct tone, "No; it was one Tom Campbell." The poet had-as far as a poet can become for years indifferent to posthumous fame. In 1838, five years before this time, he had been speaking to some friends in Edinburgh on the subject. "When I think of the existence which shall commence when the stone is laid above my head, how can literary fame appear to me-to any one -but as nothing? I believe, when I am gone, justice will be done to me in this way -that I was a pure writer. It is an inexpressible comfort, at my time of life, to be able to look back and feel that I have not written one line against religion or virtue." Religious feeling was, as the closing scene approached, more distinctly expressed. A friend was thinking of the lines in "The Last Man," when he heard with delight the dying man express his belief "in life and immortality brought to light by the Saviour." To his niece he said, "Come, let us sing praises to Christ;" then, pointing to the bedside, he added, "Sit here." Shall I pray for you?" she said. "Oh, yes," he replied; "let us pray for each other." The Liturgy of the Church of England was read: he expressed himself "soothed-conforted." The next day, at a moment when he appeared to be sleeping heavily, his lips suddenly moved, and he said, "We shall see

* to

morrow," naming a long-departed friend. On the next day he expired without a struggle.

NATIONAL VANITY.

A Frenchman mistook the letters S. M. B. (St. Mary la Bonne) upon the lamp-posts in the Regent's-park for Sa Majesté Britannique; observing, "How proud we ought to feel at this additional proof of the universal adoption of our most civilised language!"

THE EPICURES TRICKED.

A roasted turbot was the boast of a party of connoisseurs, who dined at Friceur's, in 1836; but a gentleman had the curiosity to ask M. Friceur in what manner he set about

dressing the fish. "Why, sare, you no tell Monsieur le Docteur Somerville (one of the epicurean guests); we no roast him at all, we put him in oven and bake him."

EFFECTS OF DRUNKENNESS.

In February, 1847, the coachman of the Marquis of Hastings was directed to drive a gentleman from his Lordship's residence at Melton-Constable to the railway terminus at Norwich, a distance of about twenty miles. He arrived at Norwich perfectly safe, and the gentleman proceeded by the next train to London. The coachman, having no one to drive back, instead of staying at Norwich all night with his carriage and horses, determined to go that night as far as Lenwade, midway between Melton and Norwich, where his wife and family lived. Unfortunately for him, he did not keep himself sober in Norwich, and started in a somewhat questionable state about eleven o'clock at night. At about five miles on the road, he appears to have fallen asleep, and the horses turned into a bylane, which ultimately led into a field. Here they seem to have wandered about, with the coachman sleeping on the box, the track of the wheels the next morning showing that the carriage, on one occasion, passed within a few inches of the edge of a deep marl-pit, into which it seemed almost miraculous that they did not all fall. However, they found their way out of the field again, the coachman probably awaking. Thence they took a direction for Ringland, and attempted to ford a wide watering of the Wensum; but the immensely flooded state of the lowlands had given a great impetuosity to the stream, and they were carried away by it. The coach. man, on awaking, about four o'clock in the morning, found himself in the midst of these extensive waters-both the horses drowned, and the carriage severed, the fore from the hind wheels. He was dreadfully frightened; his screams brought up in a short time some of the watch from the game preserves, who rendered all the assistance they could. In the course of the morning the horses were got out, and the carriage also. The coachman was now in the greatest distress, and would probably have done himself some mischief, but for the police, who strictly guarded him. He was taken to Lenwade, and thence driven home to Melton, to tell his sad tale. The horses are stated to have been worth 300 guineas.

He

THE INVENTOR OF THE JACQUARD LOOM. Jacquard was a straw-manufacturer in the city of Lyons; he was a poor man, and he had received little instruction. During the war with England there was an article appeared in the French Moniteur, which stated that a person in England had offered a large sum of money to any man who could produce a machine by which a net could be made. This set him to work, and he did get over the great difficulty of producing a machine by which a knot could be tied. The thing was forgotten, till, by some accident, this net was given to the great Emperor Napoleon; and he was told that a poor man on the banks of the Rhone had solved a very great and difficult problem. Jacquard, in great poverty, one day, and scarcely knowing how to exist, was surprised by the visit of a sergeant of gens d'armes, who knocked at the door. came down stairs, and the sergeant said, "I have orders to take you to Paris." He said, "Who has sent for me at Paris ?" He was told, "Why, you will hear that when you get there. There is a carriage waiting for you." He said, "I must send for my wife, and make preparation." But the sergeant said, "No; you must go as you are." And he was taken to the Palace of the Tuileries, and instantly introduced to two persons-no less distinguished than Napoleon Bonaparte and his great Minister Carnot. Napoleon said, "They tell me you say you can tie a knot in a straight string (for that is the art of knitting) by a piece of machinery: I don't believe you." He continued, "Now, in order to try you, I will have you locked up in an apartment, and supplied with materials upon which to work, and everything you require to make your machine." Well, Jacquard set to work so locked up, and constructed a machine; was covered with honour, continued to direct his attention to mechanical art, and afterwards produced that machine which bears his name, and which, by merely throwing the shuttle across the warp, produces the most beautiful patterns. These machines produced a revolution in French manufacture; thrice the people of the city of Lyons rose upon Jacquard; twice they attempted to drown him in the Rhone. He withdrew himself from the world for many years, still attempting to be the benefactor of his native land. Opinion changed, however, and before he died he was the recipient of a liberal pension, not only from the city of Lyons, but from the French Government. He died upon the property which was conveyed to him, the grateful gift of the people he had honoured and elevated; and when he was carried to his tomb, the city of Lyons declared that his portrait should be painted and hung in the School of Arts.

