of ambuscade: his soul to that of divines; his body to that of physicians; and his wealth to that of lawyers." RICHELIEU'S AMBITION. When Peter the Great saw the tomb of cardinal Richelieu in Sarbonne, he exclaimed, Illustrious statesman! if alive I would give you one half of my empire, if you would teach me to rule the other." A Frenchman who was present observed, "Your majesty would do wrong, for if the cardinal had the one half, you would not be able to keep the other long." LIMITS OF PAPAL JURISDICTION. Cardinal Cervini complained to Leo the Tenth that Michael Angelo had painted him in hell in his picture of the Last Judgment. "If the painter," said the pope, "had placed your eminence in purgatory I could have drawn you thence, but as he has placed you in the infernal regions, my power does not extend so far." CRITERION OF AGE. son of the king of Spain, who dying, she was then Margaret of Austria was affianced to the eldest betrothed by proxy to his second son, and being in a vessel bound to Spain, to consummate the marriage ceremony, a storm arose and the vessel was on the point of sinking, when this princess, who was gifted with a most magnanimous spirit, very far from being struck with fear at the imminent danger she was in, wrote the following couplet: Ci-git la gentille demoiselle Qu'a deux maris et encore est pucelle. ACTING BY NOTE. Mr. Bransley (a comedian, some years since, on Count Grammont who lived to a very advanced Drury-lane boards) could never vary in the least age, always scrupulously avoided making it known. from the text of the author; and, if any other person One day while at dinner with Louis XIV. and on the stage with him fell into that error, Bransley the bishop of Soulis, who was also very aged, the generally produced some whimsical effect, by adhering monarch inquired of the divine whether he knew the too closely to the original words. He was playing age of the count Grammont. "I am eighty-four, one night, and this question being put to himsire," replied the bishop," and when the count and 6" Are you this young lady's father?" myself studied together at college, he was precisely had to say-" I am." CHARACTERS OF A DRINKING CLUB.-BY A MEMBER. You must know then that our club consists of at least forty members when complete. Of these, many are now in the country; and besides, we have some vacancies which cannot be filled up till next winter. Palsies and apoplexies have of late, I don't know why, been pretty rife among us, and carried off a good many. It is not above a week ago, that poor Tom Toastwell fell on a sudden under the table, as we thought only a little in drink, but he was carried home and never spoke more. Those whom you will probably meet with to-day are, first of all, Lord Feeble, a nobleman of admirable sense, a true fine gentleman, and, for a man of quality, a pretty classic. He has lived rather fast formerly, and impaired his constitution by sitting up late and drinking your thin sharp wines. He is still what you call nervous, which makes him a little low-spirited and reserved at first; but he grows very affable and cheerful as soon as he has warmed his stomach with about a bottle of good claret. Sir Tunbelly Guzzle is a very worthy north-country baronet, of a good estate, and one who was beforehand in the world, till being twice chosen knight of the shire, and having in consequence got a pretty employment at court, he ran out considerably. He has left off house-keeping, and is now upon a retrieving scheme. He is the heartiest, honestest fellow living; and though he is a man of few words, I can assure you he does not want sense. He had a university education, and has a good notion of the classics. The poor man is confined half the year at least with the gout, and has besides an inveterate scurvy, which I cannot account for: no man can live more regularly; he eats nothing but plain meat, and very little of that: he drinks no thin wines, and never sits up late: for he has his full dose by eleven. Colonel Culverin is a brave old experienced officer though but a lieutenant-colonel of foot. Between you and me he has had a great injustice done him, and is now commanded by many who were not born when he came first into the army. He has served in Ireland, Minorca, and Gibraltar; and would have been in all the late battles in Flanders, had the regiment been ordered there. It is a pleasure to hear him talk of war. He is the best-natured man alive, but a little too jealous of his honour, and too apt to be in a passion; but that is soon over, and then he is sorry for it. I fear he is dropsical, which I impute to his drinking your Champaigus and Burgundies, He got that ill habit abroad. Sir George Pliant is well born, has a genteel fortune, keeps the very best company, and is to be sure one of the best-bred men alive: he is so good-natured, that he seems to have no will of his own. He wil drink as little or as much as you please, and no matter of what. He has been a mighty man with the ladies formerly, and loves the crack of the whip still. He is our newsmonger, for being a gentleman of the privy chamber, he goes to court every day, and consequently knows pretty well what is going forward there. Poor gentleman! I fear we shall not keep him long; for he seems far gone in a consumption, though the doctors say it is only a nervous atrophy. Will Sitfast is the best-natured fellow living, and an excellent companion, though he seldom speaks; but he is no flincher, and sits every man's hand out at the club. He is a very good scholar, and can write very pretty Latin verses. I doubt he is in a declining way; for a paralytic stroke has lately twitched up one side of his mouth so, that he is now obliged to take his wine diagonally. However he keeps up hus spirits bravely, and never shams his glass. Dr. Carbuncle is an honest, jolly, merry, parson, well affected to the government, and much of a gentleman. He is the life of our club, instead of beag the least restraint upon it. He is an admirable scholar, and I really believe has all Horace by heart, I know he has him always in his pocket. His