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It ought to be our constant care

For there is one dominion nominal of the husband, Whilst we are suffer'd to remain on earth, and another dominion real of the wife ; and yet there To tread in virtue's paths, and thus prepare

are not two dominions, but one dominion. Our souls to meet a future birth.

For, like as we are compelled by the Christian It is with sorrow I'm oblig'd to say

verity to acknowledge, that wives must submit themYour conduct'the reverse of this does prove : selves to their husbands, and be subject to them in I'mn told that you disdain fair virtue's sway, all things; so are we forbidden by the conjugal faith That through the various scenes of vice you rove ; to say, that they should be at all influenced by their That 'stead of minding Homer you are sporting, wills, or pay any regard to their commands. Without a sigb, your honour'd father's fortune. The man was not created for the woman, but the Desist, rash youth, no more his bosom sting, woman for the man; yet the man shall be the slave

Or, if you'd wish your father's life to save, of the woman, and the woman the tyrant of the man ;
Reform your conduct, or you'll surely bring so that in all things, as is aforesaid, the subjection of

His old grey hairs with sorrow to the grave." the superior to the inferior is to be believed.
The youth, here smiling, rose, and rising cried He, therefore, that will be married, must thus
Excuse may interrupting your discourse,

think of the woman and the man. To me a very painful source,

Furthermore, it is necessary to submissive matriThough certainly too well applied :

mony, that he also believe rightly the infallibility of But, Sir, I beg permission to remark,

the wife : That I am not afraid of what you mention,

For the right faith is, that we believe and confess, Although," observes our hopeful spark,

that the wife is fallible and infallible : " I thank you for your good intention :

Perfectly fallible, and perfectly infallible; of an You say, if I continue thus to sting

erring soul, and an unerring mind, subsisting ; falliMy father's bosom, I shall surely bring

ble as touching her human nature, and infallible as His grey hairs to the grave, with sorrow big touching her female sex. On that score, reverend Sir, withhold your fears Who, although she be fallible, and infallible, yet Lord, Sir, my father, for these thirty years,

she is not two, but one woman : who submitted to Has worn a wig!"

lawful marriage, to acquire unlawful dominion ; and

promised religiously to obey, that she might rule in MATRIMONIAL CP.EED.

injustice and folly. Whoever will be , married, before all things it is

This is the conjugal faith ; which, except a man Becessary, that he hold the conjugal faith in this believe faithfully, he cannot enter the state of matriThat there were two rational beings created, both mony. equal, and yet one superior to the other, and the interior shall bear rule over the superior ; which faith,

THE MONK AND THE JEW; OR, CATHOLIC CONVERT. Except every one do keep whole and undefiled, with. To make new converts truly bless'd, out doubt he shall be scolded everlastingly,

A Recipe-Probatum est.
The man is superior to the woman, and the woman Stern winter, clad in frost and snow,
is interior to the man ; yet both are cqual, and the Had now forbade the streams to flow;
woman shall govern the man.

Avd skaiting peasants swiftly glide,
The woman is commanded to obey the man, and Like swallows, o'er the slipp'ry tide;
the man ought to obey the woman; and yet there When Mordecai, upon whose face
De not two obedients, but one obedient.

| The synagogue you plain might trace,

ON THE LETTER H.

the barrel ; sit down, there is a match ; and as you chickens will be turned into ducks before my enep is were the challenger, give fire. The Frenchman was ready to receive them.” thunderstruck at this terrible mode of fighting : but

THE OXONIAN.--A CRAZY TALE. as the Dutch admiral told him he would fight no A young Oxonian, not o'erstock'd with knowledge, other way, terins of accommodation ensued,

Like many others, who are sent to college,
Who, taken from their country schools

And dread inspiring birch, 'Twas in Heaven pronounced, it was mutter'd in

Are put apprentices to Mrs. Church,
Hell,

And learn-lo make themselves consunimate is.
And echo caught faintly the sound as it fell :
On the confines of earth 'twas permitted to rest,

But to my tale ;-ibis son of sable hues

Would oft, his leisure hours to amuse, And the depths of the ocean its presence confest. "Twill be found in the sphere, when 'tis riven asun- (The luscious produce of the purple vine)

When unobserv'd, take copious draughts of six, der :

And get his cranium in a pretty funk, 'Tis seen in the lightning, and heard in the thunder.

