ing ship. Day after day some of the troop deserted, | and like deserting soldiers carried off their arms and accoutrements with them. In this manner my wardrobe took legs and walked away, my finery strolled all over the country, my swords and daggers glittered in every barn, until, at last, my tailor made" one! fell swoop," and carried off three dress coats, half-adozen doublets, and nineteen pair of flesh-coloured pantaloons. This was the "be all and the end all" of my fortune. I no longer hesitated what to do. Egad, thought I, since stealing is the order of the day, I'll steal too; so I secretly gathered together the jewels of my wardrobe, packed up a hero's dress in a handkerchief, slung it on the end of a tragedy sword, and quietly stole off at dead of night, "the bell then beating one," leaving my queen and kingdom to the mercy of my rebellious subjects, and my merciless foes the bumbailiffs. Such, was the "end of all my greatness." THE LOVESICK LADY AND HER ABIGAIL. From an unfinished Drama. Euphemia. Oh, 'tis a weary night! alas, will sleep I saw them each and all. And they are gone, Thou art indeed the laziest waiting maid That ever cursed a princess. Beatrice! Endure the tortures of the damned, whilst thom Beat. Oh, my lady, forgive me that I was so slow Euphem. (sola.) Alas, Don Carlos, mine ow Enter Beatrice. Beat. Laudanum on the label; right: Euphem. Then pour me out one hundred ép Beatrice. Coming, your highness, give me time to With water in the glass, that I may quaff throw Oblivion to my misery. Beat. 'Tis done. heir greatness was of a kind not to be settled by | prejudices of the public in my favour. I cast round nce to the court calendar, or college of heraldry; my thoughts for the purpose, and in an evil hour they = therefore the most quarrelsome kind of great- fell upon Mrs. Fantadlin. No one seemed to me to n existence. You smile, sir, but let me tell you have a more absolute sway in the world of fashion. are no feuds more furious than the frontier feuds I had always noticed that her party slammed the box take place in these "debatable lands" of gen- door the loudest at the theatre; that her daughters The most violent dispute that I ever knew in entered like a tempest with a flutter of red shawls and ife was one which occurred at a country town, feathers; had most beaux attending on them; talked uestion of precedence between the ladies of a and laughed during the performance, and used quizacturer of pins and a manufacturer of needles.zing glasses incessantly. The first evening of my the town where I was situated there were per- theatre's reopening, therefore, was announced in altercations of the kind. The head manufac-staring capitals on the play bills, as under the palady, for instance, was at daggers-drawings tronage of" the Honourable Mrs. Fantadlin." e head shopkeeper's, and both were too rich Sir, the whole community flew to arms! Presume ad too many friends to be treated lightly. The to patronize the theatre! insufferable! and then for 's and lawyer's ladies held their heads still me to dare to term her "The Honourable!" What but they in their turn were kept in check by claim has she to the title, forsooth? The fashionable fe of a country banker, who kept her own car- world had long groaned under the tyranny of the while a masculine widow of cracked character Fantadlins, and were glad to make a common cause cond-hand fashion, who lived in a large house, against this new instance of assumption. All minor imed to be in some way related to nobility, feuds were forgotten. The doctor's lady and the down upon them all. To be sure her manners lawyer's lady met together, and the manufacturer's ut over elegant, nor her fortune over large; lady and the shopkeeper's lady kissed each other; un, sir, her blood-oh, her blood carried it all and all, headed by the banker's lady, voted the thea; there was no withstanding a woman with tre a bore, and determined to encourage nothing but uod in her veins. the Indian Jugglers and Mr. Walker's Eidouranion. - all, her claims to high connexion were quesand she had frequent battles for precedence and assemblies with some of the sturdy dames neighbourhood, who stood upon their wealth eir virtue; but then she had two dashing ers, who dressed as fine as dragoons, had as od as their mother, and seconded her in every so they carried their point with high heads, ry body hated, abused, and stood in awe of Radlins. was the state of the fashionable world in this ortant little town. Unluckily, I was not as quainted with its politics as I should have I had found myself a stranger and in great tues during my first season; I determined, , to put myself under the patronage of some I name, and thus to take the field with the Such was the rock on which I split. I never got over the patronage of the Fantadlin family. My house was deserted; my actors grew discontented because they were ill paid; my door became a hammering place for every bailiff in the county; and my wife became more and more shrewish and tormenting the more I wanted comfort. I tried for a time the usual consolation of a ha rassed and henpecked man: I took to the bottle, and tried to tipple away my cares, but in vain. I don't mean to decry the bottle; it is no doubt an excellent remedy in many cases, but it did not answer in mine. It cracked my voice, coppered my nose, but neither improved my wife nor my affairs. My establishment became a scene of confusion and peculation. I was considered a ruined man, and of course fair game for every one to pluck at, as every one plunders a sink. a transcendent, running through all those relations. His office is to supply the place of self-agency in the family, who are presumed incapable of it through grief. He is eyes, and ears, and hands, to the whole household. A draught of wine cannot go round to the mourners, but he must minister it. A chair may