linformed me that I must not go into my own ise. Sir Per. O! my lord, it is my duty to oblige your lordship to the utmost stretch of my abeelity. BATH FASHIONABLES. ir Per. How, my lord! not intill your ain carriage? ord Lum. No, sir; for that they, by order of the iff, must seize it, at the suit of a gentleman--one Sir PERTINAX MACSYCOPHANT, EGERTON, Lord Mahogany, an upholsterer. ir Per. An impudent villain! ord Lum. It is all true, I assure you: so you see, and Lady LUMBERCOURT, and their daughter Lady RODOLPHA. Sir Per. Weel; but, Lady Rodolpha, I wanted to ask your ladyship some questions about the company at the Bath; they say you had aw the world there. Lady Rod. O, yes! there was a very great mob there indeed; but very little company. Aw canaille, except our ain party. The place was crowded with your little purse-proud mechanics; an odd kind of queer looking animals that have started intill fortune fra lottery tickets, rich prizes at sea, gambling in Change-Alley, and sic like caprices of fortune; and away they aw crowd to the Bath to learn genteelity, and the names, titles, intrigues, and bon-mots of us ord Lum. Sir, there is not another nation in the 1. Per. Vary true, my lord, vary true-and it is rous that a mon of your lordship's condition is titled to run one of these mechanics through ody, when he is impertinent about his money; r laws, shamefully, on these occasiors, make stinction of persons amongst us. Lum. A vile policy, indeed, Sir Pertinax. r, the scoundrel has seized upon the house too, furnished for the girl I took from the opera. Per. I never heard of sic an a scoundrel. Zum. Ay, but what concerns me most-I am my dear Mac, that the villain will send down market, and seize my string of horses. Per. Your string of horses? zounds! we must that at all events: that would be sic an a I will despatch an express to town directly, stop till the rascal's proceedings. Lem. Pr'ythee do, my dear Sir Pertinax. Per. O! it shall be done, my lord. Lum. Thou art an honest fellow, Sir Pertinax, nour. Lord Lum. Ha, ha, ha! I know them: I know the things you mean, my dear, extremely well. I have observed them a thousand times, and wondered where the devil they all came from; ha, ha, ha! Lady Lum. Pray, Lady Rodolpha, what were your diversions at Bath? Lady Rod. Guid traith, my lady, the company. were my diversion; and better nai human follies ever afforded; ha, ha, ha! sic an a mixture, and sic oddities, ha, ha, ha! a perfect gallimaufry. Lady Kunegunda M'Kenzie and I used to gang about till every part of this human chaos, on purpose to reconnoitre the monsters and pick up their frivolities; ha, ha, ha! Sır Per. Ha, ha, ha! why that must have been a high entertainment till your ladyship. Lady Rod. Superlative and inexhaustible, Sir Pertinax; ha, ha, ha! Madam, we had in one group, a peer and a sharper, a duchess and a pin-maker's wife, a boarding-school miss and her grandmother, a fat parson, a lean general, and a yellow admiral ha, ha, ha! aw speaking together, and bawling and ; wrangling in fierce contention, as if the fame and fortune of aw the parties were to be the issue of the conflict. Sir Per. Ha, ha, ha! pray, madam, what was the object of their contention? Lady Rod. O a very important one, I assure you; of no less consequence, madam, than how an odd trick at whist was lost, or might have been saved. Omnes. Ha, ha, ha! Lady Lum. Ridiculous! Lord Lum. Ha, ha, ha! my dear Rodolpha, I have seen that very conflict a thousand times. Sir Per. And so have I, upon honour, my lord. Lady Rod. In another party, Sir Pertinax, ha, ha, ha! we had what was called the cabinet-council, which was composed of a duke and a haberdasher, a red-hot patriot and a sneering courtier, a discarded statesman and his scribbling chaplain, with a busy, bawling, muckle-headed, prerogative lawyer; all of whom were every minute ready to gang together by the lugs, about the in and the out meenistry; ha, ha, ha! Sir Per. Ha, ha, ha! weel, that is a droll motley cabinet, I vow.