for a stomacher; which, since the day of his mar-woman never thinks a man truly in love with her 'til riage, he has, out of a piece of gallantry, converted he has been fool enough to think of her out of ha into a night-cap, and wears it still with much solem-sight, and to lose so much time as to write to be. nity on his anniversary wedding night, Mel. That I have seen, with the ceremony thereunto belonging-for on that night he creeps in at the bed's feet, like a gulled Bassa that has married a relation of the Grand Signior, and that night he has his arms at liberty. Did she not tell you at what a distance she keeps him? He has confessed to me, that but at some certain times, that is, I suppose, when she apprehends being with child, he never has the privilege of using the familiarity of a husband with a wife. He was once given to scrambling with his hands, and sprauling in his sleep, and ever since she has swaddled him up in blankets, and his hands and feet swathed down, and so put to bed; and there he lies with a great beard like a Russian bear upon a drift of snow. You are very great with him. I wonder he never told you his grievances; he will, I warrant you. Care. Excessively foolish!- -But that which gives me most hopes of her, is her telling me of the many temptations she has resisted. FRIENDS IN NEED. Y. W. Come, Frank, canst thou lend me act of hundred pounds? Rich. What would you do with them! Y. W. Do with them? There's a question -Do you think I would eat them! Rich. Yes, o' my troth would you, and drink th together. Look 'e, Mr. Wou'dbe, whilst you well with your father, I could have reatured so ha lent you five guineas. But as the case standa assure you I have lately paid off my sister's, and Y. W. Sir, this put-off looks like an affront, whi you know I don't use to take such things. Rich. Sir, your demand is rather an affront, vi you know I don't use to give such things. Y. W. Sir, I'll pawn my honour. Rich. That's mortgaged already for more than if bring you forty shillings. -suppose I put Y. W. 'Sdeath, six-[Takes his sword of thetad Mel. Nay, then you have her; for a woman's brag-worth; you had better pawn your sword there wi ging to a man that she has overcome temptations, is an argument that they were weakly offered, and a challenge to him to engage her more irresistibly. 'Tis only an enhancing the price of the commodity, by telling you how many customers have underbid her. Care. Nay, I don't despair-but still she has a Rich. Why, go to a magistrate, and s grudging to you-I talked to her t'other night at my would have robbed me of two hundred p Lord Froth's masquerade, when I am satisfied she Look'e sir, you have been often told, that knew me, and I had no reason to complain of my re-travagance would some time or other be the ception; but I find women are not the same bare-you; and it will go a great way in your indus fac'd and in masks--and a vizor disguises their in- to have turned the pad upon your friend. clinations as much as their faces. Mel. 'Tis a mistake; for women may most properly be said to be unmasked when they wear vizors; for that secures them from blushing and being out of countenance, and next to being in the dark, or alone, they are most truly themselves in a vizor mask. Here they come. I'll leave you. Ply her close, and by and by clap a billet-doux into her hand: for a Y. W. This usage is the height of ingratitude you, in whose company I have spent my forto Rich. I'm therefore a witness, that it was w spent-why would you keep company, be expenses with me that have fifty times your What was gallantry in me, was prodigality mine was health, because I could pay for la disease, because you could not. Y.W. And is this all I must expect from our endship! Rich. Friendship! sir, there can be no such thing hout an equality. Y. W. That is, there can be so such thing when re is occasion for't. Bald. May this wine be my poison, sir, if I don't speak from the bottom of my heart. [Drinks Y. W. And how much money do you think I have spent in your house? Bald. Wiry, truly, sir, by a moderate computation, 1 do believe that I have handled of your money the best part of five hundred pounds within these two years. Rich. Right, sit- -our friendship was over a tle only; and whilst you can pay your club of ndship, I'm that way your humble servant; but en once you come borrowing, I'm this wayir humble servant. [Exit. Y. W. Rich, big, proud, arrogant villain! I have Bald. Yes, sir; and if I can serve you in any rea twice his second, thrice sick of the same love, spect, pray command me to the utmost of my ability. tthrice cured by the same physic, and now he Y. W. Well! thanks to my stars, there is still ps me for a trifle- That an honest fellow in his some honesty in wine. Mr. Balderdash, I embrace 3 should be such a rogue when he is sober!