AMENDE HONOURABLE.

there was no father entry in the journal) Tuesday, Many years since, the bench of Middlesex justices threatening to confine me all day, lay till after nine waked at seven; but the weather being rainy, and refused a licence to a publican who put up Mr.Ten, breakfasted and read the news-papers-very Wilkes for his sign: he told them, so far from being dull and drowsy-Eleven, day clears up, and I resolve a friend to Wilkes, that he had hung him up in effigy ; but if he had given offence, he was ready to pull on a short ride to clear my head. down Wilkes, and hang up the whole bench of Middlesex justices instead.

JOURNAL OF AN INDOLENT MAN.

Thursday, eleven at night, went to bed: ordered my servant to wake me at six, resolving to be busy all next day.

Friday morning: Waked a quarter before six ; fell asleep again, and did not wake till eight.

Till nine, read the first act of Voltaire's Mahomet, as it was too late to begin serious business.

UNCERTAIN RELATIONSHIP.

An Irishman being asked by a friend, "Has your sister got a son or a daughter?" answered, "Faith, I do not yet know whether I am an uncle or an aunt."

DAGGER MARR AND GARRICK.

A performer, named Marr, was called by Mr. Garrick, Dagger-Marr, from the cruel use he made of such characters as were allotted him. An actor having made his first appearance, with many evident marks of disapprobation from the audience, Dezzer, win had not performed that night, took Mr. Garrick zue, and said to him "I say, little one, this was not far; if there was to be a murder committed to-night, I had as much right to have a hand in it, as any bały else."

SOLDIER'S EPISTLE.

An epistle from one Sergeant Hall of the Foot Guards. It is directed, "To Sergeant Cale, in the Coldstream Regiment of Foot-Guards, at the Redlattice in the Butcher-row, near Temple Bar.

Ten: Having swallowed a short breakfast, went out for a moment in my slippers-The wind having left the east, am engaged by the beauty of the day, to continue my walk-Find a situation by the river, where the sound of my flute produced a very singular and beautiful echo-make a stanza and a half by way of address to it-visit the shepherd lying ill of a low fever-find him somewhat better (Mem, to send him some wine)-meet the parson, and cannot avoid asking him to dinner-returning home, find my reapers at work-superintend them in the absence of John, whom I send to inform the house of the parson's visit -read, in the mean time, part of Thomson's Seasons, which I had with me-From one to six, plagued with the parson's news and stories-take up Mahomet to "I received yours, and am glad yourself and your put me in good humour-finish it, the time allotted wife are in good health, with all the rest of my te for serious study being elapsed—at eight, applied to Our battalion suffered more than I could wish in the for advice by a poor countryman, who had been op-action. But who can withstand fate? Poor Richar pressed-cannot say as to the law give him some money-walk out at sun-set, to consider the causes of the pleasure arising from it-at nine, sup, and sit till eleven hearing my nephew read, and conversing with my mother, who was remarkably well and cheerfulgo to bed.

Saturday: Some company arrived-to be filled up to-morrow (for that and the two succeeding days,

From the Cump before Mons, Sept. 26. "COMRADE,

Stevenson had his fate with a great many more: He was killed dead before we entered the trenches. We had above two hundred of our battalions killed and wounded: We lost ten sergeants, six are as foll wrth, Jennings, Castles, Roach, Sherring, Meyrick, aning son Smith. The rest are not your acquaintance. I have received a very bad shot in my head myœ't but am in hopes, and, please God, I shall recover. I

"Corporal Hartwell desires to be remembered to to him and his issue-male; and in default of such you, and desires you to inquire of Edgar, what is be-issue in the said Doctor Elscrickius, then to return to come of his wife Peg; and when you write, to send my executor and his heirs for ever. word in your letter what trade she drives.

and sole executor of this my last will and testament, he paying, or causing to be paid, the aforesaid legacies within the space of six months after my decease. And I do hereby revoke all other wills whatsoever by me formerly made.

CALAMITIES OF AN AUTHOR.

drew his white pocket handkerchief from his pockets
(as he thought,) which he flourished with great effect
for some seconds,till, swearing for the truth of the love
he professed, his eyes caught the coloured silk ker-
chief in his hand, and he finished the passage thus:
"Lady, by yonder blessed moon, I swear!

STAGE COACH FARCE.

A young author, a man of good-nature and learn- That this is too bad, by G--Play Romeo with ing, once complained of the misplaced generosity an angel, and take out a snuffy pocket-handkerchief! of the times. Here, said he, have I spent part of-Oh! fy! for shame, go to school and learn promy youth in attempting to instruct and amuse my priety." fellow-creatures, and all my reward has been solitude, poverty, and reproach; while a fellow, possessed even of the smallest share of fiddling merit, or who has, perhaps, learned to whistle double, is rewarded, applauded, and caressed! Prithee young man, said a friend to him, are you ignorant, that, in so large a city as this is, it is better to be an amusing than an useful member of society? Can you leap up, and touch your feet four times before you come to the ground? No, Sir. Can you pimp for a man of quality No, Sir. Can you stand upon two horses at full speed? No, Sir. Can you swallow a pen-knife? I can do none of these tricks. Why, then, cried I, there is no other prudent means of subsistence left, but to apprize the town, that you speedily intend to eat up your own nose by subscription.

