And that, to clear his counsel's tongue, he One morn he calls his clown in chief, A half-way house convenient stood, Three artful wags accost the clown, The point clear'd up of what's to pay, Well pleas'd to see him take the bait, Th' impatient farmer hails the clown, And asks "What news from London town? The pig was lik'd; they made you drink Nay, master! master! What d'ye think ' The pig, (or I'm a stupid log) " Is chang'd into a puppy dog." "A dog!"-"Nay, since my word you do, See here; I'll fairly turn him out." No sooner was the sack untied, The clown, of patient soul and blood, THE PLATTERER. Flattery may be considered to be a d style of intercourse, but beneficial to the pers it. The flatterer is one who, walking with cries out, "Do you observe how the eves a are upon you? this is an honour which lot of no man in the city except yourself. Y nobly spoken of yesterday in the portico. y of thirty men, the discourse falling upon who the best man, they all began and ended with "He takes off the flue from the garment of his d, and carefully picks from his hair any feather ch may have blown into it, and says, with a e, "Do you see? because I have not been with these two days, your beard begins to get white; yet, if any man's, your hair is remarkably black our years." When this man speaks, he bids the be quiet; he praises him in his hearing; and, he has ceased speaking, he cries out Excel= sensible!" When his patron has uttered a frigid not content with smiling, he thrusts his garment his mouth, as quite unable to restrain his laughWhen they walk out together, he bids the ngers stop until the gentleman has gone by. uys apples and pears for his patron's children; resents them in the parent's sight, kissing the en, and saying, "Beautiful offspring of a y father!" If he is with his patron when he is asing shoes, he says, "This foot is far better than the shoe." When his patron is going to a friend, he runs before, and says, "He is g." He then runs back, and says, "I have nced you." He is the first of the guests to the wine, and says, "How tastefully you dine!" taking up something from the table, he says, ! this is excellent!" He asks his patron wheis not cold? whether he would not wish to some more clothing? and whether he shall n covering him? He is fond of inclining to his ad whispering; and while he himself is adgothers, fixes his eyes upon his patron. He way the cushions from the servant in the thend spreads them himself. He commends the ture of his patron's house, and the cultivation grounds; and says that his picture is like GRAMMATICAL PARODY. Following parody, on the noted grammatical ms, atque custos, bos, fur, sus atque sacerdos, Mr. Gostling, a clergyman of Canterbury : Bifrons ever when he preaches; EPILOGUE TO THE LIAR. Between Miss Grantham and Old Wilding Our plot concluded, and strict justice done, O. Wild. Too mild a sentence! Must the good and Patriots be wrong'd, that booksellers may eat? great M. Gr. Your patience, sir; yet hear another word, Turn to that hall where Justice wields her sword: ink in what narrow limits you would draw, By this proscription, all the sons of law: For 'tis the fixt determin'd rule of courts, Vyner will tell you, nay, ev'n Coke's Reports) All pleaders may, when difficulties rise, To gain one truth, expend a hundred lies. O. Wild. To curb this practice, I am somewhat loath; A lawyer has no credit but on oath. M. Gr. Then to the softer sex some favour show: Leave us possession of our modest No! O. Wild. Oh, freely, Ma'am, we'll that allowance give, So that two Noes be held affirmative: Provided ever that your pish and fie, On this rejoinder then I rest my cause: store. M. Gr. But take a character from many more. re see him among the men of most note and substre O. Wild. Strong are your reasons, yet, ere I sub-dancing, and offers them the use of his rooms i mit, I mean to take the voices of the pit. THE COMPLAISANT MAN. exercise of their respective arts; and takes can self to be present at their exhibitions, to give smi spectator the opportunity of saying to anothe That is the gentleman to whom this place b THEOPREANTS PROLOGUE UPON PROLOGUES TO THE DEUCE IS IN 4 @ And, egad, it will do for any other play a esa z this. Complaisance may be defined, an address which aims at pleasing by disreputable means. The complaisant is one who salutes a man at a distance, calls An old trite proverb let me quote him the best of creatures, seizes both his hands with As is your cloth, so cut your coat. expressions of admiration, and will not let him go: To suit our author, and his farce, he insists upon accompanying him a little way, teazes Short let me be, for wit is scarce; him with inquiries of "When he shall have the Nor would I show it, had I any; honour of seeing him," and at last leaves him with The reasons why are strong and many. exclamations of praise. If he is called to an arbitra-Should I have wit, the piece have none, tion between two parties, he is not more anxious to A flash in pan with empty gun, please the person for whom he appears than his op- The piece is sure to be undone. ponent, that he may be called impartial and a A tavern with a gaudy sign, common friend. He tells foreigners that their pronunciation is superior to that of the natives. When invited to dinner, he entreats the host to call in his children, and when they come, he observes, that one "Tis wrong to raise your expectations; fig is not more like another than they to their father: Poets, be dull in dedications ! he takes and kisses them, and makes them sit by Dulness in these to wit prefer him with some of them he cracks childish jokes, But there, indeed, you seldom err. aud others he dandles to sleep on his knee, at the In prologues, prefaces, be flat! same time feeling the greatest