and broke into pieces, Themistocles loses his quality, | full length, his hands across his breast, his toes in but increases his quantity, and becomes the Miss contact, his eyes and mouth closely shut, and his Tokeleys; the Cyclades, by the same disorder, be- looks cadaverous. come sick ladies; a "delectable enjoyment" is a deal-legged-table pleasure; &c. &c. pun without end. These are what he denominates punlings. "Well, sir, how do you do, this morning?" asked Dr Stevenson, in a jocular way, approaching his bed. "How do I do?" replied the hypochondriac faintly a pretty question to ask a dead man." "Dead!** replied the doctor. Yes, sir, dead, quite dead. Į died last night about twelve o'clock." For his puns, they fall as thick from him as leaves from autumn-bowers. Sometime since, he talked of petitioning for the office of pun-purveyor to his majesty; but ere he had written "and your petitioner Dr. Stevenson putting his hand gently on the foreshall ever" Fun, it was bestowed on the yeoman of head of the hypochondriac, as if to ascertain whether the guard. He still, however, talks of opening busi-it was cold, and also feeling his pulse, exclaimed in ness as pun-wright in general to his Majesty's a doleful note, "Yes, the poor man is dead enough; subjects," for the diffusion of that pleasant small- 'tis all over with him, and now the sooner he can be ware of wit; and intends to advertise puns whole-buried the better." Then stepping up to his wife. sale, retail, and for exportation. N. B. 1.-A liberal and whispering to her not to be frightened at the allowance made to captains and gentlemen going to measures he was about to take, he called to the setthe East or West Indies. Hooks, Peakes, and Po- vant; "My boy, your poor master is dead; and the cocks, supplied on moderate terms. Worn-out senti- sooner he can be put in the ground the better. Rua ments and clap-traps taken in exchange. N. B. 2.-to C-m, for I know he always keeps New England May be had in a large quantity in a great deal box, price five acts of sterling comedy, per packet; or in small quantities in court-plaster-sized boxes, price one melodrama and an interlude, per box-N. B. 3. -The genuine are sealed with a Munden grin; all others are counterfeits. Long live Apollo !" &c. &c. coffins by him ready made; and do you hear, bring a coffin of the largest size, for your master makes i stout corpse, and having died last night, and the weather being warm, he will not keep long." Away went the servant, and soon returned with a proper coffin. The wife and family having got ther lesson from the doctor, gathered around him, mà howled not a little while they were putting the body in the coffin. Presently the pall-bearers, who w quickly provided and let into the secret, started wh the hypochondriac for the church-yard. They bad not gone far, before they were met by one of the town's people, who, having been properly drilled by Stevenson, cried out, Ah, doctor, what poor sed Sleep when he wakes? and creep into the jaundice have you got there?" THE DEAD ALIVE. An hypochondriac, after ringing the change of every mad conceit that eyer tormented a crazy brain, would have it at last that he was dead, actually dead. Dr. Stevenson having been sent for one morning in great haste, by the wife of his patient, hastened to his bedside, where he found him stretched out at "Poor Mr. B—,” sighed the doctor, “left us last night." "Great pity he had not left us twenty years ago, replied the other; "he was a bad man." Presently another of the townsmen met them wit the same question, " And what poor soul have you got there, doctor!" "answered the doctor ag "Poor Mr. B"is dead." "Ah! indeed," said the other;" and so he is gone | I could for ever here with wonder gaze; to meet his deserts at last." "O, villain!" exclaimed the man in the coffin. Soon after this, while the pall-bearers were resting themselves near the church-yard, another stepped up with the old question again, "What poor soul have you got there, doctor?" "Poor Mr. B-," he replied, "is gone." "Yes and to the bottomless pit," said the other; for if he is not gone there, I see not what use there is for such a place." Here the dead man, bursting off the lid of the coffin, which had been purposely left loose, leaped out, exclaiming, " O, you villain! I am gone to the bottomless pit am I? Well, I have come back again, to pay such ungrateful rascals as you are." A chase was immediately commenced, by the dead man after the living, to the petrifying consternation of many of the spectators, at sight of a corpse, in all the horrors of the winding sheet, running through the streets. After having exercised himself into a copious perspiration by the fantastic race, the bypochondriac was brought home by Dr. Stevenson, freed from all his complaints; and by strengthening food, generous wine, cheerful company. and moderate exercise, was soon restored to perfect health. PROLOGUE TO BARBAROSSA. 1 ne'er saw a church so full, in all my days!- [Laughing, I donna like your London tricks, not I; I came from country here to try my fate, Spoken by Garrick, in the character of a Country I'll back to whoame and country fare again. Measter! measter! Boy. I left toad-eater; then I serv'd a lord, Now I'm the poet's mon-I find with wits Our meals, indeed, are slender-what of that? EPILOGUE TO THE SAME. Spoken by Mr. Woodward, in the character of a fine Gentleman. [Speaking without. Poor gaming too, was maul'd among the rest, 'Pshaw! damn your epilogue, and hold your tongue-Reserve alone, to bless these golden times, [To the audience. ! Behold a gentleman!-and that's enough! LOQUACITY. Gratiano speaks an infinite deal of nothing, than any man in all Venice: his reasons are o grains of wheat hid in two bushels of chaff; yo seek all day ere you find them: and when you them, they are not worth the search. SCOTTICISMS. Step in to the fire, (sometimes pronounced beca step into the fire,) means, in Scotland, come to the fire. A Scotch woman said, She never wind of mons' meaning she never remembered semi He stays in the Lawn-market; i, e. be live m To cry upon a person, means, to call him, m drown him with tears. To cast out with a person, means, to fall c him. He is turned a fine boy, means he is bere: boy. He dines at home for ordinary, read, he com dines at home. He has cut out his hair, for, he has cut off b To look over the window, for, look out window. To be at home, does not mean, in Scotland THE LAUGHING PHILOSOPHER. 1 one's own house; but it means to be at no great | Fowls à la Condé, slices eke of salmon, istance, or not out of town.-Is Mr. Bell at home? es, sir! he is at home, but he is not within, or he not in. He stuck among the clay, instead of, in the clay. Make a pen to me, buy a knife to me, instead of for. rbot for relief of those who cram, lieved with dindon à la Parigeux; e also was the sinner that I am! > shall I get this gourmand stanza through ?e à la Beauveau, whose relief was Dory, ved itself by pork, for greater glory. I must crowd all into one grand mess mass; for should I stretch into detail, fuse would run much more into excess, an when some squeamish people deem her frail. hough a "bonne vivante," I must confess r stomach's not her peccant part; this tale ver doth require some slight refection, o relieve her spirits from dejection. 545 With sauces Genevoises, and haunch of venison; Wines too which might again have slain young Ammon A man like whom I hope we shan't see many soon; They also set a glazed Westphalian ham on, Whereon Apicius would bestow his benison; And then there was Champagne with foaming whirls, As white as Cleopatra's meited pearls. Then there was God knows what " à l'Allemande,” A l'Espagnole," timballe," and "salpicon"— With things I can't withstand or understand, And "entremets" to piddle with at hand, Though swallow'd with much zest upon the whole ; 99 66 While great Lucullus' (Robe triumphal) muffles— Gently to lull down the subsiding soul; (There's Fame)-young Partridge fillets, deck'd with truffles. What are the fillets on the victor's brow To these? They are rags or dust. Where is the arck Which nodded to the nation's spoils below Where the triumphal chariot's haughty march? Gone to where victories must like dinners go. Further I shall not follow the research: But oh! ye modern heroes with your cartridges, When will your names lend lustre even to partridges? Those truffles too are no bad accessaries, Follow'd by "Petits puits d'amour”—a dish Which encyclopedize both flesh and fish; Of intellect expended on two courses; And indigestion's grand multiplication Requires arithmetic beyond my forces. Who would suppose, from Adam's simple ration, That cookery could have call'd forth such resources, As form a science and a nomenclature From out the commonest demands of nature? "Why so?"—" Why, since they've come from Lisle, But, on the night, with seeming hearts, (Which they call Leel) they bore our isle With Brussels, Tours, and Florence." "Where could you meet them ?"-" At the Nore." "Who next!""The Lanes." "We want two more, Lieutenant General Dizzy." "He's deaf." "But then he'll bring Tom White." "True! ask them both: the boy's a bite; We'll place him next to Lizzy." 'Tis seven-the Hursts, the Dunns, Jack Yates, The Grants assemble: dinner waits : In march the Lanes, the Gatties: Yates carves the turbot, Lane the lamb, Tom White sits next to Lizzy. All trot their hobbies round the room; The warring tribe their several parts Enact with due decorum. Such is the gulf that intervenes 'Twixt those who get behind the scenes, And those who sit before 'em! THE CAPTAIN'S WHISKERS By Mr. Holcroft. A Swiss captain of grenadiers, whose a had been cashiered, was determined, since Ma no more employment for him, to try if he coprocure a commission in the corps of Venus, other words, if he could not get a wife and a had no fortune of his own, he reasoned, and rea very rightly, that it was quite necessary his in should have enough for them both. The Cap » one of those kind of heroes, to whom the ep→ hectoring blade might readily be applied He near six feet high, and wore a long sweed, a fierce cocked hat: add to which, that he w to have had the most martial pair of whiskers grenadier in the company to which he belong curl these whiskers, to comb and twist them his fore-finger, and to admire them in the formed the chief occupation and delight of A man of these accomplishments, with the of bronze and rodomontade, of which he ki perfluity, stands, at all times, and in all co good chance with the ladies, as the experiar know not how many thousand years has cont Accordingly, after a little diligent attentan artful inquiry, a young lady was found, crac |