ever blessed Trinity) to enable her to speak her part | thousand years; and she was very thankful for the well: afterwards she addressed herself to all the good mildness of the sentence.

time.

Christians in the room; begged them to attend "The seventh (and last) scene was a contest becarefully to what she had to say, and heartily wished tween the two infernal devils above-mentioned, and they would be the better for it: she then gave an her guardian angel. They came in again, one grinaccount of her life; and, by her own confession, ap-ning, and the other open-mouthed to devour be peared to have been a very naughty woman in her The angel told them, that they should get about their business. He with some difficulty at last drove them This was the first scene. At the second, a back off the stage, and handed off the good lady; in ascurtain was drawn; and gave us a sight of our Sa-suring her that all would be very well, after somer viour and the blessed Virgin, amidst the clouds. hundreds of thousand of years, with her. The poor soul addressed herself to our Saviour first, "All this while, in spite of the excellence of the who rattled her extremely, and was indeed all the actors, the greatest part of the entertainment to the while very severe. All she desired was to be sent was the countenances of the people in the pat and to purgatory, instead of going to hell and she at boxes. When the devils were like to carry her ce, last begged very hard to be sent into the fire of the every body was in the utmost consternation, and former, for as many years as there are drops of water when St. John spoke so obligingly to her, they wer in the sea. As no favour was shown her on that ready to cry out for joy. When the Virgin appeared side, she turned to the Virgin and begged her to inter-on the stage, every body looked respectful; and on cede for her. The Virgin was a very decent woman, and answered her gravely but steadily, That she had enraged her son so much, that she could do nothing for her:' and on this, they both went away together.

:

The third scene consisted of three little angels and the damned soul. She had no better luck with them: nor with St. John the Baptist and all the saints in the fourth so, in the fifth, she was left to two devils; seemingly to do what they would with her. One of these devils was very ill-natured and fierce to her; the other was of the droll kind, and, for a devil, | I can't say but what he was good-natured enough: though he delighted in vexing the poor lady rather too much.

"In the sixth scene, matters began to mend a little. St. John the Baptist (who had been with our Saviour I believe behind the scenes) told her, if she would continue her entreaties, there was yet some hope for her. She on this again besought our Saviour and the Virgin to have compassion on her: the Virgin was melted with her tears, and desired her son to have pity on her; on which it was granted, that she should go into the fire, only for sixteen or seventeen hundred

several words spoke by the actors, they pulled f
their hats, and crossed themselves. What can ye
think of a people, where their very farces are re
ous, and where they are so religiously received! May
you be the better for reading of it, as I was for see-
ing it!

"There was but one thing that offended me. A
the actors, except the devils, were women: and the
person who represented the most venerable charac
in the whole play, just after the representation, came
into the pit, and fell a kissing a barber of her ac
quaintance, before she had changed her dress. Ste
did me the honour to speak to me too; but I woah!
have nothing to say to her.

"My old surgeon," continues Spence, “I found to be the oddest figure, and one of the oddest men, that ever I met with in my life. He is a mountaineer, bera amidst the Alps, and as learned as the people grze rally are among wild mountains. He is a shert max fat, and clumsy, with a great pair of Dutch trowsers to his posteriors, and with a face, that does not at al yield, for breadth or swarthiness, to the place alın mentioned. His face was overrun with beard; for he said he was obliged to go to mass, and so had not

