To be laugh'd at by all but the Vandals and Huns; Hurra!-Hurra! The Number is sure to be out to its day!" BEAU TIBBS. venison will fatten; and yet faith I despise the great as much as you do; but there are a great many damned honest fellows among them; and we must not quarrel with one half, because the other wants breeding. If they were all such as my lord Mudter, one of the most good-natured creatures that ever squeezed a lemon, I should myself be among the number of their admirers. I was yesterday to dine at the duchess of Piccadilly's. My lord was there. 'Ned,' says he to me, Ned,' says he, l'li bold gold to silver I can tell where you were poaching last night.' Poaching, my lord,' says I; faith you have missed already; for I staid at home, and let the girls poach for me. That's my ways I take a fine woman as some animals do their prey stand stul, and swoop they fall into my mouth.'" "Ah, Tibbs, thou art a happy fellow," cried my companion with looks of infinite pity, "I hope your fortune is as much improved as your understanding in such company." "Improved ?" replied the other all" you shall know,-but let it go no further, - a great secret-five hundred a year to begin with. My lord's word of honour for it.-His lordship took me down in his own chariot yesterday, and we had tête-à-tête dinner in the country; where we naked of nothing else." "I fancy you forgot, sir,” end 1, "you told us but this moment of your dining yes terday in town!” “Did I say so ;” replied be cocaly. “To be sure if I said so it was so. Dined in town? egad, now I do remember I did dine in town; but I dined in the country too: for you must know, my boys, I eat two dinners. By the bye, I am growa as nice as the devil in my eating. I'll tell yo pleasant affair about that: we were a select party of us to dine at lady Grogram's, an affected piece, kot let it go no farther; a secret. Well, says 1 14 hold a thousand guineas, and say done first, thas But, dear Charles, you are an honest creature, kemal me half-a-cron for a minute or two, or so, Just till-But hark'ee, ask me for it the next time we meet, or it may be twenty to one but I forget pay you." Our pursuer now came up, and joined us with the familiarity of an old acquaintance. "My dear Charles," cries he, shaking my friend's hand, "where have you been hiding this half a century? Positively I had fancied you were gone down to cultivate matrimony, and your estate in the country." During the reply, I had an opportunity of surveying the appearance of our new companion. His hat was pinched up with peculiar smartness; his looks were pale, thin, and sharp; round his neck he wore a broad black ribbon, and in his bosom a buckle studded with glass; his coat was trimmed with tarnished twist; he wore by his side a sword with a black hilt; and his stockings of silk, though newly washed, were grown yellow by long service. I was so much engaged with the peculiarity of his dress, that I attended only to the latter part of my friend's reply; in which he complimented Mr. Tibbs on the taste of his clothes, and the bloom in his countenance. “ Pshaw, pshaw, Charles," cried the figure, "no more of that if you love me; you know I hate flattery; on my soul I do; and yet to be sure an intimacy with the great will improve one's appearance, and a course of My little beau yesterday overtook me again la ose of the public walks, and slapping me on the shoulder, saluted me with an air of the most perfect familiarity. His dress was the same as usual, except that he had more powder in his hair; wore a dirtier shirt, and had on a pair of temple spectacles, and his hat under his arm. The oddities that marked his character, however, soon began to appear; he bowed to several well dressed persons, who, by their manner of returning the compliment, appeared perfect strangers. At intervals he drew out a pocket-book, seeming to take toorandums before all the company with much importance and assiduity. In this manner he led me through the length of the whole mall, fretting at his bourdities, and fancying myself laughed at, as well she, by every spectator. When we were got to the end of our procession, Blast me," cries he, with an air of vivacity, "I Ever saw the Park so thin in my life before; there's company at all to-day. Not a single face to be No company!" interrupted I peevishly; no company where there is such a crowd! Why, an, there is too much. What are the thousands at have been laughing at us, but company!" Lord, my dear," returned he, with the utmost good you seem immensely chagrined; but, st me, when the world laughs at me, I laugh at world, and so we are even. b, the Creolian, and I sometimes make a My lora Trip, Bill tty at being ridiculous; and so, we say and do a and things for the joke's sake. grave; and if you are for a fine grave sentiBut I see you al companion, you shall dine with my wife tof: I must insist on't; I'll introduce you to Mrs. , a lady of as elegant qualifications as any in re; stie was bred, but that's between ourselves, fer the inspection of the countess of Shoreditch. Buming body of voice! But no more of that, gball give us a song. You shall see my little too, Carolina Wilhelmina Amelia Tibbs, a sweet y creature, I design her for my lord Drumstick's son; but that's in friendship, let it go no farshe's but six years old, and yet she walks a 325 minuet, and plays on the guitar, immensely already. Thus saying, without waiting for a reply, he took By this time we were arrived as high as the stairs would permit us to ascend, till we came to what he was facetiously pleased to call the first floor down with a Scotch accent, from within, demanded" Wha's the chimney; and knocking