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Sir Per. How do I mean by instinct ?-Why, sir, gate I could gang for the bettering of my condition, I mean by-by-by the instinct of interest, sir, which and accordingly, I set about it : now, sir, in this puris the universal instinct of mankind. Sir, it is won- suit, beauty beauty !-ah! beauty often struck derful to think, what a cordial, what an amicable- mine eep, and played about my heart? and Auttered, nay, what an infallible influence bowing has upon the and beat, and knocked, and knocked ; but the devil pride and vanity of human nature. Charles, answer an entrance I ever let it get; for I observed, sir, that me sincerely, have you a mind to be convinced of beauty—is generally—a proud, vain, saucy, expenthe force of my doctrine, by example and demon- sive, impertinent sort of a commodity. stration ?

Eger. Very justly observed, sir. Eger. Certainly, sir.

Sir Per. And therefore, sir, I left it to prodigals Sir Per. Then, sir, as the greatest favour I can and coxcombs, that could afford to pay for it; and onfer upon you, I'll give you a short sketch of the in its stead, sir-mark! I looked out for an ancient, {ages of my bowing, as an excitement, and a land- weel-jointured, superannuated dowager; a consumpnark for you to bow by, and as an infallible nostrum tive, toothless, ptisicky, wealthy widow; or o rise in the world.

shrivelled, cadaverous piece of deformity in the shape Eger, Sir, I shall be proud to profit by your expe- of an izzard, or an appersi-and--or, in short, ainy ience.

thing, ainy thing that had the siller, the siller-for Sir Per. Vary weel, sir : sit ye down then, sit you that, sir, was the north star of my affections. Do own here : [They sit down.]—and now, sir, you you take me, sir ? was nai that right? rust recall to your thoughts, that your grandfather Eger. O! doubtless-doubtless, sir. as a man, whose penurious income of half-pay was Sir Per. Now, sir, where do you think I ganged to je sum total of his fortune ; and, sir, aw my provi- look for this woman with the siller ?-nair üill court, on fra him was a modicum of Latin, an expertness nai till play. houses or assemblies-nai, sir, I ganged 1 arithmetic, and a short system of worldly counsel ; till the kirk, till the anabaptist, independent, bradlole príocipal ingredients of which were, a persevering nian, and muggletonian meetings; till the morning austry, a rigid economy, a smooth tongue, a pliabi- and evening service of churches and chapels of ease, y of temper, and a constant attention to make every and till the midnight, melting, conciliating love-feasts an well pleased with himself.

of the methodists; and there, sir, at last, I fell upon Eger. Very prudent advice, sir.

an old, slighted, antiquated, musty maiden, that Sit Per. Therefore, sir, I lay it before you looked-ha, ha, ha! she looked just like a skeleton in ww, sir, with these materials, I set out a raw-boned a surgeon's glass case. Now, sir, this miserable object spling fra the North, to try my fortune with them was religiously angry with herself and aw the world ; se in the South ; and my first step intill the world had nai comfort but in metaphysical visions, and suis a beggarly clerkship in Sawney Gordon's count- pernatural deliriums; ha, ha, ha! sir, she was as phouse, here in the city of London, which you'll mad—as mad as a Bedlamite. i afforded but a barren sort of a prospect.

Eger. Not improbable, sir : there are numbers of Eger. It was not a very fertile one indeed, sir, poor creatures in the same condition. jir Per. The reverse, the reverse : weel, sir, seeing Sir Per. O! numbers--numbers. Now, sir, this sell in this unprobtable situation, I reflected cracked creature used to pray, and sing, and sigh, and ply: I cast about my thoughts morning, noon, groan, and weep, and wail, and gnash her teeth con

night, and marked every man and every mode stantly morning and evening, at the tabernacle in prosperity; at last I concluded that a matrimonial Moorfelds : and as soon as I found she had got the renture, judently conducted, would be the readiest siller, aha! guid traith, I plumpen me down upon my

