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The LAUGHing Phil.OSOPHER.
The king perceiving him fearfully trembling.
Part the Second.
When as our royal] king home from Nottingham,
| And now, my lords, quoth the king, I am determined.
Against St. George's next sumptuous feast, That this old milier our new confirmed knight,
With his son Richard, shall here be my guest: For, in this merriment, 'tis my desire To talke with the jolly knight, and the young squire.
| When as the noble lords raw the kinge's pleasantness
They were right joyfull and glad in their hearts; A pursuivante there was sent straight on the business, The which had often-times been in those parts. When he came to the place where o: did dwell, His message orderlye then 'gan he tell. God save your worshippe, then said the messenger, And grant your ladye her owne heart's desire: And to your sonne Richard good fortune and happiness; That sweet, gentle, and gallant young square. Our king greets you well, and thus he doth say. You must come to the court on St. George's day; Therefore, in any case, faile not to be in place. I wis, quoth the miller, this is an odd jest; What should we do there 2 faith, I am halfe afraid. I doubt, quoth Richard, to be hang'd at the iessNay, quoth the messenger, you doe mistake; Our king he provides a great feast for your sake. Then sayd the miller, By my troth, messenger, Thou hast contented my worshippe full wellHold, here are three farthings, to quite thy gentlears, For these happy tydings, which thou dost teii.
The king and his courtiers laugh at this heartily,
Let me see, heare thou mee; tell to our king, We'll wayt on his mastershipp in everye thing.
The pursuivant smiled at their simplicitye,
Tushe, Sir John, quoth his wife, why should you frett
In this most statelye sort rode they unto the court;
The king and his nobles, that heard of their coming,
While the king taketh them both by the hand;
With the court-dames and maids, like to the queen of
spades, The miller's wife did soe orderly stand,
A milk maid's courtesye at every word;
There the king royally, in princelye majestye,
And in a bowle of wine dranke to the knight: Here's to you both, in wine, ale, and beer;
Thanking you heartilye for my good cheer. Quoth sir John Cockle, I'll pledge you a pottle,
Were it the best ale in Nottinghamshire :
But then said our king, now I think of a thing,
Some of your lightfoot I would we had here.
Many thankes for their panes did the king give them,
Drrinition of Law.
Law is—law, Law is—law, and as in such and so forth, and hereby, and aforesaid, provided always, nevertheless, notwithstanding. Law is like a country dance, people are led up and down in it till they are tired.—Law is like a book of surgery, there are a great many terrible cases in it. It is also like physic, they that take least of it are best off. Law is like a homely gentlewoman, very well to follow. Law is also like a scolding wife, very bad, when it follows us. Law is like a new fashion, people are bewitched to get into it; it is also like bad weather, most people are glad when they get out of it.
hu M.A.NE J U Ryxi.A.N.
“Look at the juryman in the blue coat,” said one of the Old Bailey court to Justice Nares; “do you see him?” “Yes,” “Well, we shall not have a sin. gle conviction to day for any capital offence.” The observation was verified. The juryman was Mr. Phillips of St. Paul's church-yard, afterwards sheriff; and during his shrievalty no execution took place.
An appointment was made with an astronomer, to be at his observatory, there to see an eclipse. The good company, considering celestial and terrestrial engagements in the same light, attended the philosoPher, and, after chatting some time, at last recollected their business, and begged to see the eclipse. I am
sorry, says the doctor, that I could not prevail on the sun and moon to wait for you, -the eclipse was ended long before your arrival.
epiloque To A womax kill'd with knowess. An honest crew, disposed to be merry, Came to a tavern by, and call'd for wine: The drawer brought it (smiling like a cherry) And told them it was pleasant, neat, and fine. Taste it, quoth one: he did; Oh, fie! (quoth hex This wine was good; now't turns too near the lee. Another sipp'd, to give the wine his due, And said unto the rest, it drank too flat : The third said, it was old ; the fourth too new : Nay, quoth the fifth, the sharpness likes me not. Thus, gentlemen, you see how in one hour The wine wasnew, old, flat, sharp, sweet, and sour. Unto this wine do we allude our play : Which some will judge too trivial, some too grave: You, as our guests, we entertain this day, And bid you welcome to the best we have. Excuse us, then; good wine may be disgrac'd, When every several mouth hath sundry taste.
GA to Rick at Law".
The following jeu d'esprit, from the pen of David Garrick, was sent by him to Mr. Counsellor Hotchkin. at a time when Garrick was involved in a lawsuit respecting the possession of a house at Hampton.
David Garrick to Mr. Hotchkin, kis counsetter root
termined to be very witty upon him, opened upon him in the following extraordinary manner: “Pray, sir, is there not a certain lady who lives with wou ?” “Yes, sir, there is.” “Oh, there is ; and I suppose, if the truth were known, that lady has been very expensive to you ?” “Yes, sir, that lady has been very expensive to me.” “And I suppose lady, and they too money !" “Yes, they have.” “And yet you have come here to justify bail to a large amount " The counsel thought he had now done enough to prevent the confidence of the court being placed in the gentleman; when the latter raising his voice, indignantly said, “It is true, Mr. Counsellor, that there is a lady lives with me, but that lady is my wife; we have been married these fifteen years, and have children; and whoever has a wife and children will find them expensive.”
. have had children by that ave cost you a good deal of
of is a fine bowling-green turf, all galloping round, and sweet-hearting, a sunshine holiday in summer time. But when once through matrimony's turnpike, the weather becomes wintry, and some husbands are seized with a cold aguish fit, to which the faculty gives the name of indifference. Courtship is matrinony's running footman, but seldom stays to see the stocking thrown; it is too often car. ried away by the two grand preservatives of matrimonial friendship, deficacy and gratitude. There is also another distemper very mortal to the honey-moon, 'tis what the ladies sometimes are seized with, and the college of physicians call it sullenness. This distemper generally arises from some ill-conditioned o with which the lady has been hurt; who then, leaning on her elbow upon the breakfast table, her cheek resting upon the palm of her hand, her eyes
fixed earnestly upon the fire, her feet beating tat-too
time;—the husband in the meanwhile biting his ips, pulling down his ruffles, stamping about the room, and looking at his lady like the devil. At last he abruptly demands of her, “What's the matter with you, madam?" The lady mildly replies—“Nothing.” “What is it you do mean, madam *—“Nothing.” “What would you make ine, madam?”—“Nothing.”, “What is it I have done to you, madam "–“ O—h —nothing.” And this quarrel arose as they sat at breakfast: the lady very innocently observed, “She believed the tea was made with Thames water.” The husband in mere contradiction insisted upon it that the tea-kettle was filled out of the New River.
The late Earl of Londsdale was so extensive a proprietor and patron of boroughs, that he returned nine members every parliament, who were facetiously called, “Lord Lonsdale's nine pins.” One of the members thus designated having made a very extravagant speech in the House of Commons, was answered by Mr. Burke in a vein of the happiest sarcasm, which elicited from the House loud and continued cheers. Mr. Fox entering the House just as Mr. Burke was sitting down, inquired of Sheridan what the House was cheering “O, nothing of conseo replied Sheridan, "only Burke has knocked
own one of Lord Londsdale's nine pins.”
Mor AL REFLections.
Written on the Cross of St. Paurs. The man that pays his pence, and goes Up to thy lofty cross, St. Paul, , Looks over London's naked nose, Women and men : The world is all beneath his ken, He sits above the ball. He seems on Mount Olympus' top, Among the Gods, by Jupiter and lets drop His eyes from the empyreal clouds On mortal crowds. Seen from these skies, How small those emmets in our eyes!