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Tony is M.

Lord-Chesterfield, on seeing a lady who was a reputed jacobite, adorned with orange ribands, at the anniversary ball at Dublin, in memory of king Wilham, thus addressed her extempore :

Thou little tory, where's the jest
To wear those ribands in thy breast;
When that same breast, betraying, shows
The whiteness of the rebel rose.

PU FFINo Burlesqu'rd. The following whimsical account of Mrs. Siddons's first appearance in Dublin, is extracted from an old Irish newspaper.—“On Saturday, Mrs. Siddons, about whom all the world has been talking, exposed her beautiful, adamantine, soft, and lovely person, for the first time, at Smock-Alley Theatre, in the bewitching, melting, and all-tearful character of Isabella. From the repeated panegyrics in the impartial London newspapers, we were taught to expect the sight of a heavenly angel; but how were we supernaturally surprised into the most awful joy, at beholding a mortal goddess. The house was crowded with hundreds more than it could hold, with thousands of admiring spectators, that went away without a sight. This extraordinary phenomenon of tragic excellence! this star of Melponene ! this comet of the stage : this sun of the firmament of the Muses this moon of blank verse : this queen and princess of tears : this Donnellan of the poisoned bowl this empress of the pistol and dagger this chaos of Shakspeare : this world of weeping clouds ! this Juno of commanding aspects this Terpsichore of the curtains and scenes: this Proserpine of fire and earthquake this Katter. felto of wonders exceeded expectation, went beyond belief, and soared above all the natural powers of description She was nature itself. She was the most exquisite work of art. She was the very daisy, primrose, tuberose, sweet-brier, furze-blossom, gilliflower, wallflower, cauliflower, aurica, and rosemary 1 In short, she was the bouquet of Parnassus ! Where expectation was raised so high, it was thought she would be injured by her appearance; but it was the audience who were injured: several fainted hefore

the curtain drew up but, when she came to the scene of parting with her wedding-ring, ah! what a sight was there ! the very fiddlers in the orchestra, “albeit, unused to the melting mood,” blubbered like hungry children crying for their bread and butter; and when the bell rang for music between the acts, the tears ran from the bassoon players' eyes in such plentiful showers, that they choked the fingerstops, and making a spout of the instrument, poured in such torrents on the first fiddler's book, that, not seeing the overture was in two sharps, the leader of the band actually played in one flat. But the sobs and sighs of the groaning audience, and the noise of corks drawn from the smelling bottles, prevented the mistake between the flats and sharps being discovered. One hundred and nine ladies fainted forty-six went into fits and ninety-five had strong hysterics : The world will scarcely credit the truth, when they are told that fourteen children, five old women, one hundred tailors, and six common-councilmen, were artually drowned in the inundation of tears thrt flowed from the galleries, the slips, and the boxes, to increase the briny pond in the pit; the water was three fee: deep, and the people that were obliged to stand upon the benches, were in that position up to their ankles in tears . An act of parliament against her playing any more will certainly pass.”

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That stopped so close and lovingly the bottle : Thou Savoir vivre club, and jen’ sais quoi, Full well the voice of honest corks ye know, Deep and deep-blushing from the generous pottle. All ear, all eye, to listen and to see, The landlord was as busy as a bee— Yes, Larder skipped like harlequin so light; In bread, beer, wine, removal swift of dishes, Nimbly anticipating all their wishes— Now this, to man voracious as a kite, Is pleasant—as the trencher-heroes hate All obstacles that keep them from the plate, As much as jockeys on a running horse Curse cows or jack-asses that cross the course. Nay, here's a solid reason too; for mind, Bawling for things, demandeth mouth and wind : Whatever therefore weakeneth wind and jaws, Is hostile to the got mandizing cause. [sung, Having well crammed, and swilled, and laughed, and And toasted girls, and clapped, and roared, and rung, And broken bones of tables, chairs, and glasses, Like happy bears, in honour of their lasses, Not wives " not one was toasted all the time—" Thus were they decent—it had been a crime, As wives are ... and sacred names, Not to be mixed indeed with whores and flames: I say, when all were crammed unto the chin, And every one with wine had filled his skin, In came the landlord with a cherub smile : Around to every one he lowly bowed, Was vastly happy—honoured—vastly proud— And then he bowed again in such a style ! “Hoped gemmen liked the dinner and the wine:” To whom the gemmen answered, “Very fine A glorious dinner, Larder, to be sure."— To which the landlord, laden deep with bliss, Did with his bows so humble almost kiss The floor. Now in an attered tone—a tone of gravity, Unto the landlord full of smiles and suavity, Did Mister Guttle, the churchwarden, call— * Come hither, Larder,” said soft Mister Guttle, With solemn voice and fox-like face so subtle— * Larder, a little word or two, that's all.”