time to be shaved. In his face, or his upper breech, | deal of mischief here at Turin. And did he shave whichever you please to call it, were a pair of little ever a one of his elephants, master Claude?'-Not merry eyes, deep in his head, but yet with a droll that I know of, says he; but our day-book says, that gay air in them: and the two little caves that go this same Hannibal had to do with the devil; that down to them are wrinkled all the way up to his he put life into castles; and made the castles walk forehead and his temple. Whenever he laughs, (which over the mountains with him against the Romans: is very often,) all these wrinkles are in motion toge- and he says, in a note on the side, that he heard afterther, and make one of the most diverting sights that wards, that these castles fought like mad things; can be imagined. When we were a little seated and that any one of them that had not killed his together, and jolted into our proper places by the hundred of Romans, was very little regarded in the chaise; Is it a long time, master Claude, (says I) army. He then took out a prayer-book; and prayed that you have been in this sort of business?' Yes, aloud, as he had done at every cross, or old statue, says he, I have been in it for several generations. we had passed by the road side.- I don't see a VirUpon this I thought myself with the travelling Jew; gin Mary; why are you praying, master Claude?'-and blessed heaven for bringing me acquainted with I'm saying a devotion, to pray poor Hannibal's soul a man, that I had so long wished to meet with. For out of purgatory, (says he) he was a great thief several generations, master Claude? I don't under- and murtherer, and may very probably be there still; stand you.' Why, Sir, says he, our family have but he paid my ancestors well, and so I am bound always been barber-surgeons; from father to son, to pray for him. You see that house there! it was without any interruption, for these twenty-eight gene-built by a Savoyard: he put his collar bone out, and rations; my son, who is a promising youth, and is scarce nifty yet, is the twenty-ninth. I am but seventyfive; and I have had this plaguy gout these twelve years. Will you be so good as to let me replace my foot again; for that last jolt has quite put me out of order. And how old was your father, master Claude, when he died?' Ah, poor man, he died at a hundred and three: but it was by a fall from his horse, in going to visit a patient. He was hurried out of the world: rest his soul! At this rate, the first surgeon in your family, might have been surgeon to Noah, and the good people in the ark.'-This set at his wrinkles in motion. Oh no, (says he,) we are lot of so great antiquity as that comes to: at least, ur accounts don't reach up so far-Have you a istory then of the twenty-seven surgeons, your preecessors ?-Have I, says he! yes, that I have; and would rather lose my legs, than lose it. But that es not go so far as I could wish: the furthest thing ck, of a remarkable thing, that I find in it, is that fifth surgeon of our family shaved Hannibal, the ght he lay at Lamburg, in his passage over the ps: I wish he had cut his throat! for he did a

I set it. Lord have mercy upon poor Hannibal ! Will you have another pinch of snuff? This snuffbox was given me by the maréchal de Crequi→ You have travelled then?'-Ay, sir, nobody is regarded in our country, unless they have rolled over the world. I lived twenty years in France and Germany; I was barber-surgeon to the maréchal, and was with him when he received his death's wound. And is it true that the ball that kill'd him was directed, To the maréchal de Crequi?—No, sir, says he, that I can assure you it was not; for it was these fingers took it out of his body.-Just as he said this, we came to our journey's end."

A NEW WAY OF PAYING OLD DEBTS.

"Pay me my money!" Robin cry'd,
To Richard, whom he quickly spy'd;
And by the collar seiz'd the blade,
Swearing he'd be that moment paid:
Base Richard instant made reply,
(And struck poor Robin in the eye)
"There's my own hand in black and white,
A note of hand, and paid at sight,”

FALSTAFF.

in

mer if you like, can't hurt me, there's muscle."
that thingumy, a balloon? why I can walk
Are you inclined to go up, major ?" "Up! Wha:
higher than you'll go in that thing. When I was in
India, I walked up an inaccessible mountain;-
walked for five days running, four hours every day.
took me seven days coming down; run the whole of
the last day, and danced at the governor's ball at
night. Upon my life it's true; what will you lay it s
a lie?" But now, major, you have an opportunity
of purchasing notoriety at prime cost." " Prime cus.
trouble you not to mention prime cost." "Why""
"I tell you what: a few weeks ago I bought a Ti-
bury at prime cost. As I was driving through the
streets of London, a beautiful blood mare down Ha
hill." "Sire Munchausen, I suppose." “Poh, dust
be foolish: well, sir, I was driving at the rate of use
and twenty miles an hour."
"De, do you doubt me.
peat it, nine and thirty miles an hour. Well, sr, 1
was driving at the rate of wine and forty tiles az

The character of Sir John Falstaff is made up by Shakspeare wholly of incongruities :-a man at once young and old, enterprising and fat, a dupe and a wit, harmless and wicked, weak in principle and resolute by constitution, cowardly in appearance and brave in reality; a knave without malice, a liar without deceit; and a knight, a gentleman, and a soldier, without either dignity, decency, or honour: this is a character, which, though it may be decompounded, could not have been formed, nor the ingredients of it duly mingled, upon any receipt whatever : it required the hand of Shakspeare himself to give to every particular part a relish of the whole, and of the whole to every particular part;-alike the same incongruous, identical, Falstaff, whether, to the grave chief justice, he vainly talks of his youth, and offers to caper for a thousand; or cries to Mrs. Doll, "I am old, I am old," though she is seated on his lap, and he is court-surely major." ing her for busses.

Nine and twest,

ON A CELEBRATED PHYSICIAN, WHO THOUGH NOT A hour, my usual pace, I met an inferual coal car,

GOOD SHOT, WAS A GREAT SHOOTER.

Doctor-all game you either ought to shun,
Or sport no longer with th' unsteady gun:
But, like physicians of undoubted skill;
Gladly attempt what never fails to kill;
Not lead's uncertain drop, but physic's deadly pill.

MAJOR LONG BOW.