--you and your kindness: I am at present a little low : narrow-hearted rascal has been drinking coffee in cash, and must beg you to lend me a hundred morning. Well, thou dear solitary half-crown, pieces. eu!Here, Jack, take this, pay for a bottle of e, and bid Balderdash bring it himself. [Exit . How melancholy are my poor breeches; not chink!--Thou art a villainous hand, for thou : picked my pocket.--This vintner now has all marks of an honest fellow, a broad face, a copious a strutting belly, and a jolly mien. I have ight him above three pounds a night for these two 's successively. The rogue has money, I'm sure, would but lend it. Y. W. Very well! And do you think that you lie under any obligation for the trade I have promoted to your advantage? Bald. Why truly, Mr. Wou'dbe, I was afraid it would come to this; I have had it in my head several times to caution you upon your expenses: but you were so very genteel in my house, and your liberality became you so very well, that I was unwilling to say any thing that might check your disposition; but truly, sir, I can forbear no longer to tell you, that you have been a little too extravagant. Y. W. But since you reaped the benefit of my extravagance, you will, I hope, consider my necessity. Bald. Consider your necessity! I do with all my heart; and must tell you, moreover, that I will be no longer accessary to it: I desire you, sir, to frequent my house no more. Y. W. How, sir! Bald. I say, sir, that I have an honour for my good lord your father, and will not suffer his son to run into any inconvenience: sir, I shall order my drawers not to serve you with a drop of wine. Would you have me connive at a gentleman's destruction? Y. W. But methinks, sir, that a person of your nice conscience should have cautioned me before. Bald. Alas! sir, it was none of my business: would you have me be saucy to a gentleman that was my best customer? Lack-a-day, sir, had you money to hold it out still, I had been hanged rather than be rude to you-But truly, sir, when a man is ruined 'tis but the duty of a Christian to tell him of it. Y. W. Will you lend me money, sir? Bald. Will you pay me this bill, sir? Y. W. Lend me the hundred pound, and I'll pay the bill. Bald. Pay me the bill, and I will not lend you the hundred pounds, sir.But pray consider with yourself, now, sir; would not you think me an errant coxcomb, to trust a person with money that has always been so extravagant under my eye? whose profuseness I have seen, I have felt, I have handled? Have not I known you, sir, throw away ten pounds a night upon a covey of pit-partridges, and a settingdog? Sir, you have made my house an ill house: my very chairs will bear you no longer.-In short, sir, I desire you to frequent the Crown no more, sir. Y. W. This is the punishment of hell; the very devil that tempted me to sin, now upbraids me with the crime. I have villainously murdered my fortune, and now its ghost, in the lank shape of poverty, haunts me. [The Twin Rivals. LEGAL INDUCEMENTS. Y. W. I have got possession of the castle, and if I had but a little law to fortify me now, I believe we might hold it out a great while. Oh! here comes my attorney. Mr. Subtleman, your servant. Enter SUBTLEMAN. Sub. My lord, I wish you joy. My aunt has sent me to receive your commands. Y. W. Has she told you any thing of the affair?" -come nearer.