knees close by her-cheek by jowl—and prayed, and this princely fortune, ah! I met with many beans sighed, and sung, and groaned, and gnashed my teeth sores and disappointments fra the want of tienar, as vehemently as she could do for the life of her; ay, eloquence, and other popular abeleties. St. 20 and turned up the whites of mine een, till the strings could but have spoken in the house, 1 skeeled zawa awinost cracked again :-I watched he: motions, done the deed in half the time ; but the staa: 1 handed her till her chair, waited on her home, got opened my mouth there, they aw fell a-kaur most religiously intimate with her in a week,-mar- me ;-aw which deficiencies, sir, I determan # ried her in a fortnight, buried her in a month ;- any expense, to have supplied by the poliskogen touched the siller, and with a deep suit of mourning, tion of a son, who, I hoped, would one day rus the a melancholy port, a sorrowful visage, and a joyful house of Macsycophant till the bighesi porn heart, I began the world again ;-and this, sir, was ministerial ambition. This, sir, is my fia: I den the first bow, that is, the first effectual bow, I ever done my part of it; nature has done hers: made till the vanity of human nature :--Dow, sir, do popular, you are eloquent ; aw parties hke and

1 you understand this doctrine ?

spect you ; and now, sir, it only remains for you Eger. Perfectly well, sir.

be directed completion follows.
Sir Per. Ay, but was it not right ? was it not in-
genious, and weel bit off ?

Eger. Certainly, sir : extremely well
Sir Per. My next bow, sir, was till your ain mo-

Sir PerrinAI MACSYCOPHAST and Comment ther, whom I ran away with fra boarding-school ;

PLAUSIBLE. by the interest of whose family I got a good smart Sir Per. Why, Counsellor, did you ever seer. place in the Treasury :-and, sir, my vary next step pertinent, so meddling, and so obstinate a bkumbati was intill Parliament; the which I entered with as as that Serjeant Eitberside ? confound the better 4 ardent and as determined an ambition as ever agitated has put me out of aw temper. the heart of Cæsar himself. Sir, I bowed, and Plaus. But, Sir Pertinax, there is a secretary watched, and hearkened, and ran about, backwards in this business that you do not seem to part and forwards; and attended, and dangled upon the and which, I am afraid, governs the matter tours then great mon, till I got intill the vary bowels of these boroughs. his confidence,—and then, sir, I wriggled, and Sir Per. What spring do you mean, suurin wrought, and wriggled, till I wriggled myself among Plaus. I have some reason to link that it the very thick of them : hah! I got my snack of the tied down by some means or other to bring the clothing, the foraging, the contracts, the lottery tickets, jeant iv, the very first vacancr, for one and aw the political bonuses ;--till at length, sir, 1 boroughs :--now that, I believe, is the seks became a much wealthier man than one half of the why the serjeant is so strenuous that my lord golden calves I had been so long a-bowing to : [He keep the boroughs in his own power; fearing the rises, and Egerton rises too]—and was nai that bow might reject him for some man of your ows ing to some purpose ?

Sir Per. Odswounds and death! Plans Eger. It was indeed, sir.

are clever, devilish clever. By the blood, yo Sir Per. But are you convinced of the guid effects, hit upon the vary string that has rrade aw us on and of the utility of bowing.

-Oh! I see it, I see it now. But hanluEger, Thoroughly, sir.

bide a wee bit-a wee bit, won: I have a Sir Per. Sir, it is infallible :--but, Charles, ah! come intill my head-yes--I think, Plexio, while I was thus bowing, and wriggling, and raising, with a little twist in our negociation, that u

ng, properly tuned, may be still made to produce very harmony we wish for. Yes, yes! I have this serjeant, I see, understands business—and, am not mistaken, knows how to take a hin' laus. O ! nobody better, Sir Pertinax. Per. Why then, Plausible, the short road is ys the best with sic a mon—You must even up till his mark at once, and assure him from that I will secure him a seat for one of these boroughs. aus. Ó that will do, Sir Pertinax—that will 'll answer for it. Per. And further—I beg you will let him know think myself obliged to consider him in this as acting for me as weel as for my lord, as a on friend till baith:—and for the services he ready done us, make my special compliments m—and pray let this amicable bit of paper be thful advocate to convince him of what my ide further intends for his great [Gives him a out..] equity in adjusting this agreement beny lord and me. - ... Ha, ha, ha!—upon my word, Sir Pertihis is noble.—Ay, ay! this is an eloquent bit er indeed. •er. Maister Plausible, in aw human dealings it effectual method is that of ganging at once vary bottom of a man's heart:—for if we ext men should serve us, we must first win their is by serving them.

r Zord Lumn Ercount and Serjeant Eitheasid E.

