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A pair of tongs beat out of joint,

Mr. M. Sterling.--A good fellow is a good deighA back-sword poker without point,

bour, a good citizen, a good relation; in short, a A pot that's crack'd across, around,

good man. With an old knotted garter bound;

Mr. M'Farlane.-A good fellow is a bonnie braw
An iron lock without a key,

John Hielandman.
A wig with hanging quite grown grey,

Mr. O'Connor.-A good fellow is one who talks
A curtain worn to half a stripe,

loud and swears louder; cares little about learniog, A pair of bellows without pipe,

and less about his neckcloth ; loves whiskey, patroA dish which might good meat afford once, nises bargemen, and wears nails in his shoes. An Ovid, and an old Concordance,

Mr. Musgrave.-A good fellow is prime--fashA bottle-bottom, wooden platter,

and bang-up. One is for meal, and one for water;

Mr. Burton. A good fellow is one who knows There likewise is a copper skillet,

“ what's what,” keeps accounts, and studies Coeter. Which runs as fast out as you fill it ;

Mr. Rowley. A good fellow likes turtlé and cold A candlestick, snuff-dish, and save-all, punch, drinks Port when he can't get Champagne, And thus his household goods you have all. and dines on mutton with sir Robert, when be can't These to your lordship as a friend,

get vevison at my lord's.
Till you have built, I freely lend,

Mr. Lozell. Å good fellow is something crm.
They'll serve your lordship for a shift, pounded of the preceding.
Why not—as well as Dr. Swift.

Mr. Oakley. A good fellow is something perfectly
Å GOOD FELLOW.

different from the preceding, -or Mr. Dakley The secretary of a literary society being requested to draw up“ a definition of a good fellow," applied to the members of the club, individually, for " Oh let me die in peace!". Eur.coes cry'd such hints as they could furnish, when he received To a hard creditor at his bed side. the following

“ How! die!” roar'd Gripus, * thus your debes Mr. Golightly,-A good fellow is one who rides evade! blood horses, drives four-in-hand, speaks when he's No, no, sir ; you shan't die till I am paid." spoken to, sings when he's asked, always turns his back on a dun, and never on a friend.

Mr. Le Blanc.-A good fellow is one who studies Jeremy White, one of Oliver Cromwell's domestic deep, reads trigonometry, and burns love songs ; has chaplains, paid bis addresses to lady Frances.d. a niost cordial aversion for dancing and D'Egville, Protector's youngest daughter. Oliver was tall of and would rather encounter a cannon than a fancy it by a spy; who followed the matter so closely. Bai ball.

he pursued Jerry to the lady's chamber, and ran Hon. G. Montgomery --A good fellow is one who mediately to the Protector with this news Ons is abhors moralists and mathematics, and adores the a rage hastened thither himself, and going in basiety classics and Caroline Mowbray.

found Jerry on his knees, kissing the lady's hand. La Sir T, Wentworth.-A good fellow is one who at-la fury he asked what was the meamng of thus pee tends the Fox dinners, and drinks the queen's health, ture before his daugbter. White said, “ May x who goes to the Indies to purchase independence, and please your bighness, I have a long time courud would rather encounter a butfalo than a borough- young gentlewoman there, my lady's woman, sed mouger

cannot prevail ; I was therefore humbly prayag der

an ass.

THE LAST DEBT.

NO SOONER SAID THAX DONE.

WATER DRINKING.

ladyship to intercede for me." The Protector turn-, he was found guilty, and asked what he had to say ing to the young woman cried, “ What's the meaning why sentence should not be passed ? " Me Lor, I vil of this, hussey? Why do you refuse the honour Mr. trouble you atiendez two tree vord vat I sal say. I White would do you ? He is my friend, and I expect French gentleman, I no understand vat you call de you should treat him as such.” Nly lady's woman, who tief dis country. Mais I vil tell you tout d'affair, desired nothing more, with a very low courtesy, replied, and you vil find dat I am innocent. Me Lor, I never “ If Mr. Wbite intends me that honour, I shall not tief a pig my life time." “Why, it was found upon be against him." Say. you so, my lass ?" cried you.” “Oh, certainly, but I was take him vid his own Cromwell, "call Godwyn ; this business shall be consent.” “How do you mean !" "Vy, ven I was see done presently, before I go out of the room." Mr. de mamma pig, and his childrens, I was very much in White had gone too far to retreat ; the parson came, love vid dem ; and dis little pig, I look his face, I and Jerry and my lady's woman were married in the say, you pretty little fellow, will you come live vid presence of the Protector.

