Many thankes for their paines did the king give them, Take heed now you steal no more of my deer: DEFINITION OF LAW. Law is-law,-Law is-law, and as in such and so forth, and hereby, and aforesaid, provided always, nevertheless, notwithstanding. Law is like a country dance, people are led up and down in it till they are tired.-Law is like a book of surgery, there are a great many terrible cases in it. It is also like physic, they that take least of it are best off. Law is like a homely gentlewoman, very well to follow. Law is also like a scolding wife, very bad, when it follows us. Law is like a new fashion, people are bewitched to get into it; it is also like bad weather, most people are glad when they get out of it. sorry, says the doctor, that I could not prevail on the sun and moon to wait for you,-the eclipse was ende long before your arrival. EPILOGUE TO A WOMAN KILL'D WITH KINDNESS, An honest crew, disposed to be merry, Came to a tavern by, and call'd for wine: The drawer brought it (smiling like a cherry) And told them it was pleasant, neat, and fine. Taste it, quoth one : he did; Oh, fie! (quca he) This wine was good; now't turns too near the lec Another sipp'd, to give the wine his due, And said unto the rest, it drank too flat: The third said, it was old; the fourth too new: Nay, quoth the fifth, the sharpness likes me Thus, gentlemen, you see how in one hour Excuse us, then; good wine may be disgre GARRICK AT LAW. The following jeu d'esprit, from the pen of Da Garrick, was sent by him to Mr. Counsellor Hot 24at a time when Garrick was involved in a' respecting the possession of a house at Hampt David Garrick to Mr. Hotchkin, his countrie friend. On your care must depend the success of my The possession I mean of the house in Remember, my friend, an attorney's my fo And the worst of his tribe, tho' the best art In law, as in life, I well know 'tis a rule, That the knave should be ever too hard fe t To this rule one exception your client in That the fool may for once kick the kna doors. THE TABLES TURNED. A very respectable gentleman once ag Westminster Hall, to justify bail. The THE LAUGHING PHILOSOPHER. termined to be very witty upon him, opened upon | time;-the husband in the mean while biting his lips, pulling down his ruffles, stamping about the room, him in the following extraordinary manner: "Pray, sir, is there not a certain lady who lives and looking at his lady like the devil. At last he abruptly demands of her, "What's the matter with with you?" you, madam?" The lady mildly replies" Nothing." Yes, sir, there is." Oh, there is; and I suppose, if the truth were" What is it you do mean, madam?"—" Nothing." known, that lady has been very expensive to you?" Yes, sir, that lady has been very expensive to And I suppose you have had children by that ady, and they too have cost you a good deal of oney?" "Yes, they have." "And yet you have come here to justify bail to a wge amount !" The counsel thought he had now done enough to revent the confidence of the court being placed in e gentleman; when the latter raising his voice, innantly said, "It is true, Mr. Counsellor, that ere is a lady lives with me, but that lady is my wife; have been married these fifteen years, and have tran; and whoever has a wife and children will d them expensive.” COURTSHIP AND MARRIAGE. Courtship is a fine bowling-green turf, all galloping ad, and sweet-hearting, a sunshine holiday in mer time. But when once through matrimony's pike, the weather becomes wintry, and some Jands are seized with a cold aguish fit, to which faculty gives the name of indifference. Courtis matrimony's running footman, but seldom to see the stocking thrown; it is too often caraway by the two grand preservatives of matrial friendship, delicacy and gratitude. There is nother distemper very mortal to the honey-moon, hat the ladies sometimes are seized with, and ollege of physicians call it sullenness. This sper generally arises from some ill-conditioned with which the lady has been hurt; who leaning on her elbow upon the breakfast table, leek resting upon the palm of her hand, her eyes arnestly upon the fire, her feet beating tat-too "What would you make me, madam?"-" Nothing." 'What is it I have done to you, madam ?"-" 0—h -nothing." And this quarrel arose as they sat at breakfast: the lady very innocently observed," She believed the tea was made with Thames water." The husband in mere contradiction insisted upon it that the tea-kettle was filled out of the New River. NINE PINS. The late Earl of Londsdale was so extensive a proprietor and patron of boroughs, that he returned nine members every parliament, who were facetiously Lord Lonsdale's nine pins." One of the called, members thus designated having made a very extravagant speech in the House of Commons, was answered by Mr. Burke in a vein of the happiest sarcasm, which elicited from the House loud and continued cheers. Mr. Fox entering the House just as Mr. Burke was sitting down, inquired of Sheridan what the House was cheering? "O, nothing of consequence," replied Sheridan, "only Burke has knocked down one of Lord Londsdale's nine pins." Some carry ittle sticks-and one And bustle! acted upon as machines are, and to make his wheels move properly, he is properly greased in the st Every freeholder enjoys his portion of septenn insanity; he'll eat and drink with every body witho And there's my aunt. I know her by her waist, paying for it, because he's bold and free; So long and thin, And so pinch'd in, Just in the pismire taste. Oh what are men ?