—————— -Vary whimsical, upon honour.But they are aw great politicians at Bath, and settle a meenistry there with as much ease as they do the tune of a country dance. Lady Rod. Then, Sir Pertinax, in a retired part of the room- -in a by corner- -snug- we had a Jew and a bishop Sir Per. A Jew and a bishop ;-ha, ha a develish guid connection that,--and pray, my lady, what were they about! Lady Rod. Why, sir, the bishop was striving to convert the Jew-while the Jew, by intervals, was slily picking up intelligence fra the bishop, about the change in the ineenistry, in hopes of making a stroke in the stocks. Omnes. Ha, ha, ha! Lord Lum. Yes, yes; the fellow kept a sharp iosk. out. I think it was a fair trial of skill on both sides, Mr. Egerton. Eger. True, my Lord, but the Jew seems to have been in the fairer way to succeed. Lord Lum. O! all to nothing, sir; ha, ba, baWell, child, I like your Jew and your bishop art. It 's develish clever. Let us have the rest of history, pray, my dear. Lady Rod. Guid traith, my lord, the sum teis -that there we aw danced, and wrangled, and f tered, and slandered, and gambled, and cheated, an mingled, and jumbled, and wallopped togetteclean and unclean-even like the animal asset Noah's ark. Omnes. Ha, ha, ha! Lord Lum. Ha, ha, ha!--Well, you are a mi girl, Rodolpha; and, upon my honour, ha, ha, la you have given us as whimsical a sketch as evez va hit off. Sir Per. Ah! yes, my lord, especially the ana assembly in Noah's ark. It is an excellent pictur the oddities that one meets with at the Bath ILLUSTRATIONS OF SCOTCH BOOING. Sir PERTINAX MACSYCOPHANT and his Son Sir Per. Charles, I have often told you, a*** Eger. Doubtless, sir, by your abilities. Sir Per. Doubtless, sir, you are a blockber nai, sir, I'll tell you how I raised it: sir, I it-by bowing; [Bous ridiculously low.)-by ing: sir, I never could stand straight in the gree of a great mon, but always bowed, and bow Sir Per. Ha, ha, ha! admirable! admirable! I honour the smouse-hah! it was develish clever of bowed-as it were by instinct. him, my lord, develish clever. Eger. How do you mean by instinct, sir! Per. How do I mean by instinct ?-Why, sir, gate I could gang for the bettering of my condition, by-by-by the instinct of interest, sir, which and accordingly I set about it: now, sir, in this puruniversal instinct of mankind. Sir, it is won- suit, beauty! beauty!-ah! beauty often struck to think, what a cordial, what an amicable-mine een, and played about my heart! and fluttered, phat an infallible influence bowing has upon the and beat, and knocked, and knocked; but the devil and vanity of human nature. Charles, answer an entrance I ever let it get; for I observed, sir, that cerely, have you a mind to be convinced of beauty-is generally-a proud, vain, saucy, expenrce of my doctrine, by example and demon-sive, impertinent sort of a commodity. n? r. Certainly, sir. Per. Then, sir, as the greatest favour I can upon you, I'll give you a short sketch of the of my bowing, as an excitement, and a landor you to bow by, and as an infallible nostrum in the world. r. Sir, I shall be proud to profit by your expe Per. Vary weel, sir: sit ye down then, sit you here: [They sit down.]-and now, sir, you call to your thoughts, that your grandfather nan, whose penurious income of half-pay was 1 total of his fortune; and, sir, aw my provihim was a modicum of Latin, an expertness metic, and a short system of worldly counsel; cipal ingredients of which were, a persevering y, a rigid economy, a smooth tongue, a pliabitemper, and a constant attention to make every pleased with himself. . Very prudent advice, sir. Eger. Very justly observed, sir. a Sir Per. And therefore, sir, I left it to prodigals and coxcombs, that could afford to pay for it; and in its stead, sir-mark! I looked out for an ancient, weel-jointured, superannuated dowager; a consumptive, toothless, ptisicky, wealthy widow; or shrivelled, cadaverous piece of deformity in the shape of an izzard, or an appersi-and-or, in short, ainy thing, ainy thing that had the siller, the siller-for that, sir, was the north star of my affections. Do you take me, sir? was nai that right? Eger. O doubtless-doubtless, sir.. Sir Per. Now, sir, where do you think I ganged to look for this woman with the siller?