THE DEAD ALIVE.

A celebrated character one day met a man in the streets crying about his death, when he gave the fellow a tremendous box on the ear, adding, "Take that, and if I am dead, you will, at least, believe in ghosts."

KITCHINER AND COLMAN. The most celebrated wits and bon vivans of the day graced the dinner-table of the late Dr. Kitchiner, and, inter alia, the late George Colman, who was an especial favourite: his interpolation of a little monosyllable in a written admonition which the Doctor caused to be placed on the mantelpiece of the dining parlour will never be forgotten, and was the origin of such a drinking bout as was seldom permitted under his roof. The caution ran thus: "Come at seven, go at eleven." Colman briefly altered the sense of it; for, upor the Doctor's attention being directed to the card, he read, to his astonishment, "Come at seven, go it at eleven!" which the guests did, and the claret was punished accordingly.

LIFE INSURANCE.

Walpole relates the following odd story:If a man insures his life, killing himself vacates the bargain. This (as in England almost everything begets a contradiction) has produced an office for insuring in spite of self-murder; but not beyond three hundred pounds. I suppose voluntary deaths were not then the bon ton of people in higher life. A man went and insured his life, securing this privilege of a free-dying Englishman. He carried the insurers to dine at a tavern, where they met several other persons. After dinner he said to the life-and-deatli brokers, "Gentlemen, it is fit that you should be acquainted with the company: these honest men are tradesmen, to whom I was indebted, without any means of paying but by your assistance, and now I am your humble servant." He pulled out a pistol and shot himself.

LUCKY SIR ROBERT STRANGE.

Robert Strange was a North Briton, who served his time to an engraver, and was a soldier in the rebel army of 1745. It so happened, when Duke William put them to flight, that Strange, finding a door open, made his way into the house, ascended the first floor, and entered a room where a young lady was seated at needlework, and singing. Young Strange implored her protection. The lady, without rising or being in the least disconcerted, desired him to get under her hoop. He immediately stooped, and the amiable woman covered him up. Shortly after this, the house was searched. The lady continued at her work, singing as before; the soldiers, upon entering the room, considering Miss Lunsdale alone, respectfully retired. Robert, as soon as the search was over, being released from his concealment, kissed the hand of his protectress; at which moment, for the first time, he found himself in love. He married the lady, and no persons, beset as they were with early difficulties, lived more happily. Strange afterwards became a loyal man, though for a long time he sighed to be pardoned by his King, who, however, was pleased to be reconciled to him, and afterwards knighted him.

NAPOLEON AND FOUCHE.

Napoleon sent for Fouché one day, in a great rage, told him that he was a fool, was not fit to be at the head of the police, and was quite ignorant of what was passing. "Pardon me, sire," said Fouché; "I know that your Majesty has my dismissal ready signed in your pocket." Napoleon changed his mind, and kept his Minister.

PIERCING PROOF.

A Jew once presented himself to the Duke Albrecht of Saxony, and offered him a charm (Knopf) engraved with rare signs and characters, which should render him invulnerable. The Duke, determined to try it, had the Jew led out into a field, with his charm hanging round his neck; he then drew his sword, and at the first thrust ran the Jew through!

A PUN OF A DISH.

It was suggested to a distinguished gourmet what a capital thing a dish all fins (turbot's fins) might be made. "Capital," said he, "dine on it with me to-morrow." "Accepted." Would you believe it? when the cover was removed, the sacrilegious dog of an Amphytrion had put into the dish, "Cicero, De finibus." "There is a work all fins," said he.

PLAIN PEOPLE.

Plain men, nay, even ugly little fellows, have met with tolerable success among the fair. Wilkes's challenge to Lord Townshend is well known: "Your Lordship is one of the handsomest men in the kingdom, and I am one of the ugliest; yet, give me but half an hour's start, and I will enter the lists against you with any woman you choose to name, because you will omit attentions, on account of your fine exterior, which I shall double, on account of my plain one." He used to say that it took him half an hour just to talk away his face. He was so exceedingly ugly, that a lottery-office-keeper once offered him ten guineas not to pass his window whilst the tickets were drawing, for fear of his bringing ill-luck upon the house. Balzac says that ugliness signifies little, provided it be a laideur intéressante. Mirabeau's, for example, who desired a female correspondent, who had never seen him, and was anxious to form some notion of his face, to fancy a tiger marked with the small-pox!

ECCENTRIC AUTOGRAPH.

Baron Garrow once observed at Monmouth, that a respected friend of his, in the city of London, would sign his name on the outside of letters in such a way as to defy the skill of every man in the court, even if assisted by the greater sagacity of the other sex, in finding out what his signature could possibly be meant for. The post-office clerks, indeed, knew that a certain number of straight strokes, up and down, meant W. Curtis; but, probably, that was not because they could read the signature, but because nothing else at all like it ever came there.