Abbildungen der Seite

what was it?”—“I will tell you, my lord, the moment I can collect myself—I had been detained at court—in the court of chancery—your lordship knows the chancellor sits late.”—“I do—I do—but go on.” —“Well, my lord, I was hurrying here as fast as ever I could—I did not even change my dress—I hope I shall be excused for coming in my boots?"— 4. F. poh—never mind your boots—the point— come at once to the point of the story.”—“Oh–I will, my good lord, in a moment—I walked here— I would not even wait to get the carriage ready—it would have taken time, you know—now there is a market exactly in the road by which I had to pass— your lordship may perhaps recollect the market—do you?” “To be sure I do—go on, Curran—go on with the story.”—“I am very glad your lordship remembers the market, for I totally forget the name of it—the name—the name—” “What the devil signifies the name of it, sir?—it's the Castle Market.” “Your lordship is perfectly right—it is called the Castle Market.-Well, I was passing through that very identical Castle Market, when I observed a butcher preparing to kill a calf—he had a huge knife in his hand—it was as sharp as a razor—the calf was standing beside him—he drew the knife to plunge it into the animal—just as he was in the act of doing so, a little boy about four years old—his only son— the loveliest little baby I ever saw, ran suddenly across his path—and he killed ! O! my God, he killed —“The child !—the child !—the child !”—vociferated Lord Avonmore.—“No, my Lord, the calf,” continued Curran, very coolly—“he killed the calf—but—your lordship is in the habit of anticipating.”

rain play

A captain who knew the world, was playing at piquet with a sharper, and saw him shuttling and placing the cards very adroitly. The captain immediately did the same, but openly and very deliberately ; which the sharper telling him of, he replied, it was very true he did so, because he thought it was the sharper's common mode of Playing, to which he

[merged small][ocr errors][merged small][merged small][merged small][merged small][merged small][merged small]

His empire also was without a bound:
'Tis true, a little troubled here and there,

By rebel pachas, and encroaching giaours,

But then they never came to “the Seven Towers;”

Except in shape of envoys, who were sent
To lodge there when a war broke out, according
To the true law of nations, which ne'er meant
Those scoundrels, who have never had a sword in
Their dirty diplomatic hands, to vent
Their spleen in making strife, and safely wording
Their lies, yelep'd despatches, without risk or
The singeing of a single inky whisker.
He had fifty daughters and four dozen sons,
Of whom all such as came of age were stow'd,
The former in a palace, where like nuns
They lived till some bashaw was sent abroad,
When she, whose turn it was, wedded at once,
Sometimes at six years old—though this seems odd,
'Tis true; the reason is, that the Bashaw
Must make a present to his sire in law.

His sons were kept in prison, till they grew
Of years to fill a bowstring or the throne,
One or the other, but which of the two
Could yet be known unto the Fates alone;
Meantime the education they went through
Was princely, as the proofs have always shown:
So that the heir apparent still was found
No less deserving to be hang'd than crown'd.

legal pearl-diverts. Every barrister can “shake his head,” and too often, like Sheridan's Lord Burleigh, it is the only roof he vouchsafes of his wisdom. Curran used to call these fellows “legal pearl-divers.”—“You may observe them,” he would say, “their heads barely under water—their eyes shut, and an index floating behind them, displaying the precise degree of their Purity and their depth.” WiNE AND WIT.

Wine is such a whetstone for wit, that if it be often -et thereon, it will quickly grind all the steel out, and


Curran once observing a very pompous and solemn blockhead, who endeavoured, with a most ludicrous gravity, to conceal his insignificance, he suddenly o short—“Observe that fellow,” said he, “if you dined and breakfasted with him for an hundred years, you could not be intimate with him.— By heavens he wouldn't even be seen to smile, lest the world should think he was too familiar with himself.”

FALst AFF's catechism.

Well, 'tis no matter: honour pricks me on. Yea, but how if honour prick me off when I come on ? how then 2 Can honour set to a leg 2 No. Or an arm No. Or take away the grief of a wound ! No. Honour hath no skill in surgery then No. What is honour? A word. - What is in that word Honour. What is that honour ! Air. A trim reckoning.—Who hath it? He that died o' Wednesday. Doth he feel it 2 No. Doth he hear it 2 No. Is it insensible then 2 Yea, to the dead. But will it not live with the living No. Why? Detraction will not suffer it :—therefore I'll none of it. Honour is a mere escutcheon, and so ends my catechism.

AN odd fish.