-nair till court, nai till play houses or assemblies-nai, sir, I ganged till the kirk, till the anabaptist, independent, bradlonian, and muggletonian meetings; till the morning and evening service of churches and chapels of ease, and till the midnight, melting, conciliating love-feasts of the methodists; and there, sir, at last, I fell upon an old, slighted, antiquated, musty maiden, that r. Therefore, sir, I lay it before you.- looked-ha, ha, ha! she looked just like a skeleton in r, with these materials, I set out a raw-boned a surgeon's glass case. Now, sir, this miserable object fra the North, to try my fortune with them was religiously angry with herself and aw the world; the South; and my first step intill the world had nai comfort but in metaphysical visions, and sugarly clerkship in Sawney Gordon's count-pernatural deliriums; ha, ha, ha! sir, she was as e, here in the city of London, which you'll mad-as mad as a Bedlamite. ded but a barren sort of a prospect. It was not a very fertile one indeed, sir. r. The reverse, the reverse: weel, sir, seeing this unprofitable situation, I reflected I cast about my thoughts morning, noon, , and marked every man and every mode rity; at last I concluded that a matrimonial ,prudently conducted, would be the readiest Eger. Not improbable, sir: there are numbers of poor creatures in the same condition. Sir Per. O! numbers--numbers. Now, sir, this cracked creature used to pray, and sing, and sigh, and groan, and weep, and wail, and gnash her teeth constantly morning and evening, at the tabernacle in Moorfields: and as soon as I found she had got the siller, aha! guid traith, I plumpen me down upon my sores and disappointments fra the want of b knees close by her cheek by jowl-and prayed, and this princely fortune, ah! I met with many le sighed, and sung, and groaned, and gnashed my teeth as vehemently as she could do for the life of her; ay, and turned up the whites of mine een, till the strings awmost cracked again :-I watched her motions, handed her till her chair, waited on her home, got most religiously intimate with her in a week,-mar-me ;-aw which deficiencies, sit, 1 det ried her in a fortnight, buried her in a month; touched the siller, and with a deep suit of mourning, a melancholy port, a sorrowful visage, and a joyful heart, I began the world again;-and this, sir, was the first bow, that is, the first effectual bow, I ever made till the vanity of human nature :-now, sir, do you understand this doctrine? Eger. Perfectly well, sir. Sir Per. Ay, but was it not right? was it not ingenious, and weel hit off? Eger. Certainly, sir: extremely well Sir Per. My next bow, sir, was till your ain mother, whom I ran away with fra boarding-school; by the interest of whose family I got a good smart place in the Treasury :-and, sir, my vary next step was intill Parliament; the which I entered with as ardent and as determined an ambition as ever agitated the heart of Cæsar himself. Sir, I bowed, and watched, and hearkened, and ran about, backwards and forwards; and attended, and dangled upon the then great mon, till got intill the vary bowels of his confidence, and then, sir, I wriggled, and wrought, and wriggled, till I wriggled myself among the very thick of them: hah! I got my snack of the clothing, the foraging, the contracts, the lottery tickets, and aw the political bonuses;-till at length, sir, I became a much wealthier man than one half of the golden calves I had been so long a-bowing to: [He rises, and Egerton rises too]—and was nai that bowing to some purpose? Eger. It was indeed, sir. any expense, to have supplied by the post tion of a son, who, I hoped, would one czy zame house of Macsycophant till the highes ministerial ambition. This, sir, is my plan done my part of it; nature has done fen popular, you are eloquent; aw parties like spect you; and now, sir, it only remains in wa be directed-completion follows. LEGAL TERGIVERSATION EXPLAININ Sir PERTINAX MACSYCOPHANT and Commit PLAUSIBLE. Sir Per. Why, Counsellor, did you