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Where confusion and mobbing and chaff -
Pass on as we merrily lark it;

So if you e^er want a good squeezing and laugh
Come on a full day to the market.

A M.A d Wre Dal NG. When the priest Should ask—if Katharine should be his wife, Aty, by gogs-wouns, quoth he ; and swore so loud, That, all amaz'd, the priest let fall the book: And, as he stoop'd again to take it up. The mad-brain’d bridegroom took him such a cuff, That down fell priest and book, and book and priest; Not" take them up, quoth he, if any list. Tra. What said the wench, when he arose again? Gre. Trembled and shook; for why, he stamp'd, and swore, As if the vicar meant to cozen him. But after many ceremonies done, | He calls for wine:–A health, quoth he ; as if He had been aboard carousing to his mates After a storm:—Quast'd off the muscadel, And threw the sops all in the sexton's face : Having no other reason,<But that his beard grew thin and hungerly, And seem'd to ask him sops as he was drinking. This done, he took the bride about the neck; Aad kiss'd her lips with such a clamorous smack, That, at the parting, all the church did echo.

Dr. UN kex N. Ess AND ITS ENJOYMENTS.

Man, being reasonable, must get drunk; The best of life is but intoxication : Glory, the grape, love, gold, in these are sunk The hopes of all men, and of every nation; without their sap, how branchless were the trunk Of life's strange tree, so fruitful on occasion : 3ut to return,-Get very drunk; and when sou wake with head-ach, you shall see what then. ting for your valet–bid him quickly bring Some hock and soda-water, then you'll know pleasure worthy Xerxes the great king; * For not the blest sherbet, sublimed with snow

Nor the first sparkle of the desert-spring, Nor Burgundy in all its sunset glow, After long travel, ennui, love, or slaughter, Vie with that draught of hock and soda-water cockNEY sportsMex. On the first of September last crossing Kenningtoncommon I met two cockney sportsmen, dressed out in proper style for the o: of the day. “Hollo t” my good fellow,” said I, “have the kindness to turn the muzzle of your gun the other way, don't you see it's on full cock?” “Vy to be sure it should, an’t that 'ere the vay to carry one's gun?” “Why, no ; not the way you ought to carry it. Don't you see the danger of it going off?” “No, I can't o as how I do ; I keep it so on purpose.” “The devil you do, why?” “Why? that's a good one, only look here: now, don't you see if this here flint should hit that there thing, it will strike fire; and then the fire as comes from this here place, goes into that there place, and among this powder, and that makes the gun go off.” “ o, . sure it does.” “Well then, the further off this flint is from that there iron, an’t there less danger of hitting it !”, “Pray, sir,” said the other, "might I make so bold as to ask an’t a jackdaw fair game 1” “Umph! not exactly, unless you could contrive to make the jackdaw white.” “I say, Billy, that 'ere's a funny chap— that's what I calls a good joke.” “What a jack hass you must be to ax the gemmen such a question.” “Vy not such a jack hass as you was to shoot a jack hass instead of an 'are.” “Aye, but that were all haccident, for you know I never could see wery vell since I burned my heyes on the last first of September.” “Indeed how came that to pass " "All owing to the flash going in my face. I'll tell you how it vas; you must know, sir, that on the last first of September, Billy Stitch, the tailor, and I, vent out that day in the morning, to have some sport; so as we were a passing by the Surry theatre, some chaps says, there goes two cockneys; so I turns round to Billy, Billy, says I, I've a great mind, says I, to go and lik'em, says I. So says Bill to me, says he, you had better, says he, let them 'ere chaps alone, says

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Where confusion and mobbing and chaff
Pass on as we merrily lark it;

& if you e^er want a good squeezing and laugh Come on a full day to the market.

- A M.A. D. W. ED di No. hen the priest lould ask—if Katharine should be his wife, y, by gogs-wouns, quoth he ; and swore so loud, lat, all amaz'd, the priest let fall the book: ld, as he stoop'd again to take it up. it mad-brain'd bridegroom took him such a cuff, at down fell priest and book, and book and priest; e' take them up, quoth he, if any list. Tra. What said the wench, when he arose again? orr. Trembled and shook; for why, he stamp'd, and swore, if the vicar meant to cozen him. ! after many ceremonies done, calis for wine:—A health, quoth he ; as if had been aboard carousing to his mates or a storm —Quaff'd off the muscadel, threw the sops all in the sexton's face : ing no other reason,<that his beard grew thin and hungerly, seem'd to ask him sops as he was drinking. Jone, he took the bride about the neck; Liss'd her lips with such a clamorous smack, , at the parting, all the church did echo.

nn U x k ENNESS AND ITS ENJOYMENTS.

being reasonable, must get drunk; a best of life is but intoxication : , the grape, love, gold, in these are sunk hopes of all men, and of every nation; out their sap, how branchless were the trunk fe's strange tree, so fruitful on occasion :

return,-Get very drunk; and when ake with head-ach, you shall see what then. or your valet–bid him quickly bring -- hock and soda-water, then you'll know -ure worthy Xerxes the great king; act the blest sherbet, sublimed with snow

Nor the first sparkle of the desert-spring,
Nor Burgundy in all its sunset glow,

After long i. ennui, love, or slaughter,

Vie with that draught of hock and soda-water

cockNEY sponts MEN. On the first of September last crossing Kenningtoncommon I met two cockney sportsmen, dressed out in proper style for the sports of the day. “Hollo t” my good fellow,” said I, “have the kindness to turn the muzzle of your gun the other way, don't you see it's on full cock?” “Vy to be sure it should, an’t that 'ere the vay to carry one's gun?” “Why, no ; not the way you ought to carry it. Don't you see the danger of it going off?” “No, I can't say as how I do ; I keep it so on purpose.” “The devil you do, why?” “Why? that's a good one, only look here : now, don't you see if this here flint should hit that there thing, it will strike fire; and then the fire as comes from this here place, goes into that there place, and among this powder, and that makes the gun go off.” “To be sure it does,” “Well then, the further off this flint is from that there iron, an’t there less danger of hitting it?” “Pray, sir,” said the other, “might I make so bold as to ask an’t a jackdaw fair game 1” “Umph! not exactly, unless you could contrive to make the jackdaw white.” “I say, Billy, that 'ere's a funny chap— that's what I calls a good joke.” “What a jack hass you must be to ax the gemmen such a question.” “Wy not such a jack hass as you was to shoot a jack hass instead of an 'are.” “Aye, but that vere all haccident, for you know I never could see wery vell since I burned my heyes on the last first of September.” “Indeed : i. came that to pass 2" “All owing to the flash going in my face. I'll tell you how it vas; you must know, sir, that on the last first of September, Billy Stitch, the tailor, and I, vent out that day in the morning, to have some sport; so as we were a passing by the Surry theatre, some chaps says, there goes two cockneys; so I turns round to Billy, Billy, says I, I've a great mind, says I, to go and lik'em, says I. So says Bill to me, says he, you had better, says he, let them 'ere chaps alone, says he, and let's go on, says he. So avay ve comes, and, then they says, there goes two cockneys; so ve left 'em ; . when we comes to the other side of the water. No, that can't be; for this is the other—that is, the other side is this—and this is the other, and—No, that's not it neither—let me see—umph—umph —that's wery strange—an't it. You know ve vere on the other side, that is, ve—ay, ve vere on this side then— No—that is, the other side vas then on this side, and ve vere on the other, and—No, that's not it yet—but it don't signify. We were first on the other side, and when ve vhere on the other side, ve vere on this and then ve vere on the ’’ “Ha, ha, ha! was there ever any thing so puzlifying, as not to be able to find out the other side from this, and this from the other.” “Well sir, when ve got—ay, no matter; says I to Billy, says I, I'll lay you a tizzy, says I, that I hit some'at before ve are long out, says I. So, says Billy, says he, done, says he. So I puts my gun up my shoulder, so—and shutting my left eye for fear of the flash. Hold, says Billy, says he. What's the matter, Billy, says I ? You have forgot to load her, says he. And sure enough, so I had ; so I takes out my powder and shot, and loads her well, biting off a bit of paper you know, and ramming it tight down you know to keep all safe ; so I puts up my gun again, Stop, stop, says Billy, says he. What's the matter, says I. You have left your ramrod in your gun, says he. And sure enough i had, and wery lucky it was - that I stopped, for when I looked, there was Benjamin the Jew merchant, parched like a blackbird behind the hedge; r Ben vas frightened out of his vits, as much as I vas. So ve com'd avay up the side of the river, till ve comed to a gentleman's house with some trees a-growing aside it. So I sees some'at on a tree, and I thinks it vere a crow; so says I to Billy, says I, dash my buttons if a crow an’t fair game, so here goes. Stop, says Billy, says he. Why, so, says I? That's the man's poll parrot, says he. I does'nt care, o I ; so iust as ve vere a speaking, the servant girl comes to the vindow and she's dusting avay, and then she comes and stands before us. Get out of the vay, says I. I shan’t, says she. I'm going to

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On the first of September, at five in the norm, The weather quite cloudy, the prospect forlorn. Bill Stitch and myself rigged as gay as two is ris, 'or the sports of the ficid took our way as-bat hark 2 Spoken.] Just as we were a passing along Biotfriars bridge, there vere ve assailed by a set of ~~ muffin rascals, who meant to affront us by cano or cockneys. There they go, says they, there goes to rum ones. What'll they kill, says one S.-- tamer's grunter, says another. No, that they west, says a third, for if Gaffer Gammon's grunter was vario a yard of the gun, I'll bet two to one he could not +1 it. So the sports of the field is a cockney's delight. On the first of September, all rigg'd out so toot.

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Dash my buttons, says I, but that there's a good shot says I, Bill; so I claps my gun to my shoulder, and shuts both my o or fear of the flash blinding me. Stop, stop, says he, you'll shoot the old cow, says he. No, I vont, says I, for I doesn't see not neither the cow, nor the jackdaw now, as my eyes are both shut ; so I pulls the trigger strong to make the mark sure; but I doesn't know how it was, poor Tiger was run. ning by at the moment, and I had forgotten to take out my ramrod, and poor Tiger got it stuck in his gizzard, and there he lay sprawling as dead as a tenpenny nail. So the sports of the field is a cockney's delight, On the first of September, when rigg'd out so tight.

As he walked along, thinking of nothing at all,
Unfortunate Billy shot poor little Ball,
And I lam'd poor Towser, and home he did run,
And left only Gipsey to share in the fun.

Spoken.] Well, I primes and loads again, and in a hedge I hears a melodious sound, and says Billy, says he, My eyes there's a blackbird, are you loaded? Yes, says I. Then fire, says he. So I points my g in again, and shuts both my eyes of course, and lets fly. But my eye, vat a mistake I made, for instead of the bird I aim'd at, I hit poor Moses the Jew pedlar, and knock'd off his i." Moses vas in a terrible fright, and swore as how I had kill'd him. I offered Moses a tizzy for his fright, but Mo, with his

neck all on one side, told me as how I should make it a bob. I can't, says I, Mister Moses, for I have but one tester left, and that one's bad. Let me she it, says Moses, ish it pad Esh, it is very pad indeed, but I will colour him again, and you may continue with—

The sports of the field is a cockney's delight, On the first of September, when rigg'd out so tight. coffee drink Ens.

For men and Christians to turn Turks, and think To excuse the crime, because 'tis in their drink I Pure Eaglish apes! ye may, for aught I know, Would it but mode—learn to eat spiders too.

Should any of your grandsires' ghosts appear
In your wax-candle circles, and but hear
The name of coffee so much call’d upon ;
Then see it drank like scalding Phlegethon;
Would they not startle, think ye, all agreed
'Twas conjuration both in word and deed;
Or Catiline's conspirators, as they stood
Sealing their oaths in draughts of blackest blood 1
The merriest ghost of all your sires would say,
Your wine's much worse since his last yesterday.
He'd wonder how the club had given a hop
O'er tavern-bars into a farrier's shop, -
Where he'd suppose, both by the smoke and stench,
Each man a horse, and each horse at his drench.
Sure you're no poets, nor their friends, for now,
Should Jonson's strenuous spirit, or the rare
Beaumont and Fletcher's in your rounds appear,
They would not find the air perfumed with one
Castalian drop, nor dew of Helicon;
When they but men would speak as the gods do,
They drank pure nectar as the gods drink too,
Sublim'd with rich Canary—say shall then
These less than coffee's self, the coffee-men;
These sons of nothing, that can hardly make
Their broth, for laughing how the Jest does take;
Yet grin, and give ye for the vine's pure blood
A loathsome potion, not yet understood,
Sirop of soot, or essence of old shoes,
Dasht with diurnals and the books of news.”

AN Author's Expect Ations FRoM critics and Tii e PU blic.

The public approbation I expect,

And beg they'll take my word about the moral, Which I with their amusement will connect,

(So children cutting teeth receive a coral); Meantime, they'll doubtless please to recollect

* epical pretensions to the laurel : For fear some prudish readers should grow skittish, I've bribed my grandmother's review—the British. I sent it in a ń. to the editor,

Who thank'd me duly by return of post— I'm for a handsome article his creditor;

Yet if my gentle Muse he please to roast,

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