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Why! I've been writing like a Turk,
venison will fatten; and yet faith I despise the great So, pray ye, set your types to work,
as much as you do; but there are a great many Here's copy in my sack!-
damned honest fellows among ibem; and we must Nay, nay,--paws oil, good Master Gruff!
not quarrel with one half, because the other want I tud Blue Devils quite enougly,
breeding. If they were all such as my lord Nudler, And may be spared the Black !”
one of the most good-natured creatures that ever Chorus.
squeezed a lemon, I shoald myself be among the « Hurra!--Hurra!
number of their admirers. I was yesterday to disc The Nuruber is sure to be out to its day.
at the duchess of Piccadilly's. My lord was there. Mir. Peregrine Cais come out of the west, Ned,' says be to me, Ned,' says be. “ I'u buld Through all the wide country lis pens are the best ; gold to siiver I can tell where you were poaching fasi And be's brought a fresh stock of bis putting and night.' • Poaching, my lord,' says I ; • faith you have puns,
missed already; for I staid at home, and let the To be laugh’d at by all but the Vandals and Huns ; girls poach for me. That's my ways I take a fire Let us laugh and hurra! put our heart in our voice woman as some animals do their prey' stand stil, With our Long Primer, Small Pica, Mignon, Bour- and swoop they fall into my mouth.' geois !
“ Ab, Tibbs, thou art a happy fellow," cried by Hurra!-Hurra!
companion with looks of infinite pity, "I hope your The Number is sure to be out to its day!”
fortune is as much improved as your understanding
in such company.” “ İmproved ?" replied the other Our pursuer now came up, and joined us with all “ you shall know,-but let it go no further,- a great thie familiarity of an old acquaintance. “My dear secret-five hundred a year to begin with. My Charles, cries he, shaking my friend's hand, "where lord's word of honour for it.-His lordship took a have you been hiding this half a century ? Positively down in his own chariot yesterday, and we had a I had fancied you were gone down to cultivate ma tête-à-tête dinner in the country; where we sailed triniony, and your estate in the country.” During of nothing else.” “I fancy you forgot, sir," and the reply, I had an opportunity of surveying the ap. 1, " you told us but this moment of your dining as pearance of vur new companion. His hat was pinched terday in tona!" "Did I say so ?" replied be cools. up with peculiar smartness; his looks were pale, “ To be sure if I said so it was so.- Dined in town? thin, and sharp; round bis neck he wore a broad égad, now I do remember I did dine in lowd: but I black ribbon, and in bis bosom a buckle studded dined in the country too : for you must know, sy with glass; his conut was trimmed with tarnished twist; boys, I eat two dinners. By ibe bye, I am gora he wore by his side a sword with a black hilt; and as nice as the devil in my eating. 'l'll ie Tue a his stockings of silk, though newly washed, were pleasant affair about that: we were a select party of grown yellow by long service. I was so much en us to dine at lady Grograni's, an affected piece, bet gaged with the peculiarity of his dress, that I attend let it go no farther; a secret. Well, says I 12 ed only to the latter part of my friend's reply ; in hold a thousand guineas, and say done first, Ebat which he complimented Mr. Tibbs on the taste of his But, dear Charles, you are an bonest creature, del clothes, and the bloom in iis countenance. “ Psbaw, me half-a-cro.n for a minute ur ind, or so, si pshaw, Charles," cried the figure, “no more of that if till - But hark'ee, ask nie for it the next time you love me; you know I hate fattery ; on my soul meet, or it may be twenty to one but I forget to I do; and yet to be sure an intimacy with the great pay you." will improve one's appearance, and a course of diy little beau yesterday overtook De vain k
one of the public walks, and slapping me on the minuet, and plays on the guitar, immensely already. shoulder, saluted me with an air of the most perfect I intend she shall be as perfect as possible in familiarity. His dress was the saine as usual, except every accomplishment, In the first place, I'll that he had more powder in his hair ; wore a dirtier make her a scholar; I'll teach her Greek myself, shirt, and had on a pair of temple spectacles, and his and I intend to learn that language purposely to ix hat under his arm.
struct her, but let that be a secret. The oddities that marked bis character, however, Thus saying, without waiting for a reply, he took soon began to appear; he bowed to several well me by the arm and hauled me along. We passed dressed persons, who, by their manner of returning through many dark alleys and winding ways; for, the compriment, appeared perfect strangers. At in- from some motives to nie unknown, he seemed to terrals lie drew out a pocket-book, seeming to take have a particular aversion to every frequented street; fueryorandums before all the company with much at last, however, we got to the door of a dismal lookimportance and assiduity. In this manner he led me ing house in the outlets of the town, where be inthrough the length of the whole mall, fretting at his formed me he chose to reside for the benefit of the air. absurdities, and fancying myself laughed at, as well We entered the lower door, which seemed ever 10 as lie, by every spectator.