em*** pertinent, so meddling, and so obstinal : ht as that Serjeant Eitherside ? confound the has put me out of aw temper. Plaus. But, Sir Pertinax, there is a sens in this business that you do not seem a xe and which, I am afraid, governs the matters" these boroughs. Sir Per. What spring do you mean, Plaus. I have some reason to think d tied down by some means or other to b jeant in, the very first vacancy, for e boroughs :-now that, I believe, is the we why the serjeant is so strenuous that my cá keep the boroughs in his own power; fea might reject him for some man of your sa Sir Per. Odswounds and death! F are clever, devilish clever. By the bloo Sir Per. But are you convinced of the guid effects, hit upon the vary string that has made and of the utility of bowing. Eger, Thoroughly, sir. Sir Per. Sir, it is infallible :-but, Charles, ah! while I was thus bowing, and wriggling, and raising -Oh! I see it, I see it now. Bet ha bide a wee bit a wee bit, mon : I have 1 come intill my head-yes-I think, F with a little twist in our negociation, the ing, properly tuned, may be still made to produce ir Per. Why then, Plausible, the short road is laus. Ŏ! that will do, Sir Pertinax-that will I'll answer for it. if we cannot hit upon a medium that will be agreeable to both parties. Serj. [With great warmth.] Mr. Plausible, I have considered the clause fully; am entirely master of the question; my lord cannot give up the point. It is unkind and unreasonable to expect it. Plaus. Nay, Mr. Serjeant, I beg you will not misunderstand me. Do not think I want his lordship to give up any point without an equivalent. Sir Pertinax, will you permit Mr. Serjeant and me to retire a few moments to reconsider this point? Sir Per. For Heaven's sake, as your lordship and I can have but one interest for the future, let us have nai mair words about these paltry boroughs, but conclude the agreement just as it stands: otherwise there must be new writings drawn, new consultations of lawyers; new objections and delays will arise; creditors will be impatient and impertinent, so that we shall nai finish the Lord knows when. Per. And further-I beg you will let him know I think myself obliged to consider him in this , as acting for me as weel as for my lord, as a on friend till baith:-and for the services he Iready done us, make my special compliments m-and pray let this amicable bit of paper be ithful advocate to convince him of what my de further intends for his great [Gives him a bill.] equity in adjusting this agreement be-more, Mac, say no more. Split the lawyers--you' my lord and me. judge the point better than all Westminster-Hall could. It shall stand as it is: yes, you shall settle it your own way; for your interest and mine are the same, I see plainly. s. Ha, ha, ha!- -upon my word, Sir Pertihis is noble.-Ay, ay! this is an eloquent bit er indeed. er. Maister Plausible, in aw human dealings at effectual method is that of ganging at once vary bottom of a man's heart:-for if we ext men should serve us, we must first win their as by serving them. Lord LUMBERCOURT and Serjeant EITHERSIDE. I assure you, Sir Pertinax, that in all his s conversation with me upon this business, s positive instructions-both he and I always d the nomination to be in my lord, durante Lord Lum. You are right, you are right: say no Sir Per. No doubt of it, my lord. Serj. My lord, Mr. Plausible has convinced me― fully convinced me. Plaus. Yes, my lord, I have convinced him; I have laid such arguments before Mr. Serjeant as were irresistible Serj. He has indeed, my lord: besides, as Sir Pertinax gives his honour that your lordship's nomination shall be sacredly observed, why, upon a nearer review of the whole matter, I think it will be the wiser measure to conclude the agreement just as it is drawn. Well, but gentlemen, gentlemen, a little Sure this mistake, some how or other, rectified.-Pr'ythee, Mr. Serjeant, let you into the next room by ourselves, and re- Lord Lum. I am very glad you think so, Mr. Ser he clause relative to the boroughs, and try [jeant, because that is my opinion too: so, my dear |