me for one monih! He says, a week ! a week! So

I have taken him for a week, dat's all." HOUSE ON FIRE, A man was sitting in his study at work, when one of his neighbours came running to tell him that the A citizen's lady being once asked to drink a glass back part of his house must be on fire, as it smoked of wine, refused, because her physician had put her excessively: “Oh!" answered the man, “ be so good upon a regiment, which was to drink water. Then, as to tell my wife, for I do not concern inyself at all madam, said a gentleman present, I presume you with the house-keeping."

belong to the Cold-stream.

GEORGE III. AND LORD BATEMAN. A man carrying a cradle was stopped by an old In March, 1781, lord Bateman waited upon the woman, and thus accosted: “So, sir, you have got King, and with a very low bow, begged to know some of the fruits of matrimony.” Softly, old at what hour his majesty would please to have the lady," said he, "you mistake, this is merely the fruit stag hounds turned out. I cannot exactly answer basket."

that, replied the King, but I can inform you, that

your lordship was turned out about two hours ago. ON PETER WILSON, WHO WAS DROWNED. The marquis Caermarthen succeeded him, Peter was in the ocean drown'd,

THE PROGRESS OF PUPPYISM.
A carcles, bapless creature !
And when his lifeless trunk was found,

Rough as his native clods, to town
It was become sall-Peter.

Young Bruin came, a country clown;
His hair, that still defy'd the comb,

Stood like the bristles of a broom :
A Prenchman one day seeing a sow and a litter of His coat, of cut, bebind, before,
pigs pass, stood for some time adıniring them, till he The same as that his father wore,
lowed an opportunity of popping one under his coat, Was honest drab of Yorkshire growth
and running off with it. This he attempted, but was With brazen buttons, and so forth;
pursued by a hostler, who overlook and seized him The cuffs, pull'd lower down, betray'd
with the pig in his possession. He was taken to Bow How worldly beauty blooms to fade;
prezt, aud fully committed. When the trial came His buckskin short, and eke too strait,
on, the circumstance of the theft being clearly proved, His toes turn’d in, a slouching gait;

FRUIT BASKET.

FRENCH MAN AND PIGS.

With hobnails fortified his feet,

With golden girdle and cockade, He struck a light along the street.

Tho' hat decay, and binding iade. Now, station'd at a Ludgate door,

And now the finish'd youth aspires The natty prig succeeds the boor;

To breathe a critic's robler fires: Like spigot in a cask of beer,

The playhouse his nocturnal hobby, The dawnings of a tail appear;

A balf-price lounger in the lobby; His locks with many a fiery twirl,

He damns, by proxy, o'er his chop, Assume a kind of stubborn curl :

At Jupp's or Lierryfield's old shup; He cleans his teeth, collects a grin,

A piece at which lie ne'er appear'd, While frequent soap manures his chin;

Or hawks the song he never heard: To angle ninety strains his feet;

And still to swindling knaves submits, And geometric trips the street,

Presuming on the fate of wits ; Lest stockings white receive a smear,

Till all his pence reduc'd 10 pills, And none but worsted else to wear :

His thread-bare dress to docions' bills; Now, soon as shut his evening shop,

A dupe to those, and these unpaid, He figures at a half-crown hop;

The prodigal returns to trade, The ladies leering—well they maya

Abjures the vanities of life,
To see him wriggle it away;

And makes some ruin'd giri his wife.
For sure their little hearts must warm
At so much youth, with such a form,

JOHN KEMBLE'S ONLY PC

PCX. “What sinewy legs and thighs !-O lack! When it was understood that Sir James Lowther, And wbat a lovely breadth of back!" afterwards Lord Lonsdale, was to be clevated to the Now vegetates a nobler tail,

peerage, as a reward for offering to furnish goveste Of substance like his father's fail,

ment with a seventy-four gun ship, completely While fakes of powder down his waist, equipped, at his own expense; a lady said to le. Bespeak the man cf growing taste.