lie most hospitably open; and I began to asceud an When we were got to the end of our procession, old and creaking staircase ; when, as he mounted to "Blast me," cries he, with an air of vivacity, “I slew me the way, he demanded, whether I delighted fuser saw the Park so thin in my life before; there's | in prospects ; to which answering in the affirmative, no company at all to-day. Not a single face to be " Then,” says he, “I shall shew you one of the most seen." ' " No company !" interrupted i peevishly ; charming out of my windows; we shall see the shits "no company where there is such a crowd! Why, sailing, and the whole country for twenty miles round, man, there is too much. What are the thousands tip top, quite high. My lord Swamp would give that have been laughing at us, but company!" ten thousand guineas for such a one; but, as I "Lord, ioy dear,” returned he, with the utmost good sometimes pleasantly tell him, I always love to keep kunout,
you secm immensely chagrined; but, my prospects at home, that my friends may come to blant te, when the world laughs at me, I laugh at see me the oftener." the norld, and so we are even. My loru Trip, Bill By this time we were arrived as high as the stairs Squash, the Creolian, and I sometimes make a would permit us to ascend, till we came to what he puty at being ridiculous; and so, we say and do a was facetiously plcased to call the first floor down thousand things for the joke's sake. But I see you the chimney; and knocking at the door, a voice,
grave; and if you are for a fine grave senti with a Scotch accent, from within, demanded “ Wha's Rental companion, you shall dine with my wife to-there?” My conductor answered, that it was be. day; I must insist on't ; I'll introduce you to Mrs. But this not satisfying the querist, the voice again reLitubos, a lady of as elegant qualifications as any in peated the demand ; to which he answered londer rature ; she was bred, but that's between ourselves, than before, and now the door was opened by an under the inspection of the countess of Shoreditch, old maid-servant with cautious reluctance. A charming body of voice! But no more of that, When we were got in, he welcomed me to his house skie shall give us a song. You shall see my little with great ceremony, and turning to the old woman, prl too, Carolina Wilhelmina Amelia Tibbs, a sweet asked her where her lady was.
• Good troth,'' reBirty creature, I design her for my lord Drumstick's pried she, in the northern dialect," she's washing your best son, but that's in friendship, let it go no far twa sbirts at the next door, because they have taken an kas; she's but six years old, and yet she walks a loath against lending out the tub any longer."..."
two shirts !” cries he, in a tone that faltered with given orders for dinner ; you need make no great confusion, “what does the idiot mean?" " I ken preparations neither, there are but three of us, sont what I mean well enough,” replied the other; thing elegant and little will do; a turbot, ab orto .“ she's washing your twa shirts at the next doot, be- lan, or a—" "Or what do you think, my dest, cause"--"Fire and fury, no more of thy stupid ex " of a nice pretty bit of or.cheek, piping hot, and planations,” cried he.--" Go and inform her we dressed with a little of my own sauce? have got company. Were that Scotch bag,” con very thing," replies be; " it will eat best with soras tinued be, turning to me, “ to be for ever in my fa smart bottled beer; but be sure to let's hare the mily, she would never learn politeness, not forget that sauce bis grace was su fond of. I hate your inabsurd poisonous accent of her's, or testify the mense loads of meat, that is couutry all over; es. smallest specimen of breeding or ligh-life ; and yet tremely disgusting to those who are in the less it is very surprising too, as I had her from a parlia- acquainted with high-life.". ment man, a friend of mine, from the Highlands, By this time my curiosity began to abate, as one of the politest nen in the world; but that's a my appetite to increase ; the company of fools raa! secret."
at first make us smile, bat at last never fails of rebe We waited some time for Mrs. Tibbs' arrival, dering us melancholy. I therefore pretended to during which interval I had a full opportunity of recollect a prior engagement, and, after having shea surveying the chamber and all its furniture ; which my respect to the house, by giving the old servant consisted of four chairs with old wrought bottoms, piece of money at the door, I took my leave; L. that he assured me were his wife's enubroidery ; a Tibbs assuring me that dianer, if I staid, would be square table that had been once japanned, a cradle ready at least in less than two hours. in one corner, a lumbering cabinet in the other; a broken shepherdess, and a mandarin without a
ON TWO BAD WRITERS COMPLIVEXTING LICE head, were stuck over the chimney; and round the walls several paltry, unframed pictures, which he observed were all of his own drawing: "What
Carthy, you say writes well-suppose it true do you think, Sir, of that lead in the corner, done You pawn your word for him-who'll rouch for you. in the manner of Griosni ? There's the true keeping So, two poor knaves, who find their credit fan, in it; it is my own face; and, though there is To cheat the world, become each other's bait. no likeness, a countess offered me a hundred for its
LOVE AMONG THE LAW BOOKS. fellow : I refused her, for, hang it, that would be Mrs. Culpepper's “ uncle the Sergean," he mechanical, know."