hardly be restored to its place by a less solemn hand than his. He takes upon himself all functions, and is a sort of ephemeral major-domo! He distributes his attentions among the company assembled according to the degree of affliction, which he calculates from the degree of kin to the deceased; and marshals them accordingly in the procession. He himself is of a sad and tristful countenance; yet such as (if well examined) is not without some show of patience and resignation at bottom: prefiguring, as it were, to the frieads of the deceased what their grief shall be when the hand of Time shall have softened and taken down the bitterness of their first anguish; so handsomely can he fore-shape and anticipate the work of time. Lastly, with his wand, as with another divining rod, he calculates the depth of earth at which the bones of the dead man may rest, which he ordinarily contrives may be at such a distance from the surface of this earth, as may frustrate the profane attempts of such as would violate his repose, yet sufficiently on this side the centre to give his. friends hopes of an easy and practicable resurrection. And here we leave him, casting in dust to dust, which is the last friendly office that he undertakes to do. INTERPRETATION. An individual of the court of Louis XIII., was playing at piquet in an open gallery. Having noticed by his return cards that he had unwisely discarded, he exclaimed, "I am a real Goussat.” (This was the Dame of a president who did not enjoy the reputation of being one of the most enlightened men of his age.) It happened, by chance, that the president was standing behind the player, who had not perceived him; and greatly offended upon the occasion, he said to the former, "You are a fool." "You are perfectly right," rejoined the other, "that was what I meant to say." THE MAIDEN'S BLOODY CARLAND, OF THE Tune-" There were three pilgruns. She was in love, as some do say, The babe within her wonb did cry; But oh! the wretch's heart was hard, "But now I'm press'd with grief and woe, "For I my wretched days must end, Heigh-ho, &c. Then to her friends she bid “adieu !** Think on me when this you view." Unto the ostler at the Bear, O then to madam Luff she said, Too true she spoke, it did appear; Heigh-ho, &c. No spark of life was in her shown, She was not as I once have seen With bonnet trimm'd, and flounc'd, and all And stockings white as snows that fall. But dull was that black laughing eye, Heigh-ho, &c. Those limbs which well the dance have led, The crowner and the jury came At midnight, so the law doth say, No priest in white did there attend, Heigh-ho, &c. No shroud her ghastly face did hide, And then, your pity let it move, A PAINTER'S ABSTRACTION. a good dinner to be provided for me." "Will your Sir James Thornhill painted the inside of the cupola of St. Paul's. After having finished one of the compartments, he began to step back gradually on the scaffold, whereon he was working, to see how it would look at a distance. He receded so far, still keeping his eye steadfastly fixed on the painting, that he had got almost to the very edge of the scaffolding without perceiving it; had he continued to retreat, one half minute more would have completed his destruction-for he must have fallen to the pavement underneath. The prelate on his arrival was not a little One of his assistants, who saw the danger of the ed by so many preparations; but what was great artist, instantly sprung forward; and having a prise when he saw the bil! of fare that had be paint-brush in his hand, dipped it in a pot of blackdered. He rang the bell and ordered up the paint which stood at hand, and daubing the painting in whom he addressed in a great rage. "flow an instant, spoiled it entirely. Sir James Thornhill, name of heaven could you suppose that one in a transport of rage, ran forward to save the re- can have need of such an abundance of prove mainder of his painting; he was in a great passion" My lord, your messenger announced twelve at the poor fellow, and was going to knock him down, to me at the least: the bishop of G-."--" The dean of Salisbury."-"] = "Hold, sir," cried he, "look round, see the danger myself."you were in; you were at the extreme edge of the dean."-"The prebendary of Winchester."-"? scaffolding; had I called to you, you would certainly he also."-"The vicar of have looked round, and the very look of your danger head of the college of——.”would have made you fall indeed."-So that there was "The-"-"Stop, stop. I know all the m no other method to save the artist, but by destroying guests. his painting. TIME AT ROYAL DISCRETION. The great have always been flattered, but never was adulation carried further than on the part of a lady of honour to queen Anne. The queen having asked her what the time was, "Whatever time it may please your majesty," was the reply. HIMSELF A HOST. You may go. ."—"It is L.""Still that a ODE ON THE BREAKING OF A CHINA QA. LEGE. Whene'er the cruel hand of death Untimely stops a favourite's breath, Muses in plaintive numbers tell How loved he lived-how mourned he fell Catullus wailed a sparrow's fate, And Gray immortalized a catAn English bishop was making a tour to visit his Thrice tuneful bards: could I but chime s diocese. The weather being extremely sultry, my lord descended from his carriage to enjoy the cool My Quart, my honest quart, should live air in a wood by the side of the road. A curate, How weak alas is mortal power sorrily mounted, passed by him; the bishop To avert the death-devoted hour! asked him where he was going. "To Farnham," Nor shape nor airy beauty save answered the poor curate. "In that case, sir," re- From the sure conquest of the grave. plied the other in a tone as if he would be conde-In vain the butler's choicest carescending, "I beg you to call at the first inn, and order | The master's wish-the bursar's prayer |