at the door, a voice, there?" My conductor answered, that it was he. But this not satisfying the querist, the voice again repeated the demand; to which he answered londer than before, and now the door was opened by an old maid-servant with cautious reluctance. with great ceremony, and turning to the old woman, two shirts!" cries be, in a tone that faltered with confusion, "what does the idiot mean?" "I ken what I mean well enough," replied the other; "she's washing your twa shirts at the next door, because"-"Fire and fury, no more of thy stupid explanations," cried he." Go and inform her we have got company. Were that Scotch hag," continued be, turning to me, " to be for ever in my family, she would never learn politeness, nor forget that absurd poisonous accent of her's, or testify the smallest specimen of breeding or high-life; and yet it is very surprising too, as I had her from a parliament man, a friend of mine, from the Highlands, one of the politest men in the world; but that's a secret." We waited some time for Mrs. Tibbs' arrival, during which interval I had a full opportunity of surveying the chamber and all its furniture; which consisted of four chairs with old wrought bottoms, that he assured me were his wife's embroidery; a square table that had been once japanned, a cradle in one corner, a lumbering cabinet in the other; a broken shepherdess, and a mandarin without a head, were stuck over the chimney; and round the walls several paltry, unframed pictures, which he observed were all of his own drawing: "What do you think, Sir, of that head in the corner, done in the manner of Griosni? There's the true keeping in it; it is my own face; and, though there is no likeness, a countess offered me a hundred for its fellow I refused her, for, hang it, that would be mechanical, you know." The wife, at last, made her appearance; at once a slattern and a coquet; much emaciated, but still carrying the remains of beauty. She made twenty apologies for being seen in such an odious deshabille, but hoped to be excused, as she had staid out all night at Vauxhall Gardens with the countess, who was excessively fond of the horas. "And, indeed, my dear," added she, turning to her husband," his lordship drank your health in a bumper." "Poor, Jack," cries he, "a dear good-natured creature, I know he loves me; but I hope my dear, you bave given orders for dinner; you need make no great preparations neither, there are but three of as, sombe thing elegant and little will do; a turbot, an ori lan, or a-" "Or what do you think, my dear, "of a nice pretty bit of ox-cheek, piping hot, and dressed with a little of my own sauce? The very thing," replies he;" it will eat best with some smart bottled beer; but be sure to let's have the sauce his grace was so fond of. I hate your in mense loads of meat, that is country all over; es tremely disgusting to those who are in the least acquainted with high-life." By this time my curiosity began to abate, and my appetite to increase; the company of fools may at first make us smile, but at last never fails of re dering us melancholy. I therefore pretended t recollect a prior engagement, and, after having shema my respect to the house, by giving the old servant a piece of money at the door, I took my leave, M Tibbs assuring me that dinner, if I staid, would be ready at least in less than two hours. GOLDSMITH. ON TWO BAD WRITERS COMPLIMENTING EACH OTHER. Carthy, you say writes well-suppose it true You pawn your word for him-who'll vouch for you. To cheat the world, become each other's bail. So, two poor knaves, who find their credit fail, LOVE AMONG THE LAW BOOKS. Mrs. Culpepper's "uncle the Sergeant," h fallen in love! He felt a slight vertigo in Tavistock square, of which he took little notice, and set of ca the home circuit, but imprudently venturing st with the widow Jackson in a hop-field, at Maidene. before he was well cured, the complaint struck in ward, and a mollities cordis was the consequirat. Mr. Sergeant Nethersole had arrived at the age of fifty-nine, heart-whole; his testamentary assets w therefore looked upon by Mrs. Culpeppers! unalienable property of her and hers. Speculat were often launched by Mr. and Mrs. Culpepper # to the quantum. It could not be less than thus sand pounds; Bonus the broker had hinted as I to the old slopseller in the bow-window of on's, while they were eyeing "the learned in law" in the act of crossing Cornhill to receive lividends. Hence may be derived the annual e and turbot swallowed by " my uncle the eant" in Savage-gardens: hence Mrs. Culpephigh approbation of the preacher at the Tempie ch and hence her horse laugh at the Sergeant's ally repeated jest about "Brother Van and ber Bear." As far as appearances went, Plutus certainly nearing point Culpepper: Nicholas ersole, Esq. Sergeant-at-law, was pretty reguoccupied in the Court of Common Pleas from > four. A hasty dinner swallowed at five at the Fan, enabled him to return to Chambers at halfsix, where pleas, rejoinders, demurrers, cases, onsultations occupied him till ten. All this to mention the arrangement with the bar-maid indo's) seemed to ensure a walk through this af tears in a state of single blessedness. I no doubt he will cut up well," said Culpepper consort. "I have my eye upon a charming a the Clapham Road: when your uncle the int is tucked under a daisy quilt, we'll ruralize: sweet spot: not a stone's throw from the Swan kwell Such were the Alnascar anticipaof Mr. Jonathan Culpepper. But, alas! as Johnson said some forty years ago, and even be observation was far from new, "What are pes of man!" Legacy-hunting, like hunting ther sort, is apt to prostrate its pursuers, and ho wait for dead men's shoes, now and then the church-yard barefooted. Mr. Sergeant zole grew fat and kicked: he took a house in ck-square, and he launched an olive-coloured with iron-grey horses. There is an office in a where good matches are duly registered and d. Straightway under the letter N. appears llowing entry, Nethersole, Nicholas, Sert-law, Tavistock-square, Bachelor, aged 59. : 35001. Equipage, olive-green chariot and ey horses.