fallen in love! He felt a slight vertigo in Tovouck The wife, at last, made her appearance; at once a square, of which he took little notice, and set of slattern and a coquet; much emaciated, but still the home circuit, but imprudently renturing w carrying the remains of beauty. She made twenty with the widow Jackson in a bop-field, at Maiden apologies for being seen in such an odious deshabille, before he was well cured, the complaini strid but hoped to be excused, as she had staid out all ward, and a mollities cordis was the consequent night at Vauxhall Gardens with the countess, who Mr. Sergeant Netbersolc had arrived at the age i was excessively fond of the horos. " And, indeed, fifty-nine, heart-whole ; his testamentary assets were my dear,” added she, turning to her husband,“ his therefore looked upon by Mrs. Culpepper sa te lordship drank your bealth in a bumper." " Poor, unalienable property of ber and hers. Speculate Jack,” cries he, "a dear good-natured creature, were often launched by Mr. and Mss. Culepper I know he loves me; but I hope my dear, you bave 'to the quantum. It could not be less than its
thousand pounds ; Bonus the broker had hinted as that feed upon the lean pastures of Guildford-street, reach to the old slopseller in the bow-window of Queen-square, and Alfred-place, Tottenham-courtBatson's, while they were eyeing " the learned in road, was instantly in motion. Here was a jewel of dhe laro " in the act of crossing Cornbill to receive the first water and inaguitude, to be set in the crown his dividends. Hence may be derived the annual of Hymen, and the crowd of candidates was comturtle and tarbot swallowed by “my uncle the mensurate. The Sergeant was at no loss for an evenSergeant
” in Savage-gardens: hence Mrs. Culpep- ing rubber at whist, and the ratifia cakes which came per's high approbation of the preacher at the Temple in with the Madeira at half-past ten, introduced cerChurch : and hence her horse laugh at the Sergeant's tain jokes about matrimony, evidently intended as znaeally repeated jest about " Brother Van and carnests of future golden rings." Brother Bear." As far as appearances went, Plutus The poet Gay makes his two heroines in the was certainly nearing point Culpepper: Nicholas Beggar's Opera, thus chaunt in duet : Nethersole, Esq. Sergeant-at-law, was pretty regu
A curse attends that woman's love larly occupied in the Court of Common Pleas from
Who always would be pleasing ? ten to four. A hasty dinner swallowed at five at the And in all cases where the parties are under thirty, Grecian, enabled hiin to return to Chambers at half. Polly and Lucy are unquestionably right
No past sis, whete pleas, rejoinders, demurrers, cases, young woman can retain her lovers long if she uses and consultations occupied bim till ten. All this them well. She who would have her adorer as faithful not to mention the arrangeinent with the bar-maid
as a dog, inust treat him like one. But when midat Nando's) seemed to ensure a walk through this dle-aged ladies have exceeded forty, and middlevale of lears in a state of single blessedness. "I aged gentlemen have travelled beyond fifty, the case have no doubt he will cut up well,” said Culpepper assumes a different complexion. The softer sex is to his coosort." I have my eye upon a charming then allowed, and indeed necessitated to throw off dla in the Clapham Road: when your uncle the a little of that cruelty which is so deucedly killing Sargeant is tucked under a daisy quilt, we'll ruralize :
at eighteen. What says the Spanish poet ? is a sweet spot: not a stone's throw from the Swan
Ceage then, fair one, cease to shun me, * Stockwell!" Such were the Alnascar anticipa
Here let all our difference cease ; Lins of Mr. Jonathan Culpepper. But, alas! as
Half that rigour had undone me, Ductor Johnson said some forty years ago, and even
All that rigour gives me peace. Lu the onservatiou was far from new,
" What are
Accordingly it may be observed that women Bolopes of wan!" Legacy-hunting, like hanting make their advances as Time inakes his. At twenty,
another sert, is apt to prostrate its pursuers, and when the swain approaches to pay his devoirs, they kry e lo wait for dead nen's shoes, now and then exclaim with an air of languid inditference, “Who ve to the church-yard barefuvied. Mr. Sergeant is he?" At thirty, with a prucent look towards the Setbersule grew fat and kicked: he took a house in ways and means, the question is, " What is he?” luiznock-square, and he lacuched an olive-coloured At forty, much anxiety manifests itself to make the shart with iron-grey horses. There is an office in Hymeneal selection, and the query changes itself laboren wbere good matches are duly registered and into “ Which is he?" But at the ultima Thule of Bled, Straightway under the letter N. appears fifty, the ravenous expectant prepares to spring upon the following catry, " Nethersole, Nicholas, Ser any prey, and exclaims,