Kemble, " Dear me, sir, what a whimsical thing lis irock balloon or emperor's eye,

this seems altogether ; I wonder what tive ther caa With narrow skirts, and collar high.

give for supplying a ship; what can they call him, A button like a full-fac'd moon,

Mr. Kemble!" " Why, madam," replied Mr.

Lembie,
Succeeds the coat of Yorkshire brown; " I should think he will be called Lordskap."
And now he struts among the belles,
At Dog and Duck, or Bagnige Wells:

ADVICE TO WOMAX.
In boots, perhaps to hide the dirt,
And jastity a coarser shirt;

The bus'ness of woman, dear Chloe, is pleater, Or, as more Cynic bards suppose,

And by love every fair one her minutes should be With stockings torn, and want of shoes. But no such reasons I adduce,

“Oh! for love we're all ready," you cry, "very use; Tl' equestrian is a dress of use;

Nor would I rob the gentle fond god of his dec. Where folk may see, or think they see,

Unless in the sentiments Cupid has pas, Me and my horse, my borse and ine!

And dips in the amorous transport bis dart; His het, abridg'd from cock'd to round,

'Tis tumult, disorder, 'tis loathing, 'tis Rate; With velvet band, and velvet-bound,

Caprice gives it birth, and contempt is its faie. Shall live, that fashion on the wane, True passion insensibly leads to the joy, To be, perhaps, a square again,

And grateful esteem, bids its pleasures be'a doy:

sure.

(

AN INSCRIPTION ON INSCRIPTIONS.

strike up

?"

Yet here you should stop but your whimsical sex, attentively. Soon after he felt him cut off the diaSuch romantic ideas to passion annex,

mond buckle of his hat: he said not a word, but That poor men, by your visions and jealousy worried; pretending to want something, he turned towards the To nymphs less ecstatic, but kinder are hurried. sharper, and begged him to hold bis cards. The In your heart, I consent, let your wishes be bred ; count procured the sharpest knise he could get, which Only take care your heart don't get into your head." he hid under his cloak, and entered the room. The

HORACE WALPOLE. sharper, impatient to escape, rose to return the cards, THE COMPLIMENT RETURNED.

but the count begged him to continue. In a few miAn officer who was quartered in a country town, his ears, and cut it off'; when holding it out to him,

nutes after he came softly behind him, seized one of being once asked to a ball, was observed to sit sullen he said, “ Here, sir, restore my buckle, and I will in a corner for some hours. One of the ladies pre- restore your ear.” sent being desirous of rousing him from his reverie, accosted bim with, Pray, sir, are you not fond of dancing ?"--" I am very fond of dancing, madam," was the reply. " Then why not ask some of the

The following lines were written on seeing a farladies that are disengaged to be your partner, and rago of rhymes that had been scribbled with a dia

Why, madam, to be frank with you, mond on the window of an inn. I do not see one handsome woman in the room.".

Ye who on windows thus prolong your shame3, " Sir, yours, et cetera," said the lady, and with a

And to such arrant nonsense sign your names, slight courtesy left him, and joined her companions,

The diamond quit, with me the pencil take, who asked her what had been her conversation with

So shall your shame but short duration mike: the captain. " It was too good to be repeated in

For lo, the housemaid comes, in dreadful pet, prose," said she; “ lend me a pencil, and I will try

With red right-hand, and with a dishclout wet; to give you the outline in rhyme.”

Dashes out all, nor leaves a wreck to tell So sir, you rashly vow and swear,

Who 'twas that wrote so ill- and lov'd so well. You'll dance with none that are not fair, Suppose we women should dispense

RIGNT OF PRECEDENCE, Our hands to none but men of sense ?"

