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in a boat?” “No, as well as we can, ma'am ; there, these two stout Frenchmen will carry you on their shoulders.” “Particularly horrid, I declare I am so giddy, I don't know whether I am on my head or my heels.” “O, you're right side uppermost now, ma'am, depend upon it.” “O, O, I'm black and blue already, these fellows are pinching and pulling me about so.” “I say, Twizzie, do you twig that lady's legs on the two fellows' backs, carrying her through the water " “Legs mill-posts, you mean.” “Why, yes, as you say, she don't stand upon trifles.” o
r All stand aside, there, we Calais are nearing, The harbour's in sight, and the wind it blows fair; Where is my glass the tempest is clearing, Slacken your sails, and for landing prepare. ELOQUENCE OF A to WN Rake “Keep it up, huzza! keep it up ! I loves fun, for I made a fool of my father last April day, I will tell you what makes me laugh so, we were keeping it up faith, so about four o'clock this morning I went down into the kitchen, and there was Will, the waiter, fast asleep by the kitchen fire; the dog cannot keep it up as we do: so what did I do, but I goes softly, and takes the tongs, and I takes a great red-hot coal out of the fire, as big as my head, and I plumpt it upon the fellow's foot, because I loves fun; so it has lamed the fellow and that makes me laugh so. You talk of your saying good things; I said one of the best things last week that ever any man said in all the world. It was what you call your rappartees, your bobmats; I'll tell you what it was. You must know, I was in high spirits faith, so I stole a dog from a blind man, for I do love fun; so then the blind man cried for his dog, and that made me laugh; so says I to the blind man, Hip master, do you want your dog? Yes, sir, says he. Now only mind what I said to the blind man; says I, do you want your dog? Yes, sir, says he . Then says I to the blind man, says I, go look for him. Keep it up! keep it up ! That's the worst of it, I always turn sick when I think of a parson; I always do; and my brother he's a parson too, and he hates to hear any body swear; so I always swear when I am
in a lump of sugar, and the other stirring it.” “Don’t rare, have as much right to be served as any body *ke, I've no notion. I pay my money; been to see all the sights, the Boulevards, the Thuilleries, the Theatres, the Palais Royal, the Goblins of Tapestry: done it all in a day. A pretty good day's work, I must own, but they tell me, Sir Christopher Shortlip, you went to see the Exhibition of Statues, with a stafogue of paintings.” “Why, yes, I made rather bit of a mistake, had both catalogues in one pocket, ni when I wanted to look at No. 10, the Gladiawr, I told her it was Susannah at the Bath.” “Well, hat do you think of the statues #" "Why they are *y fine, but they'd be all the better for a little washg.” “Yes, and none the worse for a little cloth. g.” “Here, waiter, bring my breakfast, tea, hot Ils, muffins, beaf-steaks, and a bottle of Chamgne.” “Champagne : why, my dear fellow, no e drinks Champagne for breakfast.” “Don't care, ly come for a week, been up four nights, shall wer go to bed again. Waiter, damme, bring me : Champagne.” Long life to John Bull at Meurice's, May, he never feel sorrow or pain; When he comes there to quaff the pure breezes, And stroll on the banks of the Seine. it Meurice's the grand table d'hôte, sure, Must suit every taste, beau or belle : here are dainties to tickle each throat, sure, French, English, Italian as well. here the ladies, with sweet prittle prattle, Roast beef and plum pudding commend, nd among all the guests the sole battle Is, who inost shall England defend.
rounds of beef; nothing French in it; they dress you an egg five hundred different ways, and make a dozen dishes out of a shilling's worth of spinage.” “Mr. Whipstitch, what shall I help you to?” “A remnant of goose, sir, if you please.” “Mr. Welt, what are you for 7" “Soles and eels, sir.” “Waiter, bread.” “Yes, sare.” “Salt.” “Yes, sare.” “Wh you are not a Frenchman, waiter.” “Hold your tongue, and let me speak to him, Garsong parse pour mong maree.” “Beg your pardon, madan, I not Englishman, therefore I cannot understand your French.” “There's a rap on the knuckles for you, sarve you right, you will be showing off when there's no occasion.” T Long life to John Bull at Meurice's, May he never feel sorrow or pain, When he comes there to quaff |. pure breezes, And stroll on the banks of the Seine, Meurice's the palace of pleasures, Where frolic is always alive— And luxury pours forth her treasures, The dullest of souls to revive ; Bon mots, merry games, music, drinking, . New faces—and still something strange; And whenever your spirits are sinking, You to fifty theatres can range. Spoken.] "Well, Mr. Dowgate, what did you do with yourself last night !” “O, why, I went to the Theatre Fransays, I think they call it, to see a tragedy—a parcel of nonsense—there's nobody killed— never made me cry—to be sure I don't understand the language, that may make some difference.” “Pray, Sir Henry, was you at the grand opera last night?” “Yes, I went to see the Daniades.” “La, sir, what's that " “Why, men, one leman's fifty sons marries another gentleman's ffty daughters.” “I went to the Port St. Martin, the original warehouse for Maids and Magpies.” “I went to see the Dog of Montargis, all natural, a real dog. Will you say as much for your Maid and Magpie?” “I visited the Coffee des Mille Colonnes. What did so do with yourself?” “Why; I went where you
you said." ..." Where I said. Why where was that 2" “Why at the Caffee Mill of the Colonies.” “Pray, Mrs. Maggots, was you at the play last night?” “No, ma'am, I was at Lady Sugarloaf's last night, it was her night.” “Her night, what do you mean?” “Why, every Monday night she gives what the French call a sore eye.” “Indeed, why then I would recommend her to rub it with what the English call rose water, every Tuesday morning.” Long life to John Bull at Meurice's May he never feel sorrow or pain, When he comes there to quass the pure breezes, And stroll on the banks of the Seine.