Or get (in plainer English) screeching drunk. 'Twas allotted tú man, with his earliest breath,

Moreover lie was fond of cards and dice, It assists at his birth, it attends him in death.

(In latter days too prevalent a vice :) Presides o’er his happiness, honour, and health,

Could swear, and run in debt, and wben, forseth, Is the prop of his house, and the end of his wealth.

Some luckless tradesman would request this perillon It begins every hope, every wish it must bound;

“ To have the condescension to discharge And tho' unaspiring, with monarchs is crown'd:

His bill, which now was growing rather large-" In the heaps of the miser 'tis hoarded with care,

He'd kick his breech, or pluck the caitist's hairs, But is sure to be lost in his prodigal heir,

And knock him down a dozen pair of stairs Without it the soldier, the seaman, may roam, - This to be sure now, was not very civil, But woe to the wretch, who expels it from home. In the whispers of conscience its voice will be found. These pretty tricks, the reader may rely,

But shows that cassocks sometimes clothe the derdh Nor e'en in the whirlwind of passion be drowned. "Twill not soften the heart, but tho' deaf to the ear

Could not be long conceal'd

From dame Inspection's penetrating eye, 'Twill make it acutely and constantly hear.

But to the President were soon reveal'd. But in shade let it rest, like a delicate flower ;

In vain did he his hapless fate bewail ; Oh! breathe on it softly—it dies in an hour.

In vain for pardon did the youth implore BYRON.

(Which oft had been obtain'd by bribes before

Then dropt a piteonis tear,
When Rowland Hill was erecting his chapel in Nor prayers por tears will now avail-
Blackfriars Road, many of his congregation resorted

He's summon'd to appear. to a Baptist's meeting-house in that neighbourhood : High on his chair the reverend father sat, this the divine did not like ; and one day when a In all the dignity of pride and fat; number of his flock, who were passing to the house of High on his head his wig portentous frowed, abbution, stopped to look at the bricklayers employed The youth with dread beheld his awful state in the building, some of the workmen, by asking them Decider of his good or evil fate for money to drink, drove them away; but as they Whilst thus his words throughout the hall to were going, Rowland cried to the carpenters, " Come “Young manlads, get on, get on ; if you trifle in this way, all my As life is but a span,

DUCKS AND CHICKENS.

It ought to be our constant care

For there is one dominion nominal of the husband, Whilst we are suffer'd to remain on earth, and another dominion real of the wife ; and yet there To tread in virtue's paths, and thus prepare are not two dominions, but one dominion. Our souls to meet a future birth.

For, like as we are compelled by the Christian It is with sorrow I'm oblig'd to say

verity to acknowledge, that wives must submit them. Your conduct the reverse of this does prove : selves to their husbands, and be subject to them in I'ma cold that you disdain fair virtue's sway, all things ; so are we forbidden by the conjugal faith

That through the various scenes of vice you rove; to say, that they should be at all influenced by their
That 'stead of minding Homer you are sporting, wills, or pay any regard to their commands.
Without a sigh, your honour'd father's fortune. The man was not created for the woman, but the
Desist, rash youth, no more his bosom sting, woman for the man; yet the man shall be the slave

Or, if you'd wish your father's life to save, of the woman, and the woman the tyrant of the man; Reform your conduct, or you'll surely bring so that in all things, as is aforesaid, the subjection of

His old grey hairs with sorrow to the grave." the superior to the inferior is to be believed. The youth, here smiling, rose, and rising cried He, therefore, that will be married, must thus "Excuse may interrupting your discourse,

think of the woman and the man, To me a very painful source,

Furthermore, it is necessary to submissive matriThough certainly too well applied :

mony, that he also believe rightly the infallibility of But, Sir, I beg permission to remark,

the wife : That I am not afraid of what you mention,

For the right faith is, that we believe and confess, Although," observes our hopeful spark,

that the wife is fallible and infallible : * I thank you for your good intention :