Forth ran th' obedient landlord with good will,
Thinking most naturally upon the bill.
“Landlord,” quoth Guttle, in a soft sly sound,
Not to be heard by any in the room,
Yet which, like claps of thunder, did confound,
“Do you know any thing of Betty Broom "
“Sir” answered Larder, staminering—“Sir? what

sir, Yes, sir, yes—yes—she lived with Mistress Larder;

But may I never move, nor never stir,
If but for impudence we did discard her
No, Mister Guttle—Betty was too brassy—
We never keep a servant that is saucy.”
“But, landlord–Betty says she is with child.”
“What's that to me?" quoth Larder, looking wild—
“I never kissed the hussy in my life,
Nor hugged her round the waist, nor pinched her
cheek; -
Never once put my hand upon her neck—
Lord, sir, you know that I have got a wife.
Lord! nothing comely to the girl belongs—
I would not touch her with a pair of tongs:
A little puling chit, as white as paste;
I'm sure that never suited with my taste.
But then, suppose—I only say, suppose
I had been wicked with the girl—alack,
My wife hath got the cursed'st keenest nose,
Why, zounds, she would have catched me in a
Then quickly in the fire had been the fat—
!...]." she always watched me like a cat.
Then, as I say, Bet did not hit my taste
It was impossible to be unchaste:
Therefore it never can be true, you see—
And mistress Larder's full enough for me.”
“Well,” answered Guttle, “Man, I'll tell ye what—
Your wind and eloquence you now are wasting:

. . Whether Miss Betty hit your taste or not,

There's good round proof enough that you've been tasting. And, Larder, you've a wife, 'tis very true, Perhaps a little somewhat of a shrew ;

But Betty was not a bad piece of stuff.”—
* Well, Mister Guttle, may I drop down dead,
If ever once I crept to Betty's bed
And that, I'm sure, is swearing strong enough.”
“But, Larder, all your swearing will not do,
If Betty swears that she's with child by you.
Now Betty came and said she'd swear at once—
But you know best—yet mind, if Betty'll swear,
And then again! should Mistress Larder hear,
The Lord have mercy, Larder, on thy sconce.
Why, man, were this affair of Betty o her,
Not all the devils in hell would hold her. [all
Then there's your modest stiff-rumped neighbours
There'd be a pretty kick up—what a squall!—
You could not put your nose into a shop—
There's lofty Mrs. Wick, the chandler's wife,
And Mrs. Bull, the butcher's imp of strife,
With Mrs. Bobbin, Salmon, Muff, and Slop,
With fifty others of such old compeers—
Zounds, what a hornet's nest about thy ears ”
From cheerful smiles, and looks, like Sol, so
Poor Larder fell to looks as black as night;
And now his head he scratched, importing guilt—
For people who are innocent indeed,
Never look down, so black, and scratch the head;
But, tipped with confidence, their noses tilt,
jo with an unembarrassed front
Bold to the charge, and fixed to stand the brunt–
Truth is a towering dame—divine her air;
In native bloom she walks the world with state.
But falsehood is a meretricious fair,
Painted and mean, and shuffling in her gait;
Dares not look up with resolution's mien,
But sneaking hides, and hopes not to be seen;
For ever haunted by a doubt
That all the world will find her out.
Again—there's honesty in eyes, -
That shrinking show when tongues tell lies—
With Larder this was verily the case :
Informers were the eyes of Larder's face.
“Well, sir,” said Larder, whispering, hemming,