I assure you, Sir Pertinax, that in all his s conversation with me |. this business, s positive instructions—both he and Jalways ,d the nomination to be in my lord, durante

well, but gentlemen, gentlemen, a little Sure this mistake, some how or other, rectified.—Pr'ythee, Mr. Serjeant, let you , into the next room by ourselves, and rebe clause relative to the boroughs, and try

if we cannot hit upon a medium that will be agreeable to both parties. Serj. [With great warmth.] Mr. Plausible, I have considered the clause fully; am entirely master of the question; my lord cannot give up the point. It is unkind and unreasonable to expect it. Plaus. Nay, Mr. Serjeant, I beg you will not misunderstand me. Do not think I want his lordship to give up any point without an equivalent. Sir Pertinax, will you perunit Mr. Serjeant and me to retire a few moments to reconsider this point 2 Sir Per. For Heaven's sake, as your lordship and I can have but one interest for the future, let us have naimair words about these paltry boroughs, but conclude the agreement just as it stands: otherwise there must be new writings drawn, new consultations of lawyers; new objections and delays will arise; creditors will be impatient and impertinent, so that we shall nai finish the Iord knows when. Lord Lum. You are right, you are right: say no more, Mac, say no more. Split the lawyers—you judge the point better than all Westminster-Hall could. It shall stand as it is : yes, you shall settle it your own way; for your interest and mine are the same, I see plainly. Sir Per. No doubt of it, my lord. Lord Lum. O ! here the lawyers come.

Enter Counsellor PLAusible and Serjeant EITHE Rside.

Serj. My lord, Mr. Plausible has convinced me— fully convinced me. Plaus. Yes, my lord, I have convinced him; I have laid such arguments before Mr. Serjeant as were irresistible Serj. He has indeed, my lord : besides, as Sir Pertinax gives his honour that your lordship's nomination shall be sacredly observed, why, upon a nearer review of the whole matter, I think it will be the wiser measure to conclude the agreement just as it is drawn. Lord Lum. I am very glad you think so, Mr. Serjeant, because that is my opiuion too : so, my dear

Eitherside, do you and Plausible despatch the busi-
ness now as soon as possible.
Seij. My lord, everything will be ready in less
than an hour. Come, Mr. Plausible, let us go and
fill up the blanks, and put the last hand to the writings
on our part. -
Plaus. I attend you, Mr. Serjeant.
[Ereunt Lawyers.
Lord Lum. And while the lawyers are preparing
the writings, Sir Pertinax, I will go and saunter with
the women. [Erit singing, “Sons of care,’ &c.
Sir Per. So a little flattery mixt with the finesse
of a gilded promise on the one side, and a quantum
sufficit of the aurum palpabile on the other, have at
last made me the happiest father in Great-Britain.
Hah! my heart expands itself, as it were, through
every part of my whole body, at the completion of this
business, and feels nothing but dignity and elevation.
Sir Penti NAx Macsycoph ANT and his SoN.
Sir Per. Come hither, Charles,
Eger. Your pleasure, sir.
Sir Per. About twa hours since I told you, Charles,
that I received this letter express, complaining of
your brother's activity at an election in Scotland
against a particular friend of mine, which has given
great offence ; and, sir, you are mentioned in the
letter as weel as he to be plain, I must roundly tell
you, that on this interview depends my happiness as
a father and as a man; and my affection to you, sir,
as a son, for the remainder of our days.
Eger. I hope, sir, I shall never do any thing either
to forfeit your affection, or disturb your happiness.
Sir Per. I hope so too : but to the point. The fact
is this: there has been a motion made this vary da
to bring on the grand affair, which is settled for Fri-
day seven-night:—now, sir, as you are popular, have
talents, and are weel heard, it is expected, and I in-
sist upon it, that you endeavour to atone, sir, for your
late misconduct, by preparing, and taking a large
share in that question, and supporting it with aw
your power.

