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h behalf of the Nose it will quickly appear, And your lordship, he said, will undoubtedly find,
That the Nose has had spectacles always in wear, Which amounts to possession time out of mind.
Then holding the Spectacles up to the court— .
Again, would your lordship a moment suppose,
That the visage or countenance had not a Nose,
On the whole it appears—and my argument shows, With a reasoning the court will never condemn,
That the Spectacles plainly were made for the Nose, And the Nose was as plainly intended for them.
Then, thisting his side, (as a lawyer knows how,)
But what were his arguments few people know,
So his lordship decreed, with a grave solemn tone, Decisive and clerr, without one if or but, That, whenevcr the Nose put his Spectacles on, By day-light or candle-light—Eyes should be shut! -- cow PER. T is e Old So L.D. fr. ft., I was born in Shropshire, my father was a labourer, and died when I was five years old; so I ** pot upon the parish. As he had been a wandering sort of a man, the parishioners were not able to to to what parish I belonged, or where I was born, * they went lue to another parish, and that parish out me to a third. I thought in my heart, they rept sending me about so long, that they would not * me be born in any parish at all ; but, at last, how**t, they fixed me. I had some disposition to be **chular, and was resolved, at least, to know Iny *tors, bat the master of the workhouse put me to *uess as soon as I was able to handle a mallet; *** here I lived an easy kind of life for five years.
I only wrought ten hours in the day, and had my meat and drink provided for my labour. It is true, I was not suffered to stir out of the house, for fear. as they said, I should run away; but what of that 2 I had the liberty of the whole house, and the yard before the door, and that was enough for me. I was then bound out to a farmer, where I was up both early and late ; but I ate and drank well, and liked my business well enough, till he died, when I was obliged to provide for myself; so I was resolved to go and seek my fortune. In this manner I went from town to town, worked when I could get employment, and starved when I could get none ; when happening one day to go through a field belonging to a justice of peace, I spied a hare crossing the path just before me; and 1 believe the devil put it in my head to fling my stick at it:-Well, what will you have on’t : I killed the hare, and was bringing it away in triumph, when the justice himself met me; he called me a poacher and a villain, and collaring me, desired I would give an account of myself. I fell upon Iny knees, begged his worship's pardon, and began to give a full account of all that I knew of my breed, seed, and generation; but, though I gave a very guod account, the justice would not believe a syllable I had to say ; so I was indicted at sessions, found guilty of being poor, and sent up to London to Newgate, in order to be transported as a vagabond. People may o this and that of being in jail; but, for my part, I found Newgate as agreeable a place as ever I was in all my life. I had my bell full to eat and drink, and did not work at all. This kind of life was too good to last for ever; so I was taken out of prison, after five months, put on board a ship, and sent off, with two hundred more, to the plantations. We had but an indifferent passage, for, being all confined in the hold, more than a hundred of our people died for want of sweet air; and those that remained were sickly enough, God knows. When we came ashore we were sold to the planters, and I was bound for seven years more. As I was no scholar, for I did not * my letters,
I was obliged to work, among the negroes; and I served out my time, as in duty bound to do. When my time was expired, I worked my passage home, and glad I was to see Old England again, because I loved my country. I was afraid, however, that I should be indicted for a vagabond once more, so did not much care to go down into the country, but kept about town, and did little jobs when I could get them. I was very happy in this manner for some time, till one evening, coming home from work, two men knocked me down, and then desired nue to stand. They belonged to a press-gang; I was carried before the justice, and, as I could give no account of myself, I had my choice left, whether to go on board a man of war, or list for a soldier. I chose the latter; and in this post of a gentleman, I served two campaigns in Flanders, was at the battles of Wal and Fontenoy, and received but one wound, through the breast here; but the doctor of our regiment soon made me well again. When the peace came on I was discharged; and, as I could not work, because my wound was sometimes troublesome, I listed for a landsman in the East India company's service. I here fought the French in six pitched battles; and I verily believe, that, if I could read or write, our captain would have made me a corporal. But it was not my gcod fortune to have any promotion, for I soon fell sick, and so got leave to return home again with forty pounds in my pocket. This was at the beginning of the present war, and I hoped to be set on shore, and to have the pleasure of spending my money; but the government wanted men, and so I was pressed for a sailor before ever I could set foot on shore. The boatswain found me, as he said, an obstinate fellow; he swore he knew that I understood my business well, but that I shammed Abraham, merely to be idle; but God knows, I knew nothing of seabusiness, and he beat me, without considering what he was about. I had still, however, my forty pounds, and that was some comfort to me under every beating; and the money I might have had to this day