Perfectly fallible, and perfectly infallible; of an You say, if I continue thus to sting

erring soul, and an unerring mind, subsisting ; falliMy father's bosom, I shall surely bring

ble as touching her human nature, and infallible as His grey hairs to the grave, with sorrow big- touching her female sex. In that score, reverend Sir, withhold your fears- Who, although she be fallible, and infallible, yet Lord, Sir, my father, for these thirty years, she is not two, but one woman : who submitted to Has worn a wig!"

lawful marriage, to acquire unlawful dominion ; and

promised religiously to obey, that she might rule in MATRIMONIAL CP.EED.

injustice and folly.

This is the conjugal faith ; which, except a man Whoever will be married, before all things it is Berocary, that he hold the conjugal faith in this believe faithfully, he cannot enter the state of matriPaint there were two rational beings created, both mony. peal, and yet one superior to the other, and the Serior shall bear rule over the superior ; which faith, THE MONK AND TUE JEW ; On, CATHOLIC CONVERT. verpt every one do keep whole and undefiled, with. To make new converts truly bless’d, * doubt he shall be scolded everlastingly. A Recipe-Probatum est.

The man is superior to the woman, and the woman Stern winter, clad in frost and snow, interior to the man; yet both are equal, and the Had now forbade the streams to flow; kuan sball govern the man.

And skaiting peasants swiftly glide, The woman is commanded to obey the man, and Like swallows, o'er the slipp’ry tide;

an ought to obey the woman; and yet there When Mordecai, upon whose face not two obedients, but one obedient.

| The synagogue you plain night trace,

SIGNS AND TOKENS,

* too

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Fortune, with smiles deceitful, bore
To a curs'd hole, but late skinn'd o'er;
Down plumps the Jew; but, in a trice,

If you see a man and woman, with little or no Rising he caught the friendly ice.

occasion, often finding fault, and correcting each other He graspd; he yell’d, a hideous cry :

in company, you may be sure they are husband and No friendly help, alas! was nigh;

wife. If you see a lady and gentleman in the same Save a poor monk-who quickly ran,

coach in profound silence, the one looking out of one To snatch from death the drowning man.

window, and the other at the opposite side, be asBut when the holy father saw

sured they mean no harm to each other, but are.

husband and wife. If you see a lady accidentaliy A limb of the Mosaic law, His outstretch'd hand he quick withdrew

let fall a glove or a handkerchief, and a gentleman

that is next to her tell her of it, that she may hersell For Heaven's sake, help ?” exclaims the Jew. “ Turn Christian first !" the father cries.

pick it up, set them down for husband and wife.“ I'm froze to death,” the Jew replies.

If you see a man and woman walk in the fields at Froze !" quoth the monk ; soon you'll twenty yards distance, in a direct line, and the man

striding over a stile and still going on, sans céremoknow, There's fire enough for Jews below.

nie, you may swear they are husband and wife. If Renounce your unbelieving crew,

you see a lady whose beauty attracts the notice of And help is near."-" I do, I do!”

every person present, except one man, and he speaks Damn all your brethren, great and small."

to her in a rough manner, and does not appear at all

affected by her charms, depend upon it they are base With all my heart-0, damu 'em all!

band and wife.
Now help me out.”—“There's one thing more :
Salute this cross, and Christ adore."

There, there! I Christ adore !"-" 'Tis well; Good people all, with one accord,
Thus arm’d, defiance bid to Hell,

Lament for Madain Blaize ;
And yet another thing remains,

Who never wanted a good word To guard against eternal pains :

From those who spoke her praise. Do you our Papal Father hold

The needy seldom pass'l her dour, Heav'n's vicar, and believe all told

And always found her kind; By holy church?”—“I do, by G-d!

She freely lent to all the poor One moment more, I'm food for cod !

Who left a pledge behind. Drag, drag me out; I freeze, I die!"