A high-vayman and a chimney-sweeper were going * Suppuse ? well, madam, pray what then?"

to be hanged both together at Tyburn, the first for an " Why, sir, you'd never dance ogain."

exploit on the highway, the latter for a more ignoble A COPPER CONSCIENCE.

robbery. The highwayman was dressed in scarlet, Mr. Curran, on examining a witness of the name and mounted the cart with alacrity; the chimneyof Halfpenny, began with " Halfpenny, I see you're sweeper followed him slowly. While the clergymán a rap, and for that reason you shall be nailed to was praying with fervour, the gay robber was attenthe counter." Halfpenny is sterling, exclaimed

tive; and the other approached near to his fellowthe opposite counsel. No, no," said he, he's sufferer to partake of the same benefit, but met with eractly like his own conscience, only copper

a repulsive look from his companion, which kept him washed to

at some distance. But, forgetting this angry warn

ing, he presumed still to come nearer; when the EXCHANGE NO ROBLERY.

highwayman, with some disdain, said, “ Keep farOne day as the Count de Soissons was at play, hether off, can't you ?” “Sir," replied the sweep, “I perceived in a mirror that hung before him, a man won't keep off ; I have as much® right to be here as behind his chair, whom he resolved to observe you."

CELEBRATED CHARACTERS.

HEAR BOTH SIDES, OR CANDID SKETCHES OF vention there as in a mirror. Nos, whoever COD

siders that the mirrors of the ancients were made of

brass and fine mercurio, may presently apply the two Writers.

principal qualifications of a true modem entie, and Homet, a great poet and a blind beggar.

consequently always conclude that these have been Deinosthenes, a man of amazing eloquence and and must be for ever the same. For brass is an cowardice.

emblem of duration; and when it is skilfully burSappho, an elegant poetess and harlot.

nished, will cast reflections from its own superficies, Æsop, a philosopher and lump of deformity.

without any assistance of a mercury from beliai. Herodotus, a beautiful historian and great liar.

The true critics may be known by their talent of Aristotle, the prodigy of philosophy, who wrote

swarming about the noblest writers, to which they are without understanding himseli.

carried merely by instinct, as a rat to the best chees, Virgil, a beautiful poet and abominable flatterer. Horace, an excellent lyric and satiric poet, who in- true critic to be, in the perusal of a book, like a los

or a wasp to the fairest flower. Lastly, I detine i dulged in all the vices he satirized.

at a feast, whose thoughts and stomach are wbuily Cicero, a philosopher and turncoat.

set upon what guests fing away, and consequently Generals.

is api to snarl most when there are the fewest bones. Alexander, a great conqueror and drunkard. Julius Casar, a hero and bald-pated whore

STROUD, ROCHESTER, AND CHATHAM. monger.

By a Tourist, in 1790.
Duke of Vendome, a hero and a sluggard.
Marlborough, a great general, fop, and miser.

The people of Stroud

Talk long, and talk loud,
English Writers.

And herd in a crowd,
Shakspeare, first of poets and a deer-stealer.

Traducing their innocent neighbours; Otway, a man of genius and egregious fool.

While Envy by fits Johnson, a philosopher and a brute.

'Midst the congress sits, Porsor, a wonderful scholar and blackguard.

Gives a whet to their wits,

And smiles on their scandalous'labours.
SWIFT'S DESCRIPTION OF A CRITIC.

This place, like an eel,
A true critic is a sort of a mechanic set up with a

Where the publicans steal, stock and tools for his trade, at as little expense as a

Is dirty, base, long, foul, and slippery,

And the belles flirt about, tailor; and inded there is much analogy between the utensils and abilities of both : thus the tailor's hell is

With their persons deck d out, the type of a critic's common place book, and his wit

In run muslin and second-hand frippery. and learning held forth by the goose: and it requires Rochester's a town at least as many of the one to the making up of one

Of specious renowa, scholar, as of the other to the composition of a man:

Full of linkers and tailors, also the valour of both is equal, and their weapons

And sloprpen and sailors, near of a size. Some account says, that the writings And magistrates who ofteu blander'd ; of critics are the mirrors of learning ; by which we

Coquettes without beauty, are to understand literally, that a writer should in

Old maids past their duty, spect into the books of the critics, and correct his in And Venus' gay nymplas by the hundred

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