Where is he?" Be that ant-at-law, Tavistock-square, Bachelor, aged 59. as it may, the numerous candidates for a seat in kesile 35001. Equipage, olive-green chariwt and Sergeant Nethersole's olive-green chariot gradually gey haran-lemner talents, morals,-blant !" grew tired of the pursuit, and took wing to prey
TwoOnly kont the field
Frances Jennings, spinster, and Amelia Jackson, astride of Mr. Justice Blackstone: Propertius old widow; both of whom hovered on the verge of indolently against Bacon's Abridgment, and the forty. “It appears to me,” said Miss Jennings to industrious Uiles Jacob could not keep his f a particular friend in Bedford-placc, " that Mrs. quartos together from the assurance of ox Vit, Jackson does not conduct herseif with propriety: who had taken post between them. la short, e she is never out of Mr. Nethersole's house, and Sergeant was in love! Sull, however, I set of spijangles that old barpsichord of his with her • Love nivu, that " youth and an excellent coustituiti " u among the Roses,' till one s head actually turns the novelists have it, would hare enabled the pauze giddy."-" I will mention it to you in confidence,” | tient to struggle with the disease, if it bad not been said Mrs. Jackson, on the very same day, to another for the incident in bich I am about to relate. particular friend at the Bazaar in Soho-square, “I The home circuit had now commoncert, ned for don't at all approve of Miss Jennings's going on in geant Nethe: sole had quittod London fur Maidstone. Tavistock-square: she actually takes her work Aliss Jennings rclied with cunf 'ence upon itac there : I caught her in the act of screwing her pin- rence of nothing particular till the assizes were pres cushion to the edge of Sergeant Nether sole's maho- and in that assurance had departed to spend air. gany table-what right tias she 10 net him purses” vight with a murried sister at Kingswon-pon- I havet. The contest of work-table versus harpsichord now Poor innocent! she little knew what a wires » grew warm : betting even : Miss Jennings threw in cqual to. No sooner had the vergeant departem a crimson purse and the odds were in her favour : vis olive-green chariot, drawn by a couple of perithe widow Jackson sang, “ By heaven and earth 1 horses, than the widur Jackson, aided by be love thee," and the crimson purse kicked the beam. Green, packed her portmanteau, sent for a tiszkrt. The spinster now hemmed half-a-dozen muslin cra- coach, and bade the driver adjourn to the textura vats, marked N. N. surmounted with a conple of cross, Charing-cross. There was one vacant sats red hearts: this was a tremendous body blow; but the Maidstone coach: the widow occupied it * the widow, nothing daunted, drew from under the twelve at noon, and between five and six vidt * * harpsichord a nuinber of the Irish Melodies, and the afternoon was quietly dispatching a rozlia! started off at score with “ Fly not yet, 'tis now the at the Star inn, with one eye fixed winca bb hour." This settled the battle at the end of the sauce, and the other upon the Assize Hal op tirst stanza ; and I am glad it did, for really the Tuc pretext for this step was double : the line widow was growing downriglit indecent.
alleged that her beloved brother hired at lowa Mat About this time Love, tired of his aromatic-sta-ling, a mere step off, and the second are tion among the roses, ." of all places in the world eager desire to hear the Sergeant plead to the began to take up luis abode among the dusty Law evening which followed that of the wtow's mus. Books in the library of Mr. Sergeant Nethersole's the Sergeant happened not to have any cas* chambeis. Certain amatory worties had long slept to attend; and, what is niore remarkable, é apport on the top shelf, affrighted at the black coifs and to be above the affectation of pretending that we will white wigs of the legal authors, who kept " watch He proposed a walk into the country: the lady** and ward" below, in all the dignity of octavo, quar- sented: they moralised a few minutes opon to, and folio. But now, encouraged thereto by the jucers in the chur. h-yard, and thence strutter aforesaid Sergcaat, they crept from their upper gal. 'the adjoining fields is here certain katwurers kan lery, and nuired themselves with the decorous com piled the wooden props of the plant that inte, pany in the pit and boxes. One Ovidius Naso, onghe to feed, the breiser's vat, in copial (. with his Art of Lore in his pocket, presumed to conical) shapes, not unlike the spire of A# shoulder Mr. Espinasse at Nisi Prius: Töbollas got Church in Langham-place. The rain ouw tepat *