red fact, inflamed nose, and swelled legs, make him generally thought a hard drinker by those who do not in him; but I must do him the justice to say, that I never saw him disguised with liquor in my life. It is true, he is a very large man, and can hold a great deal, which makes the colonel call him pleasantly enough, a vessel of election. AN AUTHOR'S INTRODUCTION TO THE CLUB. supposed they were intended as ballast. But even this precaution did not protect the nose of doctor Carbuncle from a severe shock, in his attempt to hit his mouth. The colonel, who observed this accident, cried out pleasantly, "Why, doctor, I find you are but a bad engineer. While you aim at your mouth, you will never hit it, take my word for it. A floating My friend presented me to the company, in what battery to hit the mark, must be pointed something he thought the most obliging manuer; but which, I above or below it. If you would hit your mouth, confess, put me a little out of countenance. "Give direct your four-pounder at your forehead or your ne leave, gentlemen," said he, " to present to you chin." The doctor good-humouredly thanked the my old friend, the ingenious author of the World." colonel for the hint, and promised him to communicate The word author instantly excited the attention of the it to his friends at Oxford, where, he owned, that he whole company, and drew all their eyes upon me: had seen many a good glass of Port spilt for want of for people who are not apt to write themselves, have it. Sir Tunbelly almost smiled, Sir George laughed, a strange curiosity to see a live author. The gentle- and the whole company, somehow or other, applauded men received me in common, with those gestures that this elegant piece of raillery. But alas, things soon intimate welcome; and I, on my part, respectfully took a less pleasant turn; for an enormous buttock of muttered some of those nothings which stand instead boiled salt beef, which had succeeded the soup, proved of the something one should say, and perhaps do full not to be sufficiently corned for Sir Tunbelly, who as well. had bespoke it; and at the same time Lord Feeble The weather being hot, the gentlemen were re-took a dislike to the claret, which he affirmed not to freshing themselves before dinner, with what they be the same which they drank the day before; it had called a cool tankard, in which they successively no silkiness, went rough off the tongue, and his lorddrank to me. When it came to my turn, I thought I ship shrewdly suspected that it was mixed with could not decently decline drinking the gentlemen's Benecarlo, or some of those black wines. This was healths, which I did aggregately: but how was I a common cause, and excited universal attention, surprised, when upon the first taste I discovered that The whole company tasted it seriously, and every this cooling and refreshing draught was composed of one found a different fault with it. The master of the strongest mountain wine, lowered indeed with the house was immediately sent for up, examined, a very little lemon and water, but then heightened and treated as a criminal. Sir Tunbelly reproached again, by a quantity of those comfortable aromatics, him with the freshness of the beef, while at the same nutmeg and ginger! Dinner, which had been called time all the others fell upon him for the badness of for more than once with some impatience, was at his wine, telling him that it was not fit usage for fast brought up, upon the colonel's threatening per- such good customers as they were, and in fine dition to the master and all the waiters of the house, threatening him with the migration of the club to if it was delayed two minutes longer.-We sat down some other house. The criminal laid the blame of without ceremony, and we were no sooner sat down, the beef's not being corned enough upon his cook, than every body, except myself, drank every body's whom he promised to turn away; and attested heahealth, which made a tumultuous kind of noise. I ven and earth that the wine was the very same which observed with surprise, that the common quantity of they had all approved of the day before; and as he wing was put into glasses of an immense size and had a soul to be saved, was true Chateau Margoux. weight; but my surprise ceased when I saw the "Chateau devil!" said the colonel with warmth: tremulous hands that took them, and for which I" it is your d-d rough Chaos wine." Will Sitfast, Bristol and the bottle act. "It was a shame," he said, "that gentlemen could have no good Burgundies and Champaigns for the sake of some increase of the revenue, the manufacture of glass bottles, and such sort of stuff." Sir George confirmed the same, adding, that it was scandalous; and the whole company agreed, that the new parliament would certainly repeal so absurd an act the very first session; but if they did not, they hoped they would receive instructions for that purpose from their constituents." To be sure," said the colonel." What a dd rout they made about the repeal of the Jew-bill, for which nobody cared one farthing.-But by the way," continued he," I think, every body has done eating, and therefore had we not better have the dinner taken away, and the wine set upon the table !'-To this the company gave an unanimous Ay. While thus was doing, I asked my friend, with seeming seriousness, whether no part of the dinner was to be served up again, when the wine should be set upon the table! He seemed surprised at my question, and asked me if i was hungry? To which I answered, no; but asked him in my turn if he was dry? To which he also answered, no. "Then pray," replied I," why not as well eat without being hungry, as drink with out being dry?"