Eger. Sir, I have always divided as you directed,

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Sir Per. Vary weel, sir! vary weel ! the fellow is side himself Kser. But to be a common barker at envied power ow beat the drum of faction, and sound the trumpet insidious patriotism, only to displace a rival—or be a servise voter in proud corruption's filthy train 9 market out my voice, my reason, and Iny trust, he party-broker who best can promise or pay for stitution ; these, sir, are services my nature abhors or they are such a malady to every kind of virtue, must in time destroy the fairest constitution that wisdom framed, or virtuous liberty fought for. ir Per. Why, are you mad, sir? you have cerly been bit by some mad whig or other: but , sir, after aw this foul-mouthed phrenzy, and iotic vulgar intemperance, suppose we were to ou a plain question or twa : Pray, what single once can you, or any man, give of the political or corruption of these days, that has nai been ised in the greater states, and in the most virtimes 1 I challenge you to give me a single fict:. or. Your pardon, sir—it is a subject I wish to or : you know, sir, we never can agree about it. Per. Sir, I insist upon an answer. or. I beg you will excuse me, sir. Por. I will not excuse you, sir.—I insist. or. Then sir, in obedience, and with your pa, I will answer your question. Por. Ay I ay ! "...] be patient, never fear : let us have it, let us have it. or. You shall; and now, sir, let prejudice, the t Party, and the habitual insolence of successe--paise but for one moment—and let religion, power herself, the policy of a nation's virtue, ontain's guardian genius, take a short, imparrospect but of one transaction, notorious in this then must they behold yeomen, freemen, citirtisans, divines, courtiers, patriots, merchants, s, sailors, and the whole plebeian tribe, in nial procession, urged and seduced by the congreat ones of the land to the altar of perjury the Liibe in one hand, and the evangelist in

the other—impiously and a daciously affront the Majesty of Heaven, by calling him to witness that they have not received, nor ever will receive, reward or consideration for his suffrage.—Is not this a fact, sir? Can it be denied ? Can it be believed by those who know not Britain 2 Or can it be matched in the records of human policy —Who then, sir, that reflects one moment, as a Briton or a Christian, on this picture, would be conducive to a people's infamy and a nation's ruin 3 Sir Per. Sir, I have heard your rhapsody with a great deal of patience, and great astonishment—and .." are certainly beside yourself. What the devil usiness have you to trouble your head about the sins or the souls of other men 2 You should leave this matter till the clergy, wha are paid for looking after them; and let every man gang to the devil his ain way: besides it is nai decent to find fault with what is winked at by the whole nation—nay, and practised by aw parties. Eger. That, sir, is the very shame, the ruin I complain of. Sir Per. Oh you are vary young, vary young in these matters; but experience will convince you, sir, that every man in public business has twa consciences —a religious and a political conscience. Why, you see a merchant now, or a shopkeeper, that kens the science of the world, always looks upon an oath at a custom-house, or behind a counter, only as an oath in business, a thing of course, a mere thing of course, that has nothing to do with religion;–and just so it is at an election,-for instance now—I am a candidate, pray observe, and I gang till a periwig-maker, a hatter, or a hosier, and I give ten, twenty, or tharty guineas for a periwig, a hat, or a pair of hose ; and so on, through a majority of voters';-vary weel;what is the consequence Why, this commercial intercourse, you see, begets a friendship betwixt us, a commercial friendship—and in a day or twa these men gang and give me their sufferages; weel ! what is the inference? Pray, sir, can you, or any lawyer, divine, or casuist, caw this a bribe Nai, sir, in fair political reasoning, it is ainly generosity on the one

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