-Beings so small, Upon their little heads, I must And what is life! and all its ages There's seven stages! Turnham Green! Chelsea! Putney! Fulham! then be I' knock down every body who won't say as he says, 14 prove his abhorrence of arbitrary power, and preserve the liberty of Old England for ever, huzza! THE VICAR OF BRAY. In good king Charles's golden days, When royal James obtain'd the crown, The church of Rome I found would fit But for the Revolution. When William was our king declar'). Set conscience at a distance; And this is law, &c. When gracious Anne became our quest, And I became a tory Occasional conformists base, THE LAUGHING PHILOSOPHER. I dainn'd their moderation; When George in pudding time came o'er, From our new faith's defender; Ta' illustrious House of Hanover, I never more will falter, And George my lawful king shall be- And this is law I will maintain him King George, he lib at tora side wara, he hab ting on he head, call him crown, and a grand ting, all sam com basket; so breren, Goramity bless you all. AMEN. To the Audience. I come, kind gentlemen, strange news to tell ye; For after death, we sprites have just such natures Oh poet, d-d dull poet! who could prove SO SERMON, PREACHED BY SAM QUACO, A BLACK So senseless to make Nelly die for love? Nay, what's yet worse, to kill me in the prime man dat born ob a woman hab long time to lib, Of Easter-term, in tart and cheesecake time! sable ebery day too much; he grow up like a I'll fit the fop; for I'll not one word say, in, he cut down like a bannana. Pose a man do T' excuse his godly, out-of-fashion play; be get good; pose de man do bad, he get bad. A play which if you dare but twice sit out, he do good, he go to da place call him Glolio, You'll all be slander'd and be thought devout. Goramity tan upon a top, and debble on a bot-But farewell, gentlemen; make haste to me; pose he do bad, he go to da place call him Hell, I'm sure ere long to have your company. pepper cod; he call for As for my epitaph, when I am gone, be mot burn like a wara, nobody give him drop a wara to I'll trust no poet, but will write my own : im dam tongue. Tan, breren, you know one dey call he Sampson, he kill twenty tousand ans with the jaw bone jackmorass. Tan you ora man, call Jonass, he swallow whale; he hell ob a fellow for fish; and tora man, he call a Here Nelly lies, who, tho' she liv'd a slattern ;* Her real character. DRYDEN. ↑ The character she represented in the play, JONAS, THE JEW CONJUROR. coffee and the book of interest, supply the temporary wants of necessitous men, and are sure to out-wit had they even the cunning of a———Fos. 66 MISERIES OF MATRIMONY "Pshaw!" says a modern modish wife, Among the many characters that have played upon the passions of the public, Jonas, or the card-playing conjuring Jew, cut a figure in his way. He could make matadores with a snap of his fingers, command What, what is Marriage! Harris, Priscian, the four aces with a whistle, and get odd tricksAssist me with a definition. but there are a great many people in London, besides "Oh!" cries a charming silly fool, this man, famous for playing odd tricks, and yet no Emerging from her boarding school, conjurors neither. This man would have made a Marriage is-love, without disguises, great figure in the law, as he was so dexterous a con- It is a-something that arises veyancer. But the law is a profession that does not From raptures and from stolen glances, want any jugglers. Nor do we need any longer to To be the end of all romances; load our heads with the weight of learning, or pore Vows-quarrels-moonshine-babes-but hash' for years over arts and sciences, when a few months I must not have you see me blush." practice with pasteboard pages can make any man's fortune, without his understanding a single letter of the alphabet, provided he can but slip the cards, snap his fingers, and utter the unintelligible jargon of presto, passa, largo, mento, cocolorum, yaw, like this Jonas.- -The moment he comes into company and takes up a pack of cards, he begins--" I am no common slight of hand man; the common slight of hand men they turn the things up their sleeves, and make you believe their fingers deceive your eyes. --Now, sir, you shall draw one card, two cards, three cards, four cards, five cards, half a dozen cards, you look at the card at this side, you look at the card at that side, and I say blow the blast; the blast is blown, the card is flown, yaw, yaw; and now, sir, I will do it once more over again, to see whether my fingers can once more deceive your eyes; I'll give any man ten thousand pounds if he does the likeYou look at the card of this side, you look at the card on that side, when I say blow the blast, the blast is blown, the card is flown, yaw, yaw ;" but this conjuror at length discovering that most practitioners on cards, now-a-days, know as many tricks as himself, and finding his slights of hand turned to little or no account, now practises on notes of hand by discount, and is to be found every morning at twelve in Duke's-place, up to his knuckles in dirt, and at two at the Bank coffee-house, up to his elbows in money, where these locusts of society, over a dish of An aged bachelor, whose life Marriage is odd! for one of us 66 Why, Marriage," says an Exquisite |