discomfort and incon- A silver button spoils your hat. venience. He is shaved with the greatest nicety, A thread-bare coat might jokes escape, and whitens his teeth with dentifrice: he changes Did not the blockheads lace the cape. his garments before they have the least soil, and al-A case in point to this before ye z ways smells of perfumes. On the forum you always Allow me, pray, to tell a story, Whose bush is better than the wine, Eo turn the penny once a wit on a curious fancy hit. og out a board, on which he boasted, ere! bring this boil'd and roasted, pray—” h mean to show their art and skill, ut the word-give your commands, to the said Lapstone, and took refuge in the cobbler's state bed. The parties being of course in the most opulent circumstances, consulted counsel learned in the law. The result was, that Goody Grim was determined to bring an action against Lapstone, for the loss of her pig with a curly tail; and Lapstone to bring an action against Goody Grim, for the loss of a quart bottle full of Hollands gin; and Mordecai to bring an action against them both, for the loss of a tee- totum, that fell out of his pocket in the rencontre. They all delivered their briefs to counsel, before it was considered, they were all parties, and no witness. But Goody Grim, like a wise old lady as she was, now changed her battery; and was determined to bring an action against Lapstone, and bind over Mordecai as an evidence. The indictment set forth, that he, Lapstone, not having the fear of the assizes before his eyes, but being moved by pig, and instigated by pruinsence, did, on the first day of April, a day sacred in the annals of the law, steal, pocket, hide, and crib divers that is to say, five hundred hogs, sows, boars, pigs and porkers, with curly tails, and did secret the said five hundred hogs, sows, boars, pigs, and porkers, with curly tails, in said Lapstone's bed, against the e these culprits! [holding up his hands.] peace of our Lord the king, his crown and dignity. and 'em tight: irls can scratch, nor fools can write. GOODY GRIM versus LAPSTONE. GARRICK. trial happened in a certain town, which, for s, shall be nameless, and is as follows:--Goody inhabited an alms-house, No. 2. Will Lap. a superannuated cobbler, inhabited No.3, and a Jew pedlar, who happened to pass through the where those alms-houses were situated, could ink of No 1. Goody Grim was in the act of one of her own proper pigs, but the animai g the ceremony, burst from her hold, and ran the semicircular legs of the aforesaid Jew, I him in the mud, ran back to Will Lapstone's, bler, upset a quart bottle full of gin, belonging Mordecai was examined by counsellor Puzzle. "Well, sir; What are you?" "I sells old clo's, and sealing wax, and puckles." "I did not ask you what you sold; I ask you what you are?" «So, you be said." will walk along in spite of all that can "Pless ma heart, you frighten me out of my vitsas I vas valking along I seed de unclean animal coming towards me--and so says I-Oh! Father Abraham, says I." "Father Abraham is no evidence." "You must let me tell my story my own vay, or I can not tell it all. As I vas valking along, I seed de unclean animal coming towards me. Oh, father Abraham, said I, here comes de unclean animal towards me, and he runn'd between my leg, and upshet me in de mut." "Now, do you mean to say, upon your oath, that little animal had the power to upset you in the mud." "On te mutty side." My lord, by his own confession, he was esta vend a tee-totum. Now, my lord, and gestur the jury, it is my duty to point out to us, the a tee-totum is an unlawful machine, made of with letters printed upon it, for the purpose of I-bling. Now, your lordship knows the act, car known by the name of little-go act, expready konne all games of chance whatever.. Whether p marbles, swabs, tee-totum, chucktartling, what not. And, therefore, I do conten, B "I mean, on which of your own sides did you man's evidence is contra bonos mores, and it a de fall ?" "I fell on my left side." "Now, on your oath, was it your left side?' "I vill take my oath it vas my left side." "And pray, what did you do when you fell down?" "I got up again as fast as I could." Perhaps you can tell me whether the pig had curly tail?" a I vill take ma oath his tail was so curly as my peerd." sequently non compos testimene.” Counsellor Botherem then rose up, * My gentlemen of the jury, my learned irical Passw in a most facetious manner, endeavoured a can a slur on the highly honourable evidence of the 4 merchant. And I do contend, that he what t sells is bona fide inducted into all the mys intents and purposes, a merchant. My learne merchandise; ergo, he who merchandises, a, te "And pray, where was you going when this hap-handling the tre-totum, can only be called ebe in the twistings and turnings of his ac pened?" "I vas going to the sign of de cock and pottle.", Now, on your oath, what had a cock to do with a bottle ?" tumhe is playing, my lord, a losing game. tlemen, he has told you the origin, use, and her the tee-totum; but, gentlemen, he has forget t you what that great luminary of the law, o learned Coke, has said on the subject, in a ra "I don't know; only it vas the sign of de house. And all more vat I know vas, dat I lose an ivory tec-actly similar to this, in the 234th folio voles a totum out of ma pocket." "Oh, you lost a tee-tótum, did you? I thought we should bring you to something at last. My lord, I beg leave to take an exception to this man's evidence! he does not come into court with clean hands." abridgement of the statutes, page 1949, whe thus lays down the law, in the case of Hand Blacklegs,-" Gamblendum consistet, enactus blendi sed non evendum macheni placent.” lord, I beg leave to say, that if I prove my cha |