“This is a damn'd affair, I can't but say—
Sir, please to accept a note of twenty pound, "
Contrive another father may be found;
And, sir, here's not a halfpenny to pay.”
Thus ended the affair, by prudent treaty:
For who, alas ! would wish to make a pother?
Guttle next morning went and talked to Betty,
When Betty swore the bantling to another.

woxnrns of Trife axcizxts. Writing elephants 1–0aolius Rhodiginus says, that elephants have been sometimes known to write. Large tortoises.—Diodorus Siculus tells us, that the tortoises in the Indian sea are so large, that the people sail in their shells on the rivers, as well as in little cock-boats. A bull changing his colour like the chameleon– Macrobius describes a wonderful bull in the city of Hermynta, that the people worshipped,which changed his . every hour in the day. 4 Woman becoming a man.-Pliny says, (see also Cicero de Divinatione,) that Lelia Cossuria, being a woman, was turned into a man upon the day of her marriage. Large ants.-Rhodius says, the ants in India are larger than foxes. Women more nodes? when drowned than re---Pliny tells us, that a dead body in the water, if it be a man, in rising, hath his fare upword towards heaven ; but, if it be a woman, she ariseth with her face downward. Some men walk after their heads are of coAverroes de Med. said, that he saw a poor unforwaarpatient, who, having his head taken off, walked to and fro, for a small while, in sight of all the PeopleIt is also written of Dionysius Aeropagita, thai. assehis head was smitten off, he walked certain PaceSome say it was a league and more from the place of his execution. St. Denys did the same. Peacock's flesh will nerer corrupt.—This is femonstrated by St. Augustine, when treating of this resurrection :

g, *ch word so heavy, like a cart-horse drawing

A talking or-Livy gravely relates, that an ox, in full market, cried out—“ Å. ! take care of thyself.” A talking dog—Pliny, in his 8th book, tells us, that a dog spoke when Tarquin was driven from the throne, A talking rook.-Suetonius says, a rook exclaimed in the capitol, when they were going to assassinate Domitiam, “Estai panta halon.”—Well done. Hewing blocks with a razor.—Livy says, that king Priscus, defying the powers of an augur, desired him to cut a whetstone in two with a razor as a proof of his magic, which he did An old gentleman who drank no liquid–Pliny, in his Natural History, tells of agentleman, whose name was Julius Viator, at Rome, who, having been prescribed not to drink largely, in all his old age forbore to drink at all. A boy losing fifty-seven years of his life in sleep.– Pliny tells of Epimenides the gnostic, who, when a boy, being wearied with heat and travel, laid himself down in a certain cave, and there slept fifty-seven years; then awaking, he marvelled (like Nourjahad) at the great changes he observed in the world. Men with dogs' heads and tails, and fountains of liquid gold—Pliny tells of men in India with dogs' heads; others with only one leg, though perfect Achilles' for swiftness of foot; of a nation of pigmies; of some who lived by the smell; of tribes who had only one eye in their forehead ; and of some whose ears hung down to the ground.—Ctesias, as cited by Photius, talks of fountains of liquid gold, and of men with tails in India—true we ought to remember, that Fernando Alarchon, a Spanish voyager, of undoubted credit, saw men with tails on the coast of California; and that several others imave seen men with dos' heads. Monboddo rejoiced at this testimony, although Alarchon tells us that these tails were discovered to be fictitious; and we are also assured, that the dog-headed men were found to wear vizards. As to the fountains of gold, the Indian legends say so metaphorically, and so they are credited as real. ~f serpent one hundred and twenty feet long.—

lus, in Africa, had to contend with, and at length killed, such a serpent by stoning him; the serpent's hide was sent to Rome. A man born laughing—Pliny says, that Zoroaster laughed the same day, wherein he was born ; and that the brain of this young philosopher so panted and beat, that it would raise up the hands of those who laid them on his head. Triton.—Pausanias relates a story of a monstrously large triton, which often came on shore in the meadows of Boeotia. Over his head was a kind of finny cartilage, which, at a distance, appeared like hair; the body covered with brown scales; and nose and ears like the human ; the mouth of a dreadful width, jagged with teeth, like those of a panther; the eyes of a greenish hue ; the hands divided into fingers, the nails of which were crooked, and of a shelly substance. This monster, whose extremities ended in a tail, like a dolphin, devoured both men and beasts as they chanced in his way. The citizens of Tanagra at last contrived his destruction. They set a large vessel, full of wine, on the sea-shore; Triton got drunk with it, and fell into a profound sleep; in which condition the Tanagrians beheaded him, and afterwards, with great propriety, hung up his body in the temple of Bacchus: where, says Pausanias, it continued a long time.