- Can you make a man right heir to an estate during the life of an elder brother? Sub. I thought you had been the eldest. Y. W. That we are not yet agreed upon; for you must know, there is an impertinent fellow that takes a fancy to dispute the seniority with me. For look'e, sir, my mother has unluckily sowed discord in the family, by bringing forth twins; my brother, 'tis true, was first born; but I believe from the bottom of my heart I was the first begotten. Sub. I understand-you are corne to an estate and dignity, that by justice indeed is your own, but by law it falls to your brother. Y. W. I had rather, Mr. Subtleman, it were his by justice, and mine by law: for I would have the strongest title, if possible. Sub. I am very sorry there should hay breach between brethren; so I think it would be bet a Christian and charitable act to take away all farther disputes, by making you true heir to the estate the last will of your father. Look 'e, I'll divide a you shall yield the eldership and honour to him, he shall quit his estate to you. Y. W. Why, as you say, I don't much care if I d grant him the eldest, half an hour is but a trife be how shall we do about the will? Who shall we ge prove it? Sub. Never trouble yourself for that: I exped cargo of witnesses and usquebaugh by the first wind. Y. W. But we can't stay for them: it must be det immediately. Sub. Well, well; we'll find some body, I warns you, to make oath of his last words. Y. W. That's impossible; for my father died a apoplexy, and did not speak at all. Sub. That's nothing, sir: he's not the first b man that I have made to speak. Y. W. You're a great master of speech, 14: question, sir; and I can assure you there will guineas for every word you extort from him at favour. Sub. O, sir, that's enough to make your grandfather speak. Y. W. Come, then, I'll carry you to my he shall give you the names of the manors, true titles and denominations of the estate, 212 you shall go to work. [The Terin INTERVIEW BETWEEN AN AUTHOR AND BY SPRIGHTLY, VAMP, and CXPE Cape. Oh, no; 'tis Mr. Vamp: Your c good sir? THE LAUGHING PHILOSOPHER. 731 Vamp. I have a word, master Cape, for your pri- | of your secrecy that you may rely upon my commu te ear. Cape. You may communicate; this gentleman is friend. Vamp. An author? Cape. Voluminous. Vamp. In what way? Cape. Universal. nication. Vamp. You will be safe-but, gadso! we must mind business, tho'. Here, master Cape, you must provide me with three taking titles for these pamphlets, and if you can think of a pat Latin motto for the largest Cape. They shall be done. Vamp. Do so, do so. Books are like women, mas Vamp. Bless me! he's very young, and exceedgly well rigg'd; what, a good subscription, Iter Cape; to strike they must be well dress'd; fine kon? Cape. Not a month from Leyden; an admirable ologist! he study'd it in Germany; if you should at such a thing now, as ten or a dozen manuscript mons, by a deceas'd clergyman, I believe he can ply you. amp. No. Cape. Warranted originals. Vamp. No, no; I don't deal in the sermon way, v; I lost money by the last I printed, for all 'twas ote by a Methodist; but I believe, sir, if they n't long, and have a good deal of, Latin in 'em, I ■get you a chap. Spri. For what, sir? feathers make fine birds; a good paper, an elegant type, a handsome motto, and a catching title, has drove many a dull treatise thro' three editions.— Did you know Harry Handy? Spri. Not that I recollect. Vamp. He was a pretty fellow; he had his Latin, ad anguem, as they say; he wou'd have turn'd you a fable of Dryden's, or an epistle of Pope's, into Latin verse in a twinkling! except Peter Hasty, the voyage-writer, he was as great a loss to the trade as any within my memory. Cape. What carried him off? Vamp. A halter; hang'd for clipping and coining, master Cape; I thought there was something the Vamp. The manuscript sermons you have wrote, matter by his not coming to our shop for a month or I want to dispose of. Spri. Sermons that I have wrote ? Famp. Ay, ay; master Cape has been telling pri. He has; I am mightily oblig'd to him. amp. Nay, nay, don't be afraid; I'll keep counold Vamp had not kept a shop so long at the astile, if he did not know how to be secret; why, De year fifteen, when I was in the treasonable , I never squeak'd; I never gave up but one auin my life, and he was dying of a consumption, never came to a trial. pri. Indeed! amp. Never-look here (shews the side of his ) crop'd close!-bare as a board!