There are a set of Odd Fellows of us, in number seven. We meet nightly in a very odd house, in an odd part of the town. Our faces, dress, conversation, and liquor, are all what the world would call odd. Our president, who reigns and has reigned these three weeks and odd, is himself one of the greatest oddities in nature: he neither looks, nor speaks, nor thinks, nor dresses, like any creature existing; and I may, in the language of that great odd poet, Mr. Theobald, saw- y “Nought but himself can be his parallel.” Ben Grubstreet, next to him, is the oddest fellow in our society, and always, in the absence of the presidefit, is mem. con. preferred to the chair. The rest of our company are an odd poet, a chymist, a painter, a musician, a mathematician, and a politician. We have of late come to a resolution to enlarge our company, and one extraordinary promising strange fellow has made application for admittance. Now, as by his admission our number would be even, and that we would preserve ourselves as we have been these fifteen years and odd, it is the will of the president that I ..". to you, as secretary of the company, that you shall have a right to claim the ninth seat, he having observed you to have a very odd turn; and Ben Grubstreet, who meets you frequently at the coffee-house, declares in your favour,
that you have the oddest phii, at lies, * * course, that ever he saw or heard. That yo o not be surprised into our company, I give * * transcript of the rules of our club, very or”, ““ number five; by which you may be determo " to act.
Rules and Articles to be observed by the C**
I. Each person who shall claim a ses: in the * . by face, speech, and action, deuerstoo odditv. II. †. club shall always meet at five in or seven in summer, and shall sit three houn * * The money they spend not to be linus; any way than by this certain regulation, that or --> lings and pence must be odd. III. Every member is obliged, on the peak, so to say at least three odd things every noIV. If gaming should be proposed, whicago to be done, play at even and odd. V. On a scrutiny in the election of a torte, to candidates being equal in all other Fo, * whose christian and surname shall have roaodd letter, shall be elected. These are our fundamental rules: we hosts others. tox--or--or-tat
* Parson's balloon—" is the pulpit,' you'll say;
Yaerial theme I'll now bring to an end, conclude, as begun, to ballooners a friend ;
ty the gas which each chooses be finely instill'd,
d our favourite balloons be effectually fill’d.
Lecru RE ox ENGLAND, BY A FRENchMAN. Ladies and Gentlemen, In de discourse which I give to you on de top of zland, I propose to myself two things—first, I ll make you to know de pronunciation most perof de English language; and next I show to you custom and manners—by dis I murder two birds h one stone—one petit pierre. I am not liar nor ck, to pretend talk about what he not understand, vat I tell to you, in my grand ouvrage, is from de houstration ocular, dat is to say, it is all my eye. j) myself Monsieur Charles Guillaume Denise Charlatanville, member of all de academie of ope civilized, dat is to say, of de Paris, dat which to tell you of de manner, define art, de polite, ociety, de literature, etcetera, etcetera, etcetera. it only learned after I have live a long time in de ntry, dat is to say, for seven weeks as prisoner of in de prison of Port see mout, but I read it every in de journal, Anglice, de paper—it is true 1 or was in de capital, but I reside at Portseemouth, is all de same. I shall begin vid de ladies of and, dey drink very much gin—and make them... drunk every day. I look from my little prison ow and see de ladies of Portseemouth roll about treet—derefore it is true ven I say de ladies no land drink wery mosh gin, and make herself every day. Everybody in England are boxers, dy box wid de lady, the gentlemen box wid the Conan, and sometime de gentleman and lady box
one wid the other. If you look in deir dictionary you will find B-0-x, box, to fight wid de fist, every thing in England is decide by the fist. You read in the papier, dat de duchess of B. and lady C. were in one grand box last night at de opera—to accuse de prisoner, de witness box—to find him guilty, de jury box. And dere is one grand day in the year ven dey all go box one wid de other. De postman, debaker, de dustman, de butcher, all fight together, and dis is called grand Christmas-boxing. De English are very much people for trade, dey permit him to sell his wife, dey have considerable trade in wifes. In Smissfield, dey have de cattle-market, and as de vomen are de troublesome cattle, de husband put a halter round her neck, and lead her to Smissfield, and sell her; 'tis the same in de every rank of life, for you shall read in the journal dat de great lord he lead the great lady to de altar, which mean he put de altar round her neck, and take her to Smissfield, and sell her. For define art de English are nobody, it is impossible, dere is de grand reason; dey eat so much beef and pudding, and drink and sleep so very much, dey have no room in de body for de genius; and it is de rule on de first of September, to shoot de partridge, and on de first of November to shoot himself. De English nation are barbare. France is divided from de England by one sea. Every nation civilized come to France for de music, de dancing, de statuary, de painting, de poetry : all the Europe come to the grand nation for de every ting. For de literature de English are nothing; for de painting dey copy the tableau of Lebrun. For de statuary dey copy de statue superb of de garden of the Tuilleries—dey have their Paradise Lost translated from de Henriade of de immortal Voltaire, by one Jacky Milton, de
have de Hamlet of Ducis, wid Macbesh and Othello, translated by one Billy Shakspeare. He was a clergyman or bishop, I believe, de divine of de politics. I shall not say much—dere is two parties in England, one is called tory, and de other de perruque. Ladies and Messieurs, I have exposed to you my grand talent, and for de money. I despise it, and if
you attend my lectures, I shall teach you how to
pronounce de language English, and de knowledge of
A gentleman who sat to Hayman for his portrait, desired that it might be kept a secret. Notwithstanding this injunction, the artist showed it to some of his friends, who not being able to discover any likeness, Hayman observed, that the gentleman wished it to be kept a secret.
Do As oth Eft FOLKS DO.
Come, since ’tis the fashion to Paris to dash on,