-Temper, talents, morals,-blank!" umerous herd of old maidens and widows that feed upon the lean pastures of Guildford-street, Queen-square, and Alfred-place, Tottenham-courtroad, was instantly in motion. Here was a jewel of the first water and magnitude, to be set in the crown of Hymen, and the crowd of candidates was commensurate. The Sergeant was at no loss for an evening rubber at whist, and the ratifia cakes which came in with the Madeira at half-past ten, introduced certain jokes about matrimony, evidently intended as earnests of future golden rings. The poet Gay makes his two heroines in the Beggar's Opera, thus chaunt in duet: A curse attends that woman's love Νο And in all cases where the parties are under thirty, Cease then, fair one, cease to shun me, Accordingly it may be observed that women make their advances as Time makes his. At twenty, when the swain approaches to pay his devoirs, they exclaim with an air of languid indifference, "Who is he?" At thirty, with a prudent look towards the ways and means, the question is, "What is he?" At forty, much anxiety manifests itself to make the Hymeneal selection, and the query changes itself into " Which is he?" But at the ultima Thule of fifty, the ravenous expectant prepares to spring upon any prey, and exclaims, Where is he?" Be that as it may, the numerous candidates for a seat in Sergeant Nethersole's olive-green chariot gradually grew tired of the pursuit, and took wing to prey upon some newer benedict. Two only kept the field, " astride of Mr. Justice Blackstone: Propertius bied . The home circuit had now commenced, ser) Sem geant Nethe:sole had quitted London for Mariscont Miss Jennings relied with conf. lence upon diesem rence of nothing particular till the assizes were an and in that assurance had departed to spend night with a married sister at Kingston-upon-T Poor innocent! she little knew what a wi equal to. No sooner had the Sergeant depar his olive-green chariot, drawn by a couple c horses, than the widow Jackson, aided by A Green, packed her portmanteau, sent for a las coach, and bade the driver adjourn to the in cross, Charing-cross. There was one vacant** the Maidstone coach: the widow occupera twelve at noon, and between five and six e'd the afternoon was quietly dispatching a row-reat the Star inn, with one eye fixed upon tre sauce, and the other upon the Assize Hail or The pretext for this step was double: the area) alleged that her beloved brother lived at Town Frances Jennings, spinster, and Amelia Jackson, widow; both of whom hovered on the verge of forty. It appears to me," said Miss Jennings to a particular friend in Bedford-place, "that Mrs. Jackson does not conduct herself with propriety: she is never out of Mr. Nethersole's house, and jangles that old harpsichord of his with her Love among the Roses,' till one s head actually turns giddy."-"I will mention it to you in confidence," said Mrs. Jackson, on the very same day, to another particular friend at the Bazaar in Soho-square, " I don't at all approve of Miss Jennings's going on in Tavistock-square: she actually takes her work there I caught her in the act of screwing her pincushion to the edge of Sergeant Nethersole's mahogany table-what right has she to net him purses?" The contest of work-table versus harpsichord now grew warm: betting even: Miss Jennings threw in a crimson purse and the odds were in her favour: the widow Jackson sang, By heaven and earth I love thee," and the crimson purse kicked the beam. The spinster now hemmed half-a-dozen muslin cravats, marked N. N. surmounted with a couple of red hearts: this was a tremendous body blow; but the widow, nothing daunted, drew from under the harpsichord a number of the Irish Melodies, and started off at score with "Fly not get, 'tis now the hour." This settled the battle at the end of the first stanza; and I am glad it did, for really the widow was growing downright indecent. About this time Love, tired of his aromatic-sta-ling, a mere step off, and the second av tion among the roses,' of all places in the world eager desire to hear the Sergeant plead. began to take up his abode among the dusty Law evening which followed that of the widow's s Books in the library of Mr. Sergeant Nethersole's the Sergeant happened not to have any conta chambers. Certain amatory worthies had long slept to attend; and, what is more remarkable, on the top shelf, affrighted at the black coifs and to be above the affectation of pretending that ar white wigs of the legal anthors, who kept "watch He proposed a walk into the country; the ba and ward" below, in all the dignity of octavo, quar-sented they moralised a few minutes opor to, and folio. But now, encouraged thereto by the aforesaid Sergeant, they crept from their upper gallery, and mixed themselves with the decorous company in the pit and boxes. One Ovidius Naso, with his Art of Love in his pocket, presumed to shoulder, Mr. Espinasse at Nisi Prius: Tibullus got jacets in the church-yard, and thence stroje the adjoining fields where certain labour piled the wooden props of the plant that i ought to feed, the brewer's vat, in cunicul conical) shapes, not unlike the spire of Church in Langham-place. The rain now Le |