-and for noin the world but an innocent book of bawdy, as pe for mercy: oh! the laws are very hard, very re upon us, ori. You have given me, sir, so positive a proof] two: he was a pretty fellow ! Spri. Were you a great loser by his death? Vamp. I can't say ;-as he had taken to another course of living, his execution made a noise; it sold me seven hundred of his translations, besides his last dying speech and confession; I got it; he was mindful of his friends in his last moments: he was a pretty fellow ! Cape. You have no farther commands, Mr. Vamp? Vamp. Not at present; about the spring I'll deal with you, if we can agree for a couple of volumes in octavo. Spri. Upon what subject? Vamp. I leave that to him; master Cape knows what will do, tho' novels are a pretty light summer reading, and do very well at Tunbridge, Bristol, and the other watering places: no bad commodity for the West India trade neither; let 'em be novels, master Cape. Cape. You shall be certainly supplied. Vamp. I doubt not; pray how does Index go on with your journal ? Cape. He does not complain. THE DEBATING SOCIETY. THE PRESIDENT; DERMOT O'DROHED &, & charmes; Vamp. Ah, I knew the time-but you have overstock'd the market. Titlepage and I had once lik'd to have engaged in a paper. We had got a young cantab for the essays; a pretty historian from Aber-nished with porter! deen; and an attorney's clerk for the true intell:gence; but, I don't know how, it dropp'd for want of a politician. All. Full, Mr. President. Pres. We will then proceed to the business of the day; and let me beg, gentlemen, that you will, a your debates, preserve that decency and decorem that is due to the importance of your deliberations, and the dignity of this illustrious assembly Cape. If in that capacity I can be of any Vamp. No, thank you, master Cape; in half a year's time, I have a grandson of my own that will come in; he's now in training as a waiter at the [Gets up, pulls off his hat, and reads the wates Cocoa tree coffee-house; I intend giving him the run Motion made last Monday to be debated to say, of Jonathan's for three months, to understand trade That, for the future, instead of that vulgar poratam and the funds; and then, I'll start him no, no, called porter, the honourable members may be sup you have enough on your hands; stick to your busi-plied with a proper quantity of Irish usquetang ness; and d'ye hear, 'ware clipping and coining; remember Harry Handy; he was a pretty fellow! [The Author. THE TWO HOUSES OF PARLIAMENT. Dermot O'Droheda + his mark,“ O'Droh. Mr. President, the case is this; it is m There is, by the constitution of this kingdom, an becase I am any grate lover of that same usquehani assembly of many individuals, who, as the seventh that I have set my mark to the motion; but becase i son of a seventh son is born a physician, are orators did not think it was decent for a number of gate- | by hereditary right; that is, by birth they are enabled men that were, d'ye see, met to settle the affair t to give their opinions and sentiments on all subjects, nation, to be guzzling a pot of porter; to be sure where the interest of their country is concerned. To liquor is a pretty sort of a liquor enough when a ma this we are to add another assembly, consisting of is hot with trotting between a couple of poles, six hundred and fifty-eight individuals, where, though this is anotherguess matter, becase why, the bead the same privilege is enjoyed as in the first instance, concerned; and if it was not for the tualt and te yet this advantage is not possessed in virtue of any haps, dibble burn me but I would as soon take a inherent natural right, but is obtained in consequence drink from the Thames as your porter. But of an annual, triennial, or septennial deputation from usquebaugh; ah long life to the liquor-it is an exa the whole body of the people; if then we add to this rator of the bowels, and a stomatic to the beaĖ, › list the number of all those candidates who are am- say, Mr. President, it invigorates, it stimulates, bitious of this honour, with the infinite variety of in short it is the onliest liquor of life, and a 2 changes that a revolution of twenty years will pro-alive will die whilst he drinks it. duce, we cannot estimate those funds of national ora- [Sits down. TWIST gets up, having a piece tors in esse, posse, and velle, at a smaller quantity paper, containing the heads of what he enga, en than 20,000; and this, I believe, by the disciples of hat. Demoivre, will be thought a very moderate computation. [The Orators. Pres. Mr. Timothy Twist. 7. Twist, Mr. President, I second Mr. O |