-My friend was so stunned with this, that he attempted no reply, but stared at me with as much astonishment as he would have done at my great ancestor Adam in his primitive state of who thought himself obliged to articulate upon this occasion, said he was not sure it was a mixed wine, but that indeed it drank down. "If that is all," interrupted the doctor," let us e'en drink it up then. Or, if that won't do, since we cannot have the true Falernum, let us take up for once with the vile Sabinum. What say you, gentlemen, to good honest Port, which I am convinced is a much wholesomer stomach wine?" My friend, who in his heart loves Port better than any other wine in the world, willingly seconded the doctor's motion, and spoke very favourably of your Portugal wines in general, if neat. Upon this some was immediately brought up, which I observed my friend and the doctor stuck to the whole evening. I could not help asking the doctor if he really preferred Port to lighter wines? To which he answered, "You know, Mr. Fitz-Adam, that use is second nature, and Port is in a manner mother's milk to me; for it is what my Alma Mater suckles all her numerous progeny with." I silently assented to the doctor's account, which I was convinced was a true one, and then attended to the judicious animadversions of the other gentlemen upon the claret, which were still continued, though at the same time they continued to drink it. I hinted my surprise at this to Sir Tunbelly, who gravely answered me, and in a moving way, "Why, what can we do?" "Not drink it," replied I," since it is not good." "But what will you have us do? and how shall we pass the evening?" rejoined the baronet. "One nature. cannot go home at five o'clock." That depends The cloth was now taken away, and the bottles, a great deal upon use," said I. "It may be so, glasses, and dish-clouts, put upon the table, when to a certain degree," said the doctor. But give Will Sitfast, who I found was a perpetual toastme leave to ask you, Mr. Fitz-Adam, you who drink master, took the chair of course, as the man of applinothing but water, and live much at home, how do cation to business. He began the king's health in a you keep up your spirits?" "Why, doctor,” said I, bumper, which circulated in the same manner, not 44 as I never lowered my spirits by strong liquors, I without some nice examinations of the chairman, as do not want to raise them." Here we were inter- to day-light. The bottle standing by me, I was rupted by the colonel's raising his voice and in-called upon by the chairman, who added, that dignation against the Burgundy and Champaign, swearing that the former was ropy, and the latter upon the fret, and not without some suspicion of cider and sugar-candy; notwithstanding which, he drank, in a bumper of it, Confusion to the town of though a water-drinker, he hoped I would not refuse that health in wine? I begged to be excused, and told him that I never drank his majesty's health at all, though no one of his subjects wished it more heartily than I did. That hitherto it had not ap peared to me that there could be the least relation between the wine I drank, and the king's state of bealth; and that till I was convinced that impairing my own health would improve his majesty's, I was resolved to preserve the use of my faculties and my limbs to employ both in his service, if he should ever have occasion for them. I had foreseen the consequences of this refusal; and though my friend had answered for my principles, I easily discovered an air of suspicion in the countenances of the company; and I overheard the colonel whisper to Lord Feeble, "This author is a very odd dog." AN AUTHOR'S NEW SUIT. An author, who was on very good terms with himself, but extremely poor and shabby, being in company, where he heard a gentleman repeat a passage from some of his writings, exclaimed: "There, you see, he quotes me!"-"Yes," said Charles Bannister," and if he was to waist-coat you too, you would not be the worse for it." A DRAMATIC MURDER. An Irish gentleman, named Mahon, an amateur of the drama, once took it into his head to play the part of Major O'Flaherty, in the comedy of The West Indian. He acted like any thing; and, at the conclusion of the play, was convinced he could never hope to make any other than a pitiful figure upon the stage. The same night, he supped at a tavern with a party of friends; where they stayed late, and got very drunk. In their way home, one of the company gave Mahon into custody of the patrole, on a charge of murder! protesting he had seen him commit the horrid act.-Mahon was confined for the night, and taxen before a justice next morning.-The magistrate then demanded of the gentleman, who had given the charge, on whom Mr. Mahon had committed the dreadful deed, of which he stood accused-whom had he murdered?" A very worthy gentleman, named Major O'Flaherty," replied the other; " and be treated him with less mercy than you would a bitch's blind puppies, sixteen to the litter!" MR. FOX AND JACK ROBINSON. The late Mr. Fox, in the course of a speech in the House of Commons, when he was enlarging on the influence exercised by government over the members, observed, that it was generally understood that there was a person employed by the minister as manager of the House of Commons; here there was a general cry of "Name him! name him!"-"No," said Mr. Fox, "I don't choose to name him, though I might do it as easily as say Jack Robinson." John Robinson was really his name. CURRENCY. A drunken fellow carried his wife's bible to pawn for a quartern of gin to the alchouse, but the landlord refused to take it. "What the devil!" said the fellow," will neither my word nor the word of God pass current with you?" SIR GEORGE ROOK. Sir George Rook, before he was made admiral, served as a captain of marines upon their first establishment; and being quartered on the coast of Essex, where the ague made havoc among his men, the minister of the village where he lay was so harassed with the duty, that he refused to bury any more of them without being paid his accustomed fees. The captain made no words, but the next that died he ordered to be carried to the minister's house, and laid upon the table of his great hall; this greatly embarrussed the poor clergyinan, who in the fulness of his heart sent the captain word, "That if he would cause the dead man to be taken away, he would never more dispute it with him, but would readily bury him and his whole company for nothing." |