Five hundred thousand wild beasts killed in the Coliseum.—Historians say, that on the first day of the opening of the Coliseum, at Rome, Titus produced five hundred thousand wild beasts, which were all killed in the arena.


Right welle of lerned clerkis it is said,
That womanhood for man his use is made;
But naughtie man liketh not one or soe,
But wisheth ave unthriftilie for moe.
And when by holy church to one he's ty'd
Then for his soul he cannot her abyde :
Thus when a dogge first lighteth on a bone,
His tayle he waggeth, gladde therefore y growne;
But if thilke bone unto his tayle you tye,
Pardie, he feareth it, awaie doth flie.

Valerius Maximus says, that the artillery of Regu

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The walk of a deceased blind beggar, (in a charitable neighbourhood,) with his dog and staff, were actually advertised for sale in the newspapers of 1804.

“A person, in his twenty-sixth year, tired of the dissipation of the great world, is forming a comfortable establishment in one of the least frequented quarters of the city. His domestics are a coachman, cook, three footmen, and a chambermaid. He is in search of a young girl, of good family, to improve this honourable situation: she must be well educated, accomplished, and of an agreeable figure, and will be entertained in the quality of demoiselle de compagnie (female companion.) She shall receive the utmost attention from the household, and be as well served, in every respect, or better, than if she were its mistress '''-Paris Papers.

“Wanted immediately, fifteen hundred or a thousand pounds, by a person not worth a groat; who, having neither houses, land, annuities, or public funds, can offer no other security than that of simple bond, bearing simple interest, and engaging the repayment of the sum borrowed in five, six, or seven years, as may be agreed on by the parties. Whoever

this may suit, (for it is hoped it will suit somebody.) by directing a line for A. Z. in Rochester, shall be immediately replied to, or waited on, as may-appear necessary.”—Sr. James's Chronicle, 1772. “Lately published, the trial of Mr. Papillon ; by which it is manifest that (the then) lord chief justice Jefferies had neither learning, law, nor good manners, but more impudence than ten carted whores, (as was said of him by king Charles the Second.) in abusing all those worthy citizens who voted for Mr. Papilion and Mr. Dubois, calling them a parcel of factious, pragmatical, sneaking, whoring. eanting, snivehng, prick-eared, crop-eared, atheistical fellows. rascals isoft, as in page 19 of that trial may be seen. Sold by Michael Janeway, and most booksellers.”—St. James's Chronicle, 1768. “Wanted a person to take care of children, whose patience is inexhaustible, whose temper is tireioss, whose vigilance is unwinking, whose power of pleasing is boundless, whose industry is matchless, and whose neatness is unparalleled.”—American Piper.

NATH ANIEL LEE's nil Apsody

When Nathaniel Lee, the celebrated dramatist. was confined in Bedlam, Moorfields, he wrote the following lines on the walls of his cell.

Oh! that my lungs could bleat like butter'd Peas'
That e'en with bleating, they might catch the
And grow as mangy as the Irish seas:
To engender whirlwinds for a scabby witch.
Not, that a dry dead herring dare presume
To swing a tythe pig in a cat skin purse,
Because the great hail-stones which fell at Rorse.
By lessening of their price, might make it wooe.
I grant, that drunken rainbows, lull'd to sloop.
Snort, like to flesh-hooks, in fair ladies' eyes =
Which made him laugh, to see a pudding cre-F.
For creeping puddings only please the or -
The reason's plain ; for Charon's western barse.
Running a tilt with the subjunctive mood.
Beckon'd to Basil Grove; and gave in charge
To fatten padlocks with Antarctic food.

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