Mr. Watson (proprietor of the Cheltenham theatre) was once acting in a farce called The Stage Coach, and the whole of the entertainment was so bad that Towards the conclusion, an Irish gentleman in the the audience loudly testified their disapprobation. pit, who had not been much pleased with his journey, inquired of Mr. Watson, then on the boards, whether continued he, "if it is so, I shall beg leave to be an the Stage Coach was likely to have a run? “Because,” outside passenger !"

SAGACIOUS DOG.

Mr. Sheridan was once on a visit to the duke

of Bedford, at Woburn, when preparations were making to take the field against the partridges on the frİ of September. A learned barrister of the party was endeavouring to improve his skill by firing at a ward, which he could never hit, and, in excuse for his bad aim, complained of his dog, which was not well trained, and who, at every moment he was about to fire his piece, always jumped up against the ma, although," said he, "I thought he was as sagataves an animal as ever lived." Sagacions indeed,” said Mr. Sheridan," and he has proved it, for I can't conceive he could be any where so safe from your sho as by flying at the mark you aim at."

66

GHOSTS, OR THE QUESTION SOLVED.

That ghosts now and then on this globe would appez.
Dick denied with his tongue, but confess'd by his boar ;
And passing a church-yard one evening in fright,
He met, and thus queried, a guardian of night:

"Did you e'er see a ghost in your watchings, I pray? You're here at all hours-and the thing's in your way."

"Not I," said the watchman-" and good reason
why,

Men never come back when you get them to die:
If to heaven they go, they are not so to blame,

To return to this world of vexation to fret 'em.
And if to that place its uncivil to name,

I fancy, your honour, the devil won't let 'em." THE TRADE AND MYSTERY OF KINGLY GOVERNMENT

IN ENGLAND.

Scotch Jemmy, the presumptive bastard of an Italian fiddler, was born in Scotland. Turning out a bonny lad, and of quick parts, he was put out apprentice, in that kingdom, to the business of King-craft, (on which he afterwards wrote a treatise, and called it by that name;) to this he served part of his time there, and the remainder in England as a turnover: he dying

say he did not wait for an invitation, yet as he had given some good-will, he took the stock at a fair appraisement, and set up on the old premises, where he and his wife got a comfortable livelihood: they dying

Anne, his wife's sister, came in by her own right and carried on business with great reputation, while she employed honest and experienced journeymen; but, turning these away, her credit sunk extremely towards the latter end of her time, through the blunaud some others. She dying without issue, in that ders and mismanagement of one Harley, her foreman, William the Dutchman, was left to the present case the business, which was much extended by family, the first of whom was

George, and whom we shall call the first; who was succeeded by his son

George the Second; who, with his father, were very good sort of men, though both were much blamed for neglecting their business, by gadding to a dirty farm called Hanover; his namesake and grand

son

Charles his son succeeded him; but, ambitiously grasping at too much business, proved unfortunate, and left the shop to his son: he made large additions being over-ruled and miguided by a favourite servant, George the Third began with a fair prospect; but, to his father's work, by interweaving it with priest-lost great part of the business.

craft.

A PRUDENT WIFE.

The late Mrs. Williams (an actress, and wife to a

66 a

Charles the Second was for some time kept out of possession by one Oliver Cromwell, who took the shop over his father's head; and who, although not performer) being at Birmingham, one summer, with regularly bred, proved a most subtile, industrious, her husband, they advertised, for their benefit, and able workman. Cromwell dying, this Charles favourite song, with accompaniments on the French came and opened shop; but carried on business very horns, by Mr. Williams.-On the night no horns indifferently, owing, as it is said to bad company claring she was ruined: the musicians had disapand Mrs. Williams ran about the theatre, debeing much addicted to lewd women, revelling with buffoons, jesters, and stage-players: he dyingpointed her, and he could not sing his song without horns.-"Never mind," said a musician present, "that cannot be any drawback-you have taken care that he shall never be without horns!"

Jemmy the Second, his brother, an apprentice, came on trial; but breaking his oath with his masters, he forfeited his indenture, ran away, and was transported for life; and though his son and his grandson have endeavoured to follow the business abroad, they have turned out but mere Pretenders. He was succeeded by one

William, a Dutchman, who married before he embarked from Holland; and though some authors

came,

GEORGE COLMAN.

Mr. Colman the younger inquired, one very sultry evening, if the performers' orders went; and, being answered in the negative, he exclaimed: "Why, it is so hot that Aesh and blood can't bear it; and, surely, the bones ought to go!"