Egan, the Irish barrister, was once engaged in a violent controversy with Mr. Grattan, in which the latter designated Mr. E. a black soul writhing in torments. After this dispute there was not a waiter in any considerable town upon the circuit, whose first question to the passenger on his entrance to the hotel was not invariably—“Sir, would your honour dine--you can have any fish your honour pleases— perhaps your honour would prefer an Ecas.”— “An Egan, friend, what's an Egan "-" Lord, sir, I thought Mr. Grattan told every one what an Egan was. It is a black soul (sole) fried.”


The miniature, Phyllis, you're showing us now,

Proves the artist with you well acquainted; That 'tis monstrously like you, we all must allow,

When we see, as we do, that 'tis painted.

scarcely leave a back where it found an edge.

[merged small][ocr errors][merged small][merged small]

Speak the speech, I pray you, as I pronounce it to you, trippingly on the tongue: but if you mouth it, as many of our players do, I had as lief the tuwn-crier spoke my lines. Nor do not saw the air too much with your hand, thus: but use all gently : for in the very torrent, tempest, and (as I may say) whirlwind of your passion, you must acquire and beget a temperance, that may give it smoothness. O, it offends me to the soul, to hear a robustious perriwig-pated fellow tear a passion to tatters, to very rags, to split the ears of the groundlings; who, for the most part, are capable of nothing but inexplicable dumb shows and noise: I would have such a fellow whipped for out-doing Termagant; it out-herods Herod. Pray you, avoid it.

Play. I warrant your honour.

Ham. Be not too tame neither, but let your own discretion be your tutor: suit the action to the word, the word to the action; with this special observance, that you o'erstep not the modesty of nature : for any thing so overdone is from the purpose of playing, whose end, both at the first, and now, was, and is, to hold, as 'twere, the mirror up to nature; to show virtue her own feature, scorn her own image, and the very

age and body of the time his form and pressure. Now this, overdone, or come tardy off, though it make the unskilful laugh, cannot but make the judicios grieve ; the censure of which one, must, in your allowance, overweigh a whole theatre of others. 0. there be players, that I have seen play, and heard others praise, and that ... to speak it profanely, that, neither having the accent of christians, nor the gait of christian, pagan, nor man, have so strutted and bellowed, that l have thought soue of nature's journeymen had made men, and not made them well, they imitated humanity so abomirably.

Play. I hope we have reformed that indifferently with us.

Ham O, reform it altogether. And let those that play your clowns, speak no more than is set dowa or theon: for there be of them, that will themselves laugh, to set on some quantity of barren spectators to laugh too ; though, in the mean time, some decessary question of the play be then to be considered: that's villainous; and shows a most pitiful ambitica in the fool that uses it.

[merged small][merged small][ocr errors][merged small]
[ocr errors]

Farewell, thou poor rag of the muse !
In the bag of the clothesman go lie:
A sixpence thou'lt fetch from the Jews,
Which the hardhearted Christians deny.
Twenty years, in adversity's spite,
I bore thee most proudly along :
Stood jovially buff to the fight,
* won the world's ear with my song.
But, prosperity's humbled thy case :
Thy friends in full banquet I see,
And the door kindly shut in my face,
Thou'st become a fool's garment to me !
Poor rag ' thou art welcome no more,
The days of thy service are past,
Thy toils and thy glories are o'er,
And thou and thy master are cast.
But, though thou'rt forgot and betrayed,
"Twill ne'er be forgetten by me,
How my old lungs within thee have play'd,
And my spirits have swell'd thee with glee.
Perhaps they could swell thee no more,
For Time's icy hand's on my head;
My spirits are weary and sore,
And the impulse of Friendship is dead.
Then adieu ! tho' I cannot but fret
That my constancy with thee must part,
For thou hast not a hole in thee yet,
Though through thee they have wounded my heart.
I change thee for sable more sage, -
To mourn the hard lot I abide ;
And mark upon gratitude's page,
A blot that hath buried my pride.
Ah! who would believe in these lands
From the Whigs I should suffer a wrong?
Had they seen how with hearts and with hands
They followed in frenzy my song.
Who'd have thought, though so eager their claws,
They'd condemn me thus hardly to plead
Through my prime, I have toiled for your cause
A. you've left nue, when aged, in ueed.

Could ye not midst the favours of fate,
Drop a mite where all own it is due
Could ye not from the feast of the state
Throw a crumb to a servant so true :
In your scramble I stirred not a jot,
Too proud for rapacity's strife;
And sure that all hearts would allot
A o to the claims of my life.
But go, faded rag, and while gone
I'll turn thy hard fate to my ease;
For the hand of kind heaven hath shown
All crosses have colours that please.