She strove the neighbourhood to please, Your peace, my friend, is made on high.

With manners wond'rous winning; Full absolution here I give;

And never follow'd wicked ways, Saint Peter will your soul receive.

Unless when she was sinning, Wash'd clean from sin, and duly shrivin,

At church in silks and satins new, New converts always go to heav'n,

With hoops of monstrous size; No hour, for death, so fit as this:

She never slumler'd in her pew, Thus, thus, I launch you into bliss.”

But when she shut her eyes. So said—the father, in a trice,

Her love was sought, I do aver,
His convert launch'd beneath the ice.

By twenty beaux and more;
The king himseli has followed her

When she has walk'd before.

AN ELEGY OY MRS. MARY BLAIZE.

6

66

CONTRADICTIOY.

NAUTICAL SERMON.

PREACHER.

But now her wealth and finery filed, ller bangers-on cut short all ;

A young clergyman having buried three wiv. Her doctors found, when she was dead,

lady asked him how he happened to be so lu Her last disorder mortal.

"Nadam,” replied he, “I knew they could not Let us lament, in sorrow scre,

without contradiction, so I let them all have For Kent-street well may say,

own way.” That had she liv'd a twelvemonth more,

GOLDSMITH.
She had not died to-day.

ON FINDING A PAIR OF SHOES ON A LADY'S BI

Well may suspicion shake his head!
STELLA AND HER DOCTOR.

Well may Clorinda's spouse be jealous !

When the dear wanton takes to bed Swift's Stella being extremely ill, her physician said," Madam, you are certainly near the bottom of

Her very shoes, because they're fellows ! the hill, but we shall endeavour to get you up again." She replied, “ Doctor, I am afraid I shall be out of When Whitfield preached before the seame breaid before I get to the top again.”

New York, he had the following bold apostroph

his sermon :-"Well, my boys, we have a clear IMIROMPTU ON A BANKRUPT, LATELY TURNED and are making fine headway over a smooth sea

fore a light breeze, and we shall soon lose sight of) No more by creditors perplex'd.

But what means this sudden lowering of the heat Or ruin' tradesmen's angry din ;

and that dark cloud arising from beneath the wes He boldly preaches from the text,

horizon? Hark! Don't you hear distant thun A stranger, and I took him in,"

Don't you see those fashes of lightning ? There storm gathering ! Every man to his duty! Ilow

waves rise, and dash against the ship! The a the inend that was bolling forth speak with great What next?” The unsuspecting tars, suddenly a An bonest tar, being at a quaker's meeting, heard dark! The air is dark !. The tempese rages !

masts are gone! The ship is on her beam cc vebemeace against the ill consequence of giving the lie in conversation ; and therefore advised that, when and exclaimed, 7'ake to the long boat. aby man told a tale not consistent with truth or probability, the hea.er should only cry“ Twang!" Tabby, methinks thou much resemblest me, which could not irritate people to passion like the lie. In musing posture, as beside the fire Afterwards he digressed into the story of the miracle Thou sitt'st. And now pray let me question the of five thousand being fed with five loaves of bread, What surrows or what whims thy breast inspir &c. be then told them that they were not such loaves last thou a kitten, querulous for food ; as those used now-a-days, but were as big as moun- Or dwells thy thought upon soine absent rover tains; at which the tar uttered with a loud voice- Who spends the night, (O base ingratitude !) ** Twang."-"What,” says the quaker, " dost thou Regardless of thy charms, with some new love think I lie, friend.”—“ No," says Jack," but I am Or does the nibbling of that hungry mouse, thinking how big the ovens were that baked thein.” Behind the wainscot, draw thy deep attention

And art thou planning, guardian of the house!

Sage methods for the prowler's apprehension? I never dine at home, said Ilarry Skinner ;

Whate'er thy grievances, they're but ideal, True! when you dide not out, you get no dinner, Whilst mine, alas ! are palpable and real,

TIE MIRACLF.

TIIT POOR POET TO ITIS CAT.

SPONGING.

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