Major Longbow was the most poetical proser of his day, a complete egotist; his subject himself; his maxim, I by myself I; and called by his friends the modern Munchausen ; and has been, as he said, at every battle from the taking of Seringapatam to the O. P. war at Covent-garden theatre. But his maxims are not to be told, let him speak for himself in the following dialogue: -"How do you do, major?" "How do I do; how should I do! eh? Better than any man living-there's muscle, strongest man living. How do I do, poh! no man so well as I am. I am reckoned the finest piece of anatomy that was ever sent upon the face of the earth. Upon my life it's true; what will you lay it's a lie? Hit me with a sledge ham

seven horses in a string, all as fat as Falstaff, craja goes my wheel against the coal-cart-upset me-aa! away went poor prime cost into a million of shivers; up spins 1-made three somersets in the air-c feet foremost through the bow window of the past? cook's shop, corner of Berkley-street, flat upen = feet, and said with the utmost coolness to Mr Ga ter, who was seated behind her own counter, Matan your most obedient, how do you do? never saw a woman more astonished-Was'nt hurt a bet; there's muscle. Upon my life it's true: what will you g it's a lie."

THE COUNTY JUSTICE.

Now justices of peace must judge all pieces

Of mischief of all kinds, and keep the game
And morals of the country from caprices

Of those who have not a licence for the same
And of all things, excepting tithes and leases,
Perhaps these are most difficult to tame
Preserving partridges and pretty wenches
Are puzzles to the most precautious benches.

THE LAUGHING PHILOSOPHER.

NEWSPAPER INNOVATIONS.

l wines of a

their

fan

males;" should they by any accident have a prospect
of becoming mothers, we are informed that they
are in a way that ladies wish to be who ve
lords." Child-murder is elegantly termed "in
ticide;" and when it is punished capitally, we hear,
not that the unnatural mother was hanged, but that
"the unfortunate culprit underwent the last sentence
of the law, and was launched into eternity."
No person reads in the newspapers, that a house

Amongst all the improvements of the age, none rhaps are more striking than those which have reatly been made, and indeed are at present making, the language of ordinary life. Who in these days r reads of boarding-schools ?—Nobody: they are nsformed into academies for boys and seminaries "Establishments ;" girls; the higher classes are oach-maker's shop is a Repository for Carges" a milliner's a "Depot," a thread-seller's has been burnt down: he perhaps will find "that "Emporium." One buys drugs at a "Medical the house fell a sacrifice to the flames? In an ac count of a launch we learn, not that a ship went off "and shoes at a Company," Mart," blacking is dispensed from an "Institu- the slip without any accident, but that "she glided securely and majestically into her native element," ," and meat from a Purveyor." astead of reading in our newspapers, that after a the said native element being one in which the said told that the joyous group continued tripping of the question; a man indeed "may be despatched the company did not go away till daylight, we ship never was before. To send for a surgeon if one's leg be broken, is out he light fantastic toe until Sol gave them warning epart." If one of the company happened on his for medical aid." There are now no public singers at to tumble into a ditch, we should be informed tavern dinners-they are "the professional gentle"his foot slipped, and he was immersed in the men ;" and actors are all " id element." A good supper is described as ing the "tables groan with every delicacy of season." A crowd of briefless lawyers, unbed clergymen, and half-pay officers, are enume1 as a host of fashion at a watering-place, family'

e we are also informed that ladies, instead of
g a dip before breakfast, "plunge themselves
sly into the bosom of Neptune."
sheep killed by lightning is a thing unheard of:
nimal may be destroyed by the "electric fluid;"
even then, we should not be told that it was
we should be informed that "the vital spark
ed for ever." If the carcass were picked up by
enter or shoemaker, we never should hear that
rneyman tradesman had found it: we should be
hat its remains had been discovered by an
ative artisan."

little girls, be their faces ever so plain, pitted iable, if they appear at a public office to comof robbery, or ill-treatment, are invariably ligent and interesting;" if they have proceeded ar in crime, they are called "unfortunate fe

art.

professors of the histrionic Widows themselves are scarce: these are all interesting relicts;" and as for nursery-maids, they young are now a days universally transformed into “ persons who superintend the junior branches of the

"

MATCH MAKING.

Lord Chesterfield being told that a certain tera gamester; magant and scold was married to "that cards and brimstone made the best replied, matches."

THE WORLD.

There was formerly a club held at the King's Head in Pall Mall, arrogantly called "The World.” Epigrams were proposed to be written on the glasses, by each member after dinner; once when Dr. Young was invited thither, the doctor would have declined writing, because he had no diamond: Lord Stanhope lent him his, and he wrote immediately

"Accept a miracle, instead of wit;

See two dull lines, with Stanhope's pencil writ."