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| Here many a single gentlewoman came,
The ELDER BROTHER.
Pro tempore—full tender of her fame! -
He lodged in Covent Garden all the while :
He soon was with them—'twas no mighty distance—
Now, Isaac Shove, Living above This Dr. Crow, And knowing barber Twizzle liv'd below, Thought it might be as well— Hearing so many knocks, single and double— To buy, at his own cost, a street door bell, And save confusion in the house, and trouble ! Whereby his (Isaac's) visitors might know, Without long waiting in the dirt and drizzle, To ring for him at once, and not to knock for Crow, or Twizzle. Besides, he now began to feel, The want of it was rather ungenteel;
At mine "—“Yes, yours:—I hope I've done it well High time for bed, Sir —I was hast'ning to it; t; if you write up— Please to ring the bell,' Common politeness makes me stop and do it.” Isaac, now waxing wroth apace, Slamm'd the street door in Toby's face, With all his might : And Toby as he shut it, swore He was a dirty son of-something more Than delicacy suffers me to write— 1 listing up the knocker, gave a knock, o long and loud, it might have rais'd the dead; role dechares his house sustain’d a shock, nough to shake his lodgers out of bed. Y. his rage thus vented in the rap, it serpentining home to take his nap. 'Tis now high time to let you know, That the obstetric Dr. Crow A woke in the beginning of this matter, By Toby's tintinnabulary clatter— knowing that the bell belong'd to Shove, sten’d in his bed, but did not move: He only did apostrophize— Sending to Hell, Shove and his bell, *at wou'dn’t let him close his eyes.
hen he heard a thund'ring knock, says he— * certainly a messenger for me! obody ill in the brick house, no doubt" untier'd, hurrying on his dressing gown— l, my ladies, out of town, * more convehient times for crying out !” in the dark, now reach'd the staircase head, in the dark, was coming up to bed. combination of ideas flocking Upon the pericranium of Crow— kasion'd by the hasty knocking, 8acceeded by a foot he heard below— as many folks are apt to do, argue in the dark, and in confusion; —from the hypothesis be drew
“Why then my maiden aunt is big with child.”
My heart is like an Irish stew,
sing in G AND JUMPING.
Handel was once the proprietor of the Operahouse, London, and at the time presided at the harpouchord in the orchestra. His embellishments were so masterly that the attention of the audience was requently diverted from the singing to the accom: paniment, to the frequent mortification of the vocal professors. A pompous Italian singer was once so hagrilled at the marked attention paid to the harphord, in preference to his own singing, that he wore, that if ever Handel played him a similar trick, le would jump down upon his instrument, and put a wop to the interruption. . Upon which Handel thus occosted him :—“Oh! oh! you vill jump, vill you ? ery well. Sare ; be so kind, and tell me de night ven ou will jump, and I will advertishe it in de bills; and
shall get grate dale more money by your jumping Lau I shall get by your singing.”
In the early port of Mr. Muilman's life, he beone enamoured with Constantia Philips; and, find, he could not procure her as a mistress, resolved venture upon her as a wife. They married, but re not happy. “Mr. Muilman,” said Constantia, e they had been married about three months— Mr. Muilman, I believe you are heartily tired of , and I am as heartily tired of you; so, if you will he five hundred a-year upon me, I will put you in sy of dissolving our marriage.” He eagerly emof the proposal, and gave her his bond for persong the contract; on which she produced a isote of her previous marriage to a pastry-cook, olived in Maiden Lane, Covent Garden. This at being ascertained, Mr. Muilman refused to pay
annuity; and she found there was a flaw in the
ring up, which put it out of her power to compel
him. She therefore told him, unless he entered into a new and legal engagement, she would take a step which would still render her marriage with him perfectly valid. He laughed at her; but she performed her promise, by bringing a certificate, and producing a register, by which it appeared that the Maiden Lane pastry-cook, previous to his marriage with her, was married to another woman, who was then alive. This disconcerted the merchant; who, however, got rid of her importunities, by giving her a considerable sum, on condition of her going to Jamaica, where she settled as keeper of a coffee-house, and died soon after.
NEW USE of THE coni MAND MENTS.
A gentlemen was one day telling a lady of thieves having broken into a church, and stolen the communion-plate and the ten commandments—“I can suppose,” added the informant, “ that they may melt and sell the plate, but can you divine for what possible purpose they could take the commandments?” —“To break them, to be sure,” replied she, “to break them.”
Tile BEst of A BAD JOB. Two friends, who had not seen each other a long while, met one morning quite by chance. “How do you do?” said one. “Why, not very well,” replied: the other; “I have been married since I saw you."— “Well done, that is good news, however.”—“Not so very good, for my wife was a most woful scold.” —“That was bad.”—“Not so bad neither, she brought me two thousand pounds.”—“That was consolation though.”—“Not entirely, for I speculated in sheep, which all died of the rot.”—“That was very unfortunate?”—“Not so very unfortunate, for I made as much by their skins as I should have done by their flesh.”—“Then you were as lucky as if it had not hap|..." Not quite; for my house was one night urnt, and every note of the money consumed.”“What a most woful misfortune!"—“ *. woful as you may imagine, for my wife anoy Ouse were burnt together.”