but that our ship was taken by the French, and so I. lost all. Our crew was carried into Brest, and many of them died, because they were not used to live in a jail; but, for my part, it was nothing to me, for I was seasoned. One night, as I was sleeping on the bcd of boards, with a warm, blanket about me, for I always loved to lie well, I was awakened by the boatswain, who had a dark lanthorn in his hand; ‘Jack,' says he to me, “will you knock out the French sentry's brains ' ' I don't care,’ says I, striving to keep myself awake, ‘if I lend a hand. “Then follow me,’ says he," and I hope we shall go business.’ So up I got and ticd my blanket, watra was all the clothes l ha', about my middle, and went with him to fight the Frenchmen. I hate to French, because they are slaves, and wear wooto: shoes. Though we had no arms, one Fngsishman is able to beat five French at any time; so we went down to the door, where both the sentries were peted, and rushing upon them, seized their arms in a noment, and knocked them down. From thence, noof us ran together to the quay, and, seizing the first boat we met, got out of the harbour and put to *-*. We had not been here three days before - e -tre taken up by the Dorset privateer, who were gist of so many good hands; and we consented to run our chance. However, we had not so unuch lock as ** expected. In three days we fell in with the Pen-yodour privateer, of forty guns, while we had to twenty-three; so to it we went, yard-arm and yoarm. The fight lasted for three hours, and I otrilo believe we should have taken the Frenchman. *** we but had some nore men left behind : bost- tofortunately, we lost all our men just as were going get the victory. I was once more in the power of the French, are: I believe it would have gone hard with me, to 1 been brought back to Brest; but by good fortuor. we were retaken by the Viper. I had almost icos = to tell you, that, in that engagement, I was wounded in two places; 1 lost four singers of the left Haro,
ld my leg was shot off. If I had had the good rtune to have lost my leg and use of my hand on ard a king's ship, and not aboard a privateer, should have becn entitled to clothing and mainlance during the rest of my life; but that was not chance; one man is born with a silver spoon in mouth, and another with a wooden ladle. Howor, blessed be God, I enjoy good health, and will ever love liberty and Old England. Liberty, perty, and Old England, for ever, huzza! Goldsmith. si N. Gu L.A. R. Disti Nction
the early part of the reign of George II., the an of a lady of quality, under the infatuation of an, disposed of the savings of the last twenty of his life in two lottery tickets, which proving o, after a scow days he put an end to his life. box was found the following plan of the man•lich he would spend the 5000l. prize, which orss reserved as a curiosity:--"As soon as I oired the money, I will narry Grace Towers; ove has bc.cn cross and coy, l will nse her as *. Every moruing she shall get me a mug of *r. with a toast, nutmeg, and sugar in it; iiii sleep till ten, after wilich I will have a posset. My dinner shall be on table by f : without a good pudding. I will have it wide and brandy laid in. About five in the * I will have tarts and jellies, and a gallon Weach, at ten a hot supper of two dishes. If *ood humour, and Grace behaves herself, !. down with me.--To bed about twclve.” o
Qurd Ptan quo. name, “Friend, thou art a scandal to thy cloth.”
me”-raising his arm, and shewing a two in his coat.
TIN kert ANd Gi. Azien Two thirsty souls met on a sultry day, One Glazier Dick, the other Tom the Tinker Both with light purses, but with spirits gay, And hard it were to name the sturdiest drinker. Their ale they quaff'd ; ' And as they swigg'd the nappy Tho' both agreed, 'tis said, That trade was wond’rous dead, They jok'd, sung, laugh'd, And were completely happy.
Harristcr once got the nickname of Necesair Necessity has no law.
And drank—" Success to trade 1"
The Rev. Mr. Foote, brother to the actor of that
being -once in a coffee-house, swearin and drinking pretty freely, a Quaker near him said, “No,
c ETTING INTO DEBT.
There are three ways of getting into debt; first, by pushing a face ; as thus : “You, Mr. Lutestring, reud me home six yards of that paduasoy, dammee; but, hearkye, don't think I ever intend to pay you for it, dammee.” At this, the mercer laughs hearlily; cuts off the paduasoy, and sends it home; not is he till too late, surprised to find the gentleman had said nothing but truth, and kept his word.
The second method of running into debt is called fineering; which is getting goods made up in such a fashion as to be unfit for every other purchaser, and if the tradesman refuses to give them upon credit, then threaten to leave them upon his hands.
But the third and best method is called, “Being the good customer.” The gentleman first buys some trifle, and pays for it in ready money : he comes a few days after with nothing but bank bills, and buys, we will suppose, a sixpenny tweezer case; the bills are too great to be changed, so he promises to return punctually the day after, and pays for what he has bought. In this promise he is punctual, and this is repeated for eight or ten times, till his face is well known, and he has got, at last, the ellaracter of a good customer. By this means he gets credit for something considerable, and then never pays for it.
t; A R Rick’s Ava Rice.
Foote often rallied Garrick on his avarice. Gartick called upon him one day, and was surprised to *e a bust of himself placed upon the bureau. “Is this intended as a compliment to me?” said Garrick. "Certainly,” replicq Foote. “And can you trust me so near your cash and your bank-notes ?” “Yes, mory well,” said Foote, “for you are without hands.”
cleft ic Ai, PR effort M. Ext.
Among the daily inquiries after the health of an *ged bishop of D****m, during his indisposition, no our was more sedulously punctual than the bishop as E****r, and the invalid seemed to think, that other motives than those of anxious kindness might outribute to this solicitude. One morning he or***ed the messenger to be shown into his room, and ** addressed him: “Be so good as present my
compliments to my Lord Bishop, and tell him that I
2d Bail. Sir, by your leave, it Is all a lie.
Mingay. Sir, have a care
2d Bail. A scavenger.