. Thus a bliss from thy shame I receive,

Though my body's met treatment so foul, I can suffer, forget, and forgive, And get comfort, more worth for my soul, And when seen on the rag-sellers rope, They who knew thee'll say ready enough “There service hangs jilted by hope, This once was poor Morris's buff.” If they let them give virtue her name And yield an example to teach, Poor rag, thou hast served in thy shame Better ends than thy honours could reach. But, though the soul gain by the loss, The stomach and pocket still say, “Pray what shall we do in this cross " I answer, “Be poor and be gay.” Let the muse gather mirth from her wrong, Smooth her wing in adversity's shower; To new ears and new hearts tune her song, And still look for a sun-shining hour ! While I, a disbanded old Whig, Put up my discharge with a smile; Face about—prime and load—take a swig, And march off—to the opposite file.

Tith. PALA is de JUSTICE.

A peasant newly arrived at Paris asked what building was that, pointing to the Palais de Justice, where the law courts are held. “It is a mill,” said an attorney, to quiz the bumpkin. “I thought as much,” replied the countryman, “for I see a good many asses at the door with sacks.”

[ocr errors][merged small]

When your master or lady calls a servant by name, if that servant be not in the way, none of you are to answer, for then there will be no end of your drudgery: and masters themselves allow, that if a servant comes when he is called, it is sufficient. When you have done a fault, be always pert and insolent, and behave yourself as if you were the injured person ; this will immediately put your master or lady off their mettle. If you see your master wronged by any of your fellow-servants, be sure to conceal it, for fear of being called a tell-tale : however, there is one exception in case of a favourite servant, who is justly hated by the whole family; who therefore are bound in prudence to lay all the faults they can upon the favourite. The cook, the butler, the groom, the market-man, and every other servant who is concerned in the expenses of the family, should act as if his master's whole estate ought to be applied to that servant's particular business. For instance, if the cook computes his master's estate to be a thousand pounds a year, he reasonably concludes, that a thousand fo. a year will afford meat enough, and therefore e need not be sparing; the butler makes the same judgment, so may the groom and the coachman; and thus every branch of expense will be filled to your master's honour. . When you are chid before company, (which with submission to our masters and ladies is an unmannerly practice) it often happens that some stranger will have the good nature to drop a word in your excuse; in such a case you will have a good title to justify yourself, and may rightly conclude, that whenever he chides you afterwards on other occa sions, he may be in the wrong ; in which opinion you will be the better confirmed by stating the case to

your fellow-servants in your own way, who will cer

tainly decide in your favour: therefore, as I have said before, whenever you are chidden, complain as if you were injured.

%. often happens, that servants sent on messages are apt to stay out somewhat longer than the message requires, perhaps two, four, six, or eight hours, cr some such trifle; for the temptation to be sure was great, and flesh and blood cannot always resists -ben you return, the master storms, the lady seo-s; stripping, cudgelling, and turning off, is the wood. But here you ought to be provided with a set of eicuses, enough to serve on all occasious; for ustance. your uncle came fourscore miles to town this tournot; on purpose to see you, and goes back by breas of day to-morrow: a brother-servant, that borrowed money of you when he was out of place, was ruzsuz away to Ireland: you were taking leave of an old olow-servant, who was shipping for Barbadoes wo father sent a cow to you to sell, and you could to get a chapman till nine at night: you were tairs leave of a dear cousin, who is to be hanged out Saturday: you wrenched your foot against a stee. and were forced to stay three hours in a shop. bears you could stir a step : some filth was thrown on you out of a garret-window, and you were ashstei to come home before you were cleaned, and the so went off: you were pressed for the sea-service, irl carried before a justice of peace, who kept you three hours before he examined you, and you got of wo much a-do : a bailiff by mistake seized you for a debtor, and kept you the whole evening is a soing-house : you were told your master bad gone so a tavern, and come to some mischance, and year or of was so great that you inquired for his honour on as hundred taverns between Pall Mall and Teos Bar.

Take all tradesmen's parts against your masterand when you are sent to buy any thing. never or to cheapen it, but generously pay the full deta= This is highly to your master's honour, and to some shillings in your pocket ; and you are to cosider if your master hath paid too much, he can wo ter afford the loss than a poor tradesman

Never submit to stir a finger in any tossines. to that for which you were particularly hired. Ferra.

« ZurückWeiter »