« ZurückWeiter »
A curé of a large city in France was obliged, upon a certain festival day, to reply to a Latin discourse, obut as he did not understand that language, he managed to get out of the scrape by observing, “The apostles, sir, spoke many languages; you have just addressed me in Latin, and I am going to answer you in French.”
THE IN visisLE ll A. R.
A monk was showing the relics of his convent before a nuinerous assembly ; the most rare, in his opinion, was a hair of the Holy Virgin, which he appeared to show to the people present, opening his hands as if he were drawing it through them. A peasant approached with great curiosity, aud exclaimed, “but, reverend father, I see nothing.” “Egad, I believe it,” replied the monk, “for I have shown the hair for twenty years, and have not yet beheld it myself.” PEREM prosty coxcLursiox. An advocate, whose pleading appeared too diffuse for the cause he was defending, had received an order from the first president to abridge it; but the former, without omitting a word of his intended address, replied, in a firin tone, that all he uttered was essential. The president, hoping at length to make him silent, said to him, “The court orders you to conclude.” “Well,” replied the advocate, “then I conclude that the court shall hear me.”
Ardtous Baptis M.
An infant was brought for baptism into a cotty church. The clergyman, who had just been drina's with his friends a more than usual quantum of *** genial juice, could not find the place of the baptis in his ritual, and exclaimed, as he was turn to ove the leaves of the book, “How dificult this cuisits to baptize "
Alas ! the love of women' it is known
To be a lovely and a fearful thing ; For all of theirs upon that die is tetown,
And if 'tis lost, iite hath no more to bring To them but mockeries of the past alone.
And their revenge is as the tisei’s spritorDeadly, and quick, and cruships; yet as real Torture is theirs, what they inflic: tuey fees.
sed of the first two perfect numbers, equal and qual, 3 and 4; for the number 2, consisting of eated unity, which is no number, is not perfect: comprehends the primary numerical triangle or le, and square or quartile, conjunction, considered the favourers of planetary influence as of the it benign aspect. In six days creation was comed, and the 7th was consecrated to rest. On the day of the 7th month, a holy observance was uned to the children of Israel, who feasted 7 days, remained 7 days, in tents; the 7th year was cted to be a sabbath of rest for all things; and he end of 7 times 7 yeara commenced the grand lee. Every 7th year the land lay fallow; every year there was a general release from all debts, all bondmen were set free. . From this law may originated the custom of our binding young to 7 years' apprenticeship, and punishing in. gible offenders by transportation for 7, twice 7, three times 7, years. Every 7 years the law to be reed to the people. Jacob served 7 years he possession of Rachael; and also other 7. 1 had 7 days' warning of the flood, and was comled to take the fowls of the air in by 7, and the beasts by 7. The ark touched ground on the month; and in 7 days the dove was sent out, again in 7 days after. The 7 years of plenty, years of famine, were ho in Pharaoh's 1 by the 7 fat and 7 lean beasts, and the 7 full he 7 blasted ears of corn. Nebuchadnezzar years a beast; and the fiery furnace was 7 otter to receive Shadrach, &c. A man dewas, by the Mosaic law, unclean 7 days; the of both animals was to remain with the dam +, and at the end of the 7th was to be taken By the old law, man was commanded to : his offending brother 7 times; but the meekf the revealed law extended his humility to 70 7: if Cain shall be avenged 7 times, truly h 70 times 7. In the destruction of Jericho, its bare 7 trumpets 7 days; on the 7th the nded the walls 7 times; after the 7th, the walls
prepared 7 rams for a sacrifice; and
7 of Saul's sons were hanged to stay a famine. Loban pursued Jacob 7 days’ journey. Job's friend: sat 7 days and 7 nights, and offered 7 bullocks and 7 rams as an atonement for their wickedness. In the 7th year of his reign, King Ahasuerus feasted 7 days, and on the 7th deputed his 7 chamberlains to find a queen, who was allowed 7 maidens to attend her. Miriam was cleansed of her leprosy by being shut up 7 days. Solomon was 7 years in building the temple, at the dedication of which he feasted 7 days; in the temple were 7 lamps; 7 days were appointed for an atonement upon the altar, and the priest's son was ordained to wear his father's garments 7 days. The children of Israel eat unleavened bread 7 days. Abraham gave 7 ewe-lambs to Abimelech, as a memorial for a well. Joseph mourned 7 days for Jacob. Naaman was cleansed of his leprosy by bathing 7 times in Jordan. The Rabbins say that God employed the power of this number to perfect the greatness of Samuel, his name answering the value of the letters in the Hebrew word, which signifies 7: whence Hannah his mother, in her thanksgiving, says the barren hath brought forth 7. In scripture are enumerated 7 resurrections: the widow's son, by Elias; the Shunamite's son, by Elisha; the o who touched the bones of the prophet; the daughter of the ruler of the synagogue; the widow's son of Nain; Lazarus; and our Lord. The Apostles chose 7 deacons. , Enoch, who was translated, was the 7th from Adam; and Jesus Christ was the 77th in a direct line. Our Lord spoke 7 times on the cross, on which he was 7 hours; he appeared 7 times; and after 7 times 7 days sent the Holy Ghost. In the Lord's Prayer are 7 petitions, contained in 7 times 7 words, omitting those of mere grammatical connection: within this number are concealed all the mysteries of apocalypse revealed to the 7 churches of Asia. There appeared 7 golden candlesticks and 7 stars in the hand of him that was in the midst; 7 lambs before the 7 spirits of God; the book with 7 seals; the lamb with 7 horns and 7 eyes; 7 angels with 7 trumpets; 7 kings; 7 thunders; 7,000 men slain. The dragon with 7 heads and 7 crowns; and the beast with 7 heads; 7 angels bearing 7 plagues, and 7 vials of wrath. The vision of Daniel was of 70 weeks; and the elders of Israel were 70. There are also 7 heavens, 7 planets, (query 2) 7 stars, 7 wise men, 7 champions of Christendom, 7 notes in music, 7 prlmary colours, 7 deadly sins, and 7 sacraments in the catholic church. The 7th son was considered as endowed with preeminent wisdom; and the 7th son of a 7th son, is still thought to Possess the wer of healing diseases spontaneously: Perfection is likened to gold 7 times purified in the fire ; and we yet say you frightened me out of my 7 senses. The opposite sides of the dice make 7, whence the players at hazard make 7 the main. Hippocrates says, that the septenary number, by its occult virtues, tends to the accomplishment of all things, to be the dispenser of life, and fountain of all its changes: and, like Shakspeare, he divides the life of man into 7 ages; for as the moon changes her phases, every 7 days, this number influences all sublunary beings. The teeth spring out on the 7th month, and are shed and renewed in the 7th year, when infancy is changed into childhood; at twice 7 years puberty begins ; at three times 7 the faculties are doj. and manhood commences, and we are become legally competent to all civil acts; at four times seven man is in full possession of his strength ; at five times 7 he is fit for the business of the world; at six times 7 he becomes grave and wise, or never; at 7 times 7 he is in his apogee, and from that time decays; at eight times 7 he is in his first climacteric; at nine times 7, or 63, he is in his last or grand climacteric, or year of danger; and ten times 7, or three score years and ten, has, by the royal prophet, been pronounced the natural period of human life.
He raged like a bear, fore and afi, through the shif, t;
Till over the cable his hap was to trip,
As the fashion for duelling increases, we see tetstiful duelling pistols ticketed up in the Pawełreier' windows, and there is a work published tn I-on-3, called “General Instructions for all Secords Duels, by a late Captain in the Amy.” Eros Homp—h who was extremely fond of dueling, twoing a superabundance of honour to satisfy. 3-1rately stripped himself to the skin, lest the oad-g should enter, and, putting on his spectacles, grieties brought his man down. By practising at as tro, or snuffing out a candle at twelve paces- or asy si these more ingenious methods of repairing bers or the certainty of making a gash in your adve-so body, you may trace up all the probable and Pcauses how soon a person of honour may be affort
so as to get his name up; for it appears that there is some éclat to be obtained in it in this age. There has been a benevolent practice, occasionally resorted to by considerate and confederated seconds, of substituting cork-bullets, exactly painted like lead, instead of the more deadly metal. Again, the friendly Interference of a pair of Bow-street officers, in the exact nick of time, has warded off, most probably, a pair of odious bullets. The parties become cool, the *conds interfere, and the magistrates hand the welcome boud to the furious combatants to keep the Peace. If neither cork-bullets nor paper-pellets can be obtained, nor the presence of peace officers, then an apology may come hobbling up to close the scene, which, by a masterly casuistry in the wording, leaves the original honour of both parties in statu quo. It would be unfair to deprive officers of the army, who must, it appears, wash out affronts given i.e. in their adversary's blood, of so great a luxury: still * night venture to propose, that the chancellor of the exchequer, for the time being, should be emPowered to expressly permit, nay, to encourage, meetings at Chalk Farm, by allowing duellists to "ght, upon a stamped certificate being duly had and obtained, with a stamp of 500l. affixed thereupon, or the small sum of 2507 for any printed apology, being or duly stamped and registered as aforesaid. Then, of the parties dared, after this proclamation, to *ggle a duel, not having paid the fees, to be *ined guilty of murder, and hung upon the top of Pintose Hill, for the benefit of the rooks and crows. Doctors and attornies, the former being privileged to kill, and the latter to take away, may, as they too * innovating upon the field of honour, be put upon par with the military. In fact, getting their money * much easter, they perhaps ought to pay more to he state. Should i. clergy ever dare to fight the *h in this manner, which to their honour is rarely he case, then their tenths should be commuted into "entieths, and they compelled to read the funeral *vice over each departed duellist, and the offices * those sick who have been winged; express forms of which should be composed by the ecclesiastical
court. All tradesmen and mechanics should be allowed to fight secundum arten, or professionally, on | ". their fees, which may be regulated by the ord mayor and corporation of the city of London, in cooperation with the chancellor; for a merchant, so much ; a banker, a bookseller, a baker, in due proportions: with authors it is difficult to determine how to act; for though their battles (and the fraternity are for ever fighting, like scorpions and spiders) are full of gall, being generally waged in liquid ink, yet having, of late, measured the field of honour, in ambition of their betters, or the Desoeuvres—the nothing-to-do gentlemen, what measure of money to prescribe for an author's license is rather difficult. Their poverty and their pride are well known : still the gareteer, who wages perpetual war in pamphlets and periodicals, should be allowed full credentials, if the money is even advanced by the literary fund. The law of honour is above all other laws, else why do barristers not only have verbal battles, but pistol rencontres; and even our senators, the makers of laws, become the breakers of laws in this respect. A prudential avoiding a causeless quarrel, is called cowardice; and to take an affront, baseness and meanness of spirit: to refuse fighting, and putting life on the chauce of a bullet, a practice forbid by the law of God and all good governments, is still called cowardice; and a man is bound to die duelling, or live and be laughed at. This trumping up of imaginary things, called bravery, and gallantry, naming them virtue and honour, is beyond what we know of the jocose, seeing that such inconsistences, and such absurdities as the following reasoning, are made to go down with mankind; for example, A. is found in bed with B.'s wife; B. is the person injured, and therefore offended, and coming into the chamber with his pistol or sword in hand, A. loudly exclaims, “Why, sir, you wont murder me, will you ? As you are a man § honour, let me rise, and meet you.” B. therefore, being put in mind that he is a man of honour, starts back, and must act an honourable part ; so he lets A. get up, put on his clothes, take i. sword or Pistols; then they fight, and B, is killed for his honour; whereas, had the laws of God, of nature, and of reason, taken place, the adulterer and adulteress should have been taken prisoners, and carried before the judge, and should have been immediately sentenced, he to the block, and she to the stake ; and the innocent-abused husband had no reason to have run any risk of his life for being cormuted. Defoe, who writes thus, goes on to say, that the aggrieved person, to be put on a par, night say, in order to render such reasoning on the law of honour consistent, “No, sir! say I, let me lay with your wife too, and then, if you desire it, I will fight you; then I am upon even terms with you.” LIGHT PUN.
Two gentlemen passing by some new houses, one of them observed that there were too few windows; but that circumstance, as it saved in part the tax, would be good for the liver. “True,” says the other, “but d d bad for the lights.”
Sterne says, the enjoyment of life is a tranquil acquiescence under an agreeable delusion, whence it has been said to be a jest, fut it is not so. He further says, that every animal in the creation as it grows older grows graver, except an old woman, and she grows frisky.—It has been somewhere observed, that when an old man has one foot in the grave, an old woman has a scot in the stars. Life has been compared to the running of tea, though the first and last decoction be equally weak, the one gives the flavour of the herb, the other but its foeces. Lord Chesterfield says, a man has but a bad bargain of it at the best; and the most natural conclusion is that it is the shadow of a shade.—To conclude: a sman must laugh before he dies, or he must go out of the world without laughing ' ' '
Beauty, thou pretty pouting roguish jade,
Lips of the reddest therry's hue, And laughing eyes of sparkling blue; The trimmest leg that e'er was seen, The lightest foot that trips the green; Two fair white globes heave on thy breast. And “Oh, come clasp me!” cries the waistBeauty, thy form, iron toe to top, Would tempt St. Peter's heir, the Pope. Beauty, thou art a baited hook, And man the tenant of the brook, Who, wanting caution, swallows all he meets, Till of both bait and barbed hook he eats. Thou art a leg of sheep, both fair and fat, Placed in the view of man, a hungry glutton; Thou art the verything he would be at— How his mouth waters to enjoy the mution : Thou art a magnet, man is steel, Go where thou wilt, that follows at thy heel, Aye, should'st thou lead the way to Nics, Close and more close to thee he'll stick. Beauty, to me what art thou not My balm of life, my light of day— Come, dearest maid